


Dance, Dance, Rumble

by ChebMaster



Series: Dance, Dance, Adventure [2]
Category: Ranma 1/2, Shantae (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crossover, Fanservice, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-14
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:01:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 15
Words: 81,374
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28338111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChebMaster/pseuds/ChebMaster
Summary: Our favorite ½ Genie meets our favorite ½ girl at the Tendo Dojo resulting in many fights that end in friendship, WAFF and culture shocks. Wearing her heart on her non-existent sleeve, the pointy-eared newcomer is happy to learn the secrets of this unfamiliar Nerima Land and offer her help. But well-intentioned wishes and inexperienced gung-ho Genies don't mix well.
Series: Dance, Dance, Adventure [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2075247
Kudos: 3





	1. Quarrel for no Reason

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Танцуй-танцуй заварушка](https://archiveofourown.org/works/28435977) by [ChebMaster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChebMaster/pseuds/ChebMaster). 



> 1\. Spoiler Warning: This story contains spoilers for all five games in the Shantae series.  
> 2\. Self-taught English Warning: Not native. Learned from reading fanfiction, no formal education at all.

The first harbinger of incoming adventures was a monkey. Of a vibrant purple color. Who was chasing Happousai across rooftops with irritated “Ki-ki-ki-ki!”

Ranma blinked in confusion as he watched them fade into distance... Then he hurried to school: it was a test day. On average, the life in the Tendou house was much more monotonous that someone from the outside could've thought. Training; pickling your brains at school; training; pickling your brains with homework; going to sleep / waking up; training; pickling your brains at school... Wash, rinse, repeat until your life becomes such a drag. Every big fight felt like holidays, happening once, maybe twice per month.

One monkey, even nontraditionally colored one, wasn't looking like much of a fight, alas.

The day that followed was full of calculus, literature and other things purely perpendicular to a martial artist. Well, English was at least marginally useful.

The interesting times came at evening when the entire jointed family was sitting in the living room, its walls fully opened, drinking tea. A shout in a painfully familiar voice reached from the street, then a girl with long purple hair landed in the yard, dressed immodestly in scarlet silk pants flaring at the bottom and a scarlet bikini top.

Only that girl wasn't Shampoo at all.

Shampoo landed a second later, sporting a short to a fault scarlet silk dress. She immediately started squabbling, stepping in the stranger's way as the unfamiliar girl made for the house.

Genma kept a stony facade, sipping his tea as he admired the asymmetric symmetry of forms: two beautiful girls with long purple hair, both scantily clad in scarlet. But Shampoo was pleasing the eye with her long, athletic legs (had probably been coming to woo his good-for-nothing offspring) while the stranger was showing off graceful, slim waist of a dancer, her top not much more than a ribbon with a golden loop in the center.

And both the exotic beauties were squabbling in some rubbish tongues alien to a Japanese ear.

Ranma have noticed the symmetry as well, but he was trying to not think in that direction lest the uncute one feels something with her woefully imbalanced sixth sense.

Akane jerself coudn't decide how she was feeling about this. On one hand, half-naked wenches in the house. Again. On the other hand, both too busy with each other and... It was entertaining, at least. `I want pop-corn,` decided Akane making herself comfortable but keeping an open route to quickly dodge fast moving projectiles.

“Do they even understand each other?” Nabiki asked rhetorically, not bothering to hide the fact that she was having fun. “Those are different languages.”

Truly, Shampoo had slipped into Chinese, forgetting herself in the heat of verbal battle. The unfamiliar girl was shouting in some utterly unfamiliar language. Not English, not Indonesian, not French, not Chinese - it was a strange critter of its own kind.

The purple-haired duo, meanwhile, was descending to wild hand gestures, their shouting becoming more and more heated. Souun winced feeling family finances spasm: one didn't need a fortune teller now to predict property damages.

Ranma had noticed the stranger having obviously pointed ears. A youkai...? She looked the part of an exotic dancer, but held herself too boldly to not know how to fight. What was her style? Capoeira, maybe? The flat shoes with pointy ends curling upwards weren't looking like practical fighting footwear, but appearances could be utterly deceiving. The golden bracers were quite functional, but the ridiculously long hair... Gathered at the back of her head with something akin to a golden flute into a billowing pony-tail that tapered to a pointy end almost reaching the girl's calves... it was basically `grab me` invitation! Even Shampoo's hairdo was more practical, barely reaching her... He cast a wary side glance at Akane. ..lower back.

The stranger's attemts to go around Shampoo finally set the Chinese girl off. Growling something menacingly she pulled her maces from a subspace pocket.

The dancer immediately took a combat stance, aaaand... And Ranma and Genma realized there was something they failed to understand. It was clearly a combat stance: the girl was bouncing on slightly bent legs, shifting her weight from foot to foot. But who holds their hands down and to the sides, almost relaxed? The long tail of purple hair was swaying rhythmically with her bouncing.

Shampoo was taken aback as well. Then she attacked with a sharp cry, one mace rased, the other one pulled back.

The stranger bent supply, gyrating with her entire body like she was holding a whip with her head. The ponytail worked as one, accelereted with the energy of all her muscles. And more! The mace was deflected to the side with a metallic clang, Shampoo being even pushed back a bit. The effect was as if the hair weighed about twenty kilograms - a definite and undeniable ki-reinforcement.

The Chinese girl froze in a defensive stance, re-evaluating her opponent.

The dancer kept bouncing, her feet hadn't moved a centimeter.

Shampoo attacked again, clearly intent of taking the hair strike on one mace then finishing the fight with the other. Whip-Clang! The stranger displayed ability to slide back ignoring friction. Whip-Clang! And spin her hair whip very fast, not losing momentum from the previous swing. Whip-Clang! And change direction of the slash suddenly, moving her hair so freely like it was a well trained snake.

Shampoo switched to defense, having trouble reading such unconventional style. Then, after backing in such manner all across the yard and having some paint scraped off her maces - this hair obviously wasn't some common hair - the Amazon finally found a weakness. Which turned to be the rhythm, a bane of all styles based on whips and other non-rigid weapons. The stranger's style, however exotic it may have looked at first, was in fact very limiting.

Shampoo tried to wedge into the rhythm between hair strikes. She almost got hit with a power kick for her troubles when her opponent kicked upwards so hard she tumbled back head over heels... For anyone else such hole in their defense would be their undoing, but the hair whip covered it neatly. The stranger then used the extra momentum to go on the offensive, converting the energy of her landing into an especially fierce hair slash.

For a time Shampoo was forced into deep defense again as she worked to adapt to the new combinations of hair slashes and pirouette kicks.

“She'll run out of tricks soon,” Genma noted prompting a curious side glance from Akane.

Ranma grunted in agreement. The stranger's style was powerful and very economical: even considering pirouettes she wasn't moving much, unlike Shampoo who was dashing back and forth waving her maces around. Against opponents less skilled than the Chinese Amazon, the unfamiliar pointy-eared girl could mow down an army, fighting for hours if needed. But her style's Achilles' heel, its low variability, had already made her defeat a concluded matter.

Seeing the motions of the hair whip limited to the horizontal plane or so, Shampoo tried to slip under, showing great flexibility of her own. But the stranger simply slid back dropping to all fours and continued whipping low to the ground, sacrificing mobility and power but not speed. Her work with hands and shoulders was a sight to behold! Also, her posterior was wobbling funnily. Ranma cast a cautious side glance at his fiancee, then returned his attention back to the fight after making sure the horizon was clear.

Shampoo tried going from above. The stranger displayed a matching ability to jump three meters up, keep her balance in the air and keep whipping. The strikes weren't coming any slower, the Chinese girl strained to block them all. The opponents rebounded off each other landing springily, then paused gauging each other up. The dancer stopped her windmill but kept bouncing.

The maces were all in strips of chafed off paint, Shampoo was sweating a bit, but that was all. The amazon could easily block any strikes of the stranger.

“Either we see her secret ultimate move, or she is finished,” Ranma said.

Both opponents, it seemed, were thinking along similar lines. The girl in flaring pants flowed suddenly from a combat stance to a... dancing one?! She started an enticing belly dance, her waist flexing, her hips swaying. Her arm movements were appropriate for a dance as well, not for a battle.

Akane boggled.

Shampoo boggled.

Ranma's eyes narrowed.

Soun felt his spirits lift: were property damages being cancelled?

Shampoo grew livid as she took the dance for mockery. She charged head-on. A silent flash! A fraction of a second later her maces slammed into... a modest-sized elephant sliding at her with all the grace and subtlety of a freight train.

The amazon's frightened yelp was cut short with rumbling of a collapsing fence wall: even as the elephant was only a meter and a half high, it outweighed the Chinese girl several times over. She was simply swept off her feet.

An another silent flash, and there was the belly-dancer standing in place of the elephant, rubbing a bruise on her bare shoulder. Shampoo was draped over the rubble showing to the world that yes, her panties were white. The maces rolled away from her flaccid hands. The victor poked the loser carefully with the point of her shoe, causing a small twitch and a slurred “aiyah, who remember the number of that truck”. Then she turned around to face the inhabitants of the house... Smiled nervously... Glanced back to the elephant-sized hole in the fence... And began apologizing - judgling by her tone - profusely.

“Poor Shampoo,” said Kasumi as she went to unroll a spare futon.

The stranger was the first to help carrying her bruised opponent.

“Why were you even fighting in the first place?” Ranma grumbled, not hoping for an answer, after he made sure the Chinese girl didn't have any fractures.

The girl let out a frustrated sigh, making convoluted gestures and babbling something in her Unintelligible.

Ranma was studying her close up - veeeery unobtrusively, with all the caution of juggling a rotten egg. Because Akane was right next to him.

The fathers were hanging nearby as well - just in case.

There wasn't much to discover. Her height was on par with the local girls like Shampoo or Ranma. Her skin tone was darker, but nothing outside of someone liking to sunbathe. Yes, her ears were pointy, time and a half longer than human's. So what? Her neck under the dark grey choker was slim but wiry - quite naturally. Her bangs were supported by a golden M-shaped tiara with a blue jewel in its center. The golden flute-like thing holding her ponytail together looked heavy and utterly monolithic. How does she get it off and on? Finally, the stranger smelt vaguely of exotic herbs and quite noticeably of river mud, like she had taken a dip in the Neriman rain channel.

Also, this girl was trying to explain something to them with convoluted gestures causing confusion and practically gritting her teeth in frustration.

“I wish she'd be able to talk normally,” noted Nabiki, “What if she saw someone sneak in and hide in our house? Or even worse, some magical creeper?”

The stranger froze at these words. Then she turned slowly, to stare at the middle Tendou.

Ranma and Akane tensed.

“So, do you understand us or not?” Nabiki asked, still casually leaning against a wall without hint of concern.

The exotic girl slowly raised her hand, then suddenly snapped her fingers. The sound was deafening, a white spark that caused it expanded away as a wave of white light washing over everything. Lavender sparkles whirled, dancing around her, then suddenly all dove into her head and she huddled with a pained “It hurts!” in pure Japanese.

“What was that just now?” Ranma inquired as he moved unobtrusively to shield Akane. The last thing they'd need in their home was a sorceress with a few screws loose.

“Ow-ow-ow... I just fulfilled a wish,” the stranger replied, massaging her temples. “She wish..ed I could speak yours.. your tongue,” she pointed at Nabiki, “and I felt it, in some mysterious way. And had a hunch to fulfill it... Ow... Now that doesn't feel like a good idea... Nails, stop having a party in my head...”

“A wish?” Nabiki perked up. “Are you a genie or what...? And where are the other two? Or how does it even work?”

“Dream on, girlfriend.” The dancer snorted straightening up carefully not to disturb her head. “It was the second time in my entire life now as I fulfilled someone's wish! And how could I know how it works? I'm a half-genie raised by humans. Oww, my head...”

“What are you doing in this house?” Ranma asked her.

“Ranma...!” his fiance berated him. Then she turned to face the stranger who was picking her ear with a wince: “I'm Tendou Akane, glad to meet you!” — Of course you're glad, thought Ranma, this girl cooks mean tenderized Shampoo steaks — “You were trying to tell us someth—”

“Right!” the half-genie dancer jumped up. She immediately winced clutching at her head. “It's urgent! There's a wrinkled dwarf hiding in this house, he stole an item of pure evil!”

“Sounds like Happi,” Ranma mumbled. Then it dawned on him: “Hey! You are that macaca who was chasing Happousai this morning!”

“Yes, it was me!” the girl agreed making Akane's descending fist freeze millimeters from Ranma's head. “And you are the guy who was walking on top of a fence...! Wait, Ha-po-saee? Do you know him?”

“Unfortunately, yes! So what was the thing the old lecher stole?”

“It's...” The girl fell silent, suddenly unsure, glancing around.

“We will help!” Akane reassured her. “ _Right,_ Ranma?”

He reluctantly grumbled something vaguely confirming. Tangling with the old coot again, for who knows what reason...

“It's a... lamp,” the genie girl decided to trust them. “It can suck your magic out and enslave genies. Once, I was... Risky Boots stole my magic and released it from the lamp in the form of an evil twin! I barely managed to defeat that.. nightmarish... She turned up very, very strong even as the magic was the same as mine... It must be strong, the dark side! But the evil twin unraveled and I was left without my magic, staying human for a long time.”

“I go warn Great-grandmother,” Shampoo groaned standing up with difficulty.

“Should I help you?” the guest offered at once. “You are not living here, aren't you? Why did you then stand in my way?”

“Not important,” the Chinese girl waved her aside as she hobbled towards the exit. “Do not help: warrior's pride. You fight good, though! Dirty! I come for a rematch later,” she promised ominously.

“Psst, Kasumi-san,” whispered Ranma. “Lend her a broom or something, all right? I can't.” He pointed at Akane with his eyes.

The kind eldest sister hurried with a broom after the amazon: hobbling with the help of a stick is always much easier.

“Hmmm, a rematch? But we have to return the lamp!” insisted the half-genie girl as she turned towards the ones remaining. “It's a mightily useful thing when you run around cleaning islands of dark magic, sucking it out of mutated beasts. But in bad hands it's something terrible!”

“Well, say, we can protect you,” Ranma tried to jump off the hero train. “Other than that... It doesn't sound that bad. There are lots of cursed people around who'd jump at a chance of magic being sucked out of them. Ain't I right?”

“I was thinking,” Nabiki drawled with exaggerated slowness. “What if Happi releases the curse sucked out of you in the form of an evil twin...? Oops, my bad. In _his_ hands the girl-twin would turn up perverted.”

“What happens if he sucks in a youkai like that Mao Mao Lin?” Akane raised yet another loaded question

“He'd get a meow-meow-lung slave then, utterly bent to his will,” the guest slammed the answer home.

“We will of course do anything we can to take that lamp from him!” Ranma burst with sudden drive, shuddering from images that flashed before his mind's eye. “ _Right_ , Pops...? But the old master is dodgy and powerful, you can't defeat him head on. Every time we have to take something from him it's a siege with the whole lot of us, often for several days... But we'll make it!”

“Talking business is nice,” reminded Nabiki. “But how do we call you? `Hey, you` would be awkward.”

“Shantae,” the pointy-eared girl said with a smile. “Call me Shantae.”

* * *


	2. A Clever Plan is a Guarantee of Success!

They decided to hold their war council right there, at the tea table. 

Shantae was ret-2-go, bursting with blind enthusiasm of a neophyte as she thought her magic to be a deck of hidden aces. 

“No!” Genma objected categorically. He then explained a fact obvious to him: “However many surprises you may have, any of them would only work once, without guarantee at that. The Anything-goes school specializes in adaptability and creating counters.” 

“Even Shampoo adapted to your style quickly,” Ranma reminded her. “You'll see it when she comes for the rematch, turning into an elephant will be useless.” 

“`Even`?” Shantae was surprised. “Isn't she very-very strong?” 

Genma snorted as if she said something funny. Ranma harrumphed cockily. Akane pouted. 

“Oh,” Shantae caught the gist. “Are you really humans and not great monsters in human disguise?” 

“Right.” Ranma smirked. “Many ask me that. Well, or just think it... While I am a hundred percent human. I just trained since I was two.” 

“But you can't become so strong without— Wait! Human magic!” the half-Genie girl was suddenly desperate. “You know it, don't you....? Please, please tell me you can explain it to me in understandable words!” She almost splashed her tea out in her agitation. 

“Human magic...?” Ranma was taken aback. 

“Well... The part that remained when the Genie magic was taken from me,” Shantae explained. “My ability to whip my hair with supernatural force. Or this...” She took several items out of nowhere putting them in a row on the table: several different vials, a large leg of ham with bite marks on it and a massive copper bust of some stuffy man. “The ability to carry lots of heavy or fragile things as if they are always close, just within reach. I had been thinking from birth that these were part of my Genie side, but that disaster helped me see the truth. Risky Boots sucked out all my magic... but these abilities remained. I was puzzled, my friends were puzzled — even Uncle, and he knows lots of stuff. He suggested it was special human magic... But no one knows what it really is and how to train these abilities. At best there is some third-hand rubbish and—” 

“Wait, wait,” Ranma tried calming her down. “These all are ki-based techniques. We, personally, specialize in other things, but there's a couple guys around who use basically the same things as you. For a determined person there are enough masters out there, ready to teach... How comes you never heard of ki-techniques?” 

“Really?” Shantae was overjoyed. “Well, I have a strong suspicion I'm not from this world. Too many things are... different here.” 

“You are...?” Ranma scratched his head. “Well, long story short, Mousse — he is Shampoo's suitor, a huge jerk, I should warn you — he carries several times his weight in weapons and chains. His entire style is launching various junk on chains from his sleeves. You never know what would come at you: a sword, a weight or a potty. Then there's Ryouga, a rare bastard—” 

“Ryouga-kun is kind and caring inside!” Akane debated hotly. 

“So, this caring guy,” Ranma continued, “uses an iron cloth technique. A common belt in his hands becomes a sword that can cut steel. And he uses his bandanas as throwing knives... Of course no one would just share their schools' secrets with you but if you keep hanging around you'll surely learn something useful!” 

“Oooh, I'm definitely in heaven!” The dancer was smiling widely. “I shall check if I died at some point without noticing. And thank you very much! You wouldn't believe—” 

“So what about the attack plan?” Nabiki returned them back to track interrupting the very satisfied Shantae. 

“Uhh, maybe we should just talk to Happousai first?” the other girl suggested, mellowed from the joyous news. “To make sure we didn't just misunderstand him?” 

“Yeah, that always helps,” Akane quipped. 

“Well, there was that one time,” Shantae explained sheepishly, “when I stormed Hypno Baron's castle and beaten him only to find out he was innocent. Because _someone_ completely misheard him while barely awake. He was just going to raise an advertising campaign, not take over the world. It was very awkward.” 

“There ain't no such thing as innocent Happousai,” Ranma waved her concerns aside. 

“We are lucky the dreaded Master doesn't yet know about the lamp's properties,” Genma added grimly. “He'd have already raised hell otherwise...” 

“If you try calling upon his conscience,” Ranma warned, “it'll end with the old pervert deciding to cry in your bosom. And dislodging him will be...” 

“Eww!” Shantae involuntarily covered herself with her hands. “A pervert?” 

“His entire room is stuffed full of stolen womens' underwear,” Akane said. “He calls it his collection and regularly brings more by raiding the neighborhood. What a disgrace!” She glared at her father who averted his eyes. “Someday the neighbors would run out of patience to keep turning blind eye to this!” 

“Why won't you throw him out?” Shantae was shocked. “Maybe this house isn't really yours?” 

“It's theirs all right,” Ranma replied. “Akane's father's at least. But don't be fooled by their respectable postures.” He pointed at the fathers accusingly. “It's enough for Happi to growl and they start cowering right away. Useless middle-aged—” 

“How could you talk with such disrespect about your father!” Genma shouted dramatically. 

“Shut it, pops,” Ranma bit back. “You'd better show what you're made of when we will be distracting Happousai. Or is it all hot air, huh...?” 

The elder Saotome didn't have a reply to that so he straightened his glasses with the look of insulted innocence. 

“I think,” Nabiki resumed tactical planning, “that however we act, letting him get close to Shantae is a bad idea! As she is no stronger than Shampoo, during the battle she could only play bait. Because if he figures how to use the lamp...” 

“He is that strong?” the mentioned girl asked. “All I saw him doing was running away while cackling nastily. Although while chasing him I ended up falling into the channel somehow. Ew.” 

“He's that _dodgy_ ,” Ranma explained. “You simply have no chance hitting him. Forget you, _I_ have no chance hitting him without resorting to trickery!” 

“So I wouldn't be even able to help.” The pointy-eared girl sounded dismayed. 

“Well, you could _probably_ help,” Ranma corrected her with doubt in his voice, “by buying us time while you're trying to shake off an old, dirty pervert glomped onto you...” 

Shantae made a cute face of utter disgust. 

“That's why,” Ranma continued, “you let the false girl do it.” He poured a glass of water over himself causing the transformation into a busty redheaded girl which ate away some twenty centimeters off his height. “Me and pops will draw him away from his lair,” she continued, “while you sneak in and find the lamp.” 

“A great plan, son!” Genma approved. 

“Wha...? Huh...?” Shantae was staring at Ranma. “But you told me you were human...?” 

“This is a souvenir from the Valley of Cursed Springs,” the redhead replied. “If I get splashed, I turn into an instant girl... I'm lucky it's not into a cat... So what you say? Will you search his lair? If you turn into a monkey again it would be even better!” 

“Transformations are a part of who I am!” Shantae proclaimed proudly. “If I fancied to, I could transform back and forth for hours non-stop!” She began some new dance undulating her arms smoothly like rolling waves and smiling winsomely. 

“That's cool!” Ranma approved involuntarily. 

A silent flash!! 

“Squeak!” proclaimed a bright cyan mouse in a golden tiara as violet sparks were fading around her. “Squeak, squeak, squeak!” She jumped up onto the table, then onto Ranma's shoulder where she made herself comfortable, looking pleased with herself. 

“Great!” the redhead perked up. “The lesser the cance he'd sense your ki!” 

“Squeak...?” 

“It's a long story!” Ranma said impatiently. “Pops, make a campfire! We're kicking it up to eleven right off the bat! I'll grab some of his treasure and let's light it up!” 

“Squeak?!” the mouse voiced her concern and doubt. 

“Well... It's risky, all right, but if we light up like that, he will never ever be able to think of anything else, like the lamp!” 

“You will be the demise of your father,” Genma grumbled but none the less went to the shed in search of something of little value to break for firewood. 

Souun just sobbed pitifully, shuddering in anticipation of the Master's horrible wrath. 

“I drop you beside the door,” Ranma was explaining to the mouse in whispers as she was gliding along the hallway so smoothly and soundlessly it felt like her steps were flowing. “Then barge in, grab a bunch of bras and flee. You sit quietly 'til he's out of sight, then enter.” 

Sneaking up to the sliding doors of one particular room Ranma peeked through the crack. Gestured to the mouse: he's here. The rodent jumped down to press against the wall. The redhead threw the sliding doors open and barged in with a sugarily-perky “Hiiiii!” Half a second later she zipped out with a bunch of bras in each hand, rebounding off the walls like a ball. The shriveled gnome in brown was bounding after her, likewise rebounding off walls. 

The mouse gulped nervously: he hadn't displayed even a fraction of such agility while fleeing from her! Glad her allies did have a clever plan against such a monster, she ran into the room. And froze, awed by the sight of uncounted treasures strewn around. If she needed one final proof that she wasn't in her world of birth anymore, then this was it. Brassieres are very expensive things manufactured by hand using ancient, half-forgotten arcana. Few can afford them. But here...! So much! Even Sultana herself couldn't probably possess so many. And nobody yet came knocking with torches ant pitchforks? 

An incredibly rich world. 

Shaking her head to break her ill-timed reverie, the radically blue mouse got to business. 

Meanwhile outside, Nabiki said her famous phrase, widely quoted later, as she was backing away towards the gate: “Oni got an iron club... With turbo charger and laser homing!” 

Because Happousai, dangerous like a wounded elephant after being offended to the depth of his soul, was now menacingly waving around a golden oil lamp. And everyone present had a very bad premonition as to _which_ lamp it was. 

“Traitors!” the grandpa sobbed over a smoldering pile of what was bras but moments ago. “Defilers...!” He took out a napkin to clean his nose loudly, then continued in a whiny voice: “But you won't get away with this...! Fools, you were plotting against me in a house with such thin walls!” 

Ranma and Genma paled. Souun in the background fainted. Genma dashed to the side twisting a colorful kerchief around himself, fading rapidly from view. The redhead practically flattened herself along the ground in a desperate dash to get the old man. 

Both catastrophically underestimated the potency of the artifact. It began sucking them in like a vacuum cleaner. Genma got dragged from ten meters away, falling out of his invisibility. There was a black flash, then Genma and male Ranma flopped onto the grass rolling up to Happousai's feet like rag-dolls. Something dark and shapeless was sucked into the lamp with a gargling sound of a clogged up kitchen sink. Then ominous silence fell. 

Having failed to flee in time, Nabiki froze still, trying to merge with the fence wall. Akane was clenching her fists in helpless despair. Happousai was fuming silently, the pain of his loss still too fresh and raw. Ranma and Genma were twitching weakly. 

“You... You are unworthy of this body, Ranma!” Happousai growled kicking at the guy writhing in agony. “But your days of fooling me are over! Nooo, it's time for you to know your place!” 

“Fat... Chance...” Ranma croaked trying to stand up on shaky legs. “Pops... Hey, pops...!” 

The elder Saotome froze pretending to be a carcass. 

“Che!” the younger snorted derisively trying to take a combat stance. 

“Enough!” Happousai shouted shaking the lamp above his head. “Come forth, my minions! Teach these ungrateful insects the depth of their errors!” 

The dark cloud billowing out of the lamp solidified into a faintly glowing girl, her wavy hair down, and a... panda. If pandas live in hell, then after gorging on black spiky bamboo growing out of magma pools they look like this. The girl's eyes were glowing uniform blue, with no hints of irises. The hell-panda's eyes were crimson slits, barely visible behind the folds of its carnivorous sneer. 

“Hey, hey, hey, are you kidding me?” Ranma exclaimed as he began shifting to the right. He was recovering rapidly but was still far from his best. 

Happousai began laughing evilly as he lit his pipe. 

The nega-panda pounced, bristling with spikes, baring huge fangs. Its half-meter claws slashed a crimson cut through the air, parting the earth like sliced cake. No longer playing possum, Genma deflected the second paw strike by hitting it closer to the elbow. 

“Mokou Takabisha!” 

Ranma's yellow charge of confidence hit the beast in the side of its head, distracting it. Genma shown that he began fighting seriously by launching a flying crescent of some ki-technique unfamiliar to Ranma. It cut the monster, smoky darkness splashing out of the wound. The hell-panda roared. 

`Pops, you sneaky scoundrel,` Ranma thought fleetingly. `Hiding such an ace in your sleeve! Hav'ta shake it out of you later.` 

A second later he didn't have time to think any more: the girl attacked and he had to work hard dodging or deflecting her blows. Discounting the eldritch glowing eyes and a detached smile, this opponent was his perfect reflection: all swift, unpredictable strikes, feints and dirty tricks. The outside look at his own style was... irritating. 

And there was no end to it. The girl turned out to be weaker, as expected, but Ranma still haven't recovered from his magical half being sucked out. Pops was fighting for his very life, right next to him, but he couldn't even spare a glance! 

Thus Ranma accepted a kettle sailing through the air as a gift from heavens. He managed to maneuver his opponent into intersecting with its trajectory without giving it away with facial expressions, which proved to be the hardest part. 

But he did it. The kettle hit the girl in the head splashing hot water around. 

“You scuuum!” the girl screamed in voice so terrifying it made even Ranma flinch back. “I will destroy you!!!” Her glowing eyes darkened turning dark red. Was she allergic to hot water? Not surprising. 

Akane, who had threw the kettle, froze like a deer in headlights. 

The evil magical twin dashed to fulfill her promise, her hair waving in ethereal wind, seeping aura of crimson glow. 

Ranma dashed to stop her, with horrifying realization she wasn't kidding at all. 

The guy's legs were longer so he was running a bit faster. It was barely enough, only to make one hit in the back. The cringing Akane took a crooked, stiff defensive stance full of holes. It won't help her, Ranma realized in horror as he saw what the magical twin was going to do from the motions of her back. She'll kill her. In one hit. 

Time ran out. Ranma struck with all his might, not holding back. He was aiming to disrupt her attack, but something in the nega-girl snapped loudly and she went limp, her aura guttering out. 

Ranma came to a screeching halt, his face inches from Akane's. Their eyes met, wide from panic. A limp body flopped down bonelessly at their feet. 

They had several moments to grow horrified. Then the body began melting, decomposing into black jello, starting from the parts hit with hot water. 

“How... How could you!” Happousai grit out, sobbing. “My... My poor... You won't get away with this!!!” 

Ranma prepared to cover Akane. 

“Happou Dai Karin!!!” 

He deflected the first firecracker. And the next one too. But there were many, many more. Ranma and Akane were swept away in a thundering wave of explosions. 

Nabiki shuddered making the hellish panda-beast notice her. 

“You are but animal!” Genma growled shashing at its exposed side with a ki blade when the beast tried going around him to attack the defenseless Tendou girl. “Your reflexes are good! Your instincts are good! But you... are... mindless!” And he attacked, weaving several layers of feints into a complex zig-zag that culminated in the beast over-extending. Genma rolled under its belly crippling the left paw with a ki blade to the armpit. 

The beast roared trying to turn around after him. 

`It's all right,` Nabiki was repeating in her head like a mantra as she observed the beast's spiky rump from barely four meters away. `Everything is all right.` Anything to suppress the realization that Genma wouldn't make it if the beast so decides to take a second to pay attention to her, with her utter inability to jump over the fence. `The only one here ready to kill is the cave megabear. Genma will finish this hulk off soon and will be left alone against Happousai. It would be defeat, but Happousai still has no intention of killing anyone... Mommy, I don't want to die...` 

Then she noticed a purple monkey frozen on the edge of the roof, watching the combat intently. `Please, oh please, don't be a hero!` Nabiki prayed silently while her imagination was painting horrifying pictures of what horrors an evil Genie would be able to inflict. The hell-panda couldn't even compare. 

Then things got even worse. Because there was a rapidly enraging Ryouga standing over Akane's listless carcass. 

“What have you done to Akane-san, you bastard!!! You won't get away with this!!! Shishiii... Hokoooou...” 

`We are done for,` Nabiki thought feeling her legs fail her. Genma was still tied up fighting: the hell beast was roaring, bleeding smoky darkness profusely, slowing down, but was just refusing to die. 

“Stop! Stop, P-chan! Stop, you moron!!!” Ranma hollered trying to get up. 

“DAAAAN!!!” Ryouga finished launching an almighty ball of swamp-green depression at Happousai. 

Happousai confidently held the lamp in front of him. 

The lamp had no slightest effect on the slow ki-blast. But it began sucking Ryouga in. He caught up with his own ki blast right as the curse was starting to separate. The dark vaguely pig-shaped cloud mixed with the green glowing orb of negative energy producing an anemic detonation that only threw Happousai about ten meters back into another section of the yard. Then this billowing mess of black and green was sucked into the lamp with a gargling sound. 

“Ryouga, you misborn retard!” growled the battered Ranma as he limped up to the downed guy to kick him slightly in the ribs. “Do you realize what have you done? He'll sick P-chan on us now!” 

“P-chan?” Akane chose a _perfect_ moment to wake up. 

“Uhh, no time!” Ranma tried to dodge the question. Happousai was raising the lamp so he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind: “Ask Nabiki, she'll explain everything!” 

And in doing so he unknowingly helped the middle Tendou restore her equilibrium. Profit! Also, a chance to weave a spider-web of deceptions! Ooh, the possibilities! And losers to scam! Ooh, the poor sods! 

“Get'em!!!” Happousai barked, releasing... Only a boar the size of horse? It was glowing slightly, yes, but tthat was it. 

Ranma even felt a slight disappointment. 

Ryouga snorted derisively, he was stumbling on shaky legs but his umbrella was already held firmly in his hand. He had no idea how the old lecher managed to pull the curse out of him, but he was not going to let the thing live! Finally! He was going to be free of the pig!!! 

“Ryouga-kun, don't kill P-chan!” Akane begged. “Please! I know you don't like him, but...” 

Ryouga turned araound. The love of his life was standing there, holding at the wall. All soothy, her clothes torn and ragged, with more bruises than skin. But her only eye not swollen shut was glistening with determination. 

He couldn't refuse. He just knocked the boar out with a hit to the snout that sent the hulk flying. The carp population did not fare well, splashed out onto the lawn with most of the pond's water. 

The hell-panda let out a last, dying roar, still trying awkwardly to slash with its crippled paw even as it was unraveling. 

Genma let out a breath. He was winded, but intact. And very, very pissed. 

Happousai scowled, still incredibly dangerous. Even against three of the strongest martial artists. Ranma and Ryouga tensed preparing to flank him. After what he did they simply forgot their rivalry, ready to pair up with the devil himself just to bring the old freak down. They were not going to be gentle. 

“Happou Dai Karin!” he made the first move as if he read their minds. Both guys froze trying to assess the best way to dodge. The problem with these firecrackers was in unpredictable fuses. Each one could hit, then fall down, then explode under your feet. Or explode in your face just as you were about to bat it away. 

The purple monkey sailing to intercept the bombs caused Ryouga frown in confusion and everyone else cry out in despair. What was the fool thinking, with her weak combat skills! They almost made it without her! Now enter an evil genie and they are done for! 

The monkey turned back into Shantae who shouted “Mirror!” a fraction of a second before the first firecracker hit her... 

The bomb rebounded off a flickering bubble that sprang into existence around the girl, returned back to sender. Then the next one. Happousai was already holding the lamp out, already sucking her in, but it only made his situation worse: being attracted rapidly, Shantae just bounced the remaining bombs all at once with her bubble sending them right at Happousai at triple the speed. 

He wasn't ready for that. He simply vanished in a barrage of flashy explosions. 

The lamp tumbled out of the smoke cloud to plop onto the grass. Shantae landed flexibly, ran up to it quickly and grabbed the dangerous artifact by the handle. 

“I haven't forgotten your words, Genma,” she adressed the senior martial artist with a smile. “I don't have that many, as you call them, `surpsrises`, but this one only had to work once.” 

Then she began vacuuming the yard with the lamp, walking back and forth and sucking the gross magical residue in, from black jello to dark, heavy smoke littering the torn up lawn. 

“I'm free of the curse now, right?” Ranma cautiously asked as he was stretching tentatively: he was beaten up good, but had survived much worse on his feet. “I don't have to turn into a girl when it rains, right?” 

“Mmm... Nope,” Shantae replied confidently as she surveyed the yard checking for missed spots. “Magic... In short, you cannot destroy it, only scatter it. If this curse is a part of you, it will surely return sooner or later.” 

“But it's sucked in there, right?” The pigtailed martial artist wasn't giving up. “If we simply leave it in the lamp—” 

“Magic is part of the world,” the dancer replied with finality. “Leaving it locked in the lamp... well, it's wrong. Besides,” She turned to face Ranma with a serious look. He gulped: she was a very attractive girl barely covered above the waist. “The lamp is full of dark magic now. We'd better try releasing it while transforming it into light magic. If that doesn't work, suck it back in and try again. I'm... not entirely sure how I did it the last time. We threw the lamp into the sea. Too hastily, as it turns out.” 

“Wwooont-t geet a-away with thiis!” a barely alive Happousai howled like a vengeful ghost making everyone present start or jump. His eyes were glowing ominously white. “Happou Dai...” 

“Mirror!” Shantae raised her bubble. 

“DASH!!!” Happousai finished with a devilish smile as he rushed to attack her in melee, swift like greased lighting. 

“Invincibility!” Shantae made it in the nick of time. 

Aaand... Happousai flew right through her as if she was a ghost. The changed bubble was flickering with licks of silver light. Then it burst. 

Happousai rebounded off Genma who was trying to stop him and was approaching Shantae who barely had time to turn around. She let out a startled squeak as she brought the lamp in front of her. 

“Are?” Happousai exclaimed with surprised pout. 

Then he was sucked into the lamp completely, in his entirety. 

“I _toldja_ he is not human!” Ranma summed it up. “I totally did!”


	3. Everyone got to plot

“Stop! Don't” exclaimed Akane when Shantae aimed to suck in the humongous boar in the pond. 

“Why?” Shantae was taken aback. 

“Why, it's P-chan!” Akane explained like it was something obvious. 

“Who, as we have just witnessed, is a yokai,” Nabiki injected smoothly. She then turned around to face Akane with one hand on her hip. “Little sis, I have long since noticed that this piglet you're doting over is unnaturally tough and fast.” 

“So what?” Akane bristled, ready to defend. Just as planned. 

“Suit yourself.” Nabiki turned around pointedly. She then demonstrated the guys the smile of a sated shark and departed for the living room. 

Both gulped, feeling sharply the very essence of the `eternal debt` term. 

“So what do we do wit this... pee-tyan?” Shantae reminded them, holding the lamp carefully spout up. 

Ranma approached the monstrous hulk to poke it in the snout with his foot. But the body suddenly exploded into a gust of dark wind mixed with depressive ki. A faint plop sounded from the billowing dark cloud. Catapulted away, Ranma tumbled to land graciously on his feet. Shantae hastily sucked the dissipating cloud in. 

“It can't be!” Akane cried out pitifully. Coupled with her tenderized state it came out as too soul-jarring. 

“Your P-chan is all right,” Ranma interrupted her with deliberate rudeness. “There he is, splashing around.” 

True to his words, there was a small black piglet in a dotted bandana struggling in the center of the almost emptied pond. Ryouga let out a heavy sigh. Then, after a brief internal struggle that only Ranma noticed, he stepped into the water, fished the piglet out by the bandana and carried it to Akane. 

“P-chan!” she greeted with joy as she accepted the freshly born magical creature into her arms. 

“Do you think it's a good idea,” Ranma whispered into Ryouga's ear, “to leave her alone with a beast no one really knows?” 

“I'll watch it,” he promised, still out of it after what had just happened. 

P-chan, however, behaved indistinguishable from how Ryouga used to behave in his pig form. 

“I'm so glad... that you...” Smiling sweetly, Akane began collapsing. Ranma and Ryouga were beside her in a flash, lowering her to the ground carefully. They were so worried they even forgot to snipe at each other. 

“Ah! Akane is wounded!” Shantae exclaimed in alarm. 

“I'm... fine...” the downed girl tried assuring them in optimistic voice despite her eyes being visibly crossed and her inability to stand. 

P-chan oinked sadly, uncomprehendingly, nudging her hand with his moist snout. 

“Here.” Crouching beside her, Shantae shook a heavy crystal flask with red liquid inside before offering it to Akane. “No more than two gulps, got it?” 

“ _What_ is this?” Ranma inquired politely. Their guest's penchant for omitting details obvious to her was becoming rather obvious. 

“But healing potion, of course!” Shantae replied, surprised. “Just—” 

Akane took the flask in her unsteady hand. 

“Just...?” Ranma invited the half-Genie girl to continue as he tried to smell the potion unobtrusively. The flask practically reeked aromatic oils and ginger. 

“It, uh... got ginger in there,” she replied sheepishly. “I can't stand the taste of fish oil so... I add ginger to overpower it... Lots of.” 

Akane squinted at the flask inquiringly with her single eye not swollen shut. Then she upended it into her mouth. The flask throat was thin so it took her a couple moments to take a gulp. It wasn't that bad at first. Then... the burning began. 

Ranma was watching with worry as the swelling around her eye faded, her bruises disappearing without a trace and even her torn clothing knitting back together! There were tears rolling from Akane's eyes and her face wore indescribable expression. 

“It's spicy, yeah,” Shantae admitted sheepishly. “But you have to make a second gulp to finish healing.” 

Akane glanced at the flask. Her eyes lit with determination and she took a second gulp with the look of someone diving from a cliff. 

This time she was surrounded by a perceptible aura, very... spicy for the lack of a better word. Any damage on her body and clothing just vanished. Ranma noticed that all bruises on his hand he was supporting the uncute one with stopped aching as well. 

Akane was breathing slowly through her mouth, tears rolling freely. 

“I'm sorry, I must have really overdid it,” Shantae said in a guilty voice as she took the vial to hide it in her subspace pocket. 

Akane made a `victory` sign with two fingers, unable to speak yet. 

“She's like that,” Ranma commented. “She can jump around on a broken leg while telling everyone she's fine.” 

He got elbowed in the ribs for that. 

“Here, Akane-san, maybe tea would help,” Ryouga offered her a mug. 

Akane downed it in one gulp, letting out a long breath. Then she began thanking the pointy-eared girl profusely. 

Shantae began denying the praise, telling it wasn't a big deal, pointing out that they fought together and so on and so forth. 

This duet of theirs coud have went for a long time if not for P-chan nuzzling Akane's leg. 

“Let's go wash you,” Akane said lifting him up. “You got dirt all over you... I am not much cleaner as well” 

The potion had no effect on the dirt stuck to her after plowing the lawn with her head. Well, if one disregarded clean spots on her clothing where holes once been. 

“Can I join you?” Shantae immediately invited herself. 

“Of course!” exclaimed Akane and the girls departed in the direction of the bathroom all the while chatting haphazardly about everything at once. 

The last the guys heard before the unexpected BFFs disappeared beyond the corner was lengthy “so they dilute it with fish oil about twenty to one, so that you can take it in combat without a dropper. But I _can't stand_ fish oil!” 

Ryouga let out a dramatically whistful sigh as he prepared to depart. 

“No, no.” Ranma caught him by his sleeve. “You stay here to watch over your little youkai.” 

“My?!” he was taken aback. 

“What's so surprising?” Ranma exclaimed in a exaggeratedly naïve voice. “The pig often appears when you're around, that's one. The bandana it sports is clearly yours, that's two. Anyone would figure it out he's your piglet!” 

“Why are you so kind, all of sudden?” Ryouga frowned suspiciously. If you have paranoia it doesn't mean Ranma isn't plotting to pull one on you. 

“Weeell, I have a selfish motive, honestly,” the pigtailed martial artist admitted. 

“Knew it!” 

“Well, you've met Shantae.” 

“That sorceress with a long ponytail, right?” 

“That's her. So, she has a martial style of her own beside her magic... Nothing impressive, she tangled with Shampoo and would've lost if not for her magic.” 

“What do I have to do with that?” Ryouga was puzzled. 

“Well, that style, in short, she whips her hair.” 

“Bullshit!” 

“Not at all, she has instinctive ki-strengtening. She was deflecting maces easily, even chipped some paint from them. But there's a problem, you see. Shantae says she's from a different world. They don't have martial arts masters there. Nobody ever heard of ki. She called it `human magic`, imagine that.” 

“Well, all right. Still how does that concern me?” 

“Do you know anyone else around practicing Iron Cloth style?” 

“Oooh, you want me to teach her my secrets—” 

“Screw secrets, help her with the basics! I told you, she knows nothing. What she can use, it's probably her Genie magic that taught her how.” 

“Sounds like a tall story, don't you think?” 

“How else you'd call a martial artist who is weaker than Akane in pure kempo but uses hidden weapons technique so well Mousse'd eat his sleeves in envy? She was pulling various junk simply from thin air, with no strain. And she carries a hefty chunk of copper around seemingly because she just forgot about it! You understand the implications, do you? It means weight isn't transferred at all and it doesn't fall out when she sleeps. It's a master level, no less. While magic explains everything so well.” 

“Weeeell...” Ryouga scratched his head. 

“Just tell her what ki-strenghtening is. Practice with a ribbon for a while. I guarantee she'd be overjoyed. Then Akane will get overjoyed that her friend found what she craved!” 

“Oooh!” Ryouga got it. “You're like home-grown Machiavelli, man!” 

“So, will you help tomorrow?” Ranma asked in a voice full of hope, his face open and honest. 

“There's no choice, isn't there?” Ryouga sighed. “Does this house have a spare closet?” 

This was when Kasumi returned and gasped: the yard was all torn up, all the fishes were on the grass, not even flopping, just opening their mouths slowly, her father was out cold... She froze, unable to decide where to start. 

“Ranma, collect the fish,” Genma commanded from where was sitting beside Souun. “Kasumi-san will be saddened if she finds them lifeless.” 

“I hope they won't suffocate in this murk,” the younger Saotiome replied as he was quickly collecting the nigh comatose carps, releasing them carefully into the much shallower now pond. 

That was how Cologne found him: ankle-deep in muddy water, with his trousers rolled up to his knees. 

“So fascinating,” the old lady cackled as she surveyed the battle damage. “Son-in-Law, you just can't help be full of surprises!” She put on a smile of adoration as she stared at the guy Ranma standing in water. 

“Shampoo was here already,” Ranma grumbled jumping out to collect the last couple carps. 

“And what an amazing story she told!” Cologne continued. Then she turned serious instantly. “But enough pleasantries. Where is Happousai?” 

“Did Shampoo already tell you about, uhh, the lamp?” Ranma asked as he released the last fish. Hiding details from the inquisitive hag was probably pointless. 

“That she did. Now to tell truth from fisherman's tales... But even that isn't important. Where is he?” 

“Got sucked in,” the pigtailed martial artist replied reluctantly. “Altogether, whole. So he turned out not to be a human. But who is he exactly, a yokai, a genie or something? Who knows.” 

“Veeeery interesting,” Cologne drawled. “And how long will this sudden happy time last? Is it forever or is there a limt?” 

“Shantae says it cannot be forever, something about having to purify and release the magic. So both Happi and my curse will return someday. But all the whys and hows? I'd have to ask her the right questions but all this magic is mumbo-jumbo to me.” Wiping his bare feet on the grass he headed towards the living room. 

Cologne hopped after him, tsking disapprovingly at the ground cut and upturned as if by a plow, at the cuts and nicks in the plaster and roof tiles of the fence. “How did you let it devolve to this? Is everyone all right, at least?” 

“They are,” Ranma replied thinking it wasn't his best day. “Lighting the loot up was my idea. The plan... It was a wonderful plan. We lot only had to delay and distract while Shantae turned into a mouse to search the old freak's room and hide the lamp in her hidden weapons technique. That should've been it, the victory.” 

“But he had the lamp on himself,” Cologne finished for him. 

“On him,” Ranma confirmed. “After that it went downhill...” He shuddered. “All this upturned earth? It was the hell-panda trying to gut Pops. He was returning with... I don't know what technique was that, but it was powerful. Me... I killed the girl. Akane helped, for real, and she went for a killing blow...” 

Cologne exploded with a long tirade in Chinese - it was abundantly clear she wanted to grab certain someone's head by the ears and unscrew it. 

“Uh... I know I'm a moron,” Ranma began cautiously. “I put Akane in d—” 

“You? No,” Cologne interrupted him with venom. “But one _air-headed_ heir who _didn't even think_ to use your telephone?” 

Ranma cussed as he realized the weight of consequences stemming from such a seemingly minor detail. Had Cologne come right away and not after the beaten Shampoo limped home, she'd help immensely by neutralizing the old ero-freak. Or, even better, she'd shot his, Ranma's, moronic plan down. 

But he tried defending Shampoo anyway: “Well, she was still out of it after being trampled by an elephant...” 

“So _that_ part is true?” Cologne grew interested. 

“Well, when you can transform into a mouse or an elephant and know a sliding technique on top of that? It would be stupid not to use it. There is a hole in the fence over there.” He pointed left. “They basically butted heads!” 

“Ka-ka-ka, such an interesting genie girl,” Cologne cackled. “I hope I have what could be of interest to her.” The old lady zipped for the roof, beelining towards the bathroom on the other side of the house. 

`This won't end well,` Ranma thought as he jumped after her. Just in case. 

* * *

“Wow, I didn't know your house had a bath!” Shantae said in amazement. “I thought we'd go to a public bathhouse.” 

“Well, when our gas heater breaks we do,” Akane demurred while disrobing in the laundry room. The blue school dress smeared with earth went into the dirty laundry bin. 

“Umm...” Shantae drawled unsurely behind her. 

Akane turned around. The guest was already in only her panties resembling bikini bottom with ties at the sides, only a bit wider and more comfortable. With her purple hair down, the mane was almost reaching her heels. How does she remove the hair hub remained a mystery. 

“Something is wrong?” Akane's hands, lifting unthinkingly to undo her bra, suddenly froze. `Please, please, don't let her be a boy!` she prayed, `I won't survive a second one!` 

“Weeeell, I just remembered that all my spare clothing is back home,” Shantae replied awkwardly. 

“Just that?” Akane said with relief as she got rid of her underwear. “You can walk to my room in a bathrobe, then we'll borrow from someone. Mine, or... No, not from Big Sis Nabiki. Ranma should have something similar to your outfit.” 

“Ranma?” Shantae asked in puzzlement. 

“He has this curse of his for a year and a half now, he accumulated a wardrobe for his female half,” Akane explained while opening the sliding doors of the bathroom proper. “He only opposes it vehemently in words, he transforms to have fun without a thought. He also can only swim as a girl now.” 

“Got it,” Shantae replied entering after her. “Uhh, erm, you don't have flowing water?” 

“Flowing?” Akane was confused. She made sure the `occupied` sign was in place and slid the door closed. “The taps are over there!” 

“Umm...” Shantae crouched next to a tap which was placed low, to be used while sitting. She twiddled the shower head in her hands. Then put it down. She pushed at the faucet cautiously. Pushed it harder. Pulled at it. 

Akane watched her actions in a state of mild stupefaction. 

“Aha!” Shantae exclaimed victoriously turning the faucet on its axis. She immediately shrieked as the shower head under her feet came to life showering her with icy water. 

“Red one is hot!” Akane explained rushing to close the tap: the hose was writhing like a snake making Shantae back away from icy splashes. “And this little lever her switches between tap and shower... You don't have such things, right?” 

“Such awesome tech?” Shantae said as she sat down next to the tap and tried turning the faucet with great caution. “I dunno. maybe the Sultana has it, or Techno Baron. In the bathhouse they have warm water always flowing in a small waterfall — I think there is special magic for that. But in the houses? I have a washstand with a thingie below the bucket you push to make water flow. But that's advanced stuff, most use a jug.” 

“That is similar to how we had it a hundred years ago or more,” Akane noted. “How have people ever lived without any conveniences...? The horror!” She pushed a plastic seat towards her guest. “Here, you sit on this and lather up. Then you was it off with cold water and you're ready to go into the bassin.” 

“Just like our bathhouse,” Shantae said. She then whined: “Is it necessary, to use _cold_ water?” 

“Well... No, but it's better for your health.” 

“How so?” 

“It makes your body focus, mobilize...” 

“Ooh, training...! But I don't have a source of cold water back at home. The bathhouse doesn't have it and it's far to the nearest well.” 

“Here, take this,” Akane handed her a washbasin with assorted bathing implements. “This one is shampoo. And this one is for your hair.” 

Shantae twirled the small plastic bottle in her hands, doubt evident on her face. “I have... lots of hair.” 

“Aw, don't worry about such trifle. We can always buy more.” 

“Your world is so rich...” 

Akane harrumphed. “I think it's the other way around. I read it somewhere that before modern conveniences appeared many things we take for granted were much more expensive, only available to the rich. Maybe, such things are simply very expensive in your world?” 

Shantae didn't have a reply to that, she just let out a long sound of vague thoughtfulness. 

For a while the girls were lathering up in silence until it was turn for the hair. 

“Let me help you,” Akane offered, not fancying waiting wet and cold until Shantae finishes her nigh endless mane. “I help Big Sis Kasumi wash her hair...” 

In four hands they finished it faster. Then was time for rinsing. Shantae unflinchingly turned the faucet to the coldest, then she was bravely filling the bathroom with almost ultrasonic shrieks. But she never even thought to make the water warmer. 

Then it was time to soak, finally. They had to make support for Shantae's hair first, by putting together two washing stools just outside the basin: so much wet hair was too uncomfortably heavy to simply wrap it in a towel around the head. 

Akane laid down in opposite direction, her back to the window. She was going to ask the guest about her home world... 

“That's it!” the half-Genie exclaimed suddenly, snapping her fingers. “I saw such `taps` — and I think the shower too — on that tub Risky trapped me in!” 

“Trapped...? Tub...?” 

“I, err, would tell you later,” Shantae promised, embarrassed. “That was one of the moments you look back at and cannot believe you could've been such a careless day-dreamer.” 

“You don't have to,” Akane began reassuring her. 

The matted glass window slid open revealing a blank wall just a couple meters beyond it and a... 

“Another shriveled gnome!” Shantae shrieked covering herself with her left arm and right knee but throwing her right arm up, palm facing forward. 

Cologne displayed well honed reflexes as she dove behind the window edge much faster than simply gravitational pull would allow. “I just want to talk!” 

“It's not a shriveled gnome,” Akane explained. “It's Shampoo's great-grandmother. She has a custom of popping out suddenly like that.” 

“Ah!” Shantae lowered her arm. “I won't apologize, that was very... unexpected.” 

“Hey are you... Gack!” Ranma's voice reached from the roof above the blank wall. 

Shantae shrieked covering herself again and throwing her right arm up. 

“R-r-r-ranma!” Akane growled like a wild sabertooth. She haven't bothered moving, though. 

“I saw nothing!” the invisible fiance shouted. “Ack!” And he tumbled with clatter somewhere to the left. 

“As always sneaking on girls in the bath?” an invisible Nabiki asked with sarcasm. Her voice was accompanied by the sound of a door opening close by to the left. 

He began protesting vehemently. 

Cologne on her stick jumped back onto the window edge - there was no window still, only rails for the frames. 

“To what do we owe your visit?” Akane inquired politely. 

“Ka-ka-ka...” the old lady cackled. “I heard you got a Genie prowling your house.” 

“That's me,” Shantae said continuing to cover herself — just in case — but letting her right arm drop. “But I'm a half-Genie and I am soaking, not prowling.” 

It felt like some sort of pun fell valiantly in the way of translation. 

“Well, anyway, I have an offer for you,” Cologne said. “I'd like to hire you for a job that requires you specialty.” 

“My specialty?” Shantae sounded doubtful. “But what is my speciality...? A guardian Genie? I'm afraid Ranma and Genma fight better than me even I use my magic in full.” 

“No, no,” Cologne said. “Crushing and smashing we can do on our own. There is something that _only_ Genies can do. Your magic of wish fulfillment, to be exact.” 

“Wait a minute!” Akane injected indignantly. “If—” 

“Shampoo can work on her own happiness,” Cologne interrupted her. “No, I have one serious task that only Genie magic can achieve.” 

“Serious task?” Akane pouted. 

“Let's just say I was waiting for two hundred years for an opportunity,” Cologne clarified. “And I'm ready to provide compensation for the work, in limits of my ability. Be it teaching ki techniques, minor magical items or precious gems.” 

Akane fell silent. She have never seen Cologne so serious and business-like. The old lady rather had a habit of playing the most serious of situations for giggles. 

Shantae harrumphed doubtfully. Then, after some, thought, she replied: “I'm open to discussion, but I am very inexperienced in this and there are limitations. The wish must come from the depth of your heart and it must be bright. So you cannot wish harm to someone.” 

“Ooh, there won't be any problems with that. For a very long time, from the depth of my heart, I wish to destroy one very evil and very dangerous magical item. One... foolish girl of our tribe had suffered from it.” 

“Suffered?” Akane asked cautiously. “How exactly?” 

“That artifact tore her soul out of the body,” Cologne said in a deliberately casual voice, “and imprisoned it.” 

Shantae gasped. “I'll do it without any compensation! Many of my friends suffered from sorcerous items, these are all around the place like junk. Though, dragging a huge statue of unknown nature as a gift for your daughter is just plain wrong.” 

“That got me thinking,” Ranma injected suddenly from beyond his corner. “Why waiting so long? Couldn't you have, I dunno, thrown that thing into a volcano or something?” 

“That's an interesting question, Saotome-kun,” Nabiki echoed. 

“The artifact is of recurring nature,” Cologne explained. “Destroying it, while not easy, is possible. But it's useless: it will eventually appear somewhere as if it was never destroyed. Usually in bad hands, too. So, will you do it?” 

“Of course yes!” Shantae agreed without a shadow of doubt. “Such a dangerous thing _must_ be eliminated!” 

“Great!” Cologne perked up. “I'll send Shampoo tomorrow to agree on a time.” 

“By the way, won't she get her hands on that evil thing?” Ranma asked worriedly. “Or, even worse, Mousse...? I know how careless you are in keeping magical junk around.” 

“No,” Cologne replied. “Because I haven't taken that vile thing out of my hidden weapons technique for the last two centuries.” 

At these words Ranma's apprehension grew, flooding with power. A serious, cautious Cologne...? Something big had died in the woods, the end was nigh. 

Shantae and Akane, though, were left satisfied that a good deed will be done. After that they toweled themselves off, donned bathrobes and trudged, yawning, upstairs to Akane's room. This day was exhausting. There was one last obstacle: Akane was trying to cede her bed to Shantae and sleep on a futon: she kept enough self-criticism to not forget she was turning in her sleep like a propeller. It was a good thing P-chan was durable — she now even knew, why. 

Shantae, though, was objecting that she never slept on such a soft thing and would be content sleeping on a rug if her home's floor was not made of stone. 

Having no energy to argue any further, they donned Akane's pyjamas and were out like lights, Akane on her bed and Shantae on a futon. 

* * *


	4. Runaway Friendship

The saturday morning proclaimed dawn with birds tweeting and muffled clattering from the direction of the yesterday hole in the fence. Akane stretched good, entertaining a thought if she should try seeing the team of ninja builders. She finally decided trying would be useless. That part of the fence was in the shadow of the house. Besides, they'd manage to finish while she'd be opening her window and she'd only see a finished fence. Of course it was their training, but why making it harder for them? Better let them finish without hurry. 

Scratching P-chan behind his ear — he oinked with content — and stretching good one more time she jumped off her bed... To yelp as she suddenly stumbled into someone. 

Shantae, who had been snoozing peacefully on her futon, tumbled away in a rolling dodge to jump up into a combat stance, her eyes wild. Her mane was cascading around her in a haphazard shroud covering her down to her ankles. 

P-chan displayed amazing acrobatics as he rebounded off the wall to dive under the bed. 

“I'm sorry!” Akane began apologizing right away. 

“Oh!” the half-Genie relaxed as she realized where she was, then yawned. “Don't sweat it! I just had a weird dream, of a burning sky falling towards me... Sometimes, I have to sleep in places where you either wake up quick, or won't wake up at all.” Sitting down on the edge of the bed she pulled a big comb out of nowhere and began combing her hair methodically.” 

“So you are... like Ranma?” Akane suggested with either relief of envy. 

“Like Ranma?” the guest asked. Dressed in Akane's pyjamas, she looked amazingly homely, only her ears and hair distignuishing her from your average girl. 

A resounding splash broke the morning silence, then barely audible Kasumi's voice berated: “Uncle Saotome, Ranma-kun, the carps haven't recovered yet from yesterdays ordeal!” and chorused “I'm very sorry, Kasumi-san!” of the father and son. 

“He is training Ranma from early age to defend from attacks in his sleep,” Akane explained. “That's why he often wakes Ranma by throwing him out of the window and into the pond.” 

“An excellent idea!” the purple haired girl approved as she kept combing. 

Akane let out a noisy breath looking so frustrated that Shantae's comb froze: “What? Am I wrong...?” 

“After... Since Mom is gone, Father is treating me like I'm made of glass,” Akane complained. “But how could I progress without full-contact sparring...? I tried berating him, I tried shaming him, he even tried from time to time. But every single time he just couldn't find it in himself to hit me...” 

“Ouch,” Shantae sounded symphatetic. “That's... frustrating. But isn't there anyone else you could spar with?” 

“I was growing stronger too fast,” Akane admitted. “Until I outgrew everyone of my age around. Until Ranma came with his.. harem, I was the strongest martial artist. After that... It's just unfair!” 

“Umm... What's wrong with Ranma?” Shantae asked cautiously. 

“He is not taking me seriously!” Akane flared with habitual irritation. “You saw him fight, right?” 

The other girl grunted in awed agreement. 

“Well, I'm simply unable too hit him!” Akane complained. “I could just go swipe my arms through the air to the same effect. But even that is just minor annoyance, really. What really riles is his refusal to help me with my defense! 

“In other words, he refuses to hit you,” Shantae said. 

“Well, it may not be his fault,” Akane admitted in a bout of honesty. “If he hits me, first father would be... a bit angry at him. Second, I would be bedridden for a week. Third, if I'm down for a week, father's wrath would be terrible... Right. I sorta can understand him. But you won't believe how frustrating it is when they handle you carefully like a rotten egg!” 

“Is there no one to go to?” Shantae was surprised. “What about these... Many masters Ranma was talking about? What about Shampoo?” 

“Ask other dojo?” Akane smiled lopsidedly. “Yeah, that would be wonderful stain on our school's reputation. I'm not just some pupil, I'm the heir!” 

“Ah, it's like noble families, right? Clan honor and stuff?” 

“Well... There are many things in common. But Shampoo... Or Ukyou... We may get along, but sparring? They'd be tempted to off me by `accident`.” 

“Off you?” Shantae was shocked. 

“It's a long story,” Akane demurred. “The three fiancees of Ranma and all that. I'll tell you later.” 

“What about using monsters?” Shantae continued. “If nothing else helps? I know, it's dangerous, but—” 

“Hard to find them nowadays.” Akane sighed. “Only far out of the city, in most secluded places. Best case it's a three hour long train ride followed by hiking through mountains. I tried, once, to answer a call for a monster hunter instead of Father. It ended in a total fiasco. Not only beasts there were so big only Ranma could kick them but also one... childhood friend of mine was... The entire trip was just fraying my nerves for naught. All training I got was jumping across that eight headed dragon while others were distracting him.” 

“So... You cannot become stronger because you don't have anyone to train with?” Shantae guessed. 

Akane nodded in return with a depressed “Un.” 

“Hmmm... If you can find a long strip of cloth, to wrap my hair, I can spar with you as Ranma advised yesterday. I too, have no one to test my ways to fight with my arms and legs on.” 

“Really?!!” Akane beamed like a little sun. 

“Well, this may not work,” the half-Genie warned. “Bt we won't know until we try!” 

After that Shantae had to comb her hair fast: Akane held still out of politeness, keeping herself from just dragging Shantae to search for a ribbon with sheer willpower. But she was still vibrating in impatience. 

Finally Shantae finished and barely had time to put the comb away when she felt herself carried away as if by a hurricane. 

There was an oink from under the bed, P-chan's curious snout poking out. The pigled then trotted to scout around, squeezing through door not closed properly. 

Kasumi had to lean against a wall, she felt like she had been lifted and spun around by a tornado. And what was she doing next to a linen closet...? Gasping, the eldest sister hurried back to the kitchen while the breakfast haven't burned yet. 

“Ranmawebrowurgi, all right?” 

“Take anything you need!” the wet pigtailed martial artist shouted back, keeping his eyes firmly on his old man. Who decided, after what had happened yesterday, to up the training. “I don't have a female form now anyw— Gack!” And wrapped around the fist of his progenitor who displayed uncharacteristic swiftness. 

Shantae barely finished wrapping a big turban of bed-sheet layered with hair when she was swept up and dragged again by hurricane Akane. Through a roofed passage to a separate big house... Which turned to be one big hall inside. The wooden floor was so clean it shone and the ceiling was lined with these wondrous tech-lanterns of theirs. 

“Here!” Akane threw her a bundle of very coarse white fabric, more akin to felt, as she began stripping of her pyjamas in haste. 

“What... Is this?” the half-Genie asked dazedly, unwrapping the bundle that turned out to be rough pants and a... jacket? To think of it, that was how Genma dressed. 

“Well, you can't spar in everyday clothing, right?” Akane replied swiftly donning a similar outfit, but slightly yellowish-green and tying it with a red belt. 

“Special clothing for training...?” Shantae was amazed. “You take it seriously!” She stripped of her pyjamas as well to don the unfamiliar garb. Which prickled something horrible! 

“Wait...” Akane stopped her. “The belt!” She hurried to run somewhere. 

“The belt?” Shantae asked holding the long strip of black fabric up. “What's wrong with it...?” 

“It's Ranmas, black one!” Akane `explained` disappearing in the storage room hidden behind the side wall through an opening in the end of the hall. “Wait, I'll get you a white one.” 

“Umm, and yours is red?” Shantae stated, puzzled. What the belt color meant? She tried sensing magic in it. Zilch. 

“Brown!” Akane corrected her although her belt was obviously and undeniably red. “It means I'm still far away from black...! She stopped clattering with supplies and leaned out from behind the wall. “Wait, you are using magic and transformations against monsters, right?” 

“Yes!” Shantae agreed. “Also, my hair!” She scratched at the turban. Her head was beginning to feel hot under it. 

“So we can say yoau are a black belt of Genie arts!” Akane concluded, returning. “While kempo is just a school unfamiliar to you.” 

“I'm a black belt...? What— Oooh! Got it, colors mean rank! Like the monster knights: red ones are strong, blue ones are very strong.” She tied the belt and made several stretches testing if this clothing was restricting her movements. It was, but tolerably little, especially as a trade-off allowing to not be shy with throws and falls. Taking an another look around she asked, curiosity getting better of her: “What this hall is for, usually?” 

“But for practicing the Art!” Akane replied, sounding offended. “Does the word `dojo` tell you anything?” 

“Erm... Umm...” Shantae frowned. The word — no, a whole concept laden with meaning — felt like getting jammed in her head at her attempts to think it. “The wish, probably, fulfilled incompletely or the language is that different?” 

Akane blinked. was she forgetting this language wasn't native for her new friend? 

“It's what our family specializes in,” she explained. “To teach the Art. Would Father... Never mind, that's temporary. Let us begin?” 

“I'm ret-to-go!” the half-Genie agreed gladly, taking a combat stance. Akane took her own, much more precise and measured, formal even. Then she made the first move by crossing the distance with a series of curious steps, it looked like she was flowing from foot to foot. Shantae was so interested in her footwork she forgot to watch the opponent's hands and the punch that slammed into her solar plexus came completely out of the blue. 

“Are you all right?” Akane asked her worriedly. 

“Yes!” Shantae replied impatiently, forcing herself to uncurl. “Please do that again, I'm curious how you did it!” 

Akane walked back to her initial position and repeated. This time Shantae saw her motion in its entirety and even tried deflecting. The habit to parry with her hair was slowing her down making her movements unsure, but that was the whole point of this exercise. She only managed do deflect one strike, two more hit her in her side and at the torso, sneaking through her protective arm waving. Even though Akane was moving noticeably slower than Shampoo. 

“It's like poetry of motion!” Shantae gushed as she forced herself to uncurl by sheer will power. “Now I understand why you call it Art!” 

“Your turn now,” Akane said shifting into a different stance. 

Shantae performed a probing series of strikes with her hands and feet. Akane blocked them all, invincible like Lady Scorpion. Even your extremities rang in a similar manner from striking at her. Shantae pushed harder, speeding up. Akane wasn't counterattacking, she only defended by blocking or deflecting blows. An excited smile began blooming on the youngest Tendou's face. Shantae kept increasing speed. It was becoming clear that Akane was weaker than Shampoo, but her moves! Her defense felt invulnerable, her arms and legs appearing right there to deflect or block. It's a mastery of predicting her opponent's moves, the half-Genie concluded. I'm an open book for her, my advantage in speed is useless. 

She tried moving chaotically. It didn't help. She tried to concentrate on Akane's rhythms, to read the girl in turn. To Shantae's surprise, it worked. The poetry of motion turned out stiff, without a living spark, like chains of pieces learned by rote. So this is what happens when you have no one to train with? Feeling a fleeting sympathy, Shantae tried to fix the situation by finding chinks between the combinations. It wasn't easy: her opponent was still good at building the puzzle of defense from the pieces of moves. But it was doable: yet another kick reached its target sweeping the girl off her feet to send her tumbling head over heels. Oops...? 

“I knew my defense was full of holes!” Akane declared with joy as she stood up rubbing at her side. “But now I finally feel where they are!” 

They exchanged roles. Shantae was beginning to doubt if she had a defense at all. Dodging was barely working. As was blocking and deflecting blows. Without the usual bracers, her arms were ringing with bruises. Deciding she needed an edge badly she started using her backwards sliding dodge. Akane's features flashed with envy, then determination. The number of mutual hits equalized. 

They switched to attacking and defending at the same time - in other words, to a full-contact brawl. Each was receiving her share of hits but they weren't paying them any attention. This was so interesting! Everything, every little detail! 

Yet another pause came when Akane failed to defend from a frontal kick and only stopped rolling when she hit the wall. Jumping to ther feet, she was going to rush back into the melee but Shantae stopped her: “Wait, wait! Let's hold back some, or we won't last long!” 

“Yes, of course!” Akane agreed. “We should be careful, or else we'll wear our before breakfast.” 

They went at it again. Their own decision was forgotten in about five minutes into the thrill of sparring. Caught in it, the girls were beating stuffing out of each other with great enthusiasm. 

* * *

“Ranma-kun! Uncle! Breakfast!” Kasumi called. 

Souun was already at the table, his newspaper set aside. 

“Where's Akane?” Ranma asked rubbing at fresh lumps. Pops was in rare form today. 

“So you go and bring her here, son!” the elder Saotome commanded as he sat at the table. “Are you her fiance, or chopped liver?” 

Ranma wasn't even going to argue. Pops stopped pretending today that he was still in his prime. Namely, he stopped conserving his energy allowing Ranma to see the limit of his endurance. He couldn't last very long at his full power, but his fighting ability, while going all out, evoked only respect. Ranma was glad, mostly, even as he was hurting all over. Harder training promised new horizons of self-improvement. 

He met Nabiki heading in other direction, as always friendly and cheerful before her morning coffee like a freshly unearthed zombie. 

Ranma was going to jog upstairs when he recalled that Akane, maybe, already woke up today...? He went to check the dojo but stopped in his tracks half-way there at the sight of Akane and Shantae, both in gi while the latter also sported a big turban, half-limping, half-stumbling down the roofed passage. They stayed upright only thanks to leaning on each other. Both faces sported happy smiles and similar shiners around their right eyes. 

“Oh! Ranma!” Akane greeted him cheerfully. “You see? Your yesterday idea of us sparring with each—” 

“Don't mention it!” Paling rapidly, the pigtailed martial artist haven't even noticed as he fell to his knees, his forehead meeting the wooden floor. “I beg you, don't tell anyone it was my idea! The old man Tendou, he—” 

“Ah!” Akane got it instantly. “No, no, you are mistaken! It was my idea, yeah! Right, Shantae?” 

“What is this about?” the other girl asked, puzzled. 

“Well, the idea for us to spar,” Akane explained. “It was my idea, remember that! Because if it was Ranma who suggested it, and Father saw me... slightly bruised, then Father would be very angry at Ranma!” 

“Ummm, all right,” Shantae agreed. “But are you sure we shouldn't just take healing potion? A gulp for each would be enough and I still have enough.” 

“Mmm, I don't remember it in detail, but the teachings say it somewhere that pain helps retention of what you learned or something like that. Let's take it after the breakfast, all right?” 

“I'll go tell them you two are... limping.” Ranma retreated. 

Inside he met Ryouga who have just walked out the closet to the left and was standing there glaring at P-chan peeking cautiously from behind the corner to the left ahead. 

“Hey, why so gloomy, P— Aw, bugger. Can't poke at that now.” 

Ryouga smirked in return. Then he addressed P-chan: “Well, pork? Let's go have breakfast?” He then headed forward down the corridor. 

“Leaving already?” Ranma couldn't help quipping. “There is only the exit in that direction. Chowder is there.” He turned right to the corridor passing by the kitchen and the living room. 

Ryouga grumbled but followed him. P-chan trotted after them, sniffing at the air. 

“The girls will be here shortly,” Ranma declared in an airy tone as he sat down beside his father. “Well, it could take them a while to limp here,” he began preparing the ground. 

Souun frowned suspiciously. 

“Who would’ve thought,” Ranma was continuing in an exaggeratedly-clueless naïve voice, “that these two would find sparring partners in each other! They were so eager to train they snuck into the dojo before the breakfast!” He added approval in his voice. “I knew Akane liked training, but I had no idea, how much! They must have started whaling at each other even before me'n Pops did!” 

Souun began catching on. Dense storm clouds obscured the ceiling. 

“Well, both their defenses suck,” Ranma kept pushing on. “But I never saw someone so black and blue and happy at the same time!” 

The clouds darkened. A rumble of thunder rolled. 

“Here they are, by the way,” Ranma announced as two girls entered, leaning on each other. 

Souun was going to frown but Akane interrupted him: “Morning!” she greeted everyone happily. Her shiner was surely impressive. 

“Good morning!” Shantae greeted no less cheerfully. Her shiner was smaller, but Ranma noticed her favoring one side in a way that told of her ribs being at least bruised. 

Unable, as always, to stay angry in the face of Akane's enthusiasm, Souun deflated, mumbling something about how was the sparring. 

Akane began replying in detail but was interrupted by Shantae: “Er, um, why are you all sitting on the floor and why is your table so low?” 

They had to explain it to her while the girls were limping towards the table to collapse at it. Shantae complained her head was hot and pulled at the end of her turban making it un wind and her hair spill pooling around her on the floor like a big puddle. 

Kasumi was putting food on the table quickly. Finally, everyone was ready to eat. They broke their chopsticks. Aaand... Their guest frose in mild stupefaction, staring at what they were eating with. 

“Big Sis Kasumi,” Akane asked in apologetic voice. “Could you please get a fork for Shantae-chan?” 

“Oh, no, please no, don't use these, how you call them, honorifics,” the half-genie begged. “I have double hearing because of them... I may have lerned the language but speaking it feels so... Strange and alien at times.” 

“Ranma pointed out that French is strange and alien too. From that point the conversation somehow steered towards physics and other sciencies. Shantae pointed it was her uncle's forte while she wasn't that kind of Genie and knew no miracles except smashing things. Nabiki reminded her about her wish-fulfilling powers. 

“Right!” Shantae snapped her fingers in the air. “I'm now— Owww...” She curled to one side. “Wish fulfillment is so new to me I sometimes forget I can do that!” 

Ranma hastily provoked the girls into drinking the potion right now by arguing that broken ribs were Serious Business. The girls knocked back — no other word fit, with such a Jumbo concentration of ginger. They healed in about thirty seconds. 

Souun, who missed the yesterdays demonstration by being out of it, was amazed. They weren't going to tell him Akane had been saved in this way from being almost ended by Happousai. 

Nabiki, naturally, got curious about the prices. Shantae told them it was 35 _jewels_ per flask, time and a half more if bought on tap. The knowledge of language proved was not helping any to figure what `jewel` was so they tried using the deductive method. They learned that the town was paying the half-Genie 125 per month, of which 45 went to housing rent leaving her with net funds of 80. Nabiki had her suspicion as soon as he heard the magityde of these numbers. 

Akane grew horrified that a potion costs almost half her friend's monthly salary while she already drank almost half of it. Shantae told her airily to not worry about such trivialities since money runs out too fast anyways making it necessary to take side jobs. She sometimes burned through as much as three hundred in one month. 

They went calculating. Tried comparing the price of gold - which both Nabiki and Shantae turned out to be knowing precisely. But they got stumped by weight units: their guest's world not only had everything non-metric but various units were also organized into a system more convoluted than French writing rules. They tried comparing prices of common things next. It turned out that Shantae's world was really backwards, from “what is mains power” to “well, kerosene, to fill lamps”. They had to settle on the fresh fish and involve Kasumi as the family's acquisition expert. 

After a long and complicated process Nabiki declared that one `jewel` was about 1700 yen. So the price of a potion flask was — ta-daaam — a bit less than sixty thousand. 

Akane choked almost strangling P-chan by accident. 

While slapping her on the back Shantae commented off-handedly that that was nothing, a jar of silky crème cost all three hundred but was really worth it because it allowed her to whip faster, her hair feeling nigh weightless. Too bad it ran out in a week. 

Nabiki voiced calmly: about five hundred thousand yen or five thousand US dollars. 

Now it was everyone's turn to choke leaving Shantae very puzzled: it was normal, what's the matter? 

After the breakfast the two fans of training were going to repeat the experience. Ranma stopped them reasoning that full contact sparring is good and all but they'd run out of healing potion in one day. 

Genma added that until one reached the black belt, such duels should be done with an instructor, with stopping after each series and reviewing what went wrong. While what they did was inefficient buhurt. Then he nudged his friend with his elbow. 

Gathering himself together, Souun agreed wholeheartedly. He then proclaimed he was ready to bestow on them the honor of being their referee. Not forgetting also to mention father's duty. 

Soon the entire family was gathered in the dojo. They dragged Ryouga with them as well. Shantae in a freshly remade turban versus Akane. They took turns attacking while Souun was correcting them. It soon became clear that he was an excellent teacher when he stopped wallowing in self-pithy and got to business. He was also marking Shantae down simply because he couldn’t understand her style. Genma had to get involved: the half-Genie's pure hand-t-hand style turned out to be a barbaric mix of everything and a kitchen sink, as expected from a girl with no formal education who invented it all by herself face to face with real enemy. The back-sliding technique she mastered from a scroll she bought in the shop was practically the key element of her defense. They decided to rectify that first. Working together, Souun and Genma sicced Akane to negate this advantage using rapid dashes and rolls. The girls spent three fun-filled hours after which both pupils were soaked in sweat while Shantae improved her defense considerably. But not in the way the fathers intended: she now could slide back twice farther and sharper than before, Akane's rapid pounces weren't reaching her anymore. Akane, on her part, was growing accustomed to avoiding non-textbook strikes. 

Finally Souun declared that the dojo will be still there the next day while Akane wasn't used to training so many hours a day. The girls trudged to wash up before lunch but fell asleep in the basin missing the lunch altogether. Shaken awake by Kasumi they crawled upstairs to Akan'e room to emerge for diner in pyjamas, fighting valiantly against their eyes' tendency to close without prompting. 

During the diner Shampoo came, proud like an eagle on a stick. She was moving smoothly, regally. Stiff muscles? Naw, never heard of these. Shantae warned her with all honesty she wasn't ready for the rematch after the exhausting sparring with Akane. Shampoo tried to feed Ranma some tiny treat just on general principle. He withstood the temptation valiantly and she strode away filled with naïve confidence in her new rival not being as tough as she first thought. 

The TV was a huge success. Shantae got glued to it. Akane wasn't bad at that either. Ranma tried sitting with them for a while, but... Girls. How could they watch this boring stuff! Yeech. He dragged Ryouga away to train - just a little, carefully, not to have to repair the dojo tomorrow. 

Midnight came. Akane and Shantae took root in front of the TV and weren't going anywhere. The half-Genie was combing her hair without realizing she was doing it. 

Souun let out a sigh but ultimately left them alone, only demanding they turned volume down. 

They passed out closer to the morning, only because most of the sane channels turned into gray static.


	5. There Aint No such Thing As Too Much Training

The noise of Saotomes' morning spar haven't awakened the girls snoring, huddled together, beside the living room table. The TV was babbling some cheery nonsense for a while now. 

Kasumi came, cast a disapproving look, turned the TV off and went away to hang freshly washed laundry. 

Ranma and Genma finished their sparring, looked at the peacefully snoozing couple of friends and went upstairs to their room. 

Souun came with a newspaper, sighed heavily, then sat down on the veranda-corridor platform, hanging his feet down to the garden. 

For a while everything was quiet, with only sparrows chirping and the patriarch rustling his newspaper. Then a provisionally awake Nabiki trudged in, dressed in pyjamas, with a toothbrush sticking out of her mouth. She stood there for about a minute, blinking slowly at the idyllic picture, then trudged back with renewed rustling of her toothbrush. 

Everything was silent again. Akane turned over for an umpteenth time, wrapping herself in Shantae's mane. 

Sounds of breakfast being prepared began reaching from the kitchen. Nabiki returned, dressed and almost awake, to sit down at the table opposite the all-nighters and stare at them contemplatively, with her hands propping her chin and her elbows on the table. 

The sparrows got tired of chirping and scrammed. Someone's tiny dog yapped. 

Akane turned over again, wrapping herself in hair even more thoroughly. 

Kasumi came with a tray to serve the table. Sighing, she put the tray down on the floor and began shaking Akane. 

The youngest Tendou mumbled incoherently, then stretched good, her fist hitting Shantae in the ear. 

The half-Genie girl jumped up with a loud yell, her eyes wild. Wrapped in her hair, Akane got thrown up and spun around. Squawking, she landed on the floor and rolled away under Kasumi who jumped nimbly. 

“With you, Little Sis, there is no need for circus,” Nabiki noted flatly, her elbows never leaving the table. 

The patriarch cleared his throat. 

“I'm sorry!” Shantae began apologizing. “I suddenly had that dream again, where burning sky is falling towards me...” 

Akane was blinking in confusion, looking at everyone upside down as her legs ended propped up the wall. 

“It's time for breakfast,” Kasumi said in a tone of disapproval. 

“Gah!” Akane tubmled to her feet. “I'mverysorrywellgetbacksoon!” Grabbing Shantae by the hand she stampeded upstairs, a trailing mane of purple hair whipping around the corner. 

“Please call Ranma and—” the eldest sister began, but the youngest was already gone. She turned to Nabiki: “Please call Ranma and—” 

“No need to, we're here!” Ranma hastily stopped her as he came from the stairs, his sixth sense warning him somehow of this danger. 

Kasumi was finishing when the victims of television emerged again, yawning and not yet fully awake. Akane was dressed in shorts and a t-shirt, Shaantae wore Ranma's black pants and a black sleeveless sports shirt with English “happy” in white letters so weathered it read more like “harpy”. The letters were powerless to mask the fact that the girl didn't have a bra on. 

“I tried,” Akane said tersely when she noticed where Ranma's eyes have wandered. 

Kasumi's face suddenly showed such reproaching expression that everyone at the table began fidgeting nervously... until they noticed her customary red, pointy shoes on Shantae's feet. 

“We don't wear shoes in the house!” Akane explained hastily. 

The pointy-eared girl slid the shoes off her feet to replace them in her hidden weapons technique. Without bending down! Ranma barely held himself from boggling. 

“Haven't we forgotten someone?” Genma asked innocently as he broke his chopsticks. 

“Ryouga!” Ranma jumped to his feet, about to run, but then returned and handed his plate to Akane with a short “hold onto it”. 

“My son is growing up!” Genma got emotional as he lost his chance for a freebie. 

They were almost done with their breakfast when Ranma dragged the eternally lost one in, still trying to inquire how he got in the shed. Ryouga was talking back lazily. 

After the breakfast everyone gathered in the dojo. Ranma steered Ryouga there manually. Shantae stayed in her black outfit, more practical and comfortable for practicing her style. 

The fathers and sisters sat along the wall. Ranma, Ryouga and Shantae stood in the center. 

“The beatdown dummy is ready.” Ranma demonstrated a thick, processed log half his height long. 

“It would be prudent to go over the basics,” Souun noted. “Istinctive Ki usage is half the work done, but without conscious understanding the progress would be very slow and inefficient.” 

“Magic may complicate things,” Nabiki added. “How much do magic and Ki differ? Wouldn't one get in the way of sensing the other?” 

“An interesting question,” Genma said. “We wouldn't know until we try. Ranma?” 

The younger Saotome coughed, putting the log in front of himself and placing his hands on it like a viking looking from on high leaning on his sword. 

“So, Ki,” he began in lecturing voice. “It is manifestation of Chi energy that flows through everything that is, but is especially plentiful in living things. Martial arts training lets one touch this unlimited potential bringing it out in the form of martial spirit. As to: spirit of toughness that makes you tougher, spirit of strength lets you lift much more than muscles alone allow and jump much higher. The spirit of aggression, also known as battle aura, is the basis for many techniques. Killing intent allows some masters to paralyze their opponent like a snake staring a rabbit down. But it also lets anyone with modest training sense an attack from their blind zone. Even Akane could do that! While concealing your killing intent is a whole tricky school on its own.” 

“So I gather some natiral energy inside me,” Shantae clarified, “to shape it with my willpower into specific spirit, then shape that spirit into a specific form?” 

“That's simplifying things, but yes. The real trick, though, are the techniques.” 

“That's exactly as one describes magic and spells!” Shantae proclaimed. 

“But Ki and magic are different thing,” Nabiki noted. “Besides you admitting it yourself, the lamp had not a slightest effect on Ryoga's Lion Roar Blast.” 

“Let's try a simplest meditation,” Genma decided. 

Shantae sat down cross-legged as he walked her through a basic exercise for beginners to feel one's own Ki for the first time. 

Se was doing well — too well. Barely a minute has passed when the girl trying to meditate was surrounded by an aura of white light. 

“Hey, it's just my magic!” Shantae exclaimed with disappointment as she opened her eyes. “No wonder this exercise felt familiar.” 

“Not surprising,” Souun said. “The difference is only in the energy source. Humans have Ki, youkai have yoki, half-bloods have unique problem how to tell these apart. 

“Youkai?” Ranma asked. 

“There are humans and there are magical creatures, Ranma-kun,” the mustachoed middle-aged man explained. “These two types are who inhabits our world and who you have a chance to meet. There are different names for the same thing in different lands, but that doesn't change their essence. If there are other types beside these two, meeting them should be so rare it's unheard of. Any mentions of demond from hell, for example, turn out to be either poetic exaggeration or allegory of brutality.” 

“So you haven't really seen Hell, huh?” Ranma needled Ryouga. “It's a poetic exaggeration, turns out?” 

“Shaddap,” the other guy grumbled. “It's allegory of brutality of the suffering you subjected me to.” 

“Tendo-kun got it right,” Genma said. “By rumors, many higher youkai who posess a human form have pointy ears.” 

“Hmm,” Shantae pulled at her ear toughtfully. “So I should take `youkai` as `magical creature` in general...? Then Genies fit. Do you know any half-bloods?” 

“Unfortunately, no,” Genma admitted. “I only met one in the last fifteen years, but it was long ago, in the very beginning of our training journey when Ranma was a little kid. And that half-blood had disappeared a couple years later. Ran away with the daughter of the shrine's head priest or something like that. I wasn't prying into their affairs.” 

“Maybe we can find him?” Shantae asked, hopeful. “Well, we can ask that head priest. It couldn't be that his daughter never passed him any messages, right?” 

Ranma noted to self how get-up-and-go the half-Genie girl was, suggesting going on a lengthy quest for such a vague clue without second thought. 

“We shouldn't.” Genma cleared his throat. “We don't have.. best relationship with the Higurashi shrine.” 

“You've probably stolen their scrolls,” Ranma inquired nicely. “With techniques.” 

“Nothing the like!” Genma straightened his glasses in indignation. “No scrolls! Only that manual for the Neko-k— Anyway! I suggest we go back to our previous plan and tackle the problem from the practical side. Ryouga-kun?” 

“If you fear for your secrets of the cutting Ki,” Ranma `reassured` the lost boy, “then keep in mind that Pop got something similar already. A flying air blade or something.” 

“That's a forbidden technique!” the elder Saotome rebutted preemptively. “Don't even ask teaching it to you!” 

Ranma lifted the log up holding it in front of him vertically by its ends. 

“Before we begin,” Shantae said as she stood up. “There is a possible clue. If you can figure out how this stuff works...” She pulled a white plastic bottle from her subspace pocket, its side adorned with a label depicning an open toothy maw. “It helped me many times to get out of really tight spots. I hit three times stronger but it fills me with such rage... Brrr.” She unscrewed the cap. “So I thought: does it act through my Ki or is it just another form of magic?” 

“We will... try discerning it,” Genma worded cautiously, all attention. 

“All right!” Shantae nodded, uncharacteristically serious. “I begin!” She mage a big gulp from the bottle, only to scrunch her face up in disgust: “Yeech! It went sour again! It won't probab—” 

Rage mixed with killing intent exdploded from the half-Genie girl, so powerful even Nabiki felt it. Ranma twitched: his reflexes were screaming at him to take a defensive stance right now instead of standing there wide open holding the log. 

“Die, you parasitic piece of wood!” Shantae yelled attacking the log, her power really tripled. Ranma was being pushed back. “Hiyah! Take that! Hhha!” Her strikes weren't coming any faster but each hit with consuderable force. The Ki of aggression overflowing the girl began seeping out as aura of bluish-red glow visible to the naked eye. 

This induced rage stopped sharply and unexpectedly. 

“So when sour it works for a very short while,” Shantae concluded as she studied deep dents in the wood with displeasure. “But the rage wasn't any weaker... What you say? I'm awfully curious.” 

“That was definitely, unmistakably, an emotion-based Ki-strenghtening,” Genma declared. “How exactly this... potion causes such a state, I have no idea, but the strenghtening itself works because of the emotion. There are definite parallels with Ryouga-kun's technique and the technique that Ranma created from it.” 

“So I can learn to enter such rage on my own,” Shantae clarified, “if I train properly?” 

“Hypothetically, yes,” Genma replied evasively. 

“Only, Grandma Cologne warned about the dangers of such easy ways,” Nabiki injected. “Right, ranma-kun?” 

“Well, rage is not the emotion I would want to get used to,” he said putting the log down. “I, personally, use a positive emotion, self-confidence. But even this one has its pitfalls. But negative emotions — like Ryouga's depression or the rage you really shouldn't learn — they are like a snake biting its own tail. Lose control once and it goes downhill fast.” 

Rouga just snorted derisively at these concerns for worrywart weaklings. 

“Here.” Akane walked up to him to hand him a gymnastic ribbon from the dojo stores. 

Ryouga took the sports implement by its handle and... The ribbon came lo life dancing in the air in elegant loops and spirals. In the end he slashed it sharply a couple times like a whip, producing loud snaps. 

Shantae grew quite interested. Ryouga handed the ribbon to her. 

“Interesting techniques!” Shantae tugged at the ribbon testing how much it stretched. “And interesting fabric. I'm not sure you can find such in our land.” 

“Take it if you want,” Akane immediately replied from the row of spectators. “As my gift to you.” 

“Thank you!” Shantae said, grateful. 

“So, ribbon.” Ryouga said attracting her attention. Taking the ribbon back he whirled it in the air in a spiral. “There are three main uses. You can grab things by wrapping it around them, then tugging sharply like you strike a fish.” He demonstrated on the log tugging at it off-hand which made the log lift into the air together with the log bearer, accompanied with Ranma's indignant “Hey!” as he barely got his fingers away. “You can transfer the energy of your strike.” He slashed at the log making Ranma skid back half a meter, his bare feet squeaking across the polished floor. “And you can cut. This wasn't in the rhythmic gymnastics, I added it myself.” He slashed again, seemingly in the same motion but this time Ranma didn't even show reaction while a curl of shaved off wood flew off the log. 

“Now you try it.” He handed the ribbon to Shantae. 

She tried waving it around this way and that, getting accustomed to it. Very soon she was confidently imitating her hair whip technique. She then tried whipping the log. Her aim was true, but the effect was like it should be from a strip of fabric, namely none. 

“Feel the ribbon like an extension of your body,” Ranma adviced. “It's the same as techniques where you channel your Ki through a weapon. Take Kunou-sempai, for example. Smart like an oak but cuts stone walls with his wooden sword none the less.” 

“Aha,” Shantae said and began trying in that direction. 

Twenty minutes of grunting and whipping later there was still no result. Not Genma's hints, not Ranma's taunts nor Akane's “we believe in you” helped. 

“Extension of my body, extension of my body...” Shantae grumbled staring at the ribbon in her hands. “Oh! I got an idea!” letting the ribbon drop she dug her hands into her hair to pull one single hair out, pulling it through the hub with effort. 

“Want to wrap it around the ribbon?” Ranma guessed. 

Shantae grunted in agreement, busy with her task: the hub was hugging her hair very snugly. The mystery of how does she put this thing on was itching with unsatisfied curiosity. 

Finally, almost one and a half meters later, the single hair was pulled out completely. Shanae tried ripping it out this way and that, and by wrapping it around her finger, but she only succeeded in cutting her fingers. They had to get the first aid kit and bandage her hands as the girl herself thought of this as minor scratch not worth wasting healing potion. 

“Let me bring scissors,” Ranma suggested. 

“No need to,” Shantae replied. “I figured what to do.” 

Lifting her left arm to her head she wrapped the hair around the bracer, wound it tight, pulled with all her strength... And failed. 

“That's some durability.” Ranma was amazed. “You could be lifted by a single hair!” 

Shantae emitted an irritated sound as she brought her second arm to bear, pushing at the bracer with all her might. Finally the hair tore out. By the root, judging by the tiny drop of blood at its end. 

“Ow.” Shantae rubbed her head. “I always knew my hair is hard to rip out, but I had no idea how much!” Putting the end of the hair to the ribbon handle she slid her hand along the ribbon. The hair stuck along as if it was electrized. “Let's try it now.” 

The ribbon was truly alive now, obeying, it seemed, Shantae's very thought. The half-Genie girl began whipping at speeds barely perceptible to the trained eye: moving one's hand with an almost weightless ribbon is quite different from moving one's entire body. 

The effect on the log, though, remained zilch. It took five more minutes of advices, lectures and friendly encouraging before Ranma reported: “I felt it! It shook!” 

Her enthusiasm blazing, the half-Genie girl renewed her assault on the log with twice the energy, trying for now to just mimic the effect of her hair whip. She even whipped it a couple times with her hair to feel the difference. 

After half an hour of effort she learned to turn the ribbon into pale imitation of her main weapon. The striking power was several times weaker, but the speed was much higher. 

But the power of her hair whip haven't increased at all. 

“No surprise here,” Shantae said. “I learned to whip my hair when I was eight and trained almost every day since. I haven't grown stronger since I was twelve, I think. Either this is my limit or some non-trivial trick is needed to break through. No matter, that can wait! I want to learn a new technique!” 

And so the grabbing practice began: first with the ribbon, then with the hair. With the ribbon again, with the hair again. 

Ryouga was sitting at the wall feeling useless. Nabiki got bored of simply sitting there and began doing stretching exercises, making Ryouga uncomfortable. Akane followed her example and took up dumbbells. Kasumi excused herself and left to take care of the house. The fathers watched for a while and decided their advices weren't needed here. Shantae proved to be a true master of her own school and was now creating a new technique methodically and carefully, they would only get in her way. Exchanging glances, Souun and Genma went to take care of the dug up lawn: this state was becoming embarrassing. 

They also dragged with them anyone who could help in the hard task of landscaping. 

Ranma was busy being a training dummy. They did not risk asking Ryouga lest he reaches the other side of the yard in a month, bringing souvenirs from Hokkaido. They didn't even dare thinking about Nabiki, apprehensive of how much such help would cost. So `anyone who could help` consisted of Akane. 

Leaving the training hall with great reluctance — because her best friend just performed a throw of Ranma, the log included, over her head — the youngest Tendou went on a shopping trip to buy seeds. Blissfully unaware this was the fathers' ploy to keep her away from earthwork, wary of her handiwork record. Alas, they were sure she'd break the lawn if they let her. 

Finding grass seeds on Sunday was a whole quest. Akane had to zig-zag half across the town, even riding trains a couple times, before she found what she was searching for and returned home. That had been hour and half of running, no less! 

“Have you already—” Akane began peeking into the dojo in cheery anticipation. 

Only to choke on her own words. 

There were no Ranma, no Ryouga, no log anymore. Instead, there was Nabiki, dressed in Ranma's other pair of silk pants and a bikini top, studiously swaying her hips under Shantae's tutelage. 

“No, no, smoother,” the pointy-eared girl commanded while clacking the rhythm with a couple of wooden sandals. “Keep your back straighter... Good. Now, sharper finish.” 

Nabiki, uncharacteristically for her, obeyed without complaint, frowning in concentration. 

“No,” Shantae corrected her. “Lighter... I mean, more cheerful. Feelings are important! You cannot frown: you'd become too stiff and it won't go smoothly!” 

Nabiki tried to relax, a smile blooming on her face... A very charming one, for those who didn't know her closely. 

“This feels a bit too predatory.” Shantae managed to see through it. “Never mind. You can go that way, too. Now smoother. More. Keep your back straight.” 

“What...” Akane squeaked trying to overcome her stupefaction. “What are you...” 

“Learning how to dance,” the middle sister replied innocently. “Isn't that obvious?” 

“Your arms,” the half-Genie corrected her instantly. “Smoother, like rolling waves. You keep slipping to a wounded seagull.” 

“Bugger,” Nabiki replied frowning in concentration as she tried to watch all her body parts at once. 

“Cheer up!” Shantae reminded her, never stopping to clack the rhythm. “Don't frown, be weightless!” 

Akane retreated quietly, fearing for her sanity. 

Outside she found Ranma leaning against the wall. He wasn't there a minute ago! Did he just come or had he been so well hidden...? Try tell. 

“I'd join too,” the pigtailed martial artist admitted, “If I had the girl form now.” 

“I thought you can't stand it?” Akane inquired with sarcasm. “Your curse?” 

“Well...” her fiance replied sheepishly. “It's bad where I have it, it's bad when I don't have it.” 

“Aha! You admitted it, pervert girl,” Akane needled him half-heartedly. 

Ranma just snorted thinking how lack of attention aimed at him — both from the fathers and other fiancees — turns the uncute one from a trained attack shrew into a normal human being you can even have a conversation with. 

But maybe it wasn't that she was a violent maniac, just her life was that stressful? Ranma wasn't sure he could survive without a normal sparring partner for months and not start banging his head against the wall. 

They stood there for a while in silence. Not one full of tension and apprehension of someone going to hit someone, but calm one, reflective even. Akane was squinting at the clouds drifting in the bright sky. 

Then she said, just to make small talk, while still looking at the clouds: “She is amazing, isn't she? Shantae. I've never met a girl who takes training so seriously.” 

“Well... She's too weak for a protector of entire town,” Ranma shared his observations. “Especially for someone training so hard.” 

“What...?” Akane pouted looking at him sharply. 

“I mean,” Ranma hastily corrected himself, “it's clear she started training that hard just recently... I mean, there are not enough results for her inventiveness coupled with such fervor. I'd give half a year, tops.” 

“Really?” Akane grew so curious she even forgot to pout. “Why so?” 

“Well, she got potential,” Ranma continued with caution as he stepped onto the usual minefield. “I can... feel it. If she trained that hard since childhood she'd make _me_ work up sweat, not just Shampoo. And if she was that good with her magic there'd be a chance for her to bring Happi down one-on-one... So, it means she trains so hard only for the last months. Also, the monsters where she lives are weak but come in hordes. You'd feel there at home, after your last year's training with the morning horde, heh-heh.” 

Akane launched a half-hearted slap at the back of his head. He evaded it with a laugh. Then he added, in more serious tone: “Something had happened there. Something that makes one want to become stronger desperately.” 

“Probably,” Akane agreed with a sigh. “I won't pry. I'm just glad she is with us.” 

At this moment their slacking off was noticed by the fathers — who themselves were digging and raking with all the energy of a man meditating at a rock garden. Ranma was volunteered to plant seeds. Rake the earth, sprinkle it with seeds, shoo the pigeons away, pat it down carefully to avoid leaving loose ground, shoo the pigeons away, repeat in another place. Shooing the pigeons away. 

Kasumi was walking around applying the watering-can. Akane was shooing the pigeons away with mighty swings of her broom. She even launched a couple feathered rats to low Earth orbit thanks to direct hits. The ninja builders had repaired the fence wall, but the lawn was threatening to stay a problem for the next week if not longer, until the grass sprouts and takes root. 

Souun, in the end, excused himself saying it was their genius plan, so they had to deal with its fallout while he had an unread newspaper was unread and stuff. Ranma and Genma climbed up to the roof, to replace a few tiles that were too badly damaged. 

The lawn was done and Akane was standing in a relaxed pose, her hand on the broom, ready to smack any free-peckers. Shantae walked out of the dojo accompanied by Nabiki toweling herself off. 

“It had been a long time since you trained so... seriously,” Akane noted: although her sister was breathing evenly, she held her shoulders unnaturally stiff. Her gait was a bit unnatural as well. Her short brown hair was matted with sweat, a frazzled mop instead of her usual immaculate bob-cut. “Have you covered much?” 

“Much?” the other girl replied sarcastically as she carefully flexed her shoulders. “I'm just at the foothills of the first kata.” 

“Master this move, then seven more,” Shantae said, “then you could be called a beginner dancer.” 

“Exactly,” Nabiki agreed. “I have mountains of work ahead of me, every day, until my arms and legs refuse to obey.” 

“You always told us you have no talent for the Art!” Akane was indignant. 

“For the family one, true,” Nabiki replied, nonplussed. “But this one, I feel it calling to me.” 

“The dance of a little shark,” Shantae quiped. 

“Ouch, sensei!” Nabiki stumbled away in mock shock. “You are as always very insightful!” 

“Why?” Akane couldn't understand. “What is in it for you? Learning a whole school?” 

“Why? It's _fun_!” Nabiki smirked, flexing her shoulders, then winced. “And for the profit, of course. Ouch.” 

“You were always afraid of pain,” Akane said, much quieter. 

“You misunderstood something, Little Sis,” Nabiki replied seriously, looking her in the eyes. “It's not question of aversion, it's the _principle_ of things. My credo is `if you feel pain it means you either played dumb somewhere of slacked in your training to dodge`.” 

“Or you were unlucky to get in the way of an invading horde,” Shantae corrected. “Though, in my case this is more true for the hordes themselves.” 

“I wish I could see your world,” Nabiki said dreamily, overtaken by unhealthy curiosity. She then asked a question no one had thought to ask till now, by some reason: “By the way, how did you end in our world?” 

“Mmmm...” The pointy-eared girl fell silent, deep in thought for a considerable while. She was emitting occasional grunts. Finally she admitted in a too casual voice: “I can't remember.” 

“You can't?” Akane was shocked. 

“Well, what do you remember then?” Nabiki wasn't giving up, her curiosity piqued. “You were chasing Happousai, right? What was before that?” 

“Mmm... I was chasing happousai who snatched the lamp... How did he do that? It should be on the bottom of the sea, no one knows exactly where, and the sea is big.” 

“On the bottom of the sea?” Akane asked. 

“Well, we had threw it into the sea,” Shantae explained like it was obvious. “But that was a long time ago, half a year or more.” 

“All right,” Nabiki continued. “Here you are, chasing Happousai who has the lamp which isn't on the sea floor somehow. And before that...? What do you remember before the chase?” 

The half-Genie fell silent again, deep in thought. Finally she said: “Before that, there's a hole. Like when you go to sleep, then wake up. You can remember yourself going to sleep, then remember yourself awake. But the moment of falling asleep itself... It's similar here. Before that... I brought Uncle the iron slab. He spent half day forging the wheel while I was cleaning the fields of monsters who had encroached since last time. Then we all got together, put the hamster in the finished dynamo, Dooky began running, all this machinery began spinning... Mmm... Then I was chasing Happousai knowing somehow he had the lamp.” 

Nabiki was going to ask more probing questions, but discussing such serious topics as suspiciously selective amnesia...? In this house...? 

“My belowed Shampoo!” Mousse proclaimed as he squished Shantae in a strong hug. She let out an indignant squawk. 

“Hey, Mousse, you kinda grabbed the wrong gal,” Ranma gave friendly advice from the roof. 

Shantae made a tricky squirming motion pulling free to immediately put her foot against the blind guy's jaw, thus preventing any further grabbing: “Keep your hands to yourself!” 

“What a dexterous move to free yourself,” Nabiki buttered up. “Mousse, I would advice you to return your glasses to your nose.” 

“Ah, just a skill of my trade,” the half-Genie demurred. 

Mousse followed the advice, squinted at Shantae, then declared accusingly: “You are not Shampoo!” 

“Eeh?” She was taken aback. 

“Meet Mousse,” Nabiki introduced him. “Shampoo's suitor who couldn't tell his love from a phone booth without his glasses but stubbornly keeps them on his forehead.” 

“What did you do to Shampoo!” the white-robed guy demanded. “Where is she?” 

“Um, I have no idea?” the dancer supplied, puzzled. “She promised to come for a rematch, but never showed up.” 

“Hold your horses, water-fowl!” Ranma added. “She hadn't been here today! Go find her yourself!” 

“Just you wait!” Mousse promised menacingly. “If you did something to her!” He then left by leaping over the fence. 

“A huge jerk, I warned ya,” Ranma added from the roof. 

“What have you meant by `skill of your trade`?” Nabiki asked, curious. “A Guardian Genie technique?” 

“Naw, naw,” Shantae corrected. “I'm taking occasional side jobs dancing at the dance parlour. You wouldn't believe how many fans get irretention of hands after a good dance!” 

“Oooh, I see.” Nabiki said, her eyes half-lidded. 

Akane shivered remembering the morning hordes of the last year, before Ranma appeared and chased them away. If anyone had irretention of hands, it was them for sure. 

At this moment Kasumi called everyone to supper. Somehow, the half-Genie's mysterious past never came up after that. 

After the supper it was the fathers' turn to be volunteered, their plans for a quiet evening on the veranda dashed. Akane bursting with enthusiasm proved to be irresistible force. 

Shantae changed into gi but left her hair in the combat do. Kasumi achieved the impossible by convincing her that gi and without a bra were mutually exclusive. 

They continued like yesterday, taking turns. Shantae was attacking exactly as she did yesterday, Akane was growing accustomed to her moves. But the defense of the half-Genie girl was based today on her newly invented technique of grabbing and throwing with her hair. For Akane this sparring turned into an endless row of desperate dodges and landings from forced tumble. But she was simply glad of being pounded at her weak spot: her defense! 

Akane wasn't trying to vary her moves, concentrating on performing them faster and incorporating dodges smoother. She was becoming not half bad at rolling and tumbling. 

They had this fun for several hours until the two girls could barely stand. They limped out of the dojo hurting all over but very satisfied. After returning from the bath, both accreted in front of the TV, Shantae wearing her now usual black garb while Akane was dressed in blouse and shorts. 

Shampoo came after the diner to observe thoroughly exhausted Shantae with sceptical eye. 

The dark skinned girl apologized for not being able and stuff. 

“Great-grandmother says,” the Chinese girl dictated, “If she trains herself into the ground again, tell her to come tomorrow before sunrise.” 

“Errr, all right,” Shantae agreed. “I am beginning to look undependable, what with promising to come myself. That was two days ago. Tell her I will definitely come!” 

Nodding in agreement Shampoo left peacefully. 

The Sunday come to an end. 

“Would we be training tomorrow?” Shantae asked looking into sunset sky, her eyes refusing to stay open. 

“No, it's a school day tomorrow,” Akane disappointed her. 

“You are going to school...? Working there?” 

“We are studying there!” 

“How studying?” Shantae was surprised. “But you are... Until what age are you people learning here?” 

“Well, we have a year and a bit more left, til we turn eighteen.” 

“Wow! You can learn a lot of things! So, every one of you is a scholar?” 

“Scholar...?” Akane began counting on her fingers. “Calculus, physics, chemistry, literature, home economics, English, history—” 

“Wait,” Shantae interrupted her. “That one... repeat it please, `eng-lish`?” 

“English,” Akane repeated, puzzled. 

“I got double hearing,” Shantae explained squeezing her eyes shut and massaging her temples. “I hear both `eigo` and `old world language` at the same time.” 

“Old world? Did your people come to your world from another one?” 

“Weeell, it seems our world was rich like yours long time ago,” the half-Genie girl explained with some doubt. “And then it went kaput, somehow. So now everything new is thoroughly forgotten old that relic hunters scrounge from ancient ruins. And Eng..lish was the language of that old world. There are lots of words and ever whole sayings left from it, take my spells for example, but the language itself is dead. If they find an ancient text written in it, oooh. The scholars would dechipher it for three years, squabbling and tearing at each other's beards!” 

“Let me wish for you to know it!” Akane suggested. 

“Won't work,” Shantae declined sharply. “Fulfilling wishes doesn't work for yourself, it worked that time only because you sister was worrying from the depth of her heart for you all while I knew how dangerous the lamp was. Well, also because I am half-human.” 

“Can't cheat?” Akane asked already knowing the answer. 

“Can't cheat. It simply is that way. I can feel that.” 

“What do we do.” Akane was sincerely chagrined. 

“I can live knowing two,” Shantae reassured her. 

“I know!” Akane got an idea. “We'll sneak you into the school! We just have to disguise you.” 

Shantae found the idea of disguise fascinating. After that the two BFFs dragged themselves to the bath while still able to keep their ayes open. Naturally, they fell asleep in the bath until Kasumi pulled them out by their ears. What else could she do, they weren't waking up.


	6. Lively Monday Morning is Just Plain Wrong

The sky was growing lighter. 

Early dawn silence was pierced by annoying trill of an alarm clock. Then a dull clatter of falling alarm clock. Then there was silence again. 

Ranma who slept lightly had already finished dressing when a scream of terror sounded from a nearby room. The pig-tailed martial artist was going to fling open the door with the duck plate with Latin “AKANE” on it when he heard hushed voices. Discering half-Genie's “..eamt again that burning sky was falling towards me..” he trudged downstairs to the exit. Whatever suspicious stuff was happening with their guest, with recurring nightmares and selective amnesia, now was not the time to barge in. He just hoped her “friends”, rivals and whoever else she gathered along the road of life won't start popping out of woodworks. 

A couple minutes later two yawning girls skipped down the stairs. Akane was dressed for morning jog, in short shorts and sleeveless sports shirt. Shantae wore the same ensemble of Ranma's black pants and black sleeveless sports shirt with white “harpy” on the chest. Well, at least someone succeeded in convincing her to wear bras. 

“Morning!” Akane greeted him. “What are _you_ doing here? Decided to tail us, m?” 

“First, I'm curious too,” the pig-tailed martial artist started counting. “Second, if a rumble starts, with you there and me not, the old man Tendou would eat me alive. There is a beast wakening in him!” 

“You mean, a protective father?” Akane quiped. 

“Same thing.” Ranma waved dismissively making Akane snort with suppressed laugh. 

“So this is where you keep your shoes!” Shantae realized seeing Akane don running shoes in the rectangle of lowered floor at the doors. She put her pointy shoes on as well, dropping them out of her subspace pocket. Red shoes were clashing with her black clothing. 

“How do you think, would we make it back for breakfast?” Ranma inquired, donning his kung-fu slippers as well. 

“Mmm... Probably! There'is not much to do, figure things out then snap my fingers!” 

“Heh, so simple to the outside observer.” He smirked. 

“Would you help me again with the log?” Shantae asked with some degree of hope. 

“No, we go to school right after the breakfast. You'll stay here with Kasumi and the fathers.” 

“She comes with us!” Akane surprised him. “Yesterday we figured a way for Shantae to get into the school with us, using my spare uniform as disguise!” 

“I'm so curious!” the half-Genie girl added. 

“Have she warned you about the principal?” Ranma asked. 

“The principal?” Shantae echoed. 

“Oops.” Akane squinted, shrinking in realization. “Oops!” 

“I bet he'd have another relapse,” Ranma continued, “as soon as you show up.” 

“Relapse?” the pointy eared girl asked warily. 

“He's a harmless psycho usually,” Ranma explained, “but one of his quirks is trying to give all students the same standard haircut. A buzz-cut for boys while the girls—” 

“Better a buzz-cut than such a horror!” Akane injected. 

“Eep.” Shantae brought her ponytail over her shoulder to hug it protectively with both arms. 

“His main weapon are hand shears,” Ranma continued, mimicing the moves with his hands. “He dual-wields them with such swiftness that one lapse in attention and you're done for. For distraction he throws exploding pineapples or sicks something wild from the jungle, like trained attack lobsters.” 

“It's like hoplobster magic, right?” Shantae asked. “Well, when a magical kinda-lobster is flying up from a hole in the ground time and again, and when they forget to remove it, it keeps flying long after the castle itself had crumbled into ruin, right?” 

“Uh, no, we meant living ones,” Akane corrected her. 

“That's not the point!” Ranma exclaimed. “What's important, he'll get overexcited as soon as he sees Shantae! He will jump her to cut her hair! Unexpectedly, without any warning!” 

“Eep.” Shantae hugged her ponytail tighter. 

“That was a.. bad idea,” Akane said in meek, self-recriminating voice as she realized the depth of pit trap she almost led her best friend to, due to pure inattention. 

“Hmm...” Shantae drawled. “Or a very good one, as hard awareness training. I... decided long ago that if... something happens to my hair, that won't stop me. If devious enemies shave me, or I just get unlucky to catch an incendiary pot with my head... I won't even stop. I'll take the _basaluk_ to continue fighting as a human!” She pulled a big spiky ball on a chain from her subspace pocket and dangled it from side to side with determined look. 

“You... So far...?” Akane gasped. “I can't...” She fell into shocked silence. 

“What sort of enemy was there,” Ranma thought, “that made her want to be stronger so desperately? It's obvious that this is not her. She is... Airy, flighty and cheerful. But training that hard, like breaking a wall with your head, it more suits Ryouga... Those nightmares too... Pity I wasn't there to... talk with whoever he was.” 

Akane, judging by her expression, was thinking along similar lines. 

“Come on, why are you so gloomy all of a sudden?” Shantae tried cheering them up as she put the iron ball away. “Let's go already.” 

Nabiki descended the stairs, also dressed for morning jog. Uncharacteristically awake as she was swallowing something from a mug, her face stony. Unsurprising: yesterdays cold coffee is quite disgusting stuff. 

“I hope,” Akane bristled, “you aren't going to tag along as well?” 

“Why, can't I just jog together with my Little Sis?” the mercenary girl said in mock surprise. 

“We won't wait for you!” the youngest sister replied combatively but then P-chan popped from somewhere and she mellowed immediately. The piglet was taken with them. 

Four people jogged out of the house. Beyond the first turn they stumbled into Ryouga who should, in theory, have been still sleeping in the storage closet. 

Akane said “I'll show you the way!” as she dashed full speed ahead. 

The guys shrugged and followed her. 

Nabiki pushed herself, going all out to keep even with her sister. Ranma suspected the mercenary girl sometimes subconsciously used Ki-reinforcement. Spirit of curiosity in this particular case. Not to mention she simply liked running. 

Although, the not particularly handy piglet probably served as a good handicap. 

Against all expectations it was Shantae who began falling behind. Her running speed proved quite unremarkable for someone so good at jumping. A quick belly dance corrected that, the monkey caught up with Akane quickly. Despite her short paws she was running faster than the human form. Probably because her gait was a cross between small leaps and springy gallop. 

“Hey, you got a prehensile tail!” Ranma noticed for the first time. 

The monkey chirped inquiringly looking at him. She held her tail curled up and forward in a half-spiral. The last third of it was pink, hairless. 

“Well, its end is bald - it's for grabbing better, right?” 

She chirped something cheerfully affirmative as she flexed her tail in some abstract zigzag during her next leap. 

“And it is so long,” Akane added, so curious she forgot her intention of outrunning her sister. 

“It's a... New... World... primate...” Nabiki caught up with them, huffing. 

The monkey let out a puzzled squeak looking up at her. 

“The species, similar to... your monkey form... live only on the other... side of the planet,” Nabiki explained. 

“Yeah, our monkeys got short tails,” Ranma agreed. “Wait, you mastered grabbing with your hair so fast because you're used to grabbing with your tail...? Why haven't you invented that technique by yourself?” 

The monkey replied with a short, frustrated “Ki!”. It seems she was asking that question herself and not finding an answer. 

They then crossed paths with a yawning Ukyou carrying a box of cabbage. She immediately ran after them on general principle despite the box being unwieldy and well over thirty kilograms. 

Akane snorted increasing her pace. 

Ranma was expecting Mousse to pops out of somewhere any moment sparking a brawl as merciless as it would be meaningless. But they reached their destination without further interruptions. 

Shantae transformed back into herself piquing Ukyou's curiosity somehow fierce. 

“As one should have expected,” Cologne said flatly as she observed the crowd of people who invited themselves along the half-Genie. “Well, you can come in. Just sit quietly and don't interfere.” 

Mousse was still nowhere in sight, either sleeping or away on some errand to safeguard the event from his blind stupidity. Shampoo slid the doors shut and locked them after the company entered. She was already in her waitress uniform: a colorful knee-length dress with a white apron. 

“So, everyone sat down?” Cologne began commanding. “Now stand up and sit further away... No, even further, at the walls. And try not to look at the cursed item too intently. Watch it from a corner of your eye if you can. It shouldn't affect you at this distance but the vile thing is _attractive_. Believe me, there are magical items yo'd better treat like a live cobra.” 

“That's _rich_ from someone who played with a lifelong pill of love at the first sight!” Ranma couldn't help quiping. 

“Huh?” the old lady said in mock surprise. “You meant the week-long one...?” She cackled archly. “Lifelong, ka-ka-ka... You should have seen your faces!” 

“What pill?” Shantae asked in puzzlement. 

“It's youkai-baba's way of having fun,” Ranma explained. “She lets her granddaughter see some sorcerous trinket or other, waits for the girl or Mousse to snatch it then watches us shoveling at the pile of resulting problems. Like a free circus show, yeah.” 

“Ka-ka-ka. But that way is more fun than reading boring lectures about the dangers of magical items, no?” 

“Great-grandmother teach us that way?” Shampoo just got it. 

“Why teach?” the old lady corrected her archly. “When you are more than capable of burning yourselves? Nothing beats hands-on experience!” 

Waiting until the youngsters stopped grumbling, Cologne hopped to the center of the hall to address Shantae: “Are you ready?” 

“Yes!” the girl replied decisively. 

“Are you sure you don't want payment?” 

“Yes.” Shantae paused, searching for the right words. “I do not know why, but taking payment for fulfilling a wish... It feels wrong. I make a living as Guardian Genie, but this is... different.” 

“I understand,” Cologne reassured her. “It's always better to trust such feelings.” 

“Right!” Shantae's confidence returned. “Pull it out, let's see what sort of evil it is.” 

Cologne pulled an elaborate pendant on a fancy chain from her sleeve. Shantae gasped stumbling away as from a strong gust of wind. The other six young people shuddered. 

The pendant was _entrancing_. It was glinting and glittering and attracting your eyes like a magnet dipped in honey. The central big jewel was twinkling promisingly — and yet, after averting your eyes you could not tell what sort of jewel it was or even what color. 

Forewarned, they met this visual Siren's song with just shudders, averting their eyes forcibly. 

“I... ungh... Put it away for now...” Shantae was feeling unwell. 

Cologne put the ensorcering thing away and everyone sighed with relief. 

“Such concentated evil!” Shantae said recovering from shock. “Even all twenty parts of dark magic were just a slight stench compared to this.” 

“But can you make it cease to be?” Cologne asked. 

“Mmm... Yes, I can!” the half-Genie girl said confidently. “There are only three things required: five minutes for me to concentrate, an empty space two fathoms wide and that someone wishes from the depth of their heart for the magic of this thing to... mmm... unravel reverting to the neutral natural form...?” She frowned looking like she was listening to something. “Yes, for it to scatter becoming a part of the world. It is kind of... wrong?” The girl fell silent failing to find words to describe the indescribable magical sense in limited human tongue. 

“Unnaturally twisted?” Cologne sugested. 

“Yeah, right!” Shantae snapped her fingers. “It feels like a part of nature twisted into a wrong, unnatural knot that shouldn't be! If you wish head-on for the thing, or the knot itself, to disappear, it would surely return someday. But if you wish for it to unravel...” 

“Have one question,” Shampoo piped in. “How much are two fathoms?” 

“Well...” Shantae was thrown off the loop with a sudden unfamiliar task. “It's from here,” she poined with her hand, then walked several steps maneuvering between the tables, “to about here.” 

“Some four meters,” Ranma concluded. “We will move the tables, all right?” 

“Go on,” Cologne approved. 

They quickly moved the tables aside freeing a circle of floor. 

Shantae walked out to its center, nodded in acceptance then sat down cross-legged. 

“I'm ready!” she proclaimed in heavily accented English, for some reason. “Umm, and if you can hang that thing on something up, right about here...” She pointed with her hand in front of her face. 

“All right.” Cologne jumped down from her stick, walked forward then pulled the cursed piece of jewelry out to hold it on the end of her stick stretched towards Shantae. 

The pointy eared girl shuddered. Then she closed her eyes, concentrating. 

The vile magical thing was still attracting. But it was swaying now, glittering in an entrancing rhythm like a snake hypnotizing its prey. 

Nabiki's pupils shrank into dots. 

Akane was glaring at the thing with stubborn anger. 

Shampoo looked like she was having some terrifying epiphany. 

“I want to puke,” Ukyou whispered shielding herself with her giant spatula. 

“Be... free... of the pig?” Ryouga succumbed, his arm reaching forward. 

And then Shantae snapped her fingers, loud as thunder. 

A wave of white light washed the haze of compulsion away. The pendant grew dull in an instant, losing its treacherous shine, turning into a cheap piece of crudely fashioned jewelry. The chain tore with a quiet plink, the rounded trinket clanked on the floor, falling apart, losing fake glass jewels with lacquer flaking off them. 

“Finally. It is d—” Cologne began with relief but she then saw Shantae still going strong. “Stop! Stop! Enough, girl, you already did—” 

“I can't... leave it like this!” the half-Genie squeezed out without opening her eyes. “I know! I feel it! Aha, I see her!” She tensed, beginning to glow. Everyone present possessing even modicum of self-preservation dove for cover. Cologne rushed forward to stop her. “HAAAAAAAAAAH!!!” the walls trembled from Shantae's shout, her aura blazing like a snow-white bonfire. “Come ooooon...!” Ghostly contours of a female figure appeared in the air. Waves of white light were rolling off the cross-legged girl shaking the cafe and throwing Cologne away time and again. The white glow flowed around everyone present surrounding them with brilliant outlines easily visible through tables and, in Ukyou's case, through her giant spatula. 

Then Genie's eyes flung open, shining pure white, and the world was consumed by light. 

* * *

“Gung-ho youngsters at their finest,” Cologne concluded as she lifted herself off the floor to take a look around. There was no trace of her great-granddaughter, nor her husband — ha! — teasing whom with the title of “Son-in-Law” is so much fun. In fact none of their gang was around. On contrary, there was a lavender-haired amazon in traditional clothing lying out cold in the center of the empty hall: all tables were piled along the walls. 

“That girl got muuuch more magical might than common sense...” The old lady jumped up to her stick. “I wonder where they got swept away to...? But that's their adventure, it is for them to deal with it. I will have my hands full with this... grabber of things she shouldn't. Who could have thought? Such a troublesome turn from such pure heart...” 

The old lady hopped up to the prone girl to poke at her with her stick. While staying in the air. 

“Hey, Shao Pu, wake up!” 

“Huh? What? Where?” she jumped up. “Elder ummm...?” 

“So here `ummm`,” Cologne grumbled good-naturedly as she dangled the battered pendant on broken chain in front of her. “Do you recognize this trinket? We snuck in there to get it despite Lao Hun having strictly forbidden us.” 

“We?” the lavender-haired girl asked uncomprehendingly. “Huh?” 

“Well, it took me _a while_ to find a way of freeing you. Genies are hard to come by, you know, even such young and green ones with overabundance of heroic urges.” 

“Genies...?” The girl could pose as a model for fish out of water. “A while...?” 

“Have the Elder warned us that this thing can steal one's soul...? She have. Did we listen to her? Nooo, we were the smartest warriors around, we had already grew tits...! And I... ” She sniffed wiping a tear with a napkin. “And I brought flowers to your mound for almost three hundred years after.” 

“What...” a dawning realization reflected on the girl's features. 

“I don't know how she managed this, Genies have no power over life or death. Probably found a loophole in you not being technically dead as your soul was locked in this vile thing...” Cologne threw the pendant at the wall making it shatter. “I only asked her to free your soul so that it could continue the cycle of reincarnation. But she returned you alive. Stupid, boundless power of the youth...” 

“My soul...?” the girl was beginning to get it. “Oh... Oh!” 

“Right, you always were quick thinker, Sis. If only your danger sense was half as good!” 

“K.. Khu Long...?” the girl gasped. 

“What Khu Long?” the old woman cackled good-naturedly. “It's three hundred seventeen years as I am called Khu Long. Better help me restore my cafe to order. We have to open soon but the cute waitress is gone to parts unknown... Ah! How is your Japanese? I can't remember in my old age.” 

“Huh...?” 

“Why are you standing there with eyes like saucers. Yes, this is my cafe... Eatery, in other words, in a quiet corner of the Japanese capital. And no, this isn't Kyoto, it's a new one they built just a century ago.” 

“What...?” 

“What am I doing here? Airing my great-granddaughter. I mean, I was airing her until she got spirited away. I wonder when will she return? Or would she return at all...? Well, enough sitting around. We can talk while we work.”


	7. Wishsplosion Fallout

A pile of bodies was groaning, twitching, on the stone floor of a tiny dark room. The only light was coming from pre-dawn sky criss-crossed by the frame of a circular window. Violet sparks swarming in the air like a cloud of carrion flies weren't illuminating anything. 

Nabiki was the first one to stir. She crawled on her shaky hands to the nearest wall to sit up leaning on it. Her feet were still touching the pile of bodies: this circular room was barely three meters in diameter. 

“I suppose,” the middle Tendou hissed, wincing each time a violet spark dove into her head, “this answers my unhealthy curiosity which I had no chance to satisfy: Could I lose my cool because of pain?” She rubbed her temples knocking her hat onto the back of her head. 

“Nmnghh,” Shantae groaned, draped awkwardly over one of two posts of a hammock-like bed. “Sleechadoo...” 

The next one to come provisionally awake was Ranma, trying awkwardly to get from under entangled Ukyou, Shampoo and Akane. He wasn't having success. 

“Ow, it hurts so much,” Akane breathed out trying unsuccessfully to disentangle herself from the other two fiancees. “Like nails hammered into my head.” 

“Mmph-mmph,” Shantae moaned, twitching. Neither her hands nor feet were reaching the floor. 

“The ah..answer, it, turns out, is a resounding no,” Nabiki grit out, rising up on shaky legs even as it evidently caused a new pang of migraine. “Not even like this? I wond—” She hit a circular beam running along the ceiling and almost fell, hands grasping, blinded by pain. “Ng..Not even this...? It's always nice to know you'd stay aware through even most grievous harm. Isn't that hilarious.” There was not a gram of humor in her voice. Stumbling like drunk she walked up to the window. She had to lean down to look outside, which made her freeze for a moment, blinded by screws twisting into her brain. “I can barely see, it's too dark.” She slowly, carefully turned around to face Ranma lying on his back, his legs buried under the pile of fiancees. “My pupils are probably like tiny dots.” 

“Beware of the hole,” he hissed in reply. “To the left of you.” 

Nabiki turned her uncooperative eyes there to see a circular hole in the floor she just barely avoided. There was a rope hanging into it from the darkness-enshrouded ceiling. 

“So that's why there is no door,” Nabiki commented as she hobbled towards the bed, stepping around the pile of girls and stepping over Ranma with difficulty. Reaching her goal she grabbed Shantae by her hand to begin tugging, wincing each time she exerted herself. Finally she managed to dislodge the half-Genie girl from the post — it was a good thing it was crowned with a big round ball. The dancer flopped onto the hammock with her belly, hanging across it precariously for a moment before toppling head-first onto the stone floor wit a dull thud. Her legs followed pushing Nabiki into the wall. The middle Tendou clonked her head against the ceiling beam again and barely managed to turn her fall into controlled sliding down the wall. 

“Don't push yourself,” Ranma advised. “Wait until it passes.” 

The violet sparks kept diving into the heads but there were noticeably less of them. 

“I was curious,” Nabiki replied sitting there, leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. “I just jumped at the occasion.” 

“What happened?” Akane asked plaintively, ceasing her struggles to avoid further pangs. “Where are we?” 

“What happened...?” Nabiki replied acidly without opening her eyes. “We just gathered around an inexperienced, half-educated Genie doing her strongest mojo. What, I wounder, would have went wrong...? well, except throwing us all into a different reality or, say, into the Sengoku Jidai era...? How could it be? Everything was supposed to go without a hitch!” 

“Big Sis Nabiki,” Akane moaned. “Please... I beg you, explain it in simple words for the brain-addled. It hurts.” 

“Meh...” Nabiki let out an irritated breath, then explained, massaging her temples: “What is wrong with us? The learn-a-new-language-in-a-minute magic. Remember how pained Shantae was when she learned to speak Japanese? Endure it for fifteen minutes or so and the pain will pass. Where are we? Probably in deep shit. We got spirited away, Little Sis. There is sea outside, with small islands. I can't say more, my vision was blurry. Over our heads...” She lifted her head opening her eyes. “Are clotheslines with pantaloons and—” She fell silent abruptly. “Now I _know_ we are in deep shit. Because beside pantaloons there are two pairs of _suspiciously familiar_ red pants.” 

“So what?” Akane moaned in the voice of someone suffering. “Talk simple, all right...?” 

“ _Where_ would you expect to find a clothesline with Shantae's spare pants?” Nabiki hinted in an exaggeratedly nice voice. 

“At Shantae's... home...” Akane realized. 

“Welcome,” the half-Genie mumbled trying to move. Her words carried weird doubling overtones, inducing new pangs of headache. 

“Well, we're all alive,” Ranma declared with optimism. “And healthy, except the headache that should pass soon... Shantae, are you all right?” 

“Weakness...” the dark-complexioned girl groaned. “Give me the purple vial. It's there, on the table...” 

Wincing — was the pain receding already? — Nabiki reached for a round, low table that could've been called coffee table if it wasn't so ridiculously massive. She passed their host a round crystal vial with a thin neck, it was the only one among many vials and bottles on the table that looked remotely purple. 

Shantae took it with her barely moving hands, pulled the stopper out with her teeth and uppended it into her mouth. Her eyes bulged. Then filled with tears. She was whimpering but stubbornly gulping the potion down. Finally she lowered the vial, sat straighter and replaced the stopper. And then she let out a shuddering breath of very real flame, singing the hammock net. 

“Umm, are you sure you're all right?” Ranma grew worried. 

“No, but now I can at least move,” Shantae replied honestly, standing up with a groan. Then, looking at Akane, she gave a warning for her personally: “Remember the healing potion...? Well, don't even _think_ of drinking this one unless you are a powerful mage. Not only it restores health, but also mana, over the top. I just drank three times more than you need to spring up from being almost dead...” 

“Why so much?” Nabiki asked suspiciously. “What is wrong with you if even a triple doze haven't healed you fully?” 

“I think I over-strained my Genie half,” Shantae explained. “I'm unhurt and bursting with mana, but... Yeah, I think I won't be able to transform for a long while, and forget granting wishes. Well, at least we are at my place and not in the middle of the swamps where zombies are crawling from under every bump.” 

“Zombies?” Ukyou moaned from the fiancee pile. “Ran-cha, what trouble have I got into?” 

“Don't you have them in your world?” Shantae was surprized. “I thought you simply don't let them into cities.” She edged towards the window stepping over legs and bodies. “Yeah, here it is, Scuttle Town, right where it should be and looking whole. I'm definitely back home.” 

“It could have been not whole?” Ranma inquired warily. 

“Well, if it was on fire it would've meant I had to run repel the invasion,” Shantae explained in inappropriately airy tone. “And Mayor Scuttlebutt could've fired me again for chasing pirates away too late.” She sighed. “Why does it always become apparent only after half the town is already in flames and monsters are running rampant?” 

No one of the Nerimans had a reply to that. 

“Half the comic books are missing,” their host began taking stock of her inventory, glaring suspiciously at the only bookshelf, a massive, rough board. “My Silk Hair Creme is missing... Fell behind?” She peeked beyond the table. “No. And—” She bumped her head against a large dangling construct of many frames and nick-knaks hanging on threads, from sea shells to tinfoil stars. “And where is my lucky sprocket...? I remember it clearly as I hung it place of this sea shell here...! Was Rotty poking around my home again? I'll show her...” 

The headache was receding, the dawn beyond the window was growing brighter. The Nerimans could now see that the ceiling in the room was cone-shaped, supported by many sloped beams resting on the thick ring beam, curving sharply into a dark depression in the center. Obviously they were in a tower with a cone-shaped roof that had a protrusion at the top. 

“Do you live in a tower?” Ranma asked, curious. 

“Yeah, it was a lighthouse long time ago,” Shantae replied distractedly, looking around for anything else missing. Lifting her eyes towards the ceiling she frowned even more: “Two pairs...?” She pulled her red pants from her subspace pocket, the pair she hadn't chance to wear since washing as she still wore Ranma's black silk pants. “Now I have _three_ pairs of hakama...? I'm completely stumped!” 

“I would be quite grateful if some of the present company been so kind to stop lying on me,” Shampoo injected. 

“Huh?” Ukyou shook off her stupor. “Let's get free... Err, just move your arm, I need—” 

“That is my leg,” Akane clarified. “Whoa... How did we end entangled into such a knot?” 

Coordinating their effort, the three fiancees managed to untangle from each other. 

“I'm much obliged,” Shampoo quiped. “I have no idea how would I fare without your expeditious help.” 

“Easy there, sugar,” Ukyou snubbed her. “I ain't too fond of you too, you know.” 

“I am merely glad I can speak like a normal, civilized human being,” the amazon bit back. “And be understood by everyone!” 

“Of course!” Nabiki snapped her fingers. “You got a whole new language crammed into your head by magic! How is it called, by the way?” 

“Oyghul... I think,” Shantae replied. “I never thought of it, I thought of it as simply human speech.” 

“Hey, I'm still sitting on someone!” Ukyou exclaimed in alarm. 

“Bu-kiii,” P-chain let out a strangled oink. 

“Oh, poor Ryo—” Ranma made scary eyes at her making Ukyou remember and shut herself up. “Are you all right there, sugar?” She carefully rolled off the piglet. 

“P-suke?” Ranma asked carefully, trying to tell if there was intellect behind the pig eyes. 

“Bu-kiiiii!!!” the enraged piglet leaped aiming to bite him in the arm. 

“Yeah, I see that you are _P-suke_.” Ranma said fending off his pounces. 

“Ranma!” Akane berated habitually, without thinking. “Come here, P-chan...” 

Oinking victoriously, the piglet jumped into her lap to lie there, being petted. 

Ranma felt a dreadful suspicion but he couldn't voice it because, frustratingly, Shantae was convinced that P-chan was a separate youkai and not Ryouga's curse. He had to find a roundabout way to check. Noticing a jug on the low table he grabbed it, sniffed the contents, then asked Shantae for good measure: “It's water in here, right?” 

“Yes, why?” she said, surprised. 

Instead of replying, Ranma upended the jug over huis head. 

The suspicion proved true. 

“Shantae, where is the lamp?” girl Ranma asked severely, shaking water from her soaked red hair. 

“It's in my—” The half-Genie girl gasped, paling. “It's not there... It's gone. And if the magic is back...” 

“Then where is Happousai now?” Ranma finished. 

“Maybe the wish haven't affected the lamp” Akane suggested with timid hope. “And it simply stayed back home?” 

“But _what_ sort of wish was it?” Nabiki raised a question as she took her fedora off spinning it on her index finger. “I, for one, clearly remember being dressed in sports shirt and shorts. While I have no memories of having an Indiana Jones costume in my wardrobe...” She grasped around her belt. “With even the whip included. Let's first figure out what went wrong.” 

Everyone finally paid attention to the fact the middle Tendou was dressed is light beige shirt with ith sleeves rolled up, dark trousers of rough fabric and heavy shoes. That's not counting the fedora. 

“And you, Little Sis,” Nabiki added, “were definitely not dressed in your gi.” 

“I really am!” the other girl exclaimed in surprise as she realized she was dressed in her yellowish-greenish off-white gi. “But it should be in the laundry now!” There were wooden sandals on her feet. 

They all started checking themselves but there were no more outfit changes. Shampoo was still in her waitress dress with apron. Ukyou was still in her working clothes of black tights and blue robe with its sleeves bunched up wit white ties. Ranma was holding her kung-fu slippers, several sizes too big for her girl form. 

Other than that, they found a box a cabbage and Ukyou's battle spatula lying to the side at the wall. 

“What sort of tricky sorcery it was,” the `cute` fiancee wondered aloud, puzzled, as she grabbed her weapon slash tool. “I'm glad the spatula is with me, though.” She shot a brief glance at Shampoo who arrived unarmed. The latter noticed it and snorted self-confidently. 

“Let's get this in order,” Nabiki said putting the hat onto her head. “Shantae broke the curse and destroyed the pendant, right?” 

Everyone nodded in agreement. 

“She then tried pulling something else off, with so much oomph we all started sparkling. I clearly remember seeing Ukyou-kun through her spatula.” 

“There was also a girl's outline appearing in the air,” Ranma added. “Wait, could it be that amazon whose soul—” 

“But the Genies have no power over life and death, right?” Shampoo asked with trepidation. 

“Over _souls_ ,” Shantae corrected. “You can't wish someone back to life because trying to return the soul with Genie magic is like scooping water with a butterfly net. But her soul was right there, at arm's reach... Well, I couldn't help myself.” 

“Yeah, the mojo was so mighty it dragged us along for the ride,” Ranma agreed. “I just dont understand, why. I don't remember saying any wishes.” 

“Weeell...” the Genie girl interwove her fingers sheepishly. “I think I understand now how it works. My magic, it's Light and it fulfils a true wish coming from your heart... Well, so...” 

“Oooh, what a magnificient trap!” Nabiki face-palmed dramatically. “You don't have to say anything more, it is clear as day. Me, I was craving for adventures in the depth of my heart. Little Sis wanted to fight side to side with you. Ranma wished to protect her. These two... It's obvious. One after another, it wasn't just one wish, they cascaded like dominoes.” 

“Looks like it,” Ranma agreed. “But how did that affect the lamp?” 

“Well... I also wished for that accursed lamp to be gone,” Akane admited, shuffling from foot to foot sheepishly. “And that there wasn't all that pain it caused Shantae...” 

The mentioned girl gasped. Then she dashed to the rope to slide down into the darkness of the lower floors. A few seconds later there was a snap and stone floor lit with dim reddish light became visible beyond the round hole, only about three meters below. 

“I'm going,” Ranma said in a no-nonsense tone as she slid down after their host. “Hey, what's wrong? Why are you shaking...? Is that thing dangerous...?” 

After that Ukyou and Shampoo scrambled to follow her, jostling each other, Ukyou's spatula clanging loudly against the edge. 

“Big Sis Nabiki—” Akane began. 

“Just go,” she waved her concern aside. “I had enough practice climbing ropes during P.E.” 

Every girl in turn arrived in haste only to see Shantae staring at a large, ostrich-sized sky-blue egg with red polka dots. And everyone who arrived before staring at her in puzzlement. The half-Genie girl was looking at the egg with so much horror it felt like she was staring at her own death. 

Nabiki was the last one to slide down carefully. She took stock of her surroundings. It was a tiny kitchen, not much larger in diameter than the room above, lit by a kerosene lantern hanging from the ceiling. The walls were lined with cupboards and dressers with a few mugs, plates and other utensils on them. There was a construct of a huge cauldron and smaller woks hanging from the ceiling, swaying after someone of the fiances bumped their head against it. There was a huge brass bell the size of human head hanging above the round-topped door. Opposite the door there was a rounded oven built of rough stones, its massive iron smoke-pipe zig-zagging into the back wall. The egg was on the oven, nested in several blankets bunched up around it. 

A million dollar question: what was so scary about this egg? A monster could hatch? Unlikely, it looked more like Shantae was caring for the egg, placing it atop the oven that should have kept warmth since— Nabiki walked rapidly up to the oven and touched its side. It was barely but warm. Which meant... 

“We landed in your past, haven't we?” the middle Tendou stated. “A bad moment...? What should we be ready for?” 

The rest of the Nerima Wrecking Crew stared at her, realization dawning why their host was so afraid. It wasn't the egg she feared! 

“It's...” Shantae shook her stupor off. “It's a disaster! Today at noon Uncle will uncover the lamp's existence by mistake!” 

“But the sun isn't even up!” Ranma retorted. “We can warn him!” 

“And the Pirate Master _haven't awakened yet,_ ” Shantae added, her voice trembling. 

“That bad?” Ranma asked worriedly, not yet aware of the scale of the scimitar of Damocles hanging over their heads. 

“Last time all it took was my magic turned dark and scattered across the world. This time around... If Happousai had been scattered... He will rise from his grave much sooner!” 

“All right, let's go over this again from the begginning,” Nabiki butted in, wary of the conversation degenerating into a self-sustaining squabble. “Who is that master and why is he so fearsome?” 

“It's... He's... When...” Shantae, it seems, was at loss of words to convey how deep they were. 

“Start from who sent him to that grave,” Nabiki suggested. 

Shantae stopped trying to describe indescribable and sighed. “When I was... very little, I guess, all Genies gathered together to seal that monster. Because no one else could beat him. They had to sacrifice their bodily shells and pass away into the Genie realm. It wouldn't work otherwise, he is that dreadfully mighty. Since then there are no more Genies in the Sequin Land. Well, except me...” 

“How much is dreadfully?” Ranma asked her warily, mindful of beasts out there, like the recently encountered Orochi, you could only run away from, baiting them away from your comrades. You are lucky if there is an artifact around for dealing with that particular beast. 

“Dreadfully is when your skin crawls from one look at his true form,” Shantae explained grimly. “When the top of his hat is higher than the Sultana's palace even as he leaned down to better squash you. When sky turns pitch black from horizon to horizon at his approach and the land is swarmed with strong monsters. And you are standing before him knowing that you are the only one who can harm him because he is invincible against anything but the Light magic of the Genies. And you can only do it close and personal, with your hair.” 

Shampoo was going to say something but Nabiki forestalled her “Wait, you speak like you fought him before! Is that why you were so intimidated?” 

“We got very, very lucky that time with Ammo Baron's Palace Disruptor Cannon,” Shantae said. “Twitch and Vinegar were hitting the enemy straight in the eye. That could not harm him, but I had time to climb up across bones and correct his face while he was blinking it out.” 

“Across bones?” Ukyou asked, puzzled. 

“Palace Disruptor Cannon?” Akane asked incomprehendingly. 

“But what—” Ranma tried to ask. 

“All right, not everyone at once!” Nabiki interrupted them, gradually growing irritated because she had to take the role or the only sane woman instead of taunting them artfully from behind Ranma's wide back. 

“It was when Ammo Baron decided yet again to take over the world,” Shantae explained. “I have no idea why the thought his conquest had to start with demolishing the Sultana's palace, he just did. Got the mayor addicted to chocolate, took the town over and rebuilt Scuttle Town into Ammo Town. Made the retirement center into an artillery fort, the vile villain. Then he stuck a terrificaly long range supercannon on top of the tallest tower that could have leveled the palace in one shot. Thankfully, he didn't hit the palace, because he contracted Techno Baron to make one very important thingie for it. But Techno Baron subcontracted it to Bolo... Yeah, that's Bolo for you. He made it so upside down and inside out that instead of the palace the cannon hit Techno Baron himself who was taking a stroll near his lair on the Frostbite Island. Scarily long range!” 

“How large is the palace?” Shampoo asked. “Just for the scale.” 

Shantae fell silent for a minute, thinking. 

“About fifteen times higher than my lighthouse. And much thicker.” 

“And you brought such a monster down?” Ranma was impressed. “With your hair?” 

“Well, it's like picking at a watermelon with a tea spoon,” the half-Genie found an analogy. “With enough determination and patience you'd finish eating it. The watermelon isn't trying to squash you like a bug, though...” 

“If there's even a tiny chance,” Ukyou declared, “we should try offing such enemy before he crawled out!” 

“Even better would be preventing him from awakening altogether,” Shampoo added. “Also, shouldn't we continue this conversation outside? It's dark and stuffy in here and we are crowding like conspirators around a lone candle.” 

“Yeah, right!” Shantae made for the door but stopped so abruptly she had to wave her arms for balance. “No! I won't leave it this time!” She returned to the egg to begin fiddling with towels, making an underslung harness for carrying it. 

“What are you doing?” Ranma asked. 

“Well, I promised to sit it,” Shantae explained like it was obvious. She finally managed to nest the egg snugly on her belly. 

“Going to play a pregnant bird?” Shampoo couldn't help herself. 

“Yes...! No...! Idea...! Hold it.” She stuck the egg into Ranma's hands, jumped up and climbed the rope upstairs. 

“What's with her?” Akane grew worried. 

“Soon we will know.” The redhead shrugged. “Cluck-cluck.” She stuck the egg under her undershirt and crossed her arms over it with exaggerated self-importance. “Cluck.” 

Involuntary smiles banished the atmosphere of a gloomy, barely illuminated crypt. This was just kitchen, if utterly primeval one in Nabiki's opinion. 

Shantae clambered down with a bunch of several more towels and the ornate bed cover. Raising furious activity she wrapped her head in a weirdly elongated turban hiding her hair completely. Then she took the egg back, added more towels, wrapped the bed cover around herself and became quite unrecognizable. 

“An excellent disguise of a pregnant woman in a shawl,” Nabiki approved, one brow lifted. “But why? Is there a reason for it, or just for the fun of it?” 

“I was hinking,” Shantae explained as she tucked a tassel torn from the pillow roll under her turban so that it looked like a lock of chestnut hair. “What if Risky had already infiltrated the town in disguise? All her “ho-ho-ho, men, charge!” is really an act for the public. In truth she can make plans so cunning you can't help feeling awed. She could very well have already stolen the lamp yesterday, then planted it for Uncle to reveal it instead whatever he was going to, just to steal it again, making a racket in front of large crowd of witnesses...” 

“Revealed?” Akane was puzzled. “How does that work?” 

“Well, when there is a Relic Hunter Expo they crack some fossil open in front of public revealing the rarity inside,” Shantae explained heading for the door. “He will have cracked today something he thought was the most recent relic he obtained but turned out to be the lamp. Then Risky Boots crashed through the ceiling right on cue! And snatched the lamp!” Hefting a massive bar aside she flung the door open letting in the fresh sea air and the pink glow of dawn. “I lock the door against the mermaids. If you forget to, they can barge in at night and break all your tableware!” 

The five displaced girls and one not quite piglet made their first step under the sky of this new world. The lighthouse — its roof turned to be covered in scarlet tiles — was standing atop a grassy rock together with a couple palm trees. There was about ten meters down to the water, the rolling waves were of modest size, not oceanic. The surrounding sea was picturesque with many protruding rocks and islets. Some distance ahead there was rocky shore of the mainland covered in jungle, steep grassy rolling hills towering in the distance. The town was stretching to the left, its houses and towers the color of terracotta interrupted in places with sheer cliffs overgrown with weeds. Further to the left, white sails of fishing boats could be seen. The ubiquitous palm trees, the onion-shaped tower tops and fancy window shapes were giving it somewhat Arabian air. 

“I suspect the climate here is like Okinawa,” Ukyou concluded. “If not hotter.” 

“Let's go!” Shantae called them as she headed to a hanging bridge connecting this rock with a neighboring one. She then strolled across rotten planks without a care in the world, hopping merrily over yawning gaps. 

“Aaand, the adventure begins,” Nabiki stated with all the enthusiasm of a dead cactus.


	8. Good Morning, Scuttle Town!

> Author's note: the Nerimans are people of the 80s, unspoiled both by mobile phones and game consoles. The Tendou House belongs to those 70% families that do not possess a Famicom (aka NES). Of them all, only Ranma played a video game, once in his life, with that pretend-sick little boy. And it was a classical spaceship scroller. So don't be surprised when obvious parallels would go over their heads: nor the fiancees, neither Nabiki do even know what a video game is. While Ryouga... You're kidding, right?

* * *

The chain of suspension bridges was zig-zagging from rock to rock, its path dictated by convenience of attaching them. Some were in decent shape, only creaking lightly underfoot, others were thoroughly rotten, with barely one board of three remaining attached to sad, unraveling ropes. Akane put a brave facade, jumping over with proud look, but was squeezing P-chan tightly above deep water. Nabiki was playing it safe wherever there were piles of jagged rock below. Ukyou, Shampoo and Ranma weren't even paying attention, too taken with sightseeing, while Shantae was skipping without a care in the world, the route familiar to her like the back of her hand. She didn't even blink when another turn revealed a weird thing floating in the air, akin to a green totem pole with a frowning face on it.

“What sort of wonder is this?” Ukyou asked.

“Wonder?” Shantae stopped, looking around. “Where?”

“My unsophisticated rival was referring to that unidentified green object over there,” Shampoo clarified eagerly.

“Oh, that...” Shantae lost interest, disappointed. “It's a common flying stone. Any ruins have lots of them and dungeon bosses use them for traps and the like. This kind of magic is widely used, but it's useless for me.

The totem pole was floating slowly at steady height, repeating a route through three points as if it was drawing a five-meter triangle in the air.

“For how long would it keep floating like that?” Nabiki asked, intrigued.

“Until one of the fixing points falls off,” the half-Genie replied, already on her way. “If these points are deep in the rocks, It'll keep floating there for centuries until the sea wears the rocks down. Let's go!”

A couple of bridges later — the rough mainland shore was already close — a girlish giggling reached from beyond a bend. Shantae reacted to it with uncharacteristic irritation: “Why, you parasites!” She dashed forward, her face like she was about to teach a lesson to a naughty cat.

The Nerimans were hot on her heels.

Beyond the corner of the rock wall there was a wide flat terrace with three mermaids occupying it. Quite the eyesores, their top half was that of a green-skinned, red-haired girl while the bottom half resembled a purple fish with red flippers. All the three were giggling, making eyes at the approaching humans and blowing them kisses.

Shantae wasn't inclined to talk, throwing her right hand up palm forward. Ranma focused all her attention on her: he had no chance yet to see what her attack magic was like. He saw transformations, he saw protective bubbles, but what she attacks with beside her hair wasn't even mentioned. He wasn't going to defend anyone either: who knows what sort of bad blood they have between them. Besides, standing between an irritated girl and the target of her irritation... Such madness deserves honorary obituaries.

The lighnning bolt that flashed into existence was impressive, leaving ringing ears and spots in their eyes. Ranma managed no notice a second spark that shot from Shantae's other hand into the ground.

Of the mermaids, one managed to leap into the water beforehand and two thrashed in arcs of high voltage. One slumped, dazed, but the last one burst like a balloon, leaving a small puddle of water with a small fish flopping in it.

“Did you do her... in?” Ranma asked cautiously, looking at the flopping fish.

“Do whom to where?” Shantae lifted a brow. “Are you having trouble with the language?”

“He meant,” Nabiki tried to phrase it delicately, “that there was a mermaid and now she is gone.”

“What mermaid?” the disguised girl huffed in indignation. “It was a _shikigami_! Here, the leftover fish!” She walked up to the puddle, picked up the fish and made a point of swaying it around by the tail. “Do you think monsters come in crowds just like that? Four out of five send their shikigami and there is no end to them, you slay and slay them, they burst into piles of trash then come again the next day.”

“Piles of trash?” Ukyou grew curious. “You mean, you don't have to use a paper talisman to create a shikigami?”

“So that's how they make them in your world...? To be honest, I don't know how the monsters are making them. But more often than not it's out of trash. At times something useful drops that you can sell in the shop. But that is rare. The snake women always burst into piles of bones picked clean. Orcs are the most useful, these often use semi-precious gems. I can go to the forest hunting them if I run out of money. But that should be done sparingly, lest they—

“Take offense?” Shampoo suggested.

“No, worse. Become glad there is someone to fight. They then begin coming to my lighthouse, hollering under my window early in the morning - or even worse, wander into the town on their way. I don't need that.”

“Ant the rest one fifth?” Shampoo asked out of curiosity as she walked up to the mermaid to nudge the tail with her foot. The top, girl half was quite ordinary size — in a shells bra, thankfully — while the fish tail was long and powerful.

“The rest come in person,” Shantae replied. “Then crawl away beaten. Serves them right!” Walking up to the mermaid, she put her foot on the tail fin and barked “Scram! Now!”

The mermaid stopped playing possum, jerked her tail free them leaped off the rock in one powerful motion, disappearing in the water with barely a splash.

“Aren't you too harsh to them?” Akane, the kind soul, asked.

“You'd stop sympathizing with them when they blast you in the back with a bubble,” Shantae retorted sharply. “I don't know what do they need here, but no one so far was able to talk to them. They giggle and smile, but if you cone close - bam! They either blast you with a bubble or jab their trident at you. They are monsters, enough said.”

The six girls and a piglet continued walking.

The mainland was at hand's length. Everyone let their guard down, excited to see what the town was like. A board crunched, breaking. The adjacent ones proved to be even flimsier. Resulting in a natural outcome of aaaaah-splash.

“Little Sis Akane swims like a hammer,” Nabiki commented calmly as bubbles were subsiding on the sea waves.

Letting out a sigh, like this was a chore, Ranma jumped down, disappearing in the water gracefully without a splash.

Akane wasn't thrashing deep and was soon dragged back to the surface despite tomboy's valiant efforts to swim back into the depth.

“P-koff-chan!” the saved girl wheezed tragically.

Realizing the piglet wasn't anywhere around, Ranma cast a nervous glance up. Was anyone going to help? Shampoo was standing there stone-faced: her usefulness in rescuing drowning persons was zilch. Ukyou was searching where to put her big spatula. Shantae tried to start some sort of dance, but grabbed at her temples, then shook her head.

“Here,” Nabiki said unfurling her whip and leaning over the guard-rope. Akane managed to grab its tip. Ranma dove hastily leaving her hanging there, bobbing slightly on the small waves.

“Help me pull her up, I guess,” Nabiki addressed the fiancees: Shantae would have trouble due to her disguise.

* * *

The redheaded pig-tailed girl was diving with powerful strokes, guided by vague feeling of Ryouga's familiar ki. She wasn't trained in this quite exotic art, what could she do? She had to work with what she had. The feeling began growing unfocused. Was she already close, or was the pork chop beginning to drown...? Half a minute of frantic searching she saw a dark shadow in the greenish darkness. Aha!

And then she was suddenly squeezed by powerful arms, making her exhale in surprise!

* * *

“Is he going to be all right?” Akane grew worried, having already been dragged onto the bridge, when bubbles burst out of the water. It wasn't clear if she meant her fiance of the piglet.

“Are there dangerous things down there?” Nabiki asked the half-Genie.

“Nothing he couldn't beat easily,” the other girl replied. “Biter fishes, mermaids, exploding sponges - and that is all. I'm more worried for the piglet.”

* * *

Having calmed the lost boy — because it was none other than him — with a couple hits at his solar plexus, Ranma was already dragging him towards the surface when she registered a tiny, awkward detail.

 _Naked_ Ryouga. As in, completely.

Letting out a blurb of irritation, the redhead changed direction, beating her legs and her free arm with redoubled energy, hurrying to go around the rock. She had to take a breath soon, and this... ungrateful pig was complicating matters by thrashing around.

Deciding finally that they wouldn't be seen from the bridge, she let him surface.

“Ranma!” the bandana-clad boy yelled accusingly as soon as he caught his breath. “It's all your fault!”

“I don't know how your curse got turned around,” the redhead hissed unclasping his hands from her shoulders, “but I don't think you should show in front of Akane like this.” She cast a pointed glance downwards, her voice sarcastic.

He blinked uncomprehendingly. Then he got it. He covered himself by reflex, accusing Ranma, but what came out was just bubbling as he dunked because his hands were suddenly out of keeping him afloat.

“You'd better hold your piglet!” She added loudly, then whispered: “Go, get lost somewhere. And don't come back without wearing pants. Because Shantae is growing suspicious, and we don't want to know what she'd say to her best friend... Go, scram. I'm tired of fussing over you. If you want to become P-chan again, try hot water. Who knows, maybe it'd work.”

She turned around to swim back to the bridge, hoping the lost boy would get himself lost for a week or two. One extra martial artist on the already overcrowded team wasn't worth the headache.

“Did he drown?!” Akane cried out in horror when she saw the redhead swimming alone.

“Ryouga picked him up!” Ranma shouted cheerfully, hoping that Shantae wouldn't add two and two. “He landed here with us but got a little lost on the road between worlds!”

“Yeah, he can got lost anywhere,” Nabiki noted, figuring it out instantly.

Pops, splashes and Ryouga's battle cry sounded suddenly from behind the rock.

“Oh no!” Akane worried. “Alone, in an unfamiliar world full of monsters...”

A mermaid flew, rotating, over the rock to splash down explosively. Skipping a couple times, she skid to a stop, just bobbing there listlessly, her eyes swirly.

“I would worry for the monsters instead,” Ranma reassured her in a confident voice.

But then she had to worry for her hide as Shantae was adamant in her decision to go save Ryouga.

To her luck, when they got around the rocks they only found a couple knocked out mermaids. The rising sun itself wasn't visible, obscured by one of the islets, but it set the dark sea alight with blinding red glares. Finding even a swimming elephant amidst all this sparkling was an unreal task.

“His endurance,” Ukyou consoled the half-Genie, “is only rivaled by his ability to get lost on a straight road without any forks. It can't be helped, it's like a law of nature. Either you drag him around by hand or on a leash or he disappears at the most inconvenient moment to return a month later.”

Shantae sighed grumbling something about “not needing another Bolo”. In the end she simply shrugged the issue of Ryouga off to head towards the town with renewed enthusiasm.

The more observant Nerimans concluded she must be used to friends rushing blindly ahead.

Passing a hundred meters of forest that looked more like a park, they walked out onto a round square the entire center of which was occupied by a circular pond, its edge encased in stone. The square itself was submerged in shadow of the park trees but the tips of roofs were already shining with sunrise light.

“Don't fall in the spring,” Shantae warned them with overt seriousness. “People get their water here.”

One woman was doing exactly that. Filling her jug, she lifted it onto her head to walk away elegantly straight, her hips swaying.

“It's Uncle's workshop over there,” Shantae pointed to the left. “That big one is the bathhouse, we have to get you a subscription, the single visit prices are very high to rip off visitors. The ruin to the right,” She pointed to a shoddy building with a big hole in the onion top of its tower, its door boarded up. “Is where my friend Sora is... I mean, she will be.. Would probably be keeping her eggs. Further that way is the city wall and the gate. See the bored guard?”

True to her words, a mudbrick fence was visible through a gap between the houses, with a fancy opening. A sleepy man was hanging around it, dressed in red pointy hat with hanging ears and a red half-shirt leaving one shoulder bare.

“It's their uniform,” Shantae explained the obvious. “Right... Further to the right we have the shop — I'll show you later — and the art gallery completes the circle. Hmm... Where to now?”

“Weren't we going to warn someone?” Shampoo reminded her.

“Yes, of course!” Shantae hurried towards the workshop with all the speed her disguise allowed. The door was locked. She started knocking with her fist. “Un— Greatly esteemed Mimic...! Hel-loo...! Mii-miiic...! Is anyone home!”

Attracted by noise, a tiny girl came, dressed in a dress leaving her shoulders open. Proclaiming proudly “I am four!” she walked away, her nose in the air.

Shantae kept knocking. The guard at the distant gate was growing suspicious.

“What is going on...” the half-Genie mumbled dropping her hand.

“If you are here to see the old Mimic,” a boy of about ten piped in chewing on his apple, “he's at the relic hunter expo today. He went there before dawn.”

“Thank you!” Shantae told the kid tanned almost black in blue baggy pants. “Let's go!” She wadded with renewed energy down narrow winding streets drowning in shadow while the top floors glowed with crimson sunlight.

Barely half a hundred meters later they emerged onto a wooden bridge crossing a narrow bay narrowing towards the right to a cleft in the rock face. A hundred meters to the left its mouth was crossed by yet another bridge, this one made of stone, also leading to the second block ahead. The chaotic conglomeration of houses big and small and round onion-topped towers was lit by sunrise, reflecting brightly in the dark waters of the bay.

Shantae slowed down to a comfortable crawl as she began sharing her memories: “I ran down that bridge over there to repel the Ammo Baron invasion. They were swarming something terrible! I didn't know yet that the mayor had sold us out... By the way, I'd have a talk with him...”

“Forewarned means armed,” Shampoo shared a Chinese folk wisdom.

“So true,” Shantae agreed gladly. “I'll show them now...!” She glanced around. “And here, on this spot, Sora pushed me off Wrench. I won't let you down, she said. Then, suddenly, she grabs me by the shoulder and throws me out! How could I know she meant she won't be landing to keep Wrench safe from the hordes of tinkerbats swarming down here? She could've warmed me at least. I landed hard, barely able to run.” She absent-mindedly rubbed her posterior. “Then, just as I fought off the first wave, blam! the pot crashes nearby. I mean, one of those she uses to summon her tinkerbats to the battlefield. Turned out she was shooting them from the ship that was hanging over there, just beyond that bridge.” The disguised girl pointed to the left. “And then she started shooting at me with these pots, one after another! I barely managed to run to cover behind the houses. One pot hit a tower — that one, sticking out of the water — so it fell like a cut down tree and sank.”

“Wait,” Nabiki interrupted her stream of eloquence. “What sort of pot it was that it brought that tower down? It's solid stone!”

“Well, a round iron one,” Shantae explained. “About this big across.” She gestured at the level of her height. “I don't know if they sit in there to begin with, or are summoned after it lands, but such a pot has a lid and through that lid they are jumping out, three tinkerbats at once. And they keep jumping out until you break the pot.”

“Who is that she,” Ranma asked, “who was shooting the pots?”

“But Risky Boots!” Shantae didn't understand her question. “The Queen of Seven Seas, Bodacious Bucanieer and so on. Who, do you think, commands tinkerbats? She alone. No one else has them.”

Wondering who these tinkerbats were, the Nerimans were walking along a meandering channel observing the local architecture. All buildings without exception were made of the same terrakota-colored brick, some straight, some crooked, sometimes plastered with what looked like clay. Fancy windows and cloth overhangs were everywhere. And lots of towers built, it felt like, just for the sake of art. The town was not standing on the mainland as it seemed at first but on a chaotic gathering of peninsulas and islets, long buried under it. Streets were running along channels or pits where the bottom cold not be seen. Massive round grates in the stone sides of riverwalks hinted at presence of an underground labyrinth or at least a branching sewer.

A bearded man rowed by, his boat so loaded with barrels its sides were barely above the surface.

“I see the tides here are rather provisional,” Nabiki said quietly to herself as she glanced at a wooden mooring attached to the channel side. It had wooden stairs leading into the water but ending half a meter down. “So this is an inner sea akin to Japanese or Mediterranean...?”

Shantae was merrily mincing forward, pointing: here she had been roof-hopping to lose the Ammo Baron minions with _gatlings_ — the word was said in broken English — there she had freed a restaurant from tinkerbats swarming it while its owner was hiding on top of that roof — a wooden attic was pointed to, sticking out of a very tall tower. You don't say, I wonder myself how she got up there. And that small, unassuming hole in the wall over there — see? — leads to a closet walled off long ago. There was a chest with a heart holder inside... No, but the monkey can. And on the roof of that house—

“We are meandering like this because there is no shorter way,” Shampoo intruded politely into the stream of her enthusiasm, “Or are you so eager to show us the town?”

“Well, I do want to show you the town,” Shantae admitted. “But checking if tinkerbats are hiding somewhere is more important. I don't want this disguise to go to waste.”

“That's the right idea,” Ranma began cautiously, “but I noticed lots of sewer entrances around here. Could they be hiding there?”

Shantae froze in her tracks. She then face-palmed in shame: “I knew I was missing something!”

“The network is so wide?” Ranma asked.

“No. Most of these pipes rather lead to dead ends. But tinkerbats have these, how they call them, pots with windows and flippers for diving. While there are lots of caves or just walled off cellars under the town. You wouldn't believe how many corners down there weren't visited even by adventurers! But I prefer not to explore these tunnels. It doesn't stick to the mermaid, but holding my breath when using gills takes too much concentration.”

“So the enemies are, most probably, sitting underground,” Ranma concluded. “And we can't get to them without drawing attention.”

“And I cannot transform,” Shantae agreed. “So, no sneaking up on them quietly as a mermaid. Besides, where would I search for them? You need a whole day to check just a half of the passages down there. But sometimes they are hard to notice, or secret, or blocked deliberately with something...”

“So what is your plan now?” Shampoo asked.

“Hmm... We go to the Uncle. Warn him, then patrol the city until the expo opens—” Her stomach growled expressively. “Heh... Warn him, then have breakfast, _then_ patrol. Maybe we'd notice something suspicious. But even if not, I know beforehand what Risky is planning. This time _we_ will surprise her!”

Taking a decisive left turn Shantae began meandering through the city at an angle, towards a specific point on the wharf. Which they soon reached. The wharf was wide, clad in stone, with wooden piers running out into the sea. There were only a few fishing boats parked there, their sails furled. The view from here was impressive: the concave shoreline was hugging a huge southward-looking bay with arches of rocky islets. To the right, a large palace could be seen in the distance, washed out in pinkish haze, the onion top of its central tower impressively huge. It seems it was on a peninsula because only the sky was visible beyond it.

Far to the left, the lighthouse could barely be discerned, a black mushroom-like shape on top of a rock against the blazing background of sunrise.

“Here it is.” Shantae pointed at a large building that looked like a warehouse. “They rent the hall for the expo here. Let's go around it first, all right?”

Going “around” wasn't as easy as it sounded: the buildings facing the wharf were forming a solid wall with a minimum of passages. Most, it seems, were warehouses, some of them with wooden loading cranes on their upper floors. While passing one of these, Shantae glanced at the crane, then at the pier across it, and snorted at some thoughts.

Finally they came upon a side street they followed into the narrow back streets permeated by the smell of fish.

Halfway on their path back toward the wharf Shantae suddenly flared with barely restrained animosity at the sight of a stunningly magnificent platinum blonde loitering in the open doors of some house. Ranma moved unobtrusively to keep Akane between them: this woman was dressed in a thong bikini, thigh-high stockings and a half-skirt completely open in front like a mini-cape with crimson underside. Ranma gulped, suddenly very interested in the local architecture. Akane's eye twitched.

Also, this heartbreaker — whose bust threatening to burst out of her top made even Shampoo envious — wore elbow-long gloves and a red bow in her hair.

“Looks like you can't stand that tramp,” Ukyou noted quietly when the irritating woman was behind them, having only paid them an uninterested glance.

“She wastes Heart Squids for artifacts!” The half-Genie's eyes flashed with righteous indignation. “How this shameless person could! They are so cute! And she slams them with a red-hot hammer, for some lousy heart holder...”

It was clear this was a sore spot for her.

“Who are Heard Squids?” Akane asked, her voice sympathizing. “And where does that nasty woman catch them?”

“Well... On the trees, usually,” Shantae replied like it was obvious. “Never again, I did her... Ahem. They are like baby Warp Squids,” She parted her hands at the width of a soccer ball, “but they are always red and their head has a dimple. But more importantly, they have talent for finding trouble, like cats!” Ranma shivered but she haven't noticed. “And just like cats they tend to climb up. Sometimes you find them in the jungle in the crown of tallest trees.”

“Land squids are nothing unusual,” Nabiki said, clearly thinking of something. “We saw weirder. But what is a heart holder? It's the second time you mention them.”

“Well...” Shantae seemed lost for a moment, her train of thought interrupted by the sharp departure from the topic of squids. “Here.” She pulled a big flask, or vase, out of her subspace pocket. The crystal heart-shaped vessel looked like it was full of transparent ruby liquid. It had golden handles at both sides, sapphire stopper and base were adding colors, contrasting with ruby and gold. It was giving off a weird feeling of someone staring at you with mirth from inside.

“Is it some sort of potion?” Shampoo asked.

“It's not liquid,” Shantae warned. “But rather some kind of.. smoke, I guess? As soon as you remove the stopper it would come out and permeate you making you tougher. About a time and a half, I think. You can use more than one, but the result is diminishing...” She stared at the vessel with a sour expression, lost in thought.

“Judging by how cheerful you are, there are other pitfalls,” Nabiki noted.

“Besides me knowing now whom they are made from?” Shantae replaced the artifact. “Healing potions begin having less and less effect. You grow used to taking risks: why be careful if most things barely scratch you. But the extra toughness vanishes in about a week. And you cannot feel that, you can only guess.

“A treacherous thing,” Ranma agreed.

“I'm keeping this one for a rainy day.” Shantae nodded. “Then that day comes and I am too busy to remember about it.”

They made almost complete circle but have never spotted anyone suspicious. Well, they thought, once, that they did, but it turned out such men wrapped up so thoroughly that only their eyes are visible were quite common around here.

“Men in burquas, women in thongs,” Nabiki summed up quietly to herself. “The more I see, the more the similarity to Arab countries feels superficial.”

Truly, most women they met had bared midriff. Ranma was envying them quietly: it was a tad too hot here for her silk shirt — which had two layers, by the way!

Ranma offered to jump onto the roofs, take a look around but Shantae asked her to belay that for after the breakfast, pretending to be unassuming pedestrians for now. What was she hoping to see from the ground level? The rooftops here were a labyrinth, one could hide a whole army there.

They walked out to the wharf.

“I think we had enough wandering around on an empty stomach,” Ranma hinted as her eye caught on a fish stand, its canvas canopy visible at the base of one of the piers. “I'm even ready to roast it myself, if needed.”

“I have a whole box of cabbage left back at the lighthouse,” Ukyou added. “We should find a use for it before it spoils. But I don't have a flat grill and I don't know whom to bribe to get a permit to sell food. I don't even know if they have suitable ingredients for _roast-like_ — I'll be!”

The alien tongue misbehaved at times, making something weird come out of your mouth. Especially when talking about exclusively Japanese things like _okonomiyaki_.

“I know it would be against your principles,” Nabiki adviced, “but you'd be better off selling the cabbage to some local restaurant of what they call them. We are all deep in adventure and I have a gut feeling we are going to be saving the world for a full day. Bet you won't have time to get used to local food-stuffs?”

“No thanks,” Ukyou grumbled. “I can smell a big pile of... adventure myself.”

“P-chan is probably hungry too,” Akane injected incongruously. “Wherever he is.”

Shampoo was stony-faced: warriors do not complain about hunger. But she was feeling nostalgic for the noodles from back home in the Cat Cafe — the noodles she had thought she was sick and tired of.

“I'm... ahem... would like to have a snack myself,” Shantae interrupted them, accompanied with suspicious growling. “But maybe we should warn the Uncle first?”

“Wait,” Shampoo stopped her. “He is now where the attack is planned to happen, right?”

“Well, yeah,” Shantae said, not understanding. “In that house we passed by.”

“So there are hidden enemies, most likely,” the amazon declared with confidence. “Your Uncle, would he be able to hold his composure if we manage to whisper the truth to him?”

“Oh, no.” Shantae shook her head. “Oh, no. He'd raise such a fuss...”

“We cannot warn him,” Shampoo concluded. “We tip the enemy, we lose the advantage of surprise.”

“So we have to set a trap?” Nabiki suggested. “We have overwhelming foreknowledge and an overwhelming hidden Ranma our opponents know nothing about.”

The redhead swelled with pride.

“This... this could work,” Shantae agreed reluctantly. “Catching Risky and giving her to the palace guards... We'd have a day or two to act without interference until she escapes... But the lamp!”

“We'll take it from her,” Ranma promised confidently.

“Surprise her _sharply_ ,” Shantae advised. “You are stronger and faster. Don't give her breathing room. Or she would surprise you in turn. Our... aunt...” She switched to roundabout speech because the hungry girls were already closing on an eatery, attracted inexorably by the smell of roasting fish. “..is full of surprises, smart and treacherous. Even as she plays a simpleton who likes to laugh.”

The dock-side eatery was similar to summer cafes back home in that it had tables placed outside surrounded by a small fence and a large canvas overhang, currently furled up. Shantae wasn't even counting copper coins waving the expense off as negligible. The food was really cheap, simple, but they mopped it all up almost swallowing the plates: the cooks here knew how to roast fish. The fish itself was amazing, this being a seaside town. Their host had to order seconds, and then again.

“This is almost as tasty as _shiner roast_.. Ugh... _teriyaki_ ,” Akane declared.

“Yer bullshittin'” Ranma objected in a sated voice. “This is better! I wonder what they make the sauce from?”

“Many a clan war,” Ukyou injected in a wise voice, “was waged for such knowledge.”

The general mood was relaxed and overconfident. The sun parted with the horizon, growing brighter, its rays beginning to scorch. The day was promising to be hot.

“What should we do next?” Nabiki raised a question. “There are several hours til the expo opening.”

“We are tourists,” Ranma said with authority. “Wander around the town, sightsee. The most important thing is,” She cast a pointed look at Shantae, “we don't know any locals... By the way!” Her eyes lit with enthusiasm. “Is there a beach somewhere around?”

“There are several,” Shantae replied. “Deeper into the shore, between rocks. You can't see them from the wharf.”

“Ranma!” Akane chilled the redhead's enthusiasm. “We do not have any swimsuits!”

“I can lend you my spare ones,” Shantae offered. “They are with ties, one-size-fits-all.”

* * *

They combed the town again without zeal, just killing time. More people were walking the streets, children running around. The sun kept creeping higher, heat rising.

On one of the streets they passed through, there was a two-meter red ball with purple spots standing in a corner, resting on a ring of smaller balls. The Nerimans would have passed it by, taking it for either a forgotten ball or an abstract sculpture, but Shantae exclaimed: “Hey, it's the Squid baron! Fancy meeting you here!”

The ball jumped up in surprise, turning around sharply. There was a face on its other side, a mouth and two eyes of matching size. “Who...? Where...?” He squinted at them, not recognizing anyone. “No, no, you are mistaken! I am your average, utterly unassuming Warp Squid!” He scurried away bouncing on those small balls — Ranma managed to recognoze them being curled up tentacles. In his haste he failed to round a corner properly, crushing someone's wooden bucket and slamming into a wall so ponderously the clay-colored plaster crumbled. After he disappeared beyond the corner, there were sounds of pottery breaking.

“Such a bull in a china shop,” Shantae grumbled. “You took a good look at him? He's the boss of one of the dungeons we'd have to visit.”

“We have to?” Shampoo asked. “Why?”

“Well, the la— that thing, it is sealed at this moment in time. To make it work, we have to gather the three seals. One is in the possession of this `utterly unassuming` one. Another one like him has the second one, and the last seal is nailed to the wall in Ammo Baron's Battle Tower. I'd like us to start right away, but the aunt is serious business, we have to deal with her all together.”

* * *

Urged by Ranma, Shantae led them to the beach. Towards the left, eastern end of the wharf by the piers which were accumulating sailships, then the wharf flowed seamlessly into the stone bridge crossing the narrow bay - and there, behind a couple buildings and a wall of greenery, was a small sandy beach. Its other end was against the park through which they entered the town. The square with the round pond was close by.

“Well, who should be swimming?” Shantae asked. “Keep in mind I only got two sets of bikini.”

“Me! Me!” Ranma pushed forward.

“And you, Akane?” Shantae hinted her friend.

“I... You saw ho well I swim.” She looked downcast.

“Not even splashing near the shore?”

“She is talented, she can drown at knee depth,” Ranma needled. And got her deserved lump.

“Maybe Big Sis Nabiki...?” Akane suggested rubbing her bruised hand.

“I'd like to,” the elder sister declined politely, “but first I have to find a secluded spot to tesh how good I am with this thing.” She patted the rolled up whip on her belt. “I have an... inkling that I got not only the suit but also skills, similar to how we could speak the language. But this requires thorough checking.”

“You can go to the first or second rock on the way to my lighthouse,” the disguised half-Genie advised. “If you go around them, the town is not visible from there and no one would disturb you, except my friends or the mayor. There could be mermaids, though...”

“Don't worry, I'm good at running,” Nabiki reassured her.

“Maybe you, Xianpuu?” Shantae asked.

“She got a curse too,” Ranma injected. “She turns into a, uh... clawed, meowing thing.”

“Oh... Why didn't you tell me?”

“There's only me left, Ran-cha.” Ukyou winked at the redhead.

“Swim, have fun.” Shantae handed them blue-and-white striped pieces of cloth with ties. “The cabin for dressing is over there, beyond those bushes. We, meanwhile...” She turned to face Akane and Shampoo. “Let's visit the general store, I think? I'll show you around.”

* * *

While Akane ans Shampoo were gaping at the contents of the general store — which was selling everything from shovels and pottery to most esoteric spell books — and wondering why there was a partial dinosaur skeleton hanging from the ceiling — or was it a dragon? Ranma and Ukyou kept swimming vogorously, just short of growing gills. They swam along the wharf, not even themselves knowing what for, dove in front of that building where everything was going to happen, but only found the expected layers trash instead of a bottom.

The three girls returning from the shop observed suspicious explosions boiling up like white foamy welts to the left of the beach, amidst the rocky islets. Shanta concluded with displeasure that Ranma must have poked the local fauna.

The swimmers reached the beach to crawl out onto the sand. Ranma was giggling stupidly while Ukyou was berating her, picking at her ear: “Ran-cha, what did you touch that spiny blob for? My ears are still popped!”

“But... eheheee... It was funny! It was staring witch such a hilariously severe look! How could I know they explode when offended?”

“Ran-cha.” Ukyou sighed, rolling onto her back, swayed around by the small waves rolling onto the sand. “Did Shantae-han tell us about exploding sponges? She did. So, was it so hard to realize that that pink stuff was a sponge? Even if it had eyes?”

“I'm sorry,” the redhead said standing up with some effort. “I got carried away. I will be careful from now on!”

“Right.” Shantae frowned. “No more adventures and exhausting training! If you wear out I would fail without your help!”

Ranma immediately backed up and surrounded the half-Genie with suffocating care: the other girl was sweating in her pregnant disguise of Ranma's black pants, a dense bed cover with the egg and pillows on her belly and a massive turban that was probably making her head terribly hot.

And she had to endure it in this heat until the noon.

Shantae had hard time fending Ranma off as the pigtailed girl put her in a beach chair and dragged it into shadow.

Then she haven't noticed herself falling asleep.

Akane sat down by her side, staring out into the sea.

“Hard to believe we are on another planet, eh?” Ranma sat down next to her.

“And we can only return home through magic,” Akane agreed. “It's like we were spirited away into a fairy tale.”

“Be careful, all right?” Ranma cast a worried glance at her. “Fairy tales could be—”

“Scary, with a bad end,” Akane finished for her. “I know. But here everything is in our hands. We decide how it ends... I will be careful, I promise.”

* * *

“Do you remember where that hole is,” Shampoo asked Ukyou who was drying her hair, “where Shantae said a heart holder is hidden?”

“I think I do, but— Oh! We're in her past, it should be still here! But that hole is tiny, only a cat would— I see, you clever girl...! Wait, what do you need me for?”

“How would the cat break the chest?” Shampoo explained. “With her teeth? Her claws? I propose we get that artifact together, then give it to Shantae for safekeeping. We can decide who gets it later, by playing rock-paper-scissors, or present it as a gift for Ranma. Depending on circumstances.”

“I like your plan,” Ukyou approved pulling her black tights hastily onto her still damp legs.

* * *

Shantae slept for three hours, only awoken once when Ukyou and Shampoo brought something wrapped up and asked her to store it in her ki-pocket. She liked this new name for it!

Then she and Akane went roaming the town - just the two of them because Shampoo, Ukyou and Ranma each decided to “scout around” on their own, agreeing to meet again at the beach. Ukyou went browsing various shops and eateries to get a hang of the local prices and cooking habits. Shampoo slipped into the bathhouse and soon a white and lavender cat slipped out. Ranma went to check if Nabiki was all right or she had soon to console the inconsolable Akane.

* * *

Akane and Shantae were sitting at an outdoors table of a cafe, picking lazily at a melon just to have an excuse for staying there.

“Even pretending being pregnant is hard,” Shantae complained wiping sweat from her brow.

Akane was about to reply when Shantae suddenly grew alert, putting her slice down to stare at something across the street.

“What's wrong?” Akane asked cautiously, not risking turning around.

“It's Barracuda Joe, the future fancy man of my friend Sora.”

“ _Fancy man_ ”?

“He was going out with her, she thought they'd marry, then he just dumped her,” Shantae explained with disapproval. “How else can I call a man like that? `There is other fish in the sea` and just left. Just after I put a lot of effort into returning him to life, picking his soul from such a hole. All for Sora. And he just says `I had time to think` and dumps her. Boy was she yelling after him...”

Akane turned around, her glare murderous.

There was a well muscled man on the other side of the street, as tall as her father, dressed in a blue military coat. He had prominent horseshoe mustache. There was a funny rectangular hat on his head, like a flat, blue truncated pyramid, with ears and a fluffy, striped tail - which was also blue. When he turned to face them, a stylized face became visible on the hat's front surface, made up of two eyes and a mouth.

Akane was going to give him a piece of her mind when Shantae stopped her: “Wait, he is also someone important in Ammo Baron's army. See him taking measures with that thing of his? I'm sure he is searching for the highest tower. They are preparing to take over the town.”

Truly to her words, the man was fiddling with some sort of geodesic tool on a tripod, writing something in a clipboard. Then he packed it up and left.

“You are not going to stop him?” Akane asked quietly.

“I am... torn, to be honest,” Shantae admitted. “On the one hand, I'm itching to throw a wrench into their plans, making sure they can't gain anything. I would have a talk with the mayor yet! On the other hand, if we change the past there would be no palace disruptor cannon. Or they stick it on some hill, making no errors because there would be no Bolo, and succeed in destroying the palace. That would be a disaster!”

“So they are our enemies but can become our unwilling allies?” Akane said. “Ugh, what a tough decision.”

“Let's see how our trap works out,” Shantae decided. “There are about ten days before the invasion, if everything goes the same.”

* * *

Nabiki wasn't on the first rock. Nor on the second one. Ranma was beginning to expect the worst when she found the middle Tendo sitting on top of that flying totem pole, just past the place where they met mermaids and lost Ryouga.

“How did you get there?” The redhead was puzzled.

The green stone pole was floating a bit higher than the top of the rock, never coming closer than about four meters and five more further away in the two furthest points. Nabiki was sitting clenching it between her legs, swaying slightly when it was changing its direction sharply in the points of the triangle it was drawing through the air.

“These reflexes are amazing,” the girl dressed like Indiana Jones replied. “I am very good with the whip - it's like I was learning to use it since childhood. But trusting these reflexes...”

“You felt you can get there, so you just did?” Ranma guessed.

“Exactly.” Nabiki took a pointed look downwards. Some ten meters below sharp rocks were protruding promisingly from the water. “I got to this pole with amazing ease. But going back... There is nothing on that rock to latch with my whip onto.”

“Don't sweat it, I'll get you off it!” Ranma promised, taking aim. Then she suddenly changed her mind: “Ten thousand yen!”

“You will get me off here anyway,” Nabiki retorted calmly. “As soon as the others find me missing. Three.”

“Five and I won't tell anyone!”

“Deal!” Nabiki grinned.


	9. Ambush

The time was approaching the noon. The displaced girls began gathering on the beach. Ranma and Nabiki were already there. Then a slightly roughed up Shampoo came, her scuffs and bruises contrasting against her immaculate dress: “Have you seen the hundred thousand dogs swarming this town? I was, likewise, unaware of them. But they are there!” 

Then Akane and Shantae came. Ukyou was the last, lost in thought. 

They went killing time again, roaming the town all together. To not miss the opening. 

The closer it was, the more Shantae was growing restless. Her paranoia awakening, she had a sudden thought that Risky could have a backup plan, with a whole army hidden through the town, to jump out to pillage and burn if they succeed in capturing the queen of pirates. 

They couldn't find objections, even: such a plan was realistic for a treacherous villain Shantae was painting the opponent as. 

There was no way of checking that without making their abilities known. Shampoo couldn't help either: she spent most of her “scouting” fleeing from various canine cat-haters. 

So they kept walking the streets while struggling to prevent Shantae from chewing all her nails off. 

While walking yet another time along the wharf, pretending to be tourists waiting for the expo opening, they met a blonde girl of about twenty, a bit taller than Nabiki, dressed in a hood and a bikini with a sarong skirt flapping in the wind. Ranma, hot and stuffy again in her two-layered, long-sleeved shirt, was beginning to envy the local girls. 

“Here is Sora!” Shantae exclaimed in joy, turning to face the blonde, which made the Nerimans pay close attention to the girl. She was lean and toned, her eyes brown, unruly locks sticking from under a blue head-wrap under a violet hood clasped around her neck with something akin to a standing collar over bare skin. Her simple light-blue top with a pink edge was hanging loosely at the bottom — no elastic fabrics and such. Her sarong was violet and blue, baring her left leg, she wore short pink boots with blue tops... and a massive leather glove of a falconer. Onto which glove a huge, pink and blue parrot landed suddenly with a warning squawk to glare at the approaching girls. 

The girl made a step back eyeing the six of them suspiciously. 

“Sora, wait!” Shantae whispered hastily. “It's me! Me! Just disguised!” 

“I don't know who you are,” the blond replied in a neutral tone, “but you are clearly mistaken. My name is Sky, not Sora.” 

“But, but, but...” Shantae mumbled, crestfallen. “You're... We're... I remember...” 

“What happened?” Akane asked, alarmed. “She doesn't recognize you? Are you sure it's her?” 

“This is, without any doubt, my friend Sora,” Shantae continued with determination, shaking her stupor off. “And her loyal war bird Wrench. We are life-long friends. But why won't she recognize me? Is there something wrong with my voice...? Or... Or did we...” Her voice wavered. “Did we land in an alien reality where everything is different and we are strangers to each other...?” 

“Listen,” the parrot-toting blonde injected with exasperation. “I can hear all your whispering. Yes, this is Wrench. And no, I would remember if there was a chestnut head with a bun in the oven among my friends. Shantae is there. Rotty is. Even one Bolo. You, aren't.” 

“Phew.” Shantae let out a sigh of immense relief. “But that's me,” she whisprered pulling a ring-laden long ear from under her turban while trying to cover it with her elbow so that no one else saw it. 

The blonde did not react for about three seconds, staring at the disguised half-Genie's belly. 

Then she cried out loudly, attracting attention: “Shantae...?! Pregnant...?!! When did you...?” 

“Caw,” the bird added flatly. 

“Quieeeet!” Shantae hissed in panic, glancing around frantically. “I disguised myself to ambush Risky: we will catch her as soon as she crashes the expo.” 

“And she is not pregnant,” Nabiki added prudently. “It's an egg.” 

“Ah...” Understanding flashed in the life-long friend's eyes. “That one? You are so caring...” 

“Don't praise me.” Shantae averted her eyes, epitome of awkwardness. “I'm not worthy— I'll tell you later. I only hope that this— That it is all right.” 

“Can your parr— warbird,” Shampoo corrected herself. “Can he check the rooftops without drawing attention?” 

“To look if there are, howdem, tinkah..batto hiding up there,” the redhead added. 

“Shantae?” The blonde cast a questioning look at the pseudo-pregnant one, who looked out of it. 

“I'm sorry, Sora!” She exclaimed, becoming aware again. “I— we should keep the ruse, but...” 

“Why do you keep calling me that name? I am Sky. S-k-y!” 

“But I say exactly that: Sora,” Shantae replied, puzzled. 

Both stared at each other in mutual bewilderment. 

“It's simple, really,” Nabiki solved the mystery. “Learning Japanese in one minute wasn't without consequences. Bot these names mean “sky”, only ` _skai_ ` is English while ` _sora_ ` is Japanese. For example, what language are you thinking in?” 

“Eeeeh...” Shantae was taken aback, stumped by the question. 

“Sun order language...? In one minute...?” Sky asked, puzzled. 

“Let's step aside to somewhere we won't be attracting attention,” Ranma suggested casting a look down the wharf. There were lots of people gathered around, including individuals so wrapped up their eyes were barely visible. That's not counting a huge stone gorilla loitering at the far end of the wharf holding a sign of a crossed circle in its huge paw. “Into a side street, for example.” 

“Not a good idea,” Sky disagreed quietly as she took a unconspicious look around. “If Risky and her men are already in town, they could sit in any barrel, at any corner. Let us better... check the wares.” She pointed with her eyes at a the fish merchant who put his stand in the beginning of one of the piers. 

They walked to the stand to pretend they were interested in the merchandise. Ukyou, for one, wasn't pretending. 

“I, umm...” Shantae began in a hushed voice. “What should I begin with...” 

“With us knowing Risky's plan,” Nabiki cued her quietly. “Everything else can wait.” 

“Yes, you are right,” Shantae agreed as she absent-mindedly pressed her finger into one of the fish carcasses. “Risky is aiming for the today's relic hunter expo. It's... complicated but I'm sure they are already in the town. We will surprise her, sure, but what if she has a—” 

“Are you going to buy or what?” the fat fisherman inquired scratching his impressive belly not covered by his abbreviated vest. 

Shantae sighed pulling her pouch of copper coins out of thin air — pretending that from her pocket — to begin haggling with gusto. She got so carried away that she lost track of the conversation and then Ranma had to drag around a huge horse mackerel half as long as she was tall because they couldn't put it in the subspace pocket out of conspiration. 

“So what we were talking about...?” Shantae tried to remember. 

“What would we do with his jumbo,” Ranma grumbled as they were walking along the wharf again. “It'd spoil in this heat.” 

“If you can spare it, we can feed it to some seagulls I know around here,” Sky suggested. “Later, not with so many people around.” 

“Right!” Shantae snapped her fingers. “We are travelers from afar. We saw the town, we've been on the beach - but do you have a lighthouse around here? I'm curious.” 

“I'm not a local myself,” Sky played along as she headed to the eastern end of the wharf. “But they do have a lighthouse here. It's not working, though. Come, I shall show you!” 

They walked after her through half the wharf, then across the stone bridge. There were much less people around here. But what if? Shantae was growing a bit nervous: the time they had til the opening was running out while she haven't warned them about so many things yet! They passed by the beach to go deep into the park until finally stopping on a small cliff above the sea, with no any bushes close by. 

“Can you talk _now_?” Sky inquired with sarcasm. 

“You just don't know how treacherous she could be.” Shantae sighed. “I'm weary of this masquerade, you know. It's so hot and stuffy. Only the egg feels good.” She rubbed at her fake belly. “Go on, call your seagulls. Soon we won't have time for this.” 

“Well, if you can spare it...” Sky pulled out a... key ring full of carved whistles. Selecting the right one she whistled a curious melody and soon huge seagulls came to circle in front of the girls. 

Whole four birds. 

“Throw it.” Sky commanded Ranma. “Up in the air.” 

“Wouldn't this be too much for them?” the redheaded girl asked doubtfully. 

“Go on, throw it! You'll see!” 

Ranma shrugged and threw the large fish up. The seagulls accelerated instantly, turning into a gray-and-white wheel that hit the fish with a sound akin to a buzzsaw. What splashed down in the water was a perfectly clean fish skeleton. 

“Whoa!” Akane boggled. 

“Serious birdies,” agreed Shampoo. 

“Cool!” Shantae exclaimed, amazed. 

The seagulls slowed down, circling lazily. 

“I'm more amazed,” Ranma said, “how ten kilograms of fish fit into just _four_ birds. And not only fit, they haven't even lost their flight!” 

After circling for a bit, the seagulls landed on the water and were bobbing on the waves now, cleaning their feathers smugly. 

“I wonder about that myself,” Sky admitted. “But that wasn't their limit.” 

“Them seagulls,” Ukyou said like it was self-explanatory. 

“The lunch was free,” Sky addressed the birds. “I don't have any work for you, guys, today.” She made a gesture with crossed forearms. 

The seagulls squawked something in return and swam away, burping satedly. 

“All right,” Shantae began. “While we aren't distracted with anything else, here's the disproportion: I have returned from the future— Sora, don't interrupt me, I know it's impossible. During that... year..? half a year..? I learned to fulfill wishes and it turned to be terribly dangerous and laden with epic surprises. By the way, meet my new friend Akane, she is from a totally different world. Akane's fiance Ranma. He is not always a girl, long story. Akane's sister Nabiki. Ranma's other fiancees, Akane's rivals: Xianpuu and Ukyou. There was also Ryouga, but he is worse than Bolo, swam away in an unknown direction and got lost together with his magic piglet. I got back to our world while fulfilling the wish of Xianpuu's great-grandmother to release her childhood friend's soul from a cursed pendant. I even managed to return her to life but I overdid it a little so we all landed here, in my past, and overstrained myself so I won't be able to transform for a week and our world is now in danger because of that. Have I missed anything?” 

“Uhhhh...” It took the blonde a minute and a half to come out of stupor. 

“Sora...? Are you all right...?” Shantae asked her worriedly when she didn't get any answer. 

“I... My head is swimming. Wait, are you saying the world is in danger?” 

“Caw,” the parrot added with scepticism. 

“It's a... long story.” Shantae sighed. “Really long. But Risky won't wait. We have to check over the rooftops across the town if she got an army sitting in reserve. We know that she is going to grab and run. But what if she has a contingency plan to smash the town if she is caught...?” 

“You don't have to ask!” Sky replied. “Wrench, go, quietly.” She threw him up into the air. 

“Caw,” the parrot confirmed as he began gaining attitude lazily, like he was really flying to stretch his wings. 

They got smart critters around here, Ranma thought. By the way... “You haven't told us about the attack itself,” he reminded Shantae. “And what should we expect from her, in general.” 

Shantae gasped and started babbling: “As soon as Uncle picks the lamp clean, Risky crashes through the ceiling riding an anchor. Keep in mind that that is an inside view. Back then I... In short, the past me grew so lazy in practicing my dances I could barely manage the monkey, not to mention the harpy. Because of that, when the tinkerbats wound the anchor chain back up with the, howzit, winch, Risky gave me the slip and let me catch up to her only at the bridge. There she showed off her surprise boat, played with me like a cat with a mouse for a while, then knocked me out before sailing away. To my rotten luck it was when the mayor found me. He blew a gasket and fired me. For `sleeping on my job`. But I wasn't sleeping, I was bruised with a cannonball.” 

“Like a cat with a mouse?” Sky asked worriedly. “Is she that strong?” 

“Mmm...” Shantae sounded deep in thought. “When I beat her for the first time... She either did not have all the pirate items on her, or was so distraught — I just totaled her giant robot, after all — that she simply forgot to use all her tricks. The pirate items are powerful! When I— mmm... I'll tell you later. These things may not be stronger than my transformations, but they are surely quicker. She only has to pull one out of— By the way. She does have a ki-pocket like mine. Or not exactly like mine... But you can't use the cannon without it.” 

“But I hope in these... How long, by the way? You haven't changed at all. I hope fulfilling wishes was not all that you learned in that time?” Sky inquired, tentatively hopeful. 

“Half a year...” Shantae frowned. “Or a full year...? My memory is somewhat spotty.” 

“She couldn't remember how did she end up in our world,” Akane complained. 

“Mm, true,” Shantae agreed. “I learned many things. Adding to my basic five transformations—” 

“But you only have three!” Sky corrected her. “Oh! You forgot when exactly you learned them, didn't you?” 

“To be honest, I learned the spider dance back in the Golem Mines,” Shantae admitted. “But... imperfectly. I just never used it since then. But later I've corrected my mistake, making my spider form much more human-like. After that... Oh, right. I should only get the mermaid in a week from now, while chasing Risky...! That's five. On top of that, I have four more transformations, not as powerful but very useful, three very powerful special dances and one very powerful spell. These are all mana hogs, though. Blink, and you are out.” 

“And the martial arts training,” Akane reminded her. 

“And training my melee fighting,” Shantae agreed. “With my hair, without my hair, with a whip... But even after all that, if today's Risky decides to take on me seriously it would be one risky battle...! But that if I wasn't out of shape...! I'm sorry, girls.” She turned to the Nerimans. “You have to fight her. Not only am I unable to transform, I cannot manage powerful spells either. Even the _Mirror_. What a pity, she doesn't know about it.” 

“Ah,” Sky only managed to say. 

“Let's hear about the pirate items in more detail,” Shampoo said, her voice forcefully calm. Ranma didn't pay attention — or pretended not to — while Nabiki got the impression that the amazon was... intimidated? 

To think of it, what does she know about Shantae? That she stomped Shampoo with her magic, then stomped Happousai. And Happousai was a force to be reckoned with. Then add a very real resurrection. So if Shantae is nervous now... Shampoo doesn't know that the pointy-eared girl feared the old pervert greatly and beat him more on less because he startled her... 

“The pistol, the hat, the scimitar, the boots, the cannon,” Shantae listed. “By the way! Don't mind the cannonball that is arching onto you from high up. Mind the one that zips at your head point-blank! Just sharing my experience.” 

“A cannonball?” Ranma drawled skeptically. 

“They are magic,” Shantae explained. “Not iron. If it was iron I'd lose my head right away. Both the cannon and the pistol work on magic. Not as deadly, but they could be fired endlessly... What was I going about...? Oh, right, the pistol... Well, it's a pistol. It shoots magic bullets powerful enough, I think, to bring me down in one hit. There may be some tricks to it because I don't know everything about it. I definitely remember Risky shooting—” 

She was interrupted by a distant crash followed by a shout of “Ranma, it's all your fault!” 

“Has it started?” the half-Genie perked up. 

“Worse.” Ranma made a face. “It was Ryouga bakusaing in!” She dashed towards the square with the pond. “Hurry, while he haven't leveled half the town!” 

“Don't blow it, Ranma-kun!” Nabiki shouted making the redhead reluctantly slow down. 

“Akane, go!” Shantae pushed her forward waddling at her best speed. “Ranma, pull back!” 

“Why!” The pig-tailed girl flared with indignation as she slowed down even more. Akane overtook her. 

“He would fight you, but she would shame him!” Shantae showed sudden perceptiveness as she caught up with her. “And more, she... I feel like she is the best choice to convince the guards between all of you. Well... it's her personality.” 

“But she's!” The redhead deflated. “Is she the only one of us who trusts cops for real?” she asked already knowing the answer. 

Ukyou coughed sheepishly. Nabiki huffed skeptically. Shampoo put her nose in air. 

“She is really only one of her kind.” Ranma sighed admitting defeat. 

Dissipating clouds of dust weren't coming from the gate, but to the right of it, from the part of the town wall that bordered the park. In the past this place had been a part of the town, there was even a chunk of foundation with porch steps sticking out of the grass. But overall this place was shady, cool and green, the bushes were more or less clipped. Amidst this tranquil shade there was a big hole in the wall, blazing brightly with sun-scorched fields, surrounded with settling dust. There were rumpled town guards rising from the ground and Akane laying into Ryouga with the grip of a professional mother-in-law. 

Dressed in patched, baggy trousers and a brief vest over bare torso, he was well on his way towards repentance. 

Wrench flew in, landing on Sky's arm with deliberately loud flapping: “Caw, caaw-caw, caw.” 

“Barrels...?” She sighed. “Should have expected this.” 

“How bad is it?” Shantae asked impatiently. 

“No use.” Sky shook her head. “There are lots of barrels on the roofs all over the town. Who can tell which ones should be there and which ones shouldn't? You understand we'd have to tap each one, giving our game away?” 

“There are no silent ambushes,” Shampoo shared a piece of Chinese folk wisdom. 

“There are,” Sky disagreed. “I don't know what sort of creatures these thinkerbats are — no one knows, I think — but sitting a whole day in a barrel without moving a muscle...? Easily. Either that is in their nature, or Risky could be so... persuasive.” 

Shantae let out a long sound of frustrated displeasure. 

“At least we will take the lamp for her,” Ranma reassured her. “We'd hit her in the head and knock her out, if needed, but we will not let her have the lamp. Even if we have to let her go after that.” 

Akane walked up to them, towing a flustered Ryouga: “I whispered in their ear that we are Shantae-chan's guests and promised that they'll be always able to find him!” she said quietly. 

“You did right,” the disguised half-Genie approved. “We'll think how to repair the wall later.” 

“Giving such a promise was veeeery foolhardy of you,” Ranma berated, causing a half-hearted “shut up, Ranma” on Ryouga's part. 

“It's time, it's time!” Shantae hissed jiggling her purse. “Here, take this money for tickets, move on while I... _take a bath_.” She hurried, waddling, towards the building she had pointed earlier at dawn as the bathhouse. 

“Let's go!” Ranma began striding in the direction of the bridge, keeping the speed of a hurrying tourist. 

“What is going on?” Ryouga demanded. 

“Quiet,” Akane hissed at him making him fall silent. 

“No time,” the redhead explained in a whisper as she fell back to walk side to side with him. “We go to the expo. We do our best pretending to be tourists, waiting until the queen of pirates barges in and grabs the lamp. Then we catch her. She is clever, has more tricks than Pops, but she doesn't expect martial artists.” 

“The lamp?” Ryouga growled, his face darkening. 

“That same one! All right, enough talking. You're a tourist, don't show your hand too early... Dear, look at these rugs! Don't you want to buy one for our snuggly nest...?” 

Ryouga's funerally sour face worked as the best disguise ever. 

Shantae overtook them, her heels flashing, back in her red outfit. Her hair was damp, swishing heavily — that's how thorough she was playing the role. 

* * *

The crowd in the hall was packed. They couldn't get tickets for everyone, not because there weren't enough but because the only ones left were being sold by a shady guy for prices so exorbitant that Ukyou suggested right away for all the fiancees to stay outside so that something remains of Shantae's money. 

Because of that, only Ranma, Ryouga and Nabiki got into the hall. Sky as well, but the blond walked through the back door for employers and was now hanging together with Shantae next to the platform used now as a scene, trying to look inconspicuous. 

These two friends sticking together made Ranma apprehensive at first: what had they been toiling with disguises for if their mutual acquaintance with Sky gives the Nerimans away? On the other hand, it was not the fact of there being new friends that would surprise the attackers but their martial arts skills that made everything known to this world pale in comparison. The redhead smirked and relaxed, sure in her knowledge it would be easy. She only had to turn Ryouga in the right direction to prevent him breaking any unnecessary walls. 

A fat old man came out, dressed in a green coat and possessing an impressive three-pronged white beard, whom Shantae greeted with “Hello, Uncle Mimic!” Judging by his sudden frown, she managed to flash him some secret sign. 

Clearing his throat and straightening his fancy glasses with tiny round yellow lenses, the uncle opened the expo with a dramatic story of him cleverly foiling a pressure plate trap. The crowd erupted in gasps and murmurs like “amazing man!”, “such bowels!”, “what a bravery!” and the like while Nabiki said with overblown tragism in her voice: “Relic hunters are stained forever for me! Now I would never clean the image of a shitting Harrison Ford from my mind!” She slid the hat down onto her face. 

Ranma had to put titanic efforts into holding herself from laughing out loud. And yet she was grunting and squealing, shaking. 

“And now,” the uncle continued in a smooth showman's voice, “I present to you the mysterious object of the year!” He held up something that resembled a lump of ossified dirt. 

Shantae tensed like a tightly coiled spring. Ranma's mirth evaporated. Ryouga squinted, his eyes hard. Nabiki's hand drifted towards the whip on her belt. The old man was still saying something but they were not hearing him. 

But nothing was happening yet. 

“Should I crack it open?” the uncle asked hyping the crowd. 

“Do it, do it!” the crowd shouted, clapping and jostling each other in impatience. 

Mimic put the fosil onto the table and tapped it carefully with a small wooden hammer. The fossilized layer fell away to reveal a familiar lamp. The old man paled, beads of sweat glistening on his bald head: “How... How did it...” 

Tension was growing, the air becoming thick with it. 

“Umm... I apologise, ladies and gentlemen,” the uncle squeezed out. “Unfortunately, I brought a wrong item by mistake!” 

Part of the ceiling shattered loudly. Down dropped an anchor, a woman in a huge pirate hat riding it. She immediately erupted with a painfully familiar “O-ho-ho-ho-ho!” 

Ranma cringed studying the opponent during the seconds the pirate was just standing there enjoying the reactions to her dynamic entry. Her manners and her irritating laugh were strongly reminiscent of Kodachi while she was built more like Hinako-sensei: tall and shapely. The main difference was her skin being bluish-gray. Beside the eye-catching hat with its skull and crossbones, her outfit was very similar to Shantae's: pants flaring at the bottom and a narrow top. Only hers were purple. The second eye-catching detail were two bone ornaments, on her belt and her top, together making up an image of a grinning skull where her breasts encased in purple silk were peeking out from under the brow ridges. 

“Risky Boots!” Shantae jumped forward to point at her accusingly, standing in a dramatic pose. “I knew it was you!” 

Something flashed momentarily in the pirate's eyes, some maniacal glint, some suppressed emotion of such intensity it made Ranma's spine crawl and Shantae stumble a step back. 

“I so wished to see you again!” the pirate said with a lopsided grin, not making any attempt to grab the lamp. 

Ranma wasn't going to let her have a chance. Ryouga as well. Jumping over the crowd, bounding from someone's heads, the redhead was upon Risky in a flash, knocking her down to the floor and grabbing her hands. Ryouga had passed through the crowd with the grace of a hungover rhino and was now holding the lamp protectively in his left hand, his face expressing “come, get some”. 

Sounds of a brief scuffle reached from above, then Ukyou and Shampoo jumped down into the hole, each holding by the neck a gaunt pitch-black midget in red baggy pants and red head-wrap. 

So that's how tinkerbats look like. Their spherical heads sported huge yellow eyes and not a hint of a mouth or a nose. Also, they had impressive claws on their hands and feet. 

“Should I break the winch?” Akane asked, all business, as she leaned into the hole. 

“Don't! Uncle would find some use for it,” Shantae replied. She then looked at the supine Risky straddled by Ranma: “The game is over!” she said harshly. 

“Hoooh,” the pirate drawled, not disconcerted in the slightest, which made Ranma nervous: wasn't it too careless, keeping the woman in such a kiddy hold? What if she had blades in her boots? “So this is your path towards power? Finding new friends...? Why doesn't this surprise me!” She folded flexibly up wrapping her legs around Ranma, her boots pushing at the redhead's abdomen. The attempt to push off the girl straddling her failed, though: Ranma proved to be much stronger. “And what friends! You keep surprising me, half-Genie brat!” 

Ranma was liking the condescending tone of the seemingly defeated opponent less and less: could it be that she really held the town hostage with a whole army waiting in ambush on the rooftops or in the sewers? 

“And you, little red cutie,” Risky purred, her eyes glinting dangerously, “try dodging this.” 

A pirate pistol appeared in her teeth. 

Ranma started: this was unbelievable level of hidden weapons mastery. Or was it magic? It didn't matter: the pistol was aimed to the side, not threatening her at all. 

“Sheehesh” Risky mumbled unintelligibly through a mouthful of handle. Then she fired! Into the crowd...? Ranma cast a fleeting glance to the side. Thankfully, not, so— 

Her danger sense blared making her release Risky's hands to drop flat on her back. A tiny missile grazed her hair, already curving for its second pass, so rapidly that an untrained human wouldn't be able seeing it. 

“ _Seeker!_ ” Risky fired again as she grabbed the pistol with her hand catapulting Ranma away with a powerful thrust of her legs. Ranma barely had time to flip upright when she had to dodge two projectiles at once. She'd be in a really tight spot if not for that training with bees long ago. 

Shantae rushed at her arch-nemesis with a battle cry, but the woman managed squeezing out two more shots before ascending on a stubby cannon bigger than herself. The first explosion threw Shantae away, peppering her with splinters, the following ones just finished the wooden floor exposing stone foundation underneath. 

Ranma was dodging desperately, twisting and flipping impossibly, not keen to learning how hard these homing projectiles would hit 

“Hey-ya!” dropping her tinkerbat, Ukyou slammed her combat spatula into one of the tiny missiles like a flyswater. There was a deafening clang, her hands growing a bit numb. One more missile slammed into the edge of the scene platform, smashing wood. One just fizzed out to nothingness. Ranma smashed the last one with her fist seeing there was nothing too dangerous in them. 

“Dream on, spindly!” Shampoo added slamming her tinkerbat into the unwatched one who, it turned out, had produced a scimitar from somewhere and was sneaking on Ukyou from behind. 

Both monsters slumped, cross-eyed. 

“She gave us the slip!” Shantae said in shocked disbelief, looking up at the hole. “We had such an advantage but she gave us the slip!” 

“Here, take it.” Ryouga held the lamp out to her, looking sheepish. 

Shantae squinted examining the artifact from all sides. Then she mumbled with worry: “I don't feel any magic in it. Of course it should be sealed right now, but what if...” She gasped. Then she ran to her uncle who was standing up slowly and cautiously from behind the scene. She thrust the lamp into his hands: “Uncle Mimic! Hurry, tell me: is this the real one or a fake?” 

“You... You can't imagine how dangerous—” he tried dodging the question. 

“I can! Believe me, I returned from the future! Hurry, I beg you: is this a fake?” 

He straightened his glasses nervously as he examined the artifact thoroughly. 

Then his shoulders slumped: “It's a fake.” 

“I knew it!” Shantae exclaimed in frustration. “I was suspecting from the beginning that she stole the real lamp long before this day and the today's attack was just a public stunt!” 

The hall was emptying rapidly. Screams could be heard from outside, from the wharf. 

“I have to protect the town!” Shantae shouted dashing towards the doors. 

Ranma followed her, swearing, frustrated with her failure. 

“Where should we put these?” Ukyou and Shampoo asked Mimic almost synchronously. 

“We must tie them up and stick them in a barrel,” he replied, still out of it. “Go, I'll deal with these...” He bent down to drag the unconscious enemies by their feet. 

“I too—” the lost boy began but was interrupted by Nabiki: 

“You'd better stay, Ryouga-kun. This Risky, she had the eyes of a dangerous psycho who knows no bounds. She is unpredictable. How would you rate the chance of her suddenly taking Shantae-chan's friends or family hostage?” She pointed at Mimic with her eyes. The old man looked so lost, barely focused on his task of tying up the knocked out monsters, not watching his back at all. An easy prey for any evildoer. 

“All right, I'll guard him,” Ryouga agreed. Picking with his foot in the torn up floor he found a log of about two meters length, tore it out and started walking back and forth carrying it on his shoulder. 

“Hmm, this anchor is folding,” Nabiki noted with idle curiosity as she studied the big iron item lodged in the floor. “So that's how they were hiding it in a barrel!” 

* * *

It turned out there _were_ tinkerbats hidden in the town. The whole half a dozen of them. Done with pillaging, they were fleeing, bent under the burden of their loot, when Ranma and the three fiancees stampeded them. 

“And that's all?” Akane pouted with disappointment: she never had a chance to hit anyone. 

“We tie them up and go looking for Risky,” Shantae commanded as she produced ropes with a practiced motion to wrap a tinkerbat bouquet. “These would be useful later, as a proof of work.” Finding an empty barrel, she lifted the bouquet with a grunt of exertion to stuff it there, only the heads with blinking yellow eyes sticking out. 

The dancer may be weak compared to the Nerima Wrecking Crew but she still could lift about two hundred kilograms. 

They ran to the wharf where panicking crowds were scuttling to and fro with gusto. The fish merchant was having a day as many resorted to shopping therapy to calm their nerves. 

“And not a trace of Risky,” Shantae concluded grimly as she stared at the horizon. “She should now be moving her surprise ship here, but I'm not sure in anything any more.” 

Suddenly one small ship at the end of the leftmost pier unfurled a sail sporting skull and crossbones on its only mast and pulled off, smoke puffing out of a brass stove-pipe sticking above its cabin. 

“But she...” Shantae let out a growling moan of frustration hitting herself in the forehead and hurting her knuckles against the tiara. “She was right in front of us!” 

“It's her?” Ranma asked assessing if she could catch it. It was no use: the pier was long while the boat was moving too swiftly to catch it by swimming. “Aw, bugger. She's gone, we can't catch her.” 

“It's her Tinker Tub.” Shantae glared at the tiny ship. “See this beam along the side, howzit...” 

“Gunwale,” Shampoo cued her. 

“Yeah, this gunk-whale,” Shantae continued. “It's red and this... little house in the back has red edges and there is a brass ring riveted to the mast? How could I miss it!” 

The boat began turning around. A familiar “Ho-ho-ho” reached across the distance, followed by a cannon blast. A pinkish-purple cannonball flew at the wharf in a high arch. Not too fast, in Ranma's opinion. Shantae unthinkingly stepped in its path to whip it back with a clang. Which, in Shampoo's opinion, required guts and perfect timing. The cannonball exploded before reaching the boat. 

The crowds of citizens began panicking with redoubled gusto, vacating the wharf in the orderly fashion of frightened chicken. 

“To the bridge!” Shantae shouted, already running. “We don't want her wrecking the entire port aiming at us!” 

The boat followed them after turning in another half-circle. It was clear now that it was being propelled by some sort of engine, the sail being a fancy prop. 

On the bridge they were joined by Mimic, Sky, an unfamiliar guy with his hair held up with a yellow ribbon and a huge spiked ball on a chain in his hands, Ryouga and Nabiki. 

The boat was closing in. Risky shot a couple more times. One cannonball was beaten away by Shantae, the other one by Ukyou in a fit of bravery. 

The boat was close enough that Ranma was going to board it when Risky forestalled her by making a running jump from the bowsprit and gliding the remaining distance on her jhat, holding onto it with both hands like it was some sort of glider. 

She then stood, her hand on her hip, surveying the company of ten people with unhealthy fire in her eyes. Bravery or madness? Some sort of killer ace in her sleeve or simply losing it? This person was making everyone nervous, regardless of power and experience. 

“Surrender!” Shantae demanded, more to silence her own doubts. “This is my last offer!” 

Behind the queen of pirates the small ship was careening, creaking, groaning, puffing steam as it was climbing awkwardly onto the bridge, supported with a pair of crude mechanical legs with wide wooden feet. Its front, it turned out, had a massive metallic lower jaw with blunt teeth. Two huge eyes popped out of the oversized hawse holes, blinking with leathery eyelids and giving the boat a surrealistic and bug-eyed look. 

“Meet my Oceanic Steam-powered Tinker Tub,” Risky offered. “Mark one. I admit it's a bit on the weak side compared to the Mark Two, not to mention the Tinker Slug...” 

“Don't worry! I've beaten your slug, I've beaten your mark two!” Shantae was growing angry. “Me and my friends will beat this one, be sure of it!” 

“Oh really?” Risky drawled, the glint in her eye turning unhealthy to the point of disturbing. “And when, may I ask?” 

Shantae opened her mouth for some more rebuke but froze, paling rapidly, staring at the pirate lady as if she was seeing a ghost. 

The woman laughed heartily, shaking from her laughter and distracting Ryouga and that unfamiliar guy with secondary resonance effects. 

“I don't like this at all,” Shampoo said. 

“You don't say,” Ukyou quipped. “It's only visible from a kilometer away that there's a big, fat catch.” 

“Could it be,” Nabiki voiced everyone's dawning suspicion, “that the Queen of Seven Seas has returned from the future as well?” 

“You and me don't age,” Risky continued, addressing Shantae paralyzed by shock. “I am half-Rakshasi, you are half-Genie. We cannot guess from each other's appearance from how far in the future we came. This uncertainity, this thrill of the risk... are they bubbling in your blood as well?” 

“A year and a week!” Shantae shouted furiously as she shook off her stupor and took a combat stance. “I returned back from one year and one week ahead! And I learned much in that time!” 

“Well...” Risky's grin widened, baring teeth. “Let me demonstrate what I learned in these _twenty years_ ”. 

There was a pregnant pause, Shantae gulping audibly. 

Then events started happening at breakneck pace.


	10. Risky Boots

“Twenty years...?” Sky muttered in shock.

“She got to be bluffing,” Ukyou replied.

The pirate lady pulled out her scimitar taking a stance similar to that of a running start. Her eyes were blazing with thirst for battrle.

“ _Don't block_!!!” Shantae shouted with such desperation and terror in her voice that most of the company reacted instantly, without thinking. Especially as the half-Genie threw herself flat to the ground, risking to slide off the bridge as the guardrails here consisted of a square wooden beam.

Ranma jumped up, letting a blurry trail of bluish afterimages pass harmlessly underneath. Ryouga dodged deftly, not forgetting to jerk Akane aside by the scruff of her gi. Nabiki made a slow but over-cautious jump off the bridge towards the shore, already spinning her whip up to catch the guardrail. Sky was pulled aside by her parrot who proved so powerful she got wrapped around the guardrail on the seaside, barely arresteding her tumble over the edge. Mimic was pushed aside by that unfamiliar guy with a spiky ball on a chain. Shampoo made a beatiful tumbling jump upwards.

And only Ukyou shielded herself by reflex with her combat spatula, crouching behind it.

The blurry streak swept her away with a clang, sparks flashing, to catapult her away without even slowing down. Crossing twenty more meters it collapsed back into Risky, turning back smugly while replacing her scimitar.

“U-chan!” Ranma shouted, in the process of landing, her eyes wide.

The spinning top of black, dark blue, metal and chestnut was heading in an arch ending at the fronts of the wall of buildings over the bay. The spinning then slowed sharply as Ukyou started screaming, trying to slow her flight with her spatula by wrapping herself into a tight ball around the end of its handle.

That ended in partial success. Partial because the spatula turned at an angle, like an one-bladed propeller, making the girl soar up like a maple key, accompanied with her pulsating “AAaaAAaaAAah”.

“Ouch!” Shampoo cringed in sympathy.

Rotational momentum ran out. Ukyou could finally get her bearings and began screaming twice louder as she found herself high in the air, higher than even the tallest towers! Luckily, the okonomiyaki cook kept her wits. Hollering something about “not ready yet” she spun her spatula around herself in eights and loops and other zig-zags which looked similar to padding or the flight of a one-winged bird.

Still, that slowed her fall from “would splatter” to “fracture would be compound”.

“U-chan!” Ranma shouted, itching to run to the rescue but seeing there was no way she'd get there in time.

“Wrench!” Sky threw her attack parrot. He zipped to intercept like a pink-and-blue lighting and—

And they were denied the opportunity to see how it ended.

“Men! Flank them!” Risky barked aiming her pirate pistol in a deliberately slow motion.

Tinkerbats leaned from the boat's prow, aiming pistols as well. Though most were just waving their scimitars for effect.

Ranma rushed the pirate lady without thinking, itching to get revenge — both for U-chan and for her earlier humiliation. Shampoo, of course, ran after her.

Sky and Nabiki exchanged glances and ducked lower, hiding behind the railing outside the bridge, across each other, where the railing consisted of low stone wall continuing the bridge pillar.

Shantae let out a battle cry as she rushed to board the boat.

Akane only hesitated for a moment. Casting a frustrated glance towards Ranma and Risky, she ran after the dancer. Ryouga, of course, headed to protect her, overtaking her as he readied his finger which wasn't boding well for the little ship.

The unfamiliar guy stayed to cover the old man, spinning his spiky ball while Mimic was reading some sort of scroll under his breath.

Shantae was in front of the boat in a second because tinkerbats were shooting rarely, their shots going wide.

Akane slowed, unsure what to do: Shantae's head barely reached the bottom. There were huge mechanical legs shifting ahead, slightly reminiscent of duck ones. Such a wooden foot could step on a horse without noticing, one had to have a siege engine, not hair, to assault them.

The boat, though, leaned down opening its flath-toothed maw wide. Shantae deftly pushed off the jaw with her foot to hang, having snatched the bowsprit with her hair, while Akane found herself in the way of a huge anchor barfed up by the boat. Shrieking in panic she jumped almost to the deck height. Which was four meters up.

Ryouga growled, becoming angry. Dodging the anchor he dashed along the chain trailing it. He jumped right into the open maw, into the wooden insides of the boat, dropping his pole which was too long for the confined space. A large barrel rolled at him, immediately receiving a “breaking point” and—

And turning out to be stuffed with explosives. The boom was deafening, blast wave nearly knocking Shantae off the bowsprit — luckily, she had grabbed it with her feet — and throwing Akane away.

Ryouga flew fast but low, almost clipping a ducking Nabiki, then splashing down in the bay.

The boat stood straighter, its maw half closed, winding the chain back with rattling and clanking. The anchor was scraping across the cobblestone pavement.

Mimic — whom the anchor had missed thanks to the spiky ball guy jerking him away by the scruff of his coat — finally finished reading his scroll. A spiky ball began orbiting him, quite similar to the one the guy wielded. The old man immediately threw something at the vessel, a small but dense cloud of white smoke obscuring its bow.

Akane, meanwhile, jumped up to the railing, then jumped higher from there to punch the boat in its right eye. It jerked, squinting. The motion threw the tinkerbats off their feet. Shantae grabbed at the opportunity to climb up onto the deck while they were disorganized and could not threaten loping her hands off.

A second later tinkerbats began flying off the smoke-shrouded deck one after another, tumbling erratically through the air. Letting out a battle cry, Shantae was using everything she learned at the Tendou dojo: sliding all over the deck sowing confusion in the enemy ranks, grabbing the poor midgets with her hair to throw them overboard or into their brethren... In short, she was mowing them down.

> (see [Shantae Hair whip by rongs1234 @ DeviantArt](https://www.deviantart.com/rongs1234/art/Shantae-Hair-whip-212617335) )

* * *

Ranma and Shampoo's fight went sour right off the bat. Shouting “ _Seeker_ ” and launching a small swarm of homing projectiles, the woman in the fancy hat succeeded in pretending overconfident and unprepared — only to throw herself under the girls as they pounced, sliding beneath them on her back.

She did not just slide, she pulled her scimitar out to wave it around, making them twist at the limits of their flexibility to avoid the sharp blade. This let half of the remaining projectiles hit them. Ranma weathered this indifferently, she was though, but Shampoo received a couple that she felt.

When the two girls could restore their balance and smash the rest of the missiles, Risky was ready. She almost hit them as she blurred towards the wharf.

Shampoo dodged as she glimpsed the scimitar's point at the front of this bluish streak. Ranma dodged easily, attempting also to trip their adversary. She just hurt her foot and was thrown off the bridge for her effort, it felt like she tried kicking a freight train. To add insult to injury, her body was smashed through the railing beam in the process.

Turning around, Risky ran at Shampoo at lazy pace. She was holding the scimitar — the amazon could see it now — in a deceptively relaxed grip. Cussing elaborately in Chinese, Shampoo began backing away, dodging the deceptively simple sword swings and cursing the loss of her maces. If only she had something, even a stick! She had met similar swordsmen in the past so she was wary of fighting this one bare-handed: at her skill level it was fraught with quick and ignoble loss of body parts. All she dared to do was dodging and occasionally slapping the flat of the blade aside.

But then Ranma was back, soaked and thirsting for a re-match. Risky didn't even try turning to face her, just ascended atop of her cannon as suddenly as sudden was Ranma's pounce at her back. The first explosion threw the two martial artists away but they kept their footing. The following ones just pounded the bridge. Three, four, five and then Risky was hanging at unreachable height, floating down on her hat so slowly it was pretty clear there was magic at work.

Shampoo barely had time to feel relief that both of their opponent's hands were occupied when the pirate pistol appeared in Risky's hand. Somehow, she held it at the same time as the hat's edge. Or was the hat hooked around the handle? Either way, she begain raining magical bullets on the two girls. These ones flew straight but were much more powerful, like arrows of white fire striking dust from the cobbles with bright bluish flashes.

Ranma and Shampoo were twisting ant tumbling: miss one such projectile, and you're done for! Shantae was right when she had told them the pistol could bring her down in one hit. But the rate of fire! This looked more like some sort of blaster than a pirate pistol!

Shampoo was exercising the finer points of Chinese vocabulary. Ranma was simply giving promises in the vein of just you wait, you'll float down and I'll show you. Then the redhead got bored with this show so she slammed a “tiger domineering” into their barely moving opponent.

Risky got surprised. Then the charge of orange overconfidence slammed into her like a wrecking ball.

And then they saw her, barely scuffed, hanging very, very high in the sky. And laughing. This laugh was irritating like nails against chalkboard, despite the distance.

“Ranma.” Shampoo sighed. “You just outdid my most idiotic plans for catching you. Outdid them far. I am even wary now of the fact that we are destined for each other!”

“How could I know she's that tough!” the other girl whined.

And then the barrage resumed, but now dodging was harder because they could barely see their opponent's hand and the direction she was aiming at.

* * *

The boarding was going well. Shantae had cleared the deck and was now whipping the bulkhead door, chips flying. The spiky ball guy joined her: his weapon proved to have hidden tricks, he could make the chain longer and use it as a grappling hook. Akane got the gist of dodging the anchor and was busying herself punching the eyes in turn, jumping onto the railing to reach them, making the boat squint and back away. Mimic and Nabiki were left without anything useful to do. Sky was gesticulating animatedly with one hand, trying to dissuade the seagulls who wanted to join the fun:

“No, no and no! Did you see how tricky her pistol is? Bullets chase the target on their own! Don't even let yourself be seen until we take it from her!”

When a soaked Ryouga climbed back onto the bridge, narrowed his eyes and cracked his neck it became clear the boat was done for.

And even Nabiki got distracted so much that the volley of explosions rolling among them caught everyone by surprise.

Deafening booms, smoke, ringing ears, disorientation — and Risky Boots who appeared, judging by her laugh, right in front of the boat!

“Stop, you parasite!” Ranma yelled, arriving just a tad slower only to catch a cannonball exploding in her face. “Stop and fight” She chased Risky again as the woman rode her cannon in the other direction trailing yet another barrage of powerful explosions.

“Ranma, you are a _fool_!” Shampoo's conclusion could be heard from that direction.

“Ev.. everyone all right?” Nabiki asked, coughing and waving the smoke away.

“I am,” replied a knocked down Akane in a singed gi. “Oww...”

“I fell into the water,” Sky's voice reached from below. “How should— Watch out! Tinkerbats!”

Familiar shapes of black midgets in baggy red trousers and red kerchiefs began emerging from the dissipating smoke. How did they get there? Had Risky sowed dragon teeth?

A few of them ganged on Akane making her grow nervous and back away from opponents brandishing sharpened steel.

Two were already wrapping ropes around the old man, who was out cold.

About five of them had the misfortune of rushing the singed, stumbling, head-shaking Ryouga.

Three went for Nabiki. Assessing her chances, she turned her back on them, took aim and jumped off the bridge. The tinkerbats followed her hastily.

There were three splashes.

“I have... to work on... my shape...” Nabiki huffed climbing her whip wrapped around the railing beam.

Finding her courage, Akane began fighting back against the tinkerbats swarming her and even pushing them back, dodging deftly or parrying with strikes at their wrists or the dull edges of their scimitars.

Those that attacked Ryouga... Their story was as sad as it was short, their lament for not having wings profound. Then those backing from Akane followed their fate. She pouted, offended by his lack of belief in her ability to handle this by herself.

Ryouga wasn't discouraged, though. He switched to the boat, already raising his finger. One “breaking point” later the metallic jaw was sporting a... small pockmark? Ryouga frowned, concentrating. There were lots of breaking points in the jaw. Too many, in fact. His second attempt only led to the ship losing one flat tooth. The metal at the break turned to be porous like solidified foam.

“Ack!” Sky shouted from the water. “They are swimming after me!”

The seagulls refused to be kept back this time. They began diving at some invisible but pretty obvious targets on the sea side.

Nabiki started. Leaning over the stone-wall part of the railing she saw the trio of her pursuers climbing up the bridge pillar. There were more swimming in from the water, maybe even those Shantae threw off the boat earlier.

Checking her back nervously if someone was sneaking up on her, Nabiki put her whip to work knocking the enemies back into the water. She shouted over her shoulder: “Shantae! we are being swarmed with tinkerbats!”

“I can't!” the half-Genie shouted back from the deck. “There are hordes of them inside! They crawl out faster than I— Eek! Take that! And that!”

Ryouga tried to switch to the bowsprit but just froze in puzzlement: “This tub doesn't have any breaking points at all! Is it a living thing?”

He tried smashing wood with his fists, but even that was barely working: the boat was resisting damage like it was enchanted. It was just backing away in discomfort.

“By the way...” Nabiki stopped for a moment to take a look around. “Aren't we forgetting someone? With a long beard and a green coat?”

The four tinkerbats, who were trying to sneak away carrying tied up Mimic along the top of the railing on the boat's left side, froze with a start. Their heads were slowly, fearfully turning towards Ryouga.

It would've served them better to look up: the spiky ball guy jumped onto them from the deck where he had been helping Shantae. Four smacks later, he was dragging the old man away in the same direction: there was no time to untie him. Passing the stern he hopped off the railing and disappeared from view.

Judging by the sounds of intense battle and the ever-slowing stream of tinkerbats flying off the deck, Shantae met difficulties.

Then, after yet another series of explosions from the direction where Ranma and Shampoo were fighting, closer to the town, a figure with long, sooty hair, in scraps of a waitress dress, tumbled away in an arch leading away from the bridge. Managing to tell Risky what an unnatural and anatomically impossible thing she should do with her cannon, Shampoo splashed down in the bay. One combatant lost.

Tearing out of the ruined fabric, the cat began swimming across the bay, towards the shore where the bathhouse was.

Lightning flashed a couple times from the deck, then Shantae jumped down, forced to retreat: “Is the entire inside there full of these summoning pots? Where are these hordes coming from?”

“Oh-ho-ho-ho!” Risky laughed sliding over them on her hat. “It's best for you to not know!” She landed on the deck already festooned with aggressive tinkerbats.

“Whatever you think,” Nabiki said rolling her whip up, “I'm out of here.”

Casting a glance around the bay to memorize the positions of swimming tinkerbats, she jumped off the bridge ramrod straight, holding onto her hat. Hitting the water, she disappeared from view: was probably going to swim underwater for how long her breath lasts.

And so they were four, against a slightly scuffed Risky Boots on her slightly scuffed boat full of warlike minions.

“Men!” the pirate lady commanded. “Distract those three, I wish to... converse with the half-Genie brat tet-a-tet!

Then she pulled out her pistol, making Shantae slide away from the boat under a barrage of bullets shining like bluish fire, aimed to miss — barely, only if the dancer dodges away.

“Fight me, you scum!” Ranma roared, appearing on the deck in an instant, taking a shot on her crossed arms then slamming her right leg into her opponent's left side.

To her own surprise, it worked. This was the first solid hit she landed on this clever, slippery bugger!

Risky was thrown off the deck with a muffled huff of pain... Only to rise higher with two shots of her cannon and continue by sliding over the bay waters on her hat. While keeping shooting at Shantae!

“Tiger Domineering!” Ranma launched her orange ball of overconfidence, quite wimpy one as she was mostly feeling helplessness and frustration.

Risky dodged easily, by simply switching to her cannon to jump over the ki-blast.

“Shantae is Akane's friend,” Ryouga began hyping himself up while absent-mindedly punting tinkerbats away. “Akane would be sad. No, she would be stricken with grief! She would be suffering! Liooooon... Roaaaaar...”

Either Risky was that sharp herself, or Ranma's nasty grin hinted her, but she hastily put her hat back on her head to begin plummeting.

Ryouga, though, took lead on her: “Blaaast!”

The mighty ball of swamp-green depression streaked over the waters making waves part with its mere proximity, leaving a foamy trail.

Already falling onto her back, Risky managed to mount her cannon upside down, practically slamming herself into the water. The telltale column of water was instantly swept away by the blast of depressive ki.

Alas, Shantae was the only one who was far enough to the side to see that trick. The view for the martial artists on the deck was obscured by the ki-charge itself. They were about to celebrate when they realized the direction the four-meter blast was going. Both gulped nervously.

Thankfully, “lion roar blast” did not hit the town as it slammed into a round stone tower rising out of the water. The same one Shantae told about of being demolished by Risky in the future. The tower tilted and began sinking.

“Gack!” Ryouga commented nervously. Looking around he saw the redhead and proclaimed accusingly: “Ranma, it's all your fault!”

“Mine?” she retorted, offended. “Why—”

“Help!” Akane's panicked yelp interrupted them.

Both jumped off the boat aiming at the voice. Down on the bridge, tinkerbats were practically swarming, pressing on the desperately fighting girl from all sides, bristling with a ring of blades. She was still unhurt only thanks to the thick fabric of her gi soaking up glancing blows. But it was already sporting cuts and tears.

Ranma and Ryouga mowed this mass down in an instant, not shy of striking hard. On a side note it turned out that a dead tinkerbat dissolves into black jello-smoke like those manifested curses after the battle at the Tendou dojo. The surviving ones backed away to a safe distance, torn between wariness and the need to press on.

The boat stared at the three martial artists, crossing its eyes to see them standing right in front of its bow. Shifting from foot to foot nervously, it began opening its maw.

Ryouga glared at it so hard the tub clamped its jaw shut, backpedaling.

“Shantae-chan!” Akane shouted in alarm, making to run towards the other girl.

Ranma and Ryouga turned around in puzzlement... A soaked Risky Boots, her pants sticking to her legs, rivulets running off her hat, was strolling towards the half-Genie, her gait predatory and menacing in its dance-like smoothness. The pointy-eared girl was backing away.

“Why, you!!!” Ranma roared, dashing at the enemy. This was personal. The rare tinkerbats parted before her, pressing against the railing.

“But it was full-power!” Ryouga grew angry, frustrated by his ki-blast having no visible effect. He dashed after her.

The parting tinkerbats first shuffled with cautious side-steps, then boldly rushed Akane all as one. She eeped taking a defensive stance... and only her danger sense let her avoid the anchor aimed at her back. But the dodge cost her balance and the black midgets exploited the opening. Had Ryouga return a second later she'd be a head shorter.

He mowed those down. New ones leaned from the boat to begin shooting. The boat began winding the rattling chain back, its mouth only half-opened so that no one could jump in there. It was also actively backpedaling.

Akane was trying to help however she could, but four at once were her limit while the parasitic things tended to press her with numbers all the while fleeing from Ryouga. While he was moving the black scum on the deck, the boat opened its maw wide to barf a dozen more right at Akane. He rushed back to her, scythed through those. The unfinished ones from the deck began firing again. He tried tearing the boat's jaw off. It was creaking, bending, but not breaking, clearly fortified with either ki or magic. Tinkerbats, meanwhile, were climbing onto the bridge over the railings, trying to flank Akane.

* * *

Ranma was backing from Risky who proved to be an unexpectedly hard opponent. Kunou with a real sword? Dangerous, but only because he comes out of the blue. Mousse with blades in his sleeves? Oh, please. A master swordswoman of a completely unfamiliar school...? Houston, we have a small problem.

Shantae tried to help at first, but after hitting Ranma instead of Risky with her lightning two times in row — this bugger was seemingly able to read her moves from a kilometer away — she excused herself and was gone. Ranma was too focused on her opponent to pay attention.

There was a predatory grin on the face of the woman in purple, her eyes shining with such intense battle-lust it was scary. No, Ranma himself loved to fight, and he was quite indifferent to crippling blows when the opponent is guaranteed to dodge. But wrapping a decapitating strike in two layers of feints...? The redhead twisted away at the limit of her speed, bending back so sharply her vertebrae popped while her chin felt the cool breeze of a passing blade. No, this wasn't your normal desire to fight. This was some psychotic blood-lust. Thankfully, the woman wasn't trying to lick her blade. Yet.

Using the received kick at her abdomen to break the distance, Ranma began backing again, dodging deceptively simple scimitar swings. Had she been demanding to fight fair, face-to face? Oh yeah, she was screaming for it. So here it is. She asked for it. Now, how to handle this jerk!

Oh no, Risky was both weaker physically and slower. But the relatively narrow bridge and the unfamiliar school of kenjutsu were negating Ranma's advantages. Try hitting the sword arm or trip...? May work, but is fraught with loss of body parts.

Honestly, what should have she expected from a notorious pirate? That she'd be a weaksauce wimp?

Ranma kept analyzing, trying to read her style. It wasn't working. This was a mix of everything and a kitchen sink, matching Anything-Goes in its unpredictability, glued together with real combat experience. If only she had a stick, Ranma was confident in her ability to pummel her opponent with her speed and strength alone.

There was also the sure-fire dirty trick of a point-blank “tiger domineering” but Ranma was wary of using it, leaving it for the last resort: this.. psycho would undoubtedly take offense and switch to ranged fighting. Been there, seen that. Cannon, hat, pistol — and you are darting around like a cockroach under a hail of slippers and gnash your teeth because you got nothing to get her.

..a stick...?

Breaking rapidly from her opponent, Ranma began looking around searching for that wooden pole thingy Ryouga had been brandishing before the fight. Finding a piece of it, she picked this improvised club to turn back to Risky with an arrogant grin.

The woman replied with a grin of her own, baring teeth, making Ranma's bravado evaporate. The martial artist attacked swiftly but cautiously, primed to dodge if anything goes wrong. She batted the scimitar aside with the stick in her left hand... And barely twisted away, doubling over, when the blade — but it's one-sided! — went through the piece of wood on its return swing like it was empty air, trailing purplish afterglow.

How...?!

How did she manage reversing her grip in mid-swing?

Risky, meanwhile, took a nauseatingly familiar stance reminiscent of a running start. Ranma tried tripping her in this brief moment of motionlessness. But from her awkward position, she was a fraction of a second late. She was thrown aside, her feet bruised, while Risky streaked away in a bluish trail of after-images.

Ranma jumped onto her feet to see: Risky, having stopped right in front of the boat. Clouds of dust over the fresh hole in the stone wall railing to the right. And legs in greenish gi flipping over the railing to the left, the bare feet flashing momentarily. Also, Shantae who finally got Risky with her lightning from her right hand, together with tinkerbats from her left.

Akane!

He knew, he knew this psycho could cut the dancer to ribbons if she just fancies to. He knew how this could end — but he jumped after Akane anyway.

Cool depth, greenish murk, deeper, green-tinted darkness, why the demons it's so deep here, the bay was shallow! Desperately, to and fro. Where! Isn't here. Isn't here either. Where is she! What a bad luck, for the second time this day. Faster, she'd drown... Not here... Not here either... Here she is!

Throwing the uncute one out of the water so that she catches the edge of the bridge, the redhead flew up the bridge pillar, already turning to face the opponent. Risky's back was twenty meters ahead, she was pressing the rapidly retreating Shantae.

A girl able to hold her own against Akane. Facing an opponent as good as Pops if not the old freak, armed with a bladed weapon.

It was clear as day that the pointy-eared girl was only alive because the bluish psycho was amused playing with her. Swinging her scimitar lazily, she was ghosting through Shantae's blocks as if they weren't there, making the girl jerk and jump back - but always too late, always after the strike was deliberately stopped short.

Gritting her teeth, Ranma stayed to punt away tinkerbats who rushed the helplessly hacking Akane. She had to hurry! Who knows what thought crosses this woman's head? Crazy like ten Kodachi, dangerous like ten Kodachi. Ranma could attack her any moment. And she was almost sure the woman would be glad for the challenge. But would she switch to fighting Ranma right away, or would first lop the half-Genie's head off? And who would be there to cover Akane? What was taking the swine so long!!!

Finally Ryouga climbed back onto the bridge. Instantly leaving Akane to him, the redhead rushed to help.

Judging by Shantae's eyes, wide in terror, it was clear she was keenly aware her opponent was playing with her like a... meowing hell-spawn with a mouse. Seeing Ranma approach she tried breaking away by sliding back vigorously.

Risky wasn't going to let her. Closing the distance as sharply she at the same time struck in a wide upward arch, so fast that even for Ranma's eyes it looked like a blur.

Something arched away, trailing red. Shantae shrieked, then she continued parrying with only one hand.

Akane, who was following on her fiancee's heels, had time to feel frost along her spine, her hair moving. Then she saw Shantae's top on the bridge cobbles. The red fabric was intact, but the golden ring was cleaved cleanly in half. Obviously, Shantae deemed preserving her modesty more important than defense and was now covering herself with her left hand.

Risky tsked disapprovingly as she sped her blows up smoothly, keeping even with the dancer back-sliding in panic. The two martial artists were rapidly catching up to them, Ranma far ahead.

“ _Seeker_!”

Off-hand, holding the pistol in her left hand pointed straight up.

And Ranma had to stop and back away to smash at the swarm of homing bullets going for Akane like rabid wasps.

Risky, meanwhile, was swinging her scimitar faster and trickier by the second. Shantae was dodging by the skin of her teeth.

“Stop covering yerself!” Ranma shouted receiving a surprised glance from Akane who caught up with her. “She wants you fighting at your fullest!”

Whatever you think, Ranma was afraid that Risky may decide Shantae wasn't regarding her seriously. And to the hell with these girly sensibilities!

Alas, Shantae interpreted the redhead's words differently. She attacked with a battle cry of terror, but still keeping her charms covered with her left hand.

With lazy grace, Risky dodged several awkward hair slashes: Shantae's school required both arms to be free, acting as counter-balances. Then she made an off-hand swing with her scimitar, trailing an arch of purplish afterglow.

Gold flashing in the sun, the tiara flew apart, cleaved. Akane gasped and pressed forward, almost overtaking Ranma.

Panicking, Shantae began continuously sliding backwards, deflecting the blows with her bracer. But again only using her right hand. The two combatants were about to move from the bridge to the wharf and Ranma hissed through her teeth noticing a small step where these two met — not big enough to be obstacle to pedestrians or carts, but big enough to knock the blindly backing Shantae off her feet.

Disregarding the risks, the redhead accelerated, dashing full-tilt. And again Risky threw her right arm with the pistol out , this time aiming backwards, her aim slightly off... At Akane again! And it was not going to be a wimpy homing bullet, but a real, powerful one! Her feet sliding on the cobbles, doing her utmost to arrest her movement, Ranma threw herself backwards, turning around in mid-flight to collide with Akane hard, knocking her down. They only felt the bullet by the gust of air ruffling Akane's hair. But both the girls, already slamming into the ground, saw _what_ they just dodged. There was a powerful explosion nearly knocking Ryouga off his feet.

So was this woman able to shoot cannonballs from her pistol as well?

Risky didn't even look back, speeding up until her scimitar blurred. Shantae yelped like a wounded bunny. Some bits and pieces were flying in all directions — Akane desperately hoped, from the clothing. The golden bracer was sparkling, crumbling. Thin strands of hair were floating away on the wind.

And still Shanate refused to use her left hand.

“Shantae-chan!” Akane screamed in desperation when the dancer's dusky skin began marring with red streaks. Jumping to her feet she made to the rescue, not looking, not thinking.

Ranma arrested her movement jerking her back by her hand: “Jump into the water as soon as she pulls out—”

“Let me go!” Akane tore her hand free to dash forward. Ranma could only overtake her for half a step and keep there hoping to react in time. Punting the headstrong tomboy off the bridge would be easier and safer than reasoning with her.

Alas, that delay was enough for the dueling combatants to reach that step of doom. Shantae fell onto her back, her left hand still pressed against her chest. Risky pounced immediately, straddling her. She grabbed the half-Genie's right hand with her left, then put the scimitar in her right hand against her throat unopposed. And leaned close over her bloodied, terrified prey, whispering something with passion. Shantae froze.

Ranma and Akane froze as well, having been just five meters late. Both were afraid to even breathe.

“..think that preserving your modesty would be more important to you than your life,” Risky continued her monologue. “I'm very disappointed.” Her voice was filled with real, unfeigned disappointment. “I guess in all those years I haven't noticed myself as I replaced my memories of you with an idealized image.” She sighed pressing the scimitar a little harder. A drop of blood rolled down the blade. “Such a crazy adventure, and all for naught... Well, at least the world would fall into my hands like an overripe fruit. None of those sorry losers is prepared for my true pow— Gah...”

Shantae's left hand was clutching a dagger handle sticking from her opponent's side. The half-Genie was shaking from fear mixed with resolve. A few more drops of blood rolled down the scimitar edge.

“Hoooh,” Risky drawled in an approving voice. “You say I was right to believe in you...?” She pulled the blade away from her downed opponent's throat to stand up in a little awkward but still catlike-graceful motion. Glancing with satisfaction at the dagger handle still sticking out of her side, she... gushed: “Right in the liver, just like my wee daughter!”

“You... have... a daughter?” Shantae asked, breathing heavily. She tried standing up, which proved hard to do as she was now hugging herself forcefully with both arms. Her right bracer was all cut and banged up. There were red rivulets seeping down her sides.

“She's almost grown up!” Risky replied proudly as she shook her scimitar clean and sheathed it. “She had even made her first attempt at my life! I'd show the scar but I'm afraid you stuck your pocket knife right into it.” She glanced behind Ranma and Akane's backs. “Well, I shall be going. Don't forget to bring the three magical seals.”

Ranma took a look back as well. At the other side of the bridge — when have they crossed it? — the bug-eyed little ship had moved from the bridge to the shore and was now kicking away at the crowd of Nerimans, Shantae's friends and town guards surrounding it. Ryouga holding onto the tongue chain was impeding the Tinker Tub's movements greatly, but tinkerbats swarming the deck were able to repel any boadring attempts so far, swinging their scimitars and shooting her magical pistols.

She made a smooth step forward. Missing this opportunity would—

“Stop!” Shantae halted the redhead with a sharp shout when the edge of her palm was centimeters from Risky's neck. The woman didn't even flinch. Ranma shivered shuffling back to a safe distance. This Pirate Queen was making her wary, even severely wounded and with her sword sheathed.

“As you are from the future,” Shantae said, her voice strung with unyielding resolve, “you must know what is coming...” She was shaking a bit.

Akane helped her onto her feet, doting over her and gasping at the multitude of shallow, bleeding cuts.

For a moment the opponents stood staring each other down, seemingly unaware of their wounds.

“Don't worry,” Risky said patronizingly. “I will not be sucking your magic out of you. But I—”

“That won't help!” Shantae interrupted her. “I had several dark magical creatures sucked into the lamp... Then the lamp... the lamp had returned to where it was. So the magic it held is surely scattered. This time he will awaken sooner...!”

Ranma had the dubious pleasure of seeing the face of a mighty opponent, who had laughed at everything thrown at her, distort with fleeting fear.

What sort of thing was that Pirate master of theirs, that even she, as strong as she was now, was afraid of him?

“Is that so...?” Risky drawled. “So the Ammo Baron's cannon may be not there... Right! This is going to be a risky adventure! I'll head to shake Hypno Baron now while you, kiddies, gather the rest of the seals. Just don't get in my way, I'd gut you like a fish.” She offhandedly plucked the dagger out of her side.

Both opponents, as if on some invisible cue, brought red bottles of healing potion to their lips. All the blood disappeared from Shantae's body by magic, her ruined right bracer becoming whole again. Her tiara, though, haven't returned. As well as her choker. And her top. Shantae sighed, still covering herself with her left hand.

“Are you going to just let her go?” Akane asked, more offended for her friend than the girl herself.

“There's no helping it.” Shantae shrugged, her eyes still firmly on Risky. “We had worked together, and will do it again. The Pirate Master is the end for everyone. Truce?”

“She will backstab you before his cadaver falls to the ground,” Ranma warned eyeing the pirate lady suspiciously.

“Of course she will!” Shantae replied, unconcerned. “Been there, done that!”

Risky laughed, clearly amused: “Ho-ho-ho, so be it.” Then louder, a bellow that rolled over the port: “Truce! I won't touch your lousy Scuttle Town while Shantae doesn't meddle with my heinous schemes!” She turned towards her boat and stuck two fingers in her moth to whistle deafeningly: “Men, we are leaving! Go, go, go, move it!”

Backing away, the scuffed little ship began walking into the water, still trying to pull in its chain tongue. Ryouga was dragging after it with much resistance, playing the role of anchor which he had lost somehow.

“Drop the chain!” Risky shouted. She then jumped up onto the railing to instantly accelerate, blurring away in a streak of after-images. Cannon, cannon, cannon, hat, cannon again, hat again. She was flying over the sea with incredible speed, arching gently to the left.

The boat opened its maw wide, making a motion like it was barfing. Ryouga fell onto his back, clutching the now free chain. The boat splashed into the sea stern-first backing from the shore hastily. Risky dramatically landed right in the crow's nest to erupt with an especially loud and irritating laugh.

The town defenders were shouting at them, waving their weapons menacingly. Shampoo was sporting a pair of scimitars she got somewhere. The silent tinkerbats were replying from the deck with victorious sword- and pistol-waving, some even pulling their lids down.

But then the friends noticed Shantae hugging herself and ran towards her. Sky and that spiky ball guy were ahead. After them, slower, Mimic, an armed Shampoo in a towel top and some patched up short shorts and a gloomy Ryouga. Town guards and other people were behind them.

Ukyou walked out onto the wharf, limping and using her spatula as a crutch. Wrench was sitting proudly on her shoulder. Noticing her friends she waved at them causing a joyous shout of “U-Chan!” from Ranma and relieved smiles from Akane and Shantae.

A whip snapped catching the railing beam. Half a minute later a soaked Nabiki climbed up onto the bridge.

“Are you all right?” Sky ran up to Shantae, hugging her briefly. “You did it? We won...?” She noticed Ukyou and her passenger. “Oh, I'm so glad! Wrench, you're one of a kind...”

“So, you beat her so hard that she agreed to leave out town alone?” the spiky ball guy added with blind boyish faith.

“We have... not exactly won,” Shantae corrected them self-deprecatingly. “Risky turned to be...” She shivered hugging herself tighter. “I never though she'd be able puting as much dread into me as the Pirate master did.”

The locals gasped. The old man had to be kept in an upright state by hand.

“So, you say,” Ranma grew curious, “that her words about twenty years weren't bluffing?”

“Probably...” Shantae frowned, shrugging. “Maybe. Or, maybe, not. She is always... hard to deal with.” She jerked her arm, in an unconscious motion to scratch her head that she arrested just in time. “Does someone have anything to cover myself with? I feel so awkward standing half-naked in public.

The gathering of people exchanged glances.

“Let me lend you my shirt,” Ranma suggested grabbing the hem.

“Ranma!” Akane hissed in panic, afraid of the worst.

Simulating deafness, the redhead made a spectacle of taking her shirt off over her head... To reveal she was still wearing the white-and-blue striped bikini top. Showing her tongue to Akane she handed the shirt to Shantae.

“Umm...” the other girl drawled twitching her elbows.

“Let me.” Unrolling the shirt, Ranma pulled it over her head. Then Shantae herself, wriggling inside, pulled her hands and head through corresponding openings: “So unfamiliar!” She pulled her ponytail free, rolled the sleeves up to free the bracers and straightened the shirt.

The shirt was reaching her mid-thigh, as it did for girl-Ranma, hiding her pants where they were most form-fitting. This resulted in Shantae head to toe in loose red silk only hinting at her curves beneath.

“So, Risky could be from the future?” Sky returned to the topic of importance.

“Oh, she is without doubt from the future!” said Shantae. “She had mentioned the second Tinker Tub and the Tinker Slug, both of which shouldn't be even existing yet!”

“Or these tinker devices were already existed in her plans,” the Uncle injected, “and she concocted up a clever story after overhearing that you were from the future.”

Shantae gasped: “You may be onto something!” The pointy-eared girl frowned with a thoughtful expression, looking up at the sky. “Although... She was so... She rushed into battle against me with such thirst... It was so unlike her! It was like she... Like fighting me was her long-time dream! Like she... was missing me...?” Shantae blinked in confusion, taken aback by her own conclusion.

“Some `missing` it was!” Ranma said indignantly. “She almost cut you to ribbons!”

“Oh, look at yourself.” Ukyou retorted, having limped up to them, “Don't you and Ryouga greet each other is such a way that someone from the outside could think you have a blood feud that was stewing for three generations.”

“That's different!” the redhead disagreed. “Ryouga doesn't try taking my head off. Well, not with such persistence.”

“Maybe Risky is really from the future,” Shantae continued. “She appears too strong. She didn't show any new tricks, but everything together... And by some reason she was missing me so badly she nearly cut my throat.” She nervously rubbed at her neck.

“And this.” Nabiki said handing her something hidden in her fist. “It's a good thing these healing potions are so efficient, isn't it?” She opened her fist a bit.

Seeing what was in there, the half-Genie gasped, grabbing it nervously and hiding in her ki-pocket so fast no one was able to glimpse it. “Thank you. Otherwise some kids could have found it. They shouldn't see such things. When did she...?”

“What was it?” Ranma intruded, curious “A finger of an ear?”

Akane smacked her upside the head.

“Ow.” The redhead rubbed at the lump. “Why am I asking. Had it been an ear, you'd be missing one earring now.”

“Enough of this, all right?” Shantae hinted. “Although... What should I do with it? Pickling it for posterity would be too macabre. Maybe feed it to Rotty, let her have some fun...? Why, that's a good idea...! Wait, no, it's a horrible idea! Appetite, they say, comes during the meal.”

“Rotty?” Akane asked, puzzled.

“Rottytops,” Shantae explained. “She's my another friend you haven't met yet. She is always trying to eat my brain.”

“Eeeeh?” Akane was taken aback.

“Let's better talk Risky,” Ukyou suggested. “I, for one, only saw the end of the battle.”

“Risky was... in rare form today,” admitted Shantae.

“She also said she `replaced the memories of you`,” Nabiki added. “Correct me if my language knowledge is failing me, but it could only mean one thing: in the future from which she came, you were gone for a while.”

Shantae gasped throwing her hands to her mouth. Her eyes grew wide as saucers.

“What?” Nabiki stared back at the people staring at her. “By pure chance I found... cover right under the last bridge arch, so I heard everything.”

“The sky...” Shantae whispered, her pupils shrinking into dots. “The sky is on fire!” She hugged herself with both hands. “Spiky lianes are clutching at my body like claws. I can't get free!” She bent over, swaying from side to side and hyperventilating. “The burning sky is falling! There is no escape...!”

“Shantae-chan!” Akane shouted in alarm grabbing the other girl's shoulder. “Are you all right!” She glared at Nabiki over her shoulder. “What did you do to her, Big Sis!”

“We are with you, Shantae!” Sky squeezed her other shoulder. “We won't abandon you! We stand for each other and together we will win!”

“Yeah,” the spiky ball guy agreed. “I may not be that smart and I don't get what's going on, but I will fight side to side with you!”

Shantae nodded silently trying to get a grip on herself and take her breathing under control. “It was... Thank you, my friends! It was... A memory, I think. So crisp, like it was really happening. And so frightening...”

“It was what you see in your nightmares,” Nabiki said, her eyes narrowed. “Something you don't want to remember so badly that you have a hole in your memory several months wide. It seems I jostled the root of your amnesia.”

Shantae gasped straightening: “Why, this should be it! If Risky came from a future where I had died so horribly I can't even remember it and she then grew missing me so much that she went and returned to the past... Phew, it's so good to have things in order, at last!” She laughed with visible relief. “Only two mysteries remain: how I ended up in Nerima if I died, and how Risky managed to go back in time. And from how far away? Bet it was just one year and she was training her sword skills for that entire year like crazy?”

“And you are talking about such things that easily.” Akane was still worrying on the edge of distraught.

“Well, it's simple enough: I just have to not die, right?” Shantae replied airily, her mood brightening again. “Let alone horribly... Besides, I know everything about Risky Boots' plan to corrupt the Genie realm and she knows that I know, so this time around everything would be totally different! All my future knowledge is now only good for finding hidden treasure and predicting what Ammo Baron would do. However, after Ranma and Ryouga visit his Battle Tower... How would he change his plans?”

“So you really returned from the future,” the old man said quietly as he glanced around. “You were mentioning the...” His voice trembled. “Pirate Master?”

“Oh don't worry, Uncle Mimic!” Shantae reassured him. “It should take him a whole more month to awaken!”

The old man fainted this time so good it took two people to keep him upright.

“Pirate Master?!” Sky gulped. “The real one?”

“Don't worry!” Shantae reassured her. “Me and Risky will find a way to prevent his awakening! You saw how tricky she is, right? If he awakens, she would be caught again, relieved of all her toys and tortured by him for treason. She doesn't want that, just like I don't want to dodge cannonballs the size of a two-story house!”

The old man slumped, well and truly unconscious. His head being mostly bald, the hair of his beard was standing on its ends instead.

“That's why,” Shantae continued in a no-nonsense voice, “we have to collect the three magic seals and restore the lamp as soon as possible! Ranma, Ryouga, you are the strongest. Ask Uncle what a seal looks like and how to find the Battle Tower. Besides, you are boys, you can pretend to join the army. Me, I wouldn't have risked that, they made so many sleazy comments the last time around! Or, just break a hole in the tower, or sneak in quietly. The seal is nailed to the wall in that room where the reward for passing appears! While I... I would be going to shake Squid Baron. I need to... meet Rotty and... Oh no! She will eat him!” Gasping, the girl ran away in a hurry, crossing the bridge. “Whoever goes with me, don't fall behind!”

“Where are we going?” Nabiki inquired running after her.

“Are we going to save someone?” Akane joined as well.

“Yes, we have!” Shantae called back over her shoulder, nervous by some reason. “Wobble Bell! This time...” She fell silent missing a step. “This time I won't let him perish!”

These three were going away, rapidly squeezing through the crowd that had gathered on the bridge.

“Wait, I'm with—” Sky began. “Aw, the egg! She did leave it in the bathhouse, I think?”

“I'm with you, Shantae!” the spiky ball guy shouted — what was his name, again? — as he rushed after them.

“I am honestly undecided which group to join,” Shampoo admitted. “I'd like to go with you, _oh husband of mine,_ but you are quite observant yourself. And if you are going to infiltrate a pure male army I would only get in your way. These four, on the other hand... They'll deal with anything in their way, I believe, but I'd be able to learn many interesting things. Many of which our generous host must have forgotten to mention.”

“Yeah, she's like that.” Ranma sighed. “Go with them, a _true_ martial artist witnessing their side would be useful.”

“You know how to make a girl feel special.” The amazon grinned from ear to ear. She then jumped up onto the railing to run after the Shantae's group, totally unconcerned of being barely dressed in a towel and ragged short shorts. She flipped the scimitars in her hands to rest on her shoulders to avoid hitting the crowd.

“Oh Ran-cha, that tongue of yours...” Ukyou sighed in frustration. “I'm so sorry I failed you, got hurt. Now until my leg heals—”

“Could someone tell me what is going on?” a tubby, middle-aged shorty demanded as he scuttled in like a bouncy ball from the wharf. “Where are the pirates? Is the invasion over?”

Dressed in white baggy pants with a red sash, an open vest and a big turban he looked quite lively. Seeing him, the guards stood at something vaguely resembling attention.

“The big boss?” Ranma inquired in a whisper.

“Mayor Scuttlebutt,” the old man groaned trying in vain to stand by himself. “We have to... Oh, even thinking of this monster—” He fell unconscious again.

“He meant the Pirate Master,” Ranma added apologetically.

“The pirates were driven away indeed,” one of the town guards began. “And have even declared truce, thanks to the valor of our Guardian Genie.”

“But the battle was merciless,” another one added. “The devious sea robbers, paying no regard to fruits of man's labor nor property right, laid waste to a whole barrel of first grade dried fruits from—”

“Two barrels,” someone whispered from the back ranks.

“Two barrels of dried fruits from the town funds,” the reporting one corrected himself in a tragic voice.

The mayor sighed mumbling something about eating the stress over with chocolate.

* * *

> A.N.: This chapter would've been ready the last weekend (February 11th, 2018) if not me getting carried away with Terraria. I have flooded half the world with magma I pumped from of the deepest reaches of hell! Mwa-ha-ha-ha! Take that, Crimson!


	11. Save Wobble Bell!

Five young people ran through the plaza surrounding the pond. Shantae leading, dressed in red silk completely covering her body. Her purple bangs, lacking the familiar support of a tiara, were sticking to her forehead and getting in her eyes. Following her was Akane in a greenish gi and wooden sandals, her head tied with a terry bandanna. The still nameless friend of Shantae was next, dressed in a practical outfit of knee-long shorts, sleeveless vest, shoes and leather gloves, his head also tied with a bandanna. After him there was Nabiki, breathing stubbornly through her nose, their tempo being too high for her tastes and her outfit being too stifling: a long sleeved shirt, the dense trousers with a whip on her belt, the heavy shoes, the hat — it was all unfamiliar to her, so unlike her usual running outfit. In the rear was a barefoot amazon dressed in ragged micro-shorts and a towel, two scimitars in her hands.

Passing the town gate, Shantae turned left along the road. Well, calling it a road was a bit too generous. There was a strip of packed earth with grooves from wagon wheels and numerous horseshoe tracks.

There were grain fields at first, then corn. The tall, leafy plants obscured nearby forest on the left turning the road into a green corridor.

“Watch out for scarecrows,” the half-Genie warned conversationally without interrupting her steady jog. “They sometimes jump right out of the corn.”

“Scarecrows?” Nabiki asked, intrigued. “You mean, straw ones?”

“Naw, the only straw in them are their hats,” Shantae said. “They are... To think of it, they resemble tinkerbats quite a bit. A similar black, nasty spawn of dark magic.”

“Scarecrows working on dark magic?” Shampoo voiced her skepticism. “I assume there is someone, let's say, not very smart in the local agricultural community.”

“Don't I know it!” Shantae agreed. “It's not clear whose idea it was, to invite a dark sorcerer deal with crows. The mayor swears on his mom it wasn't him. But I was first hired for exactly this: clear the fields from the scarecrows, after they ran out of crows to scare away. Two years ago... I mean, the last year again, it was a horrible mess, the scarecrows swarming the fields, no crow or a town guard dared getting near. You won't believe it, the area grew so deserted dirt dogs made themselves at home...! I had to clean them too.”

The road was smoothly turning to the right, limiting visibility. When it looked like they'd run into the open, Shantae took a sharp turn left, onto a narrow path cutting through the corn. Akane and Nabiki tensed, apprehensive of sudden trouble.

“We are not following the road?” Shampoo probed.

“We are going into the forest!” Shantae confirmed. “The dungeon is in the forest, Wobble Bell is in the forest and the girl who will open a restaurant, I keep forgetting her name, is in the forest too.”

“Where does the road go, then?” Nabiki asked out of curiosity when they were crossing a deep ravine across a flimsy wooden bridge.

“To the Water Town, with branches to the Sultana's palace and to the north. But boy does it meander! Going around one thing or other. I can't help taking shortcuts, ever!”

Shampoo harrumphed in understanding.

After the bridge was a waste lot overgrown with lilac bushes, white Greek-style columns sticking above them here and there.

“Here, the lilac field,” Shantae commented without slowing down. “Watch out for pits, the ground here is full of holes and cracks. And the scarecrows are most often found in the ruins.”

“The ruins?” Nabiki asked.

And then they were through the next bushes, ruins opening up ahead. There were broken white walls sticking out of the ground, columns broken and whole, remains of beams connecting these columns.

There were pits under those walls as Akane found out by stepping in one, jumping away with a barely suppressed shriek.

“Hmm...” Nabiki stopped to peer into the darkness. “Are there dungeons?”

“Scoured clean a long time ago,” Shantae said dismissively, stopping as well. “And terribly inconvenient to navigate. It's either low ceilings or vertical shafts. No monsters live down there, so there is never anything useful. Even the scarecrows don't go there... Speaking of which, there they are!”

A humanoid thing was loitering on a broken beam not far away, dressed in a green jacket and a straw hat. It had a black head and claws with a slight purple shine, but unlike tinkerbats it had a jagged maw.

“I suppose they attack with their claws?” Shampoo noted.

“They do, but... Not all of them!” the half-Genie warned hastily. “Some spew dark magic, you'd see it in advance, they take a big breath. But the most dangerous are those that sit stuck on some column. These throw a pumpkin.”

“A pumpkin?” Akane asked, bewildered.

“An incendiary pumpkin,” Shantae clarified. “A big one. It doesn't fly far but flashes like it's full of flammable oils. Slaying them is mightily inconvenient. As soon as the fire disperses they are already raising their next pumpkin.

“Do they have more than one?” Akane frowned.

“It's magic! They can keep throwing these pumpkins without end.”

“Do you want to deal with that straw dummy yourself,” Shampoo inquired bumping the scimitars against her shoulders they were resting on, “or should I exercise?”

“Yes! I mean, no!” Shantae scuttled. “Wobble Bell! Let's go until it's too late! We can clean the scarecrows on our return way!” She dashed deeper into the ruins, jumping over a three-meter wall absent-mindedly. The guy in a bandanna — whose name they haven't asked yet — followed her by grabbing at the wall with his spiky ball in the grappling hook mode.

“Big Sis?” Akane called out with worry as she glanced around searching for Nabiki, who had been there just a moment ago.

“The avaricious adventurer walked behind that corner,” Shampoo dropped a hint with ill concealed smugness. “All the while muttering under her breath.”

Akane rushed there. Just in time: Nabiki was really muttering something, counting with her fingers and rubbing the bridge of her nose, unaware of her surroundings. A creepy scarecrow on a column behind her was already raising a huge pumpkin.

“Watch out!” Akane shouted desperately as she rushed her sister. Grabbing the distracted girl by her hand when the pumpkin was already flying she jerked them both away in an inelegant tumble.

As the pumpkin smashed into the ground it flashed like it was a gas tank, no less. Flame billowed, it felt like, to the very sky, almost engulfing the rolling girls.

“Big Sis—” Akane began.

“Another one!” Nabiki exclaimed jumping onto her feet with impressive dexterity to dash away.

Akane had to dodge the second pumpkin by a crooked tumble from a prone position. Because this one was thrown farther. The youngest Tendou barely arrested her tumble from continuing into a nearby pit.

“That's some pumpkin!” Akane squeezed out as she stood up hastily. Her treacherous voice trembled. She cast a suspicious glance at the scarecrow but it was just standing on its column, hugging the next pumpkin. There were green lights glowing in the slits of its eyes. “A wall of fire up to the sky!”

“Not exactly,” the middle sister corrected coolly, only the paleness of her face betraying the fright she experienced. “It was just five or six meters tall.”

“For us, that would have been enough,” Akane said, shuddering. “We almost died because of some little...” As usual for her, she was growing angry by the second. “Just you wait, I'll show you to throw pumpkins!” Snorting like an enraged bull, she began tearing a rock from the earth.

“It's not little,” Nabiki corrected. “Unlike the tinkerbats, it is— was as tall as we are.”

The head-sized boulder launched by Akane's unerring hand dispersed the scarecrow instantly. It unraveled in wisps of black smoke.

“Everyone's all right?” Shantae rushed in, worried.

“We are, thanks to Little Sis,” Nabiki replied irritably. “These new skills are just a bag of surprises, aren't they? Did you know I'm a pro archaeologist now...? Well, I didn't known either. Until my head exploded with knowledge from one look at these ruins. You're just standing there minding your own business and then bam! you suddenly realize this isn't a pile of stones but a temple complex abandoned about a thousand years ago, mixing Ionian style with elements of Minoan floor-plan, which shouldn't even be possible, disturbed by a major earthquake about twenty years ago, which led to formation of all these cave-ins...”

“Uhhh...” Shantae drawled, lost.

“It gives me headache too,” Nabiki agreed with her. “Let's go, the farther from here the better.”

Behind the lilac field, the forest began. Cool twilight reigned under the tall trees, especially nice after the sun-scorched fields. The forest resembled a park at first, scoured of everything suitable for fire-wood. Then bushes and fallen trees began appearing.

(the forest theme from the game's composer at Bandcamp: https://virt.bandcamp.com/track/through-the-trees )

Shantae was running forward eagerly, going deeper into the woods. The bottom branches were growing lower, hanging just overhead, turning the forest into semblance of a green cavern.

From one such branch, a huge spider dropped on a web thread. The cat-sized thing was staring with its only cyclopean eye.

Nabiki was about to comment that normal spiders don't have eyeballs when Shantae dropped low, warning hastily: “Watch out, they—”

The spider spat a big, yellowish-transparent droplet. Nabiki only dodged by miracle, landing on her posterior ungraciously.

“..spit poison,” Shantae finished as she offed the monster in one hair strike. “Everyone's all right?”

“Are such critters common here?” Nabiki asked standing up and dusting her pants.

“They are,” the half-Genie replied absent-mindedly as she continued on. “There are places swarming with them.”

“Such a huge spider,” Akane noted.

“Huge?” Shantae was surprised. “These one-eyed spiders are one of the smallest ones.”

“I'm afraid to ask,” Nabiki huffed catching up to them, “how big are the big ones, then.”

“Well, they are about the size of a house,” Shantae replied honestly, completely missing the subtext. “But to encounter such ones, you have to muck around in the dead of the woods, far away from the roads, or on uninhabited islands... Just don't get caught in the web. Spiders don't like fighting, they only jump those smaller than them or those stuck in their web. So, a human-sized spider would run away from you if you don't go tearing its web.”

“Fairy tales could be scary, with a bad end, huh?” Akane muttered under her breath.

The deeper into the forest, the more broken the terrain was becoming. Sometimes they had to run along the edge of some deep ravine or other, a vista of crooked trees on the other side opening over the sheer drop, their trunks curving away from the slope and up.

At times, Shantae was jumping onto low-hanging branches to run along them, meandering over the yawning pits below. Akane was straiing but managing to jump alongside her. Nabiki had to use her whip, climbing it then struggling to catch up to the others. Then the half-Genie was jumping down to the ground again.

“An orc!” Shantae warned as a... beefy green oni appeared from the undergrowth. Wider than he was tall, this horned person was dressed in black leather crisscrossed with belts and a horned samurai helmet... Or, to be precise, a horned cap. It was his tusk-adorned face that resembled the scary masks of the samurai helmets.

Growling something unintelligible, the orc began stomping towards the humans intruding on his corner of the woods.

“Watch closely,” Shantae warned as she jumped to the monster, hair-whipped him once then slid back.

Grunting deeply, the orc... unfurled tiny bat-like wings and soared, flapping furiously like a caricaturic cherub.

“Aren't your wings a few sizes too small?” Nabiki quipped, breathing hard. The monster had a really comical look about him.

Fluttering about five meters up, the orc aimed at Shantae ponderously — she stepped aside lazily, without even using the sliding — and plummeted, making a dull thud.

“That's all they can do,” the dancer explained before hair-whipping rapidly three times. The orc was trying to soar again but burst into some carved sticks, rocks, pieces of paper and other trash.

“Garbage, quartz, garbage.” Shantae said shuffling the remains with her foot. “Let's go!” She continued running.

One kilometer of such ticket and three surprise spiders later — Nabiki was running with her whip in hand now, having learned the lesson — the girls were attacked by a bat snapping its impressive fangs with agression. Shantae kept missing the small, agile thing because it moved up and down. The weakness of the half-Genie's style became glaringly obvious: she compensated her inability to aim higher by jumping and whipping mid-jump, but that was giving her opponent enough of a delay to react.

The bat got cleaved by Shampoo, to Shantae's displeasure: it was apparent she preferred bloodless methods of conflict resolution.

The orc who then stumbled out of the bushes was smacked by the spiky ball guy. After the third hit, the monster tumbled back into the bushes but did not burst.

“This is a real one, not a _shikigami_ ,” Shantae commented.

Akane peered into the bushes with feet sticking out of them. The orc opened one eye a crack. Re-evaluated the scale of the beatdown party. Squeezed his eye shut, playing possum even harder.

“Excellent technique.” Nabiki tried to start a conversation. “By the way, we haven't introduced ourselves, haven't we?”

It was no use: losing a specific goal, the guy stood slobbering at the scantily clad Shampoo, unaware of anything else.

“Meet Bolo,” Shantae introduced him. “My old friend, sparring partner and an apprentice tinker. With propensity for epic mishaps. Hey, Bolo!” She grabbed the guy by his ear, twisting it. “Loses it every time he sees a beautiful woman. Wake up already! Go, go, move!”

“Uhhh,” Akane could only say as she rushed after her.

Bolo dreamily mumbled something about an “amazon in tiger furs”. Shampoo smirked.

Trees and bushes were flying by, dropping spiders were being swept aside offhandedly, Nabiki was huffing and sweating but wasn't about to give up.

“Here's the dungeon where Squid Baron is the boss,” Shantae pointed on the run. To the left of them, there was a small trapezoid tower made of huge boulders and covered in lianes. The entrance was barred by an iron grate. Above it, an eye-shaped stone ornament was making the tower look like a frowning cyclopean head. “We need to go there, but we can't get in yet.” She ran by without stopping.

They traveled for one more kilometer. The forest was growing wilder and denser, the rocky terrain becoming even more broken.

“Aha, here she is!” Shantae exclaimed turning right to go into the darkest thicket where daylight could barely reach. The cool air smelt of soggy wood and mushrooms. Amidst this ominous twilight stood an ominous carriage resemblind a small house with windows on its sides and the back door resembling a coffin cover, with a folding ladder leading up to it. Above the door, there was an ornament depicting a skull, the bony hands grabbing at the roof edge.

But that wasn't why the carriage was ominous. It was the horse skeleton harnessed to it. The skeleton of burden was standing utterly still but there were tiny red lights glowing in its eye-sockets.

“Whoa,” Akane exclaimed nervously.

“It ssems your friend likes to... overdo it with thematic,” Nabiki noted.

“Hey, Rotty!” Shantae began knocking on the door. “Open up, I'm here for you!”

“Oh! You finally had a change of mind?” a slightly hoarse woman's voice called back. The coffin lid flung open with a creak revealing a voluptuous green-skinned girl in short shorts and a brief sleeveless t-shirt baring her abdomen. Her short dark green hair was tied with a yellow ribbon, there were massive sturdy shoes on her feet, some sort of metallic accessories on her her left shoulder and right thigh.

(Rotty's theme from the game's composer at Bandcamp: https://virt.bandcamp.com/track/serious-genie-business )

“Finally decided to share your brain with me?” The said Rotty licked her lips as she jumped down to stalk Shantae.

“Wait!” the girl in red interrupted her, her voice suddenly tense. “First thing first, that barking, how did you call him, sample of the local cuisine, is he still whole? Not nibbled on?”

“How do you know?” Rotty frowned in puzzlement. “Yeah, here it is, our emergency ration.” Leaning into the cart over the threshold she pulled out a resisting, brown puppy with a white muzzle, dragging it by its leash.

“Oh Wobble Bell!” Shantae grabbed the puppy hugging it to her chest so tightly it squeaked in protest. “You're alive...! I'm so glad...!” Her eyes swelled with tears surprising everyone who knew her: crying was so unlike her. “I'm so sorry...! But don't worry, this time I won't let you perish!”

“Hey,” the green girl grumbled in mock offense. “That's our food you are holding there.”

Shantae wasn't responding, hugging the pup. Her eyes were shining with tears of happiness and relief.

“Well, folks,” Rotty addressed everyone present. “Does anyone have any idea what was that about?”

“I dunno.” Bolo scratched his head. “We had an epic battle protecting the town from Risky Boots. As soon as Shantae sent her packing, she just shouted we have to save Wobble Bell and started running... I went after her. But who...? Where...? No idea.”

“Then, Wobble Bell is this puppy,” Nabiki concluded. “But what is so important about it that she cares for it more than for shaking that seal out of Squid Baron?”

“So this snack has a name?” Rotty tilted her head to a side. “Hey, Shantae!”

Seeing her friend still preoccupied with happy thoughts, Akane stepped forward to explan in her stead: “Well, Shantae, she... Had returned from the future, so she knows what could happen for a year in advance.”

“From the future?” Rotty said, stunned. “You mean she is a real time traveler? I've never heard of anything like that...! If you disregard third-rate comic books, of course.”

“It's all because of over-fulfilled wishes,” Nabiki explained. “Teacher haven't mastered her Genie powers yet, so side effects could be...” She straightened her hat with one finger. “..spectacular.”

“Right!” the half-Genie exclaimed coming to her senses and putting the pup on the ground. “Whatever you say, Rotty, I know you are a true friend. Everything you've done for me... I mean, you haven't, not yet, but you would... Wow, this time travel stuff is so confusing!”

“So you will let me eat your brain, will you?” the green one flung her hands showing sincere-looking joy as she advanced on the girl in red to stand skin to skin.

“Well...” Shantae tried backing away but found her legs hog-tied with the leash. “I kind of still need my brain for myself...”

Rotty expressed dramatic disappointment.

“But you can eat this.” Shantae threw something small at her.

Rotty caught the item and began studying it. To Akane's growing worry it really was a cut off pinkie.

Both the Tendou sisters and Shampoo found themselves more and more lost without knowing the subtext!

“Risky was in rare form today,” Shantae explained.

“Hm-mm?” To Akane's horror the green girl gobbled the pinkie up like a cookie.

“Well, I though,” Shantae explained averting her eyes sheepishly, “I had a new one healed, and you were visiting anyway, so...”

“Oh, you're so sweet!” Rotty gushed hugging Shantae, which made the dancer girl squirm uncomfortably. Wobble Bell began backing away nervously, tightening the leash. “Only a true friend could be like this...!” Nuzzling Shantae's neck, the green girl nibbled lightly on her earlobe: “Can I have another bite...? Just a teeensy one?”

“Uhh, let's leave that for another time, all right?” Shantae replied nervously, wriggling involuntarily in her hands. “First, it would've been painful, second, I'm running out of healing potions fast and it would only get worse. I have a whole crowd of guests living with me!”

“Well, so be it.” Rotty relented releasing her with reluctance.

“Meet Akane,” Shantae hopped in place to turn around with her legs still hog-tied, “my friend from another world, from the Nerima Land. Her family owns a school where they teach hand-to-hand combat. She helped me improve my fighting skills greatly...! Nabiki, Akane's sister whose wish was to turn into a legendary relic hunter. Don't mind her calling me 'teacher', I was teaching her dancing... Xianpu, umm, Akane's rival for her fiance. Fought pretty good against Risky Boots... Rottytops, my old friend, from back during my first big adventure. An insufferable pest, a true friend and anyone who tries hurting her learns the true horror of the words 'big brother'. Doubly so: Abner and Poe — we'll meet them — are cool big brothers caring about their little sister.”

“They are like that,” Rotty agreed. “Akane, right?” She stepped towards the said girl.

“Rotteeee!” Santae drawled warningly trying to untie herself.

“Tendou Akane,” the dogi-clad girl confirmed. “Um, glad do meet you?”

“Likewise!” the green one grinned widely, walking up to the reluctantly backing Akane and hugging her lightly. “I'm very glad...”

Everything froze, for about three seconds.

Then Akane jumped back with ultrasonic shriek like she was stung.

“Rotty.” Shantae sighed tiredly as she urged Wobble Bell to run around her unwrapping her legs. “You can't keep doing that...”

“C-c-cold!” Akane stuttered nervously, her hair standing on ends.

“But who,” Rotty grinned, “forgot to mention one itty-bitty detail while introducing me?”

Shantae groaned facepalming. Wobble Bell yapped dashing around her like a rocket, instantly hog-tying her again.

“It's your own fault,” the green lover of surprising others finished triumphantly. “Not warning them that I'm a zombie.”

“A zombie?” Akane repeated, taken aback.

“Oh, I see,” Nabiki and Shampoo chorused.

Bolo mumbled something sheepishly under his breath.

“Yeah, Rotty is a zombie,” Shantae confirmed. “An endo...thematic one, at that. Well, with a constant body temperature not depending on the environment.”

The otherwolders noticed, at last, that the metallic ornaments on Rotty's shoulder and thigh were, in fact, braces stitching the respective extremities together over hair-thin cut lines

“So, how is it, knowing the future?” the zombie girl inquired. “Would something interesting happen during this year? You did visit me today that time too, didn't you?”

“Well, you would be telling me now about the Sequin Land barons. I can't believe how careless I was, never curious about the place I live in. Then I'd bother you with questions about Risky Boots' whereabouts. You'd summon that little spider of yours and learn from the world-wide web that the bodacious buccaneer was just spotted in Scuttle Town but it would have been old news as I was just from there... But none of that is necessary now: me and her are kind of on the same side, saving the world. We have to collect the three magic seals! Risky is bullying Hypno Baron right now — why don't I feel sorry for him, at all...? Ranma and Ryouga went after Ammo Baron and we five are going after Squid Baron. Right after we return Wobble Bell to his owner.”

“Wait, wait,” Rotty halted her. “If you are from the future shouldn't that mean you have new tricks and know the queen of seven seas like the back of your hand? How comes she sliced you so? And why the closed shirt with long sleeves? Aren't you hot in it?”

“Risky had returned from the future too,” Shantae explained. “And she was... missing me so much she threw herself into battle against me, got carried away and ended cutting little pieces off here and there... This shirt,” she tugged att he collar of her red silk shirt, “is borrowed from Ranma. You're right, it's awfully hot and stuffy. But my top got halved, my tiara shattered and we didn't have time to search for replacements.”

“Hmm, I thought she prefers clever plans, sabre-rattling isn't her style,” Rotty said. “What did happen between you two?”

“I'm not sure myself,” Shantae admitted. “But it seems that in her future I had died so she grew bored without fighting me... Also, be careful around her! She is much more dangerous now! It feels like she was really training for twenty years.”

“But you and her fought as equals, right?” Bolo asked, worried.

“No.” Shantae shook her head. “I was like a mouse dueling a sated cat. I still feel my back crawling with icy creeps! I was completely at her mercy!”

“Hmmm.” Rotty's eyes narrowed. “So you say Risky as she is today is totally unlike like she was yesterday because of twenty years having passed for her?”

“Yeah.” Shantae nodded. “Tell Abner and Poe to be very, very careful when dealing with her. We have a truce against a common enemy now, but who knows how much did she change in so many years. I can't forget her eyes smoldering with something I couldn't put a finger on. Such intensity! It felt like her gaze was burning through me!”

“Could it be?” Rotty stared at her intently.

“What...?” The half-Genie twitched nervously under her stare.

“That Risky was so fired up because she got hots for you!” the green one exclaimed dramatically, raising her clasped hands to her cheek.

“Wh— Wuh—” Shantae barely held her balance to stay upright. “Rottyeee!” She leaned down, dragged the puppy close by the scruff of its neck and began shaking the weakened leash coils from her legs. “What nonsense are you speaking! We are both girls!”

“Hmph! Do you really think that would stop _her_?”

“Of cou—” The half-Genie froze mid-sentence, her face alit with dawning horror. “No way! No way! This couldn't be true!” Grabbing the puppy under her arm she dashed away with such fervor that Nabiki had to go flat out not to fall behind.

“Where are we going?” Shampoo inquired. “Not just away from an... uncomfortable realization?”

“Deeper into the forest!” Shantae replied briefly as she ducked into undergrowth that opened onto a narrow log over a deep ravine. “We have to return Wobble Bell to his owner and finally get to Squid Baron. I owe him a beating for the last time...”

It was no place for talking from that point on: a _real_ thicket began. Towering trees were rising from the mess of rocky ravines, sheer cliffs and deadfall so thick that ground wasn't visible in the dark gaps between piled trunks. It felt this treacherous trap smelling of root and fungus was five or so meters deep. One misstep and you'd disappear.

Akane was tense, nervous, doing her best not to fall behind. Nabiki was trying not to show it but she was stumbling at times, catching herself with her whip against low-hanging branches.

While Shantae with the puppy under her arm was dashing through all those obstacles weightlessly barely touching the ground.

(Rottytops by OmegaSunburst at DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/omegasunburst/art/Rottytops-386186683 )

(Hugs by OmegaSunburst at DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/omegasunburst/art/Hugs-432549417 )

(Rotty and Wobbles by AWMikeHarvey at DeviantArt: https://www.deviantart.com/mikeharvey/art/Rotty-and-Wobbles-387216005 )

* * *

“Won't do,” Ranma said flatly. He and Ryouga were standing a midst a rocky desert looking at a tall tower of sandstone blocks covered in sharp poles like a porcupine. “We won't be commandeering the town for that one-eyed clown!”

“So how are you planning to get inside!” Ryouga snapped. “They won't let us in without a passport, beating tar out of the guard didn't help, the grate is enchanted against 'breaking point'!” He grit his teeth, his fists tightening: in this wrong, wrong world whatever important stuff you put your finger on, his ultimate technique simply wasn't working. He was still feeling outraged at the unfairness of this.

“Elementarly, my dear lost friend.” Ranma smirked making the said guy boil with anger. “We are going to use another way!” He pointed at the top of the Battle Tower.

Ryouga frowned angrily... Then his face bloomed with a blood-curdling smile. The lost boy crackled his knuckles eagerly.

* * *

“What's with... this prop,” Nabiki huffed when they were running by a huge boulder of a soft lavender color.

“This...?” Shantae glanced back, saw the other girl going on sheer stubbornness and stopped to let the middle Tendou catch her breath. “It's how hidden stashes are disguised. Now... hmm... Magic Jam should be the most common find. Don't eat it! You can exchange it for various magic items and powerful spell books that aren't sold for money alone. I'll return here after my powers recover, comb the forest again, break these things with my Elephant Stomp, then collect Heart Squids from the trees.”

“Magic jam?” Akane asked.

“Remember the rotund woman in the town?” Shantae turned towards her. “Oh, you haven't meet her yet. Well, her batch of magic jam was recently stolen by monsters.”

“Why a rock of such unlikely color?” Shampoo poked it with her scimitar. It turned to be really stone. “If not for this, it would have looked quite natural.”

“Different color perception,” Shantae explained. “Some creatures see colors differently from humans, I know that from experience. For the mermaid and the harpy, for example, a common blue sky is awash with colors that don't even have names in the human tongue. The bat and the monkey simply see colors differently even if that isn't immediately apparent. But for the elephant, green and red are the same color. Well... it keeps shifting. Let's take a campfire in a forest. You look at trees, they are green but the fire is green too. You look at the fire, it's red but then trees are red too. Something like that.”

They continued traveling at a more sedate pace. The forest was growing denser, ravines happening more often. When it was beginning to feel like they were stumbling into the 'here be dragons' dead of the forest inhabited by the house-sized spiders Shantae had mentioned, the trees parted opening up onto a clearing with a small, tidy house in the middle of it.

Barging in after Shantae, her followers saw a wistful girl with long blond hair in a pink dress with an apron and a tall chief's hat. She was even smaller than Shantae, either so young or she was just born that way. Try tell.

Shantae handed her the puppy. The girl was taken aback at first, then beamed shouting “Wobble Bell!” and twirling around hugging it. She then put it on the floor. “Thank you, kind stranger! You haven't just returned my friend, you have returned my dream! Let me thank you by cooking you a Tasty Meal!”

Then she raised frenzied culinary activity stoking the oven, heating the woks, cutting, mixing and sifting.

“All right, let's go outside, we are in the way.” Shantae shooed everyone out. The house was really tiny.

While the inspired chief girl was doing her magic, the half-Genie busied herself with the puppy. It was running around her yapping happily while Shantae was throwing it a stick or scratching behind its ears, happy but looking like she couldn't believe this was really happening.

“There's some dark story connecting Teacher with this doggy,” Nabiki said watching them.

“Her wording 'this time I won't let you perish' leaves no room for guessing,” Shampoo agreed. “But what killed the puppy in that variant of the future?”

“Maybe Rotty devoured him?” Bolo suggested reluctantly, scratching his head.

Akane shivered. She still felt her skin crawling as she remembered the touchy-feely zombie girl.

“So Shantae held herself guilty for not stopping her?” Shampoo elaborated.

“Maybe we are better off not knowing,” Nabiki replied.

“Exactly,” Akane said flatly as she glanced at the laughing Shantae. “Enough about that, this time he won't get killed!”

“Doing a good deed is nice and all,” Shampoo began. “But aren't we dawdling too much with the world saving business? For how long would she be cooking that gift of gratitude? Maybe visit her later?”

Like running through monster-infested wild woods was just a walk in the park, Akane thought, pouting inside and trying to count how many orcs and spiders they beat on their way there. She lost count.

“Remember the dungeon entrance?” the half-Genie replied turning to face the amazon but remaining crouched. “That... concerned parent would only let us in if we let him smell something delicious... To think of it, I got into so many dungeons by letting them smell the right thing... It's a trend!” She returned to playing with Wobble Bell.

“I'll go search for Bolo,” Nabiki said looking around but failing to locate the said guy. “He has something of Ryouga-kun in him, he may get lost.”

“Was it worth going so far just to have something to smell?” Shampoo harrumphed sticking her scimitars into a nearby tree and rolling her shoulders. “We could have roped the okonomiyaki girl into this, she'd do it much faster. She is the best of us at such things.”

“You admit she is better than you, just like that?” Akane couldn't help it despite a nagging feeling she'd get beaten in a battle of words. Badly.

“A warrior had to know her strong and weak points and those of her opponent,” Shampoo said condescendingly. “I can cook perfectly fine when I have our amazon eatery, supplies and the chore boy Mu Tsu at hand. But Ukyou can bake her cabbage pies in the wild, on the grill she is always draging with her using the hidden weapons technique. Just don't tell me you haven't noticed. If she has cabbage, she can cook. But her very art will be her downfall! So obsessed with it she won't even realize she should give Ranma what _he_ wants!”

“And, you, of course, could give him that,” Akane quipped, again unable to help herself.

“Of course I could!” Shampoo snorted flicking imaginary dust off her short shorts, bending dramatically to do that. “A hot wife, a village rich in traditions and techniques, treacherous neighboring tribes with their own techniques... But what would _you_ offer him? Daddy's dojo?”

Akane's riposte came out pathetic: “At least, unlike someone else, I am not glomping onto him like... like...”

“Oh, right, you aren't just unable to cook,” Shampoo said patronizingly as she made a point of straightening the towel on her chest. “You are too shy to even show your charms to Ranma! Although... I admit, there is not much to look at.”

Gritting her teeth, Akane withstood that without reacting to the barb.

“A helpless prude, in short,” Shampoo was taking her time finishing her off. “I bet you can't even think of seducing him in his female form, can you?”

“I'm not a pervert!” Akane exploded turning red slowly, beginning with her ears.

“Oh come on!” Shampoo smirked. “We both know him all too well. And you are well aware that Ranma- _chan_ wouldn't be against a little... experimenting.”

Akane was huffing, her fists clenched, being torn by contradicting feelings, growing beet-red.

“You can't rival me even in that,” Shampoo struck the coup-de-grace. “I have experience under my belt: traditions of our tribe encourage relationships between unmarried warrior women. Ukyou has her curiosity and the upbringing of a born fishwife unencumbered by hypocrisy going for her. What have you got, proper city girl?”

“Turns out there is a road close by,” Nabiki interrupted the verbal beatdown, dragging Bolo behind her by the hand. He looked giddy from such contact. “As I suspected, this house isn't in the middle of the forest but on the edge of it.” Glancing at the boy she was dragging, ready to be putty in her hand, she swore under her breath: “Che! Don't tempt me, scam fodder. I'm an archaeologist now.”

After a while the diminutive host finished, handing the half-Genie a huge dish giving off steam and heavenly aroma. Both began thanking each other.

“I...” Akane swallowed looking at the dish with hopeless envy like a legless person at the peak of Chomolungma. “I never thought you can make something like this out of rice and fish...”

“An outstanding pilaf,” Shantae agreed with a smile as she replaced the dish in her ki pocket. “Let's go!”

And again they were running through the ticket of untamed woods, crossing ravines in the shade of tree crowns and towering crags obscuring the sky. There were sudden one-eyed spiders dropping on their thread to spit poison. There were almost no orcs but they met a snake woman instead. This monster displayed ability to make three-meter high jumps which haven't prevented Shantae from downing her in one powerful kick. The snake woman shattered into a pile of bones gnawed clean.

But there it finally was, the familiar stone tower of a dungeon entrance, the huge boulders of its tilted walls entwined by lianes, the stone eye above the entrance grate glaring at the uninvited visitors.

Shantae pulled the Tasty Meal out of her ki-pocket. Heavenly aromas permeated the clearing. Bolo swallowed noisily.

“It feels like a waste, giving this feast up for passage,” Shampoo voiced.

“Who said about giving it?” Shantae grinned nastily. “We'll let him _smell_ it.”

* * *

> Steam achievement “Play Dead”: kill the puppy
> 
> )
> 
> A.N.: It took me a while to restart this fic, mostly due to delving into Brutal Doom and writing "Too nice for such brutality", a NC-17 Shantae / Brutal Doom crossover. And then I got involved in playtesting Brutal Doom betas...
> 
> This chapter was finished in Russian at November 17, 2018. It took me almost half a year to get to translating it.
> 
> The next chapter: into Squid Baron's dungeon
> 
> Don't except epic fights, though: nothing serious happens until Chapter 15.


	12. Electric Dine-and-dasher

Shantae made a couple steps towards the entrance, then stopped.

“Did you remember some important detail?” Shampoo inquired testing the sharpness of her blades.

“No.” The purplette in red shook her head. “There are too many of us, we need a plan. Otherwise we'd spook him. Let's do it like this... You all hide behind the corners, I enter distracting him, you wait for about twenty seconds then rush in all at once to surrender him. Most importantly, don't let him get away! Otherwise we'd have to crawl the entire dungeon.”

“Uhh.” Akane fidgeted. “It's not nice, barging into his home by deceit...”

“First, we need that seal for saving the world,” Shantae reasoned. “Second, you just don't know him like I do.” Her voice gained hints of irritation. “Last time he had devoured it all but when I mentioned the seal he just dashed, not even thanking me. So, we catch him! That's the only way.”

They hid behind the corners. Shantae walked up to the grate, waited a bit. No reaction. She then began knocking, rattling the bars, even kicking the grate in irritation.

Leaves were rustling, insects were chirping, the friends sitting in ambush were slapping at mosquitoes from time to time.

After about ten minutes, there was finally a voice from the tower: “What a heavenly smell! One moment, I'll open the door!”

The grate clanked, rattled and Shantae disappeared inside. Her and the boss could be barely heard talking, but it was unintelligible except Shantae exclaiming with dry irony: “Well, a boy I am not.”

They rushed in, bumping into each other, stumbling over each other.

Inside the tower was dark, cool and damp, one's eyes taking time to adjust. In front of Shantae, there was a familiar two-meter red ball who jumped nervously on his spherical legs when he saw the entire gang.

“Get him!” the dancer shouted excitedly as she replaced the huge dish of pilaf in her ki pocket.

“Brigands! Murder!” the spherical one hollered as he turned sharply around, bouncing on his spherical legs, to begin a panicked acceleration. But Shantae and Shampoo have already flanked him, each propping him with one shoulder. Bolo was spinning his ball on a chain up intent on lassoing him while Nabiki already did, catching one of his “legs” with a precise flick of her whip.

Squid Baron was plowing ahead pushing the purplettes back, their feet skidding across the moist, slippery stone. Akane threw herself forward, landing prone but managing to grab one more round “leg”.

They had him. He had nowhere to go. But it went as well as that Ainu folk saying: “Ichiro, I've caught a bear! — So drag it here! — Can't, it won't let me!”

Shampoo and Shantae tumbled, swept aside. The little ball unraveled in Akane's hands turning to be an actual rolled up tentacle. Startled, she released it. Bolo was too slow. Nabiki got pulled off her feet and dragged forward with increasing speed.

“Stop, you pest!” Shantae shouted jumping onto her feet.

“Nabiki-neechan!” Akane exclaimed trying to catch up with her sister sliding away prone.

“Aw, bugger!” the said girl swore releasing her whip.

Squid Baron rounded a corner bouncing off a wall like a stampeding rubber ball. A grate clanged loudly as it fell.

Shantae groaned in frustration.

“To think of it,” Shampoo said as she picked the dropped scimitars up, “this `baron` has the girth of a small elephant. Weighing a couple tons for sure.”

“Yeah, we had so little time to think it through,” Nabiki quiped walking up to her whip and picking it up: thankfully it got unwrapped without tension.

“Well, on the good side, the pilaf is still with us,” Shantae summed up sheepishly. “Let's go, I'll show you how to crawl dungeons.”

Then she strode down a passage, a different one from where this dungeon's master had disappeared.

The stonework gave way to wild stone of caves, still cool and damp. Water was dripping from the ceiling giving life to leafy plants growing in corners. Here and there yawning chasms were opening, their walls overgrown with shrubbery and lianes lit faintly by daylight filtering from above.

Shantae strode into a corridor with weathered stonework walls, scarce torches burning soundlessly and smokelessly — probably, magic. Turning a couple times she walked into a big flooded hall with floor consisting of a few scaffolds on their side, on the far side and a little in the middle.

The Nerimans took a look around. A couple jade hemispheres adorned with copper spikes was floating above the dark waters. On the central scaffold a dark red crab the size of a bulldog was loitering, its face looking feral with yellow eyes big as saucers and a toothy grin.

“Um, something is wrong here,” Akane complained petulantly.

“You say that after spiders with eyeballs?” Nabiki raised a brow. “An advice for you, Little Sis: take things in stride and stop worrying.”

“It has teeth, so what.” Shampoo shrugged indifferently. “I'm more interested if these crabs have tricky moves. Like dangerous super-techniques of unavoidable pouncing.”

“They only have only super-technique,” Shantae said. “Of mucking around in the most inconvenient places imaginable where it is hardest to get them!” She hair-whipped at a hemisphere floating by. It creaked, flipping and thus turning into a flat platform. The half-Genie jumped onto it. “Well, there are pincers too. You get careless, and gotcha.” Arriving at the central scaffold, she jumped down landing dangerously close to the crab, dropped to all fours and managed to hair-whip the crustacean in the nick of time, its opened pincers already raised to snap at her.

The monster was catapulted away in a single hit, crashed against the wall and sunk.

“Something like that,” Shantae finished. “We need to go to the other side, train using these platforms. It's safe here, further down there'd be bottomless pits or spiky lianes.”

Then, without warning, she jumped into the dark water disappearing under the surface.

“Everything is relative,” Shampoo said poking the approaching hemisphere with a scimitar to make it flip: it had turned spiky side up again. Jumping onto the resulting platform, the amazon rode it.

Akane was growing worried when Shantae finally surfaced: “Ahh, so refreshing! This shirt makes you sweat terribly. Whoever invented sleeves was not a nice person... Now you have a go at it, Akane!”

“Uhh.” The said girl shivered eyeing the deathtrap yawning below. “All right!” Making a brave face, she kicked the copper rim of the hemisphere as it approached. Then she stumbled landing on it, stiff from fear.

“Teacher,” Nabiki said coolly when Shantae climbed onto the scaffold, dripping wet, and whipped at the wall to dry her hair. “Did you forget that Little Sis can't swim?”

“She can't?” The dancer was shocked. “Is that even a thing...? I thought, back on the bridge, she just hit her head and got stunned...?”

“No, Akane is a hammer girl. She sinks instantly, regardless of conditions.”

Shantae cast a worried look at her friend who have just jumped onto the second floating platform barely keeping her balance.

After the flooded hall there was the same labyrinth of overgrown caves and ruined corridors, often collapsed. Shantae was leading with surety, never losing her way. A couple times she had whipped at seemingly impassable collapsed piles making illusory stones disappear revealing narrow crawl spaces. Then, they had to climb down into the bowels of the earth via ruined stairwell, with only holes in the walls remaining of stars, jumping from crumbling landing to crumbling landing. The crabs were really hiding in most inconvenient places. One jumped at Akane from an unnoticeable hole in the wall. Only her training with Shantae, having raised her dodging ability, saved her from a pincer pinch. Then Nabiki had to catch her because she side-stepped into the abyss.

“Akane, careful!” Shantae warned her worryingly. “I still have healing potion left, of course, but breaking legs hurts! I know from experience.”

The youngest Tendou gulped nervously as she eyed the fall. It was still a long way down to the piles of broken masonry on the bottom. Misstep once, and it may not end with just broken legs.

After the stairwell they saw a locked door in the wall, Shantae commenting they had to go there but needed a key. Shampoo cast a measuring look at the solid steel grate rooted firmly in the stone but had to admit that yes, they needed one.

After the door there was a cave where they had to jump between meter-wide flowers of giant gerbera, a mess of terribly spiky lianes yawning below. There was a crab loitering on one of the flowers. How did the bugger get there? To Akane, it looked like an insurmountable obstacle — until Shantae whipped at it, reaching from the edge of the nearest flower when the monster wandered carelessly too close.

After that obstacle course, there was a hall with solid walls, both ends equipped with raised grates.

“I have a bad feeling about this room,” Nabiki noted with cold suspicion as she stopped on the threshold surveying the walls.

“You have a good eye!” Shantae praised her. “This is a trap with monsters. You enter, the grates fall, monsters appear. You can't leave until you beat them... What are you all standing for? Come on, go in.”

The crowd entered. The grates fell with a clang. In the center of the room, a glowing outline faded into existence with metallic hum. Gaining solidity it turned into a knight in solid red armor with a bell-like helmet. A round metallic shield in its left hand, a heavy sword resembling a double-edged cleaver widening towards its end in its right hand.

“These red ones are weak,” Shantae explained as she jumped close to the knight, blocking a sword swing with her left bracer while looking back at Akane. “The blue ones are much tougher. Both can make shockwaves. Look!” She slid back.

Grunting like an empty metal barrel, the knight flipped the shield onto its back to grab the sword with both hands. The Nerimans prepared to dodge, Nabiki shifting preemptively sideways from the assumed attack direction.

But the attack was nothing like Tatewaki's flying slash of wind. The knight slammed its sword into the ground with all its might creating a real shockwave rolling in all directions. The middle Tendou barely managed to jump in time.

“Also,” Shantae continued undisturbed as she leaped close to the knight again, “attacking them head-on is almost useless, they block all your strikes...” Proving her words, she whipped at the knight a few times, but it turtled behind its metallic shield, only sliding backwards a bit from her hits. “By the way, Scorpion Ladies and Wetmen are like this too.”

The knight replaced its shield raising its sword in a two-handed grip. Shantae whipped it a couple times, slid back, jumped over the shockwave, closed again, but the knight was already hiding behind his shield again.

“Hitting them is most efficient when...” The knight tried repeating his attack, was whipped, collapsed with a dull groan and burst into a handful of shiny gems. “When they wind up for their big attack. Just don't linger for too long, you have to dodge the big attack itself. The knights are nothing special but Wetmen and Lady Scorpions do such a bull rush it'd make a real bull envious. They are also huge, jumping over isn't easy... Well-well, what do we have here?” She shuffled the gems with her foot. “Quartz, quartz, quartz, amethyst, citrine... Oh! Is that sapphire...? Naw, another amethyst... All right, let's go... wait, I'll take this one.” Shantae touched the biggest crystal with her foot making it disappear. “Could be worth a couple coppers.”

The grates had risen, the team trudging towards the exit.

“Bugger,” Nabiki swore. “Turns out I can't crawl dungeons alone keeping all the loot for myself.”

“Hmm?” Shampoo heard that and turned to look at her. “I thought even you would overcome such one. They are slow and predictable.”

“What if there are two?” Nabiki retorted. “I can run away, dodge and play possum reasonably well, but gladiator pits like that one won't let you run. How did it trigger? If there was a pressure plate I'd have noticed. Meaning it's magic, everything around here is based off of it. But Indiana Jones didn't know magic. And playing possum against monsters who feed on... Hey, Shantae!” she called after the girl leading the group. “Can these crabs devour you?”

“Well, I've never saw it myself, thankfully,” the dancer replied, “but skeletons in dungeons are always picked clean.”

“An exhaustive answer... In short, I need a warrior partner.”

Shampoo narrowed her eyes. “A curious proposition.”

“What...? Oh, of course. No dungeon stands a chance against the combination of my acquired skills of a legendary archaeologist and your combat mastery. But, imagine us sharing the loot.”

Shampoo just harrumphed.

“Exactly,” Nabiki said. “No, let's save this combination for especially hard cases. I need an everyday chump.”

“Ryouga?” Shampoo suggested.

“No, he gets carried away far too often. In the literal sense as well. I need someone more controllable. Maybe...” Nabiki looked at Bolo intently.

Shantae, who was crawling through a narrow hole at the moment, looked like she felt something: she stopped, her upturned, suspicious muzzle emerging between her feet.

Nabiki made an innocent face.

“I'm imagining things,” the half-Genie mumbled and resumed her crawling.

“In short, I have to keep searching,” Nabiki continued in a hushed voice. “I have a suspicion this Bolo isn't much better than Ryouga. On the other hand, he knows the local specifics...”

After the tight crawlspace there was yet another door-frame with a raised grate.

“Keep together tightly here,” Shantae warned. “So no one gets pinched.”

They entered cautiously surveying a cubic hall with a dais in the center and two levels of galleries along its side walls.

The grate clanged shut behind them.

“Another trap?” Nabiki inquired surveying the solid walls.

“This is a hidden key place,” Shantae explained. “Well, it's like leaving a spare under your doormat, in case you lose your key. But instead of a doormat there is a whole labyrinth with tricky secrets, traps and monsters. Any dungeon has such places: no boss would want to lose their lair because of such a little thing as a lost key. Breaking these doors down is arduous, expensive and again, they'd be breaking their own stuff. I only broke into a dungeon once, but I could only do that because Abner and Poe gave me C-4, they were short on time too.”

“C... 4...?” Nabiki echoed. “Hmm, fascinating. By the way, that square over there,” she pointed at a big square of uniform square tiles on the far wall, “is it a puzzle of sorts?”

“It is!” Shantae nodded. “Probably, a pressing one but I just whip it all over until the trap triggers. All right, keep under the galleries for now, the monster should appear on them!”

She then went whipping at the four-meter square, jumping onto the bottom galleries, from there onto the top ones, to reach the top edge in a jump. The tiles on the edges were flying off, sometimes several at once. When the remaining tiles formed a stylized skull, the hall was filled with metallic hum as scarecrows appeared on the galleries. Whole rows of scarecrows! All at once, they raised their pumpkins.

Shantae shrieked in fright as she dove under the gallery joining her friends, flattening herself against the wall. A fraction of a second later, a wall of flame billowed at arm's end!

“This...” Shantae squeezed out nervously. “There should only be four of them!”

“So, four per each person inside the trap,” Nabiki noted coldly as she leaned down to take a good look at the monsters on the opposite gallery. “There are exactly ten of them on that side.”

The wall of flame billowed again proving they weren't forgotten.

“How do we get out?” Akane asked nervously. “They have unlimited pumpkins, right?”

“Well, we follow the rhythm,” Shantae suggested with no less trepidation, her words accompanied with the next flash. “Then we, uh, begin striking them out one by one in between...? I don't like so much fire, but I came through worse!” She waited for the right moment to make a backward step into the hall, whip her hair grabbing one scarecrow and making it fall down. She then barely made it back. “Here, see— Gah!”

The wall of flame faded revealing one quite lively scarecrow, its pumpkin already raised, point-blank. Shampoo threw one scimitar piercing the monster together with the pumpkin. It flashed awfully close, almost scorching them, but the scarecrow got dispersed.

“They... They need at least two hair strikes,” Shantae was apologizing, guilt in her voice. “Well, I thought—”

“Let's start beating them already,” Shampoo interrupted her. Jumping up during the next in-between, she unraveled another monster and dove back into cover.

“Right!” Bolo agreed as he went throwing his spiky ball blindly, not waiting for the fire to abate. The two quickly got rid of the scarecrows on the lower gallery. The wall of flame was flashing not as dense now, but no less dangerous. Together with Shantae the three of them jumped onto the lower gallery and dealt with the monsters on the upper one.

Walking into the hall, the team eyed the ten scarecrows standing with their pumpkins on the opposite side.

Akane leaned down, tore a loose cobblestone out of the floor, took aim...

Rocks, tiles, other junk were thinning the scarecrows out rapidly. Shampoo participated as well. Even Nabiki unraveled one with a crack of her whip.

A big, brightly painted chest appeared on the dais in the room center with metallic hum. Shantae whipped it with her hair making the lidr fly open. She then proceeded taking a big key with flair. The grate began clanking up.

They started backtracking towards the locked door. The trap with a knight triggered again. This time they let Nabiki bring the monster down, which she did in three hits.

The middle sister interrupted the youngers' gushing by noting that the knight was almost as mobile as a training dummy.

Behind the locked door there was a short corridor that lead to another, sideways one, so narrow two people would have trouble passing each other. Shantae stopped. Akane leaned out to take a look but her friend jerked her back by the scruff of her neck a second before a basketball-sized fireball zipped from the left to the right.

“Akane, be careful!” Shantae was indignant. “You should be more cautious when peering beyond an unfamiliar corner!”

“I'm sorry!” the girl in question squeaked: three more fireballs zipped by in quick succession.

“What sort of monster is there?” Shampoo inquired blood-thirstily, her scimitars at ready.

“It's a snake head,” Bolo explained. “You find them a lot.”

“A _stone_ snake head,” Shantae elaborated. “They are only breakable via the elephant stomp, and even that doesn't always work. We now need to go... hmm... Right. Wait for the gap, run to the end, jump onto the wall - but watch out, you climb out right in front of yet another snake head. It's better to jump onto it, wait till it finishes shooting and only then run further. If you feel you can't make it, in this corridor lie down and keep lying flat. But you can't do that in the other corridor, it shoots along the floor there. Other than that, be on your guard: there's a whole labyrinth of such passages. Wait and see if one flies by before going further.”

Shampoo ran first, without waiting for the next pause. She just outran the three fiery projectiles with pure speed. Akane followed suit, nervous, as soon as the path was clear. Shantae wend during the next gap, anxious to leave those two alone. Bolo went after her.

Nabiki narrowed her eyes assessing the path ahead. She ran as soon as the next three fireballs passed. Jumped up grabbing the edge overhead, pulled herself up along a hot wall, tucked her legs in waiting until the next sculpture overhead spits three charges. The fireballs bursting under her feet were washing her with heat, there was a smell of scorched wool, but the middle Tendou waited coolly for the gap from the head above her before pulling herself up with effort. That took the better half of the time she had. She dashed along the narrow corridor. Just as she thought, she was too slow and had to jump over the fireball that caught up with her.

They passed through several more such corridors. There was one place they had to climb across snake heads adorning the opposite sides of a narrow vertical shaft. For Nabiki pulling herself up slowly with effort that was unforgettable experience. The sculptures were hot but not hot enough to burn. Later they had to jump down into a hole, unable to see beforehand where that corridor ended and which way to go.

But then, finally, the fiery labyrinth was over. Another arena room was met with relief.

“There should be four orcs... I think,” Shantae warned.

The number of materializing orcs was not four nor twenty but, by some reason, thirteen. It seems they reminded Akane of the morning pervert horde: she took to the monster ranks like a bowling ball to pins, no one had even time to say something. Unlike Shantae's hair whip, lightweight by Neriman standards, Akane's straight punches were downing these monsters in one hit. She wasn't shy of kicking, either. A few seconds later it was over, there was only Akane left standing, catching her breath and straightening her hair, surrounded by scattered jewels. Shantae picked a couple up by touching them with her foot, looking pleased.

After meandering a bit more, they emerged on the bottom of a square well. There were massive iron chains hanging from beams crossing the well from wall to wall. Repeating in a haphazard manner this went up and up, stretching out of sight.

“We're almost there!” Shantae said in joy as she began climbing up a chain, jumping onto adjacent one when she reached the beam.

Shampoo took a look at the chains, then at the scimitars in her hands. There was absolutely nowhere to store them considering her outfit consisted of ragged short shorts and a terry towel. Weighing the swords in her hands, she turned to face the crowd... She then made a motion of replacing the blades behind her back. For a moment the weapons got obscured completely by her body.

When the Chinese girl brought her hands forward, they were empty.

Smiling victoriously, Shampoo proceeded to climb after Shantae.

“This...” Akane mumbled. “I thought, only Mousse can...”

“Oh yeeeah?” Nabiki quipped. “What about all the times she got her maces from seemingly nowhere?”

“But I never saw—” Akane fell silent, frowning. “The hidden weapons technique — so its secret isn't the special robes? It only needs that no one sees...? Right?”

“Seems so,” Nabiki replied thoughtfully. “All right, we have catching up to do.”

The sisters began climbing up the chains, first the younger martial artist in her dogi, then the middle one dressed like a movie archaeologist, complete with a whip and a hat.

“I totally didn't get it.” Bolo sighed scratching his head.

It was a long climb. Nabiki's arms were past aching, threatening to fall off. From one chain to another — and further up.

Then Shantae stopped suddenly. “Awww...” she groaned in frustration. “How could I forget...!”

Above their heads, there was ceiling looming in the darkness. The well wasn't ending there but narrowing about four times, continuing as a slit about half human height in width. This shaft was running flush with one of the walls, impossible to reach from the chain. Both the walls and the ceiling here were smooth, devoid of handholds.

“How do we go further?” Akane voiced her worry.

“You have to continue as a monkey,” Shantae explained, frustrated. “Just leap up there and climb up the wall. But we all—”

“So what's the problem?” Nabiki interrupted her from down below. “We have two people with chains or whips, Bolo can use that ball of his to grab walls... You can, am I right? The well has quite convenient width up there, Even I could climb it pushing at walls.”

“My grappling ball-and-chain won't hold two,” warned the only guy of the team.

“You would not need to,” Nabiki elaborated. “You climb there yourself, anchor yourself against the walls then simply hang your chain down—”

“Instead of crawling across each other...” Shampoo interrupted her as she climbed to the very top, crawling over Shantae in the process. “Let's move on already.”

Taking aim she jumped at the wall, pushed off of it back and up, reached the shaft edge with her palm, then slapped her other palm against the wall, to hang with her hands pushing against the opposite walls.

“How did you...” Shantae was watching with fascination the amazon curling up and folding flexibly to bring her legs above her head to turn upside down.

“There's a special training regime,” the other girl replied stretching the kinks out of her arms, obviously anchored with her legs. “It's called Cat Push. Your muscles become more dense without increasing in size... Nabiki, get your whip here.”

The middle Tendou unwrapped her whip, took aim and threw it looping up where the Chinese girl grabbed it and quickly lifted her up into the shaft.

“Give it to me, I'll lift the rest,” Shampoo demanded.

“Without dropping Akane in the process,” Nabiki retorted with sarcasm. “Purely by accident.”

The amazon snorted but did not argue, she simply started climbing up. Then she paused: “Shantae, are there traps up there?”

“Hmm, no!” the half-Genie replied merrily. “Just smooth walls to the very top.”

“Big Sis, can you really hold us?” Akane was doubtful. “It's a double weight...”

“Riiight, your physics grades are sad as always,” Nabiki replied. “There is no difference between hanging on the rope and holding a rope with you on the other end. The load is the same. The double weight will act on my _legs_ , but the width of this slit is so convenient...”

First Shantae, then Akane climbed up the whip she let hang. They kept climbing pushing at the walls, with Shantae gushing incessantly about this amazing new method. Nabiki rolled her whip up and followed suit, groaning.

“Are you really all right, Big Sis?” Akane asked her worriedly.

“My leg muscles... huff... will remember this... huff... and avenge themselves.”

The shaft opened into a corridor well-lit with magical torches. It was clean, clearly tidied up, but still moist and cool. Water was dripping from the ceiling noisily. Shantae led to the right confidently, between rows of five-meter stone statues of girls holding the ceiling. Soon the five adventurers were standing in front of a grate framed by an angular, stylized brass maw of a snake. Shantae approached, the brass lids of the ornament flung oped and the grate began rising.

“Here's the boss battle,” the half-Genie noted off-hand. “Put them away! Put them away now!” she snapped at Shampoo who had readied her scimitars. “This... concerned parent will unleash his young on us. Do you want dealing with him totally enraged?”

The amazon snorted but replaced the blades behind her back, making them disappear.

“So... This is something like a dojo challenge?” Akane asked, stretching.

“More like, smack the dolt to make him listen,” Shantae corrected. “We didn't have to fight at all, he just had to give us the seal, and that's all! He is always making things so complex.” She turned to enter.

“Wait,” Shampoo stopped her. “First, tell us about his main techniques. We botched that with Risky Boots, let's plan this battle proper at least.”

“Well...” Shantae got lost in thought for a moment. “His main technique is trampling rush. He dashes back and fourth bouncing off walls, very hard to jump over. Then... Warps himself under the ceiling, dropping from up there. But that is much easier to dodge not to say he aims totally blindly.”

“Warps?” Nabiki asked. “What sort of technique is that?”

“Well... The instant transfer somewhere, you know,” Shantae explained, puzzled. “By the way, I learned all my warp dances from the Warp Squids. And Squid Baron is a common Warp Squid... Well, he may not be common, he is always so concerned about something. But he is still a Warp squid.”

“Wait, wait,” Nabiki tried interrupting her verbal deluge. “You mean, you can teleport too when you dance?”

“Yep. But I haven't practiced those dances for too long. I could probably pull Zombie Caravan off, maybe Water Town...”

“Trampling, transferring himself under the ceiling,” Shampoo interrupted them. “Is that all?”

“He also warps his young in,” Shantae added. “They rain from the ceiling and begin running around knocking you down. Be gentle with them, all right...?” Meeting Shampoo's expectant stare, she added: “Now that is really everything.”

Beyond the doorway there was a modest-sized square hall. It had no back wall, opening into a dark, overgrown gorge. Instead of a ceiling there were densely intervined tree branches overhead.

“So you have passed my labyrinth!” Squid Baron dropped from somewhere above, landing in the center of the hall. “A futile effort! You won't get the magic seal! Young ones, to arms! Let's show these brigands that messing with us is a bad idea!”

“Listen! We don't—” Shantae tried resolving the conflict by talking, but the two-meter red ball with purple spots was already speeding up intent of ramming them.

The half-Genie slid to the side smoothly. Akane jumped up with all her might slamming her heel into the opponent as he flashed under her. Shampoo jumped aside with careless grace. Nabiki dodged via desperate tumble. Bolo attacked head-on like a true hero, slamming his multi-functional ball-and-chain between his opponent's eyes.

He was then slammed into a wall to slide down it like a limp rag.

“Bolooo!” Shantae drawled with expression of endless tiredness. “You can't do that against bosses. You just can't!”

Squid baron, meanwhile, had stopped in the center of the hall, frowning and clearly contemplating something.

His smaller look-alikes began raining from the ceiling. About the size of a bed-side table, they were colored brightly, from red to green to cyan. With mischevious expession on their faces, this colorful crowd began chaotic dashing around.

Shantae was jumping over them or whipping them away. Akane and Shampoo were kicking them away easily. Nabiki dodged once, twice, then she was knocked down and trampled.

“Big Sis!” Akane shouted, rushing towards her, leaving stunned and upturned squid cubs in her wake.

“I'm fine,” the other girl replied venomously, covering herself with her elbow from another stampeding ball on smaller ball feet. “These legs of theirs are like rubber balls, you'd better— Watch out!”

Squid Baron was speeding up, coming at them. Nabiki rolled up to a wall, pressing herself into the corner between it and the floor. Akane began a tumble, she wasn't fast enough and got knocked away but still managed landing on her feet.

Slamming the wall like a rubber battering ram, Squid Baron sped away. Shantae and Shampoo stepped away from each other sharply, letting him pass between them to hit him, one with her hair, the other with her foot.

“But if this one hits, they'd need a scoop to gather me up,” Nabiki commented in a cold and detached voice. “How many tonnes does he weigh?”

Rebounding from a wall for the second time, Squid baron was speeding through the hall again. Now it was clear to everyone he was not running but sliding, similar to Shantae's backsliding dodge technique. The little squids were fleeing merrily, jumping down the gorge and disappearing in the bushes.

“Are our strikes even affecting him?” Shampoo inquired when their opponent stopped near the wall where Nabiki took cover, having shrugged off hits from both the purple-haired girls as well as Akane's right punch. “He hits the walls harder himself.”

Squid Baron disappeared, fell down from somewhere above into the center of the hall. He then began frowning and contemplating again.

“They do, but...” Shantae fidgeted, indecisive. “All right, I feel better already. A couple simple ones won't harm me!”

Flicking her hand out, she produced two small clouds, which she then whipped with her hair sending them towards the opponent. The clouds were frowning, darkening to dangerous bluish black, then began spraying lightning bolts around haphazardly with flash and thunder.

Most of the lightning bolts discharged into the stone floor, but those few that hit Squid Baron, were enough. Jumping up, he fell to his side, stiff as wood and smoking a bit.

“Oooh, what a relief,” Shantae commented. “By some reason, I'm feeling better now, when my mana isn't full,” she explained to intrigued Akane. “Despite using up only a tiny bit of it.”

Shampoo approached the downed opponent to poke him with her foot. No reaction.

“Is he even alive?” Nabiki asked standing up and dusting herself. “What about Bolo?”

“They'd be fine,” Shantae waved her concerns aside as she walked up to one of the walls and knocking a hidden panel out with her hair. The revealed hiding place contained a hybrid of a big dish and a six-petal flower, a thing of green porcelain with a golden trim and a thick purple oval in the middle, surrounded by a glowing white aura. Shantae quickly plucked it off the wall and hid in her ki pocket.

Bolo was nursed with healing potion and berated sternly. The comatose Squid Baron was reassured he need not fear Risky, Shantae got it well in hand. It wasn't clear if he even could hear that.

Then they headed towards the exit. Turned out this hall wasn't that far from the entrance tower.

“I'll return here this week,” the half-Genie was telling her plans, hugely pleased with the outcome. “We ran by several places where magic jam is hidden, you have to be a monkey. I could also visit the dance spirit's fountain, it's deeper down in the dungeon. I know that dance already, but I can leave a coin, in gratitude for that time.”

* * *

> Author's Notes:
> 
> 1\. Beating Squid Baron using only lightning in Risky's Revenge earns you a Steam achievement "Electric Squid" after which this chapter was named. Oh, and he has critical vulnerability to electricity.
> 
> Published in Russian: May 05, 2019. Translated to English: August 23, 2019.


	13. Washing Up

Returning to the Uncle Mimic's workshop the party was greeted by the sight of Ranma who had found an open vest he was now wearing over his bare chest and had lost Ryouga somewhere. They had two seals gathered for now, Risky haven't shown herself. Must have spared five minutes to trashing Hypno Baron, then was brewing nefarious plans for the rest of her time, Shantae suggested.

Sky and Ukyou were busy somewhere else.

Mimic handed his niece her fixed top. She changed hurriedly with relief, hiding behind some big tinker-thing in a corner. Akane had to help her pull Ranma's shirt off: the inner layer got stuck to her sweaty arms.

Mimic tried pulling details out of the grateful Shantae: the future, her fight against the Pirate Master and so on. It seems there was no way now for her to shirk a thorough retelling of her adventures. But the young crowd, hungry after their heroic deeds, remembered the quest item they had saved from the boss. Tasty Meal was devoured in an instant. Shared between the seven of them, the huge dish of pilaf suddenly turned so small. Not yet done, they went to the eatery where they ate for fourteen coppers and a half. Which was more than a jewel, which turned to be equal to non-metric twelve coppers. Nabiki frowned recalling that Shantae's monthly income was eighty of these “jewels”. The crowd of Nerimans was threatening to eat their generous host out of her house. If that happened, everyone would suffer.

The half-Genie waved all concerns aside despite her purse thinning out visibly. After the filling diner they went shopping. The sun was going to set, its reddening blaze a backdrop for the Sultana's palace outlined on its distant peninsula. It was Ranma's and Nabiki's first time in the shop, they took their time looking over rows of various merchandise stretching under the skeleton of some dinosaur hanging under the ceiling. Shantae and the big-eyebrows salesman were haggling with gusto. Which resulted in all semi-precious stones collected during this day's adventure returning eight coppers.

Then, spending again. Shantae was adamant on buying toothbrushes, towels, soap and other toiletries for six displaced people. Ranma barely convinced her not to count Ryouga because noone knew when he'd return. She bought for five — another jewel away — then began eyeing clothing “because we are going to the bathhouse!”

Seeing the price tags on clothing, even Nabiki was staggered. Akane was flat out horrified. It seems this world haven't even heard about such things as mass production. Simplest short shorts and tops cost from six jewels upwards while anything more complex would have to be ordered tailor-made.

They have also found that a pair of silk harem trousers Shantae was running around in cost more than a hundred jewels. The spirited gal wasn't broke only thanks to the fact that any forms of magical healing fixed clothing as well.

At learning this fact Ranma's eyes glinted so cleverly that Akane began eyeing him with suspicion eventually making the pig-tailed martial artist admit: he thought of lending his pants to the half-Genie from time to time for freebie repairs. He then dodged the topic by offering to sew clothing for everyone since anything ready made is so expensive.

Shantae approved the idea. Akane began frowning, gnawed upon by her feelings of inadequacy. Shampoo inquired suggestively when was he planning to take measurements. Casting wary grances at the angrily huffing Akane, Ranma suggested he'd begin with something one-size-fits-all, like Sky's outfit. Why, the climate was hot anyway.

They set to buy a roll of fabric. Squabbled a bit about the color, wilted quickly after learning that any colors beyond drab or sandy doubled the price. Exploiting the fact she was a repeat customer, Shantae haggled for a long-kept dark red one with a good chunk off its price so it cost her not that much more than the drab ones. And still, twelve jewels were gone!

They also learned Shantae had another purse, this one with silver coins valued five jewels each. Which had been lean before but was now leaning towards famished.

Nabiki mumbled she now sees how sensei could blow five thousand dollars in one month. It seems the half-Genie did not just dislike saving money but the very idea was offense to her free and reckless life-style.

Their next step was the bath house next to the shop, on the same square surrounding the round pond.

Ukyou was limping in other direction, satisfied with something. Glad to see him, she glomped onto Ranma... And stayed attached. Akane and Shampoo both had to accede she played the wounded doe part all proper like. When they reached the bath house, she was still supported by the pigtailed martial artist.

Inside, the bath house was beginning from a small room with a guard snoozing peacefully, guarding shelves for shoes and weapons. Proceeding barefoot from there, they got into the main hall with a big basin where townsfolk of both genders was soaking and socializing, wrapped in something akin to bed-sheets. Loaned by the bathhouse for the duration of your visit as Shantae explained before besetting the bathhouse lady. A spirited haggle followed.

Those unfamiliar with this place took a look around. Light was penetrating the shady hall through tiny windows under the dome. There were planters with plants in the corners. The basin was fed by a small waterfall, warm water flowing over a natural looking rock formation protruding from the back wall.

The Nerimans tried following the convoluted conversation the half-Genie had with the black-haired woman in a blue bikini with a pareo skirt. They learned that one visit cost six coppers if you came with your own towel. But such rip-off prices were aimed at travelers. For the locals there was membership costing the same six coppers for a whole month. So Shantae described the Nerimans in flowery detail as fellow troops who participated in defending the city and were such nice people in general. The bathhouse lady was inclined to agree.

Membership for the six displaced, including Ryouga, made the generous host side three more jewels poorer. Examining her membership card — a _plastic_ card — Nabiki noted it was similar in size and shape to a credit card. Others had to trust her expertise because they newer saw such exotic luxury with their own eyes (*note 1).

The payment taken care of, they proceeded into the bath proper, boys to the left, girls to the right.

* * *

Feeling great relief because he could wash in warm water, not hot but not cold enough to activate the curse either, Ranma was also glad to see he could also wash his clothing. He only had to use his own soap. Busy with that, he didn't immediately notice a dirty little boy who made a hole in the wall. A real titan of perversion: the wall was solid stone! And whose suspiciously blue mop of hair is over there, hanging next to him...?

Bolo, how could you, Ranma asked looming menacingly behind the other guy. How could you call yourself a friend after this...! Why? Shantae's, of course.

Balking momentarily at the reply “but that's just Shantae!” — it seems this slobberer at anything female wasn't registering her as a girl at all — Ranma reminded the guy that his fiancee was on the other side as well.

Shedding a single manly tear, Bolo conceded. Strangling his dream, he smacked the dirty boy upside the head and plugged the hole with a convenient piece of soap.

* * *

The girls were anticipating the reveal of Shantae's secret: how does she take off the flute-like hub supporting her hair? But they got distracted finding the proper corner for clothes washing, then staring at Nabiki under whose outfit of a movie archaeologist there was positively prehistoric looking underwear... When they looked back at the half-Genie, she was sitting with her hair down, lathering it up.

F-f-frustration.

“I hope this could be subjected to hand washing,” Nabiki muttered, frowning, as she grasped to find the latch of her monumental brasserie supported by a wide band at the bottom. “Were they really still wearing these in the thirties...? Hand it to me, now!”

Seeing her younger sister going to wash her own underwear, Nabiki plucked these items from the other girl's hands:

“I will be the one doing the washing. Don't argue, we'll settle it later.”

Hurt and intimidated, Akane turned around to help lathering Shantae's mane.

Shampoo and Ukyou had the manes of their own, Nabiki was fumbling with trial and error washing clothing for the first time in her life. It took them awhile. Thankfully, the water was warm.

Then they began lathering up their skin, anticipating a long soak. Shampoo finished in the blink of an eye and walked up with a sassy spring in her step, all daringly taut. But Akane would not be riled by such. Kneeling next to the unsuspecting half-Genie, the amazon suddenly wound her arms around her and lathered her up so rapidly that her arms blurred and Shantae rippled like jello, soap suds flying.

The half-Genie let out a pleased gasp of surprise.

“Hey!” Akane jumped up in alarm recalling the amazonian brainwashing technique.

“Just a friendly hand.” Shampoo was backing away gesturing disarmingly. “For the friend of the tribe and stuff. It's enough we have a postponed duel hanging over our heads, so awkward but there is no helping it: the warrior's word.”

“Don't worry, I'm eager!” Shantae replied. “As soon as we save the world, let's rumble!”

Akane was left with glaring at the smug Shampoo and wondering what was that just now.

They stayed soaking in the women's half, too lazy to get wrapped in towels. Even the temptation of a half-naked Ranma wasn't enough. Or maybe they stayed because of him. The ambiance here was amazingly serene and relaxing, they didn't even want to banter.

Finally it was time to leave. Shantae set the style by donning well wrung beach bottom and wrapping herself in a towel. Ukyou put the whole bikini on tying the towel like a skirt. Nabiki used hers as a cloak because her vintage brasserie and underpants resembling boxers weren't a suitable beach wear. Akane simply put on her unwashed dogi. Shampoo was content with the same combo of ragged short shorts and a chest wrap of a towel she wore during the day.

The sunset was fading fast, night holding dominion. The houses surrounding the round pond were lit with lamps and candles, the windows reflecting in the calm waters. A chorus of cicadas was sounding from the darkened park.

One glance at the Shantae who was walking behind them proved her hair already up in her traditional ponytail. The mystery of 'how does she put that thing on' was itching with unsatisfied curiosity. The girls came to unanimous decision to watch the half-Genie like hawks when she will be going to bed.

After waiting for Ranma — who, it turned out, had finished washing long ago and had visited Mimic's workshop — the crowd began strolling lazily towards the lighthouse. First deeper into the park, then along the beach to the left. The warm wind from the hills was carrying aromas of grass and wild flowers.

Shampoo noticed, to her surprise, that Akane kept glancing at her suspiciously. But she was feeling too lazy for needling the other girl.

“What did you do to her?” the kitchen destroyer finally asked, unable to hold it. “To Shantae?”

Shampoo was taken aback at first, but then recalled teasing the crook-handed one earlier. Was she seriously thinking...? She was.

And so Shampoo couldn't help it.

“There is a special amazon technique,” she 'explained', “a heritage of our tribe's millenia of history. Only allowed between girls!”

A _massage_ technique, naturally, but only omitting that insignificant detail... Three... Two... One...

Seeing Akane's face twist in disgust Shampoo flexed her willpower almost to the point of spraining it, holding herself from snickering like a horse. Why? That worked as poker face training too. Anything could be training.

The youngest Tendou was tense now, prone to holding Shantae's hand and interposing herself between her and Shampoo.

Ranma noticed the friction and made hasty effort to defuse the situation lest the crop of bumps ripens and falls out onto his head:

“Aren't those coconuts over there?” He pointed at the crown of a nearest palm tree. “How comes no one is selling them around here?”

“Who would buy these?” Shantae replied, surprised, like they were talking about annoying trash.

“They don't look like coconuts,” Akane noted doubtfully while still keeping one eye on Shampoo. “Too bright... Like huge apples.”

Telling the color in the fading twilight was hard, but it was definitely not brown.

“Because in the stores, they sell them already cleaned of flesh,” Ranma explained patronizingly. “Bare stones, simply speaking. But most people naively think these are growing on the trees that way, peeled.” He glanced around shadily. “Would someone cry out if I pluck a couple?”

“You could pluck them all,” Shantae waved his concerns aside. “Just be careful not to break the palm. In the park and on the beach they have to tear these off anyway, so that no one takes a ripe one to their noggin. They bear them all the year round!”

“So, the analogy with Mediterranean was off,” Nabiki noted. “Interesting.”

Ranma jumped up the palm tree, pushed with his legs... And landed tumbling once, hugging a cluster of greenish yellow fruits the size of half himself.

While carrying these to the lighthouse, they drank half of their haul. Ranma was showing off piercing the nuts with his pinky. Shampoo snorted and repeated after him, although she was nursing her pinky later, when no one was watching. Shantae lent Akane her dagger, then accepted the coconut milk eagerly despite her earlier verbal disdain. A couple more was given to kids who ran away merrily with these gifts.

Later they were splitting the fruits in half, eating the nut layer inside until the whole company was laying on the grass around the lighthouse like sated boas under the starry sky.

“Not a single familiar constellation,” Nabiki noted. “I wonder how is that related to archaeology? I only knew Orion before.”

There were oil lanterns burning along the wharf, the windows of the town glowing with soft light. Nothing compared to Tokyo, but still brought a sense of lived-in habitat. Barely audible scraps of music were reaching on the night breeze.

“I'm very sorry, ...” Akane stuttered awkwardly, then whispered something into Shantae's ear.

“Oh!” the other girl jumped up, hurried into the house to return with a kerosene lamp. “Here!” She whipped at the porch. Creaking, the porch swung up revealing a steep descent into musty dampness of a basement.

“So you have basement?” Ukyou was intrigued.

“Can't use it for storage.” Shantae shrugged. “Everything rots instantly, too close to the sea.”

Akane dove into the narrow passage, the lamp in hand. The kindhearted host slammed the porch shut cutting curious folks off.

“Aha,” Nabiki noted with satisfaction. “A full-fledged civilization, then. Well, let's leave doing it in the woods to the bear.”

Shantae frowned calculating something in her mind: “Hmm, we need water! For washing up, cooking, laundering and so on. I usually bring a couple jugs and that's enough but there's a lot of us now!”

Ranma volunteered to bring the water, just in case. Leave this to the fiancee brigade and they'd make it into a competition on flimsy hanging bridges drowning all the jugs and maybe Akane too. So he hastily grabbed the first suitable vessel, the huge wok from the kitchen, and sped towards the pond. He returned poising across the bridges with the wok on his head, insufferably smug because he made it back without splashing any and without transforming,

Shantae busied herself with providing bedding for everyone. Ukyou and Shampoo began casting assessing glances at Ranma making Akane tense. The pigtailed one excused himself so hastily all the worlds blurred together. Then the big wok full of water was the only sign he had been there.

“Too bad but what else could you expect.” Shampoo shrugged. “Don't fret, I can sleep here on the grass.”

“You can't, not outside,” the half-Genie warned while pulling yet another bed cover from somewhere. “Even if nothing eats you, the mermaids won't let you sleep. This place is homely and peaceful during the day, but night is the time of monsters.”

Something big splashed invisibly down in the sea shrouded in darkness.

“Allrieeght, I admit, that wasn't the best idea until I learn the local bestiary,” the amazon drawled.

“We also need to hand our washed clothing up to dry somewhere.” Nabiki lifted the wet bundle of her suit from the grass.

The five of them climbed the rope to the upper floor. Shantae, going last, has closed and barred the door. Her silk pants took place at teir usual ceiling beam. Nabiki's shirt and trousers next to them were... dripping. The dense fabric retained too much water. Which posed a serious problem: there was barely enough space for everyone in the tiny room without lying on each other. The welcoming host hat to take a clothesline and climb onto the protruding roof. She nearly fell, dangling on her hands for a moment.

“I wonder...” Nabiki ducked under the branching construct of various knick-knaks on threads to approach the lone bookshelf. “Yes, I can read this. At least, the titles.”

“You can?” Akane approached and looked over her shoulder. “No, for me these are still squiggles.”

Shampoo and Ukyou got curious, but for them the book edges were adorned with unrecognizable gibberish as well.

“My wish differed from yours,” the middle Tendou reminded them. “I'm surprised I even landed here with the rest of you instead of, say, somewhere in the Amazon jungle in the thirties.”

There was knocking from below: Shantae, obviously, had jumped down to the ground forgetting she couldn't transform yet. Akane hurried down to unlock the barred dooor.

“I stretched it from the weathercock to the palm top,” the host informed them merrily as she climbed the rope. “They won't get it there!” She began pulling thick bed covers from her ki pocket laying them on the floor.

Nabiki took a book from the shelf, flipped a few pages. “Hmm, manga... Almost entirely action, too. Understanding the crashes and smashes doesn't require much skill.” She grabbed another book, then another. “Only manga...? Why am I not surprised. Aha...!” She pulled a block of notes sewn together from between the books. _Good morning, Uncle! Sky finally let me borrow one of her messenger birds. Please keep your windows open..._ Is this personal?” She looked at Shantae questioningly.

“Don't worry, read it anyway,” the other girl replied lightly, without turning. “These are my letters to Uncle Mimic from my first epic adventure!”

“All right. _Tweet? What is this bird chirping about? Could only carry letters of 140 signs or less? One could think I am using the ink of a kraken!_ ”

Shantae shrugged: Sky's birds have their quirks.

Nabiki flipped the page: “ _If you look closely, my lighthouse is so rickety. But the view from my window! And I'd never trade my personal diving cliff for anything!_ ”. Then another one. “ _Just back from swimming. Someone stole my clothing! The lighthouse key was in my pocket! I can't even call for help, got nothing to wear._ ”

Nabiki stared at Shantae who was beginning to squirm uncomfortably. “Considering the local mores, this 'nothing'... Were you skinny-dipping, by chance?” She lifted her brow.

The half-Genie let out a squeak, flushing rapidly.

“Hmm...” Nabiki flipped another page. “ _What a rotty day! Still stuck outside with no clothing, my hair had dried already. P.S. An idea: I saw some mermaids wear star fishes..._ Maybe we should leave it alone?”

“No, no!” Shampoo interrupted her impatiently. “Read on!”

“A fascinating adventure!” Ukyou added with unhealthy enthusiasm.

Akane was gradually reddening as well. No doubt her overdeveloped imagination was running wild.

“Shantae?” Nabiki tried to get a response.

“No, read it,” the dancer managed. “The real adventure goes after that. How did I forget that debacle...”

“Aren't skinny dipping anymore, aren't you?” Shampoo teased her.

“No, never!” Shantae replied. “I always have a swimming suit in my inventory... I mean, my ki-pocket... I mean, I don't have one right now, I gave both to Ranma and Ukyou, but I usually do. In case I suddenly want to swim.”

“So...” Nabiki continued reading. “ _I had tried all kinds of sea critters. No use, I just got wounded all over..._ ” Everyone present cringed in sympathy. “ _When I find who took my clothing, they won't get away alive!_ ”

Akane grunted in agreement.

“ _Too bad you aren't home. I'm bored with sunning. Seems I got no choice but break the door with my hair. But fixing it later... Frustrating!_ ”

It was obvious that when Shantae's hair was down it couldn't serve as a weapon so everyone stared at that flute-like thing of hers wondering how does the half-Genie put it on and why wasn't it with her clothing.

The purple-haired girl blinked in confusion, then realized what got them so intrigued: “Oh! well, I only let my hair down in the bath. Well, and when I'm going to sleep.”

The guests were in anticipation of learning her secret at last.

“ _Mystery solved:_ ” Nabiki continued reading. “ _Bolo came by, saw my clothing, concluded that I had melted and buried it. Why! I got no words. He's in the surgery now._ ”. (*note2)

Shantae got stared at again making her scratch the back of her head sheepishly. Only Akane grunted approvingly: such stupidity could only be cured like that.

“You and Little Sis have more in common than I thought,” Nabiki stated.

Reading continued. Next was Risky Boots' attack on the town. Shantae began reminiscing, adding to the sparse lines of her diary. How she fought the hordes of tinkerbats swarming everywhere, while only knowing only one spell at the time, the Storm Puff. How tinkerbats razed Uncle's workshop and absconded with his invention, the steam engine...

“Steam...” Nabiki interrupted their host's monologue. “The ship we fought, it was self-propelling, with a steam engine, right?”

“Right!” the half-Genie nodded. “Everything began with it! Until Risky stole that thing, she was riding a common pirate ship, a sailing one, with cannons in its sides. But after, it was like she got unleashed. A giant robot tank, a steam-powered tub, then that snail of hers, howzit, P.O.O.P T.O.O.T...?”

“Poop... Toot...?” Akane echoed, taken aback.

“Well, it's how the abbreviation came out,” Shantae explained. “If I remember... Part Omni-Organic, Partially Titanic, Ocean-Optional Tinkerslug...? It feels like Risky Boots had deliberately chosen the name to get a stupid abbreviation so she could swear to her heart's content at anyone putting it together...”

After discussing the pirate lady's weird naming ideas, the reading continued. Shantae retold her getting to the ship and battling tinkerbats on its deck while dodging cannonballs. Akane felt queasy imagining a cast-iron cannonball speeding towards her belly. Her friend's levity in mentioning that part was just as disconcerting.

“Then they opened an iron door to rush me,” Shantae continued without a care in the world. “But I sent then flying. I then looked past the door and saw some sort of tinker-machinery. So, I whipped it. How could I have known it would explode...? The baboom was terrific, threw both me and Risky Boots clean off the ship. I tried getting back up, of course. Climbed atop a pole that was sticking next to the pier's end. But tinkerbats opened those hatches in the ship's side, how they call them...”

“Gun ports,” Nabiki hinted.

“Right. So they opened those ports and began aiming explosive kegs at me. I, naturally, blew these right in their hands, some with my hair, others with the Storm Puff. There were only holes left of those ports. But while they were stalling me, the entire ship swam by. Its side ended suddenly and there was only Risky Boots climbing up a chain, all like ho-ho-ho, next time I'll be steam-powered and unstoppable... Well, they swam away.”(*note3)

Following next was a disjointed retelling of Shantae traveling to the Water Town in hopes of catching up with the pirate. Nabiki came to conclusion that getting a sequential, logically sound story out of Shantae, without jumping back and forth across topics and events, was an epic task for a legendary scribe. Only the sewn together letters serving as a rough outline let everyone follow the story.

Bolo was living in the Water Town at the time. The half-Genie required his help to get into some place called “Dribble Fountain”. Well, it quickly became obvious that that was a dungeon name. Fighting mysterious “wetmen”, dodging jumping jellyfishes, Shantae was delving deeper until she met a caged girl:

“I realize it now she was a Dance Spirit — I don't know how are they related to Genies, just seem like kindred spirits. But I didn't know that back then! Imagine, a naked girl sitting in an iron cage, her hairdo is like mine. I thought up such horrors...! No, wait, let me finish. The Dance Spirits assume the form of she who comes to them. Minus such triviality as clothing. I know that now. It's like looking into a mirror. If I paid more attention back then, I'd have noticed she had pointed ears like me. So... In gratitude for freeing her, she taught me a transformation dance. And then I could turn into a monkey! Still can't forget how cool and amazing that was!”

“Wait,” Akane interrupted her. “I thought you were always able to transform?”

“No, I wasn't. I could only do that since, hmm, a couple years ago, close to three now...? I always felt something missing but couldn't figure out what. But she, the Dance Spirit, said 'I feel a restless energy deep inside you' and simply showed me the dance. My first transformation dance!”

After that Shantae began climbing as a monkey, going through narrow shafts and labyrinths. At the top of the dungeon she found the Dribble Stone and Risky Boots preparing to abscond with it. But then a tentacle monster surfaced and the pirate lady was simply washed away.

“ _Who_ surfaced...?” Akane repeated, shuddering.

“Well, a tentacle monster,” Shantae explained. “Huge and slimy, ew, yuck. Don't worry! I heard those stories too, so I kept far, far away from the tentacles! These were danging unter his middle when he was rising from the water and floating in the air. I was running around like crazy doing my best to not let that thing touch me. Because ew...! Well, I was also whipping his eye on occasion. He kept rising up and diving, making such huge waves I'd surely be washed down if not for the monkey dance. And who knows how it would it have ended with me helpless in the water! But I always managed to transform and climb the walls... Well, he got bored eventually, or his eye was hurting too much. Anyway he left and never came back. I got the Dribble Stone...” She yawned widely. “Let's go to sleep, all right? I'll tell you the rest of my adventure tomorrow.”

Her yawn proved to be infectious, soon all girls were yawning, except Nabiki who kept poker face. Someone observant would have noticed her jaw spasming, though.

They began going to bed. Shantae quickly donned cotton jammies consisting of a crop top and baggy pantaloons reaching her knees. And no one, not even Nabiki, saw her pulling that hair support thing off. Just a moment ago she sported a high ponytail but her hair hung freely down to her feet now.

Disappointed, Shampoo and Ukyou laid down on the bed covers along the walls. Nabiki nested under the window, grumbling. There were one place on the floor and the hammock bed remaining. It was a no-brainer, right? But Shantae was by some reason determined to sleep on the floor giving her hammock to Akane. Who was adamantly against this: it was wrong! She hadn't been a proper host either, letting Shantae sleep on a rug in her bedroom next to her bed. Also, Shampoo's words were bothering her: she was afraid for her friend's virtue if she shares the floor with “that rotten girl”. Shampoo snorted derisively. They were arguing for so long that Ukyou and Nabiki began grumbling if they go to sleep already.

In the end the hammock stayed empty, both girls laying on the floor on the same bed cover. The youngest Tendou was shielding her friend with her body from pernicious influence.

Then both fell fast asleep.

* * *

> A.N.:
> 
> 1\. The eighties are such eighties. Everything was already there but was exceptionally rare. Later mangas by Rumiko Takahashi employ such plot devices as a credit card with a PIN code scratched on it or bystanders with smartphones.
> 
> 2\. True, that diary if fashioned after the Shantae_WF tweets, BUT there is a key difference: the WayForward tweets were made in such a way to introduce an unfamiliar reader into the series, with many extraneous explanations. While in my story the messages are as they should be if the heroine wrote about things well known both to her and the recipient. Also, I first retold these tweets in Russian — while strictly adhering to the 140 character limit — then translated them to English with the rest of the chapter while still keeping to the limit. That was a fun challenge.
> 
> 3\. Shantae is canonically _atrocious_ with nautical terms. Referring to a ship as “swimming” instead of “sailing” is quite tame for her.
> 
> 4\. The second game (Risky's Revenge) is flawed, rushed and only has 3 transformations. That's because the dev team was struggling for years trying to find a publisher (Nintendo are fools: no one wold play a female protagonist, they said). The WayForward team made several half-complete versions from 2005 to 2010, AFAIR. There are low-quality videos of these versions somewhere, including such mechanics as a much taller lighthouse rock, cliff diving animation and lighthouse basement (opened up by hair-whipping the stairs). I use these to expand the world in chapters 13 and 14.
> 
> The third game, Pirate's Curse, is absolute pinnacle even as it has no transformations. These two form a single story line, have identical graphical style and can be considered chapters of a single story.
> 
> The fourth game, HgH, is sort of a reboot. It has less attractive HD graphics with 2.5d backgrounds, tons of transformations (a gold mine for a fanfiction writer like me) and had horrible balance (at least it was that way in 2016 just after the release) because the devs mostly used speedrunners for testing. Going for collecting everything gives your Shantae more HP than the battleship Yamato leading to boooring boss fights where you can simply tank everything. And the armored bikini, which halves the damage received, could be purchased early. But the worst offender is the reward for unlocking the entire gallery. It gives you mana regen so strong you can keep Invulnerability almost indefinitely. They then added hardcore mode where all enemies inflict tons of damage and adventure modes where your character has fixed 12 HP and levels up by collecting gems and levels down by taking hits.
> 
> I, personally, have completed Pirate Queen's Quest DLC with only 4 hearts (16 HP) as you level Risky up RPG style, choosing yourself where you put the dark magic points.
> 
> There is going to be a fifth game, Seven Sirens, but it haven't hit Steam yet. I've only seen partial gameplay videos on YouTube.

* * *

> Published in Russian: June 04, 2019. Translated to English: January 05, 2020.


	14. That's what she said

“I knew it! It was you, Risky Boots!” Shantae pointed her accusing finger at her nemesis.

The pirate shrouded in shadows on her skull-encrusted throne just smirked, her legs crossed languidly. The eyes under the pirate hat were glinting, burning, grasping like those of the guys in the dance parlor. But unlike those of the fans and admirers, this gaze — an _undressing_ one — wasn't stirring her blood but instilling dread instead.

“You w..won't get away with this!”

Her accusing finger was trembling treacherously, as well as her voice. The smirk on the shadowed face crept wider.

The half-Genie made an involuntary step back covering herself with her arms. Wait, were the shadows so deep and the throne so tall?

The queen of seven seas' gaze — predatory, ravenous — was sliding across her body, hot like rays of mid-noon sun. Making another step back Shantae had a horrified realization she was standing before her opponent completely naked!

Squeaking in horrible embarrassment, flushing so hard her ears burned, the dancer girl moved to attack — only to feel unfamiliar weight settle on her hair. Viscous amber streams were dripping slowly from above making her hair heavy, sticking to her body in tacky rivulets.

Honey!

Nude and helpless, her hair glued to her back, her sight obscured by honey in her eyes, Shantae turned to flee. But the floor gave under her feet, being the same honey. She stumbled and fell onto her back, stuck fast in the thick, viscous sweetness, only able to tremble as Risky was advancing on her with predatory laziness.

Twisting in desperation, Shantae woke up. Blinking disorientation away, she saw familiar ceiling beams overhead. She was sweating bullets, her jammies soaked and yucky. Akane cuddling against her side like a warm oven and the general stuffiness of the closed room weren't helping either.

“Rotty, you pest,” the half-Genie slurred trying to slow her breathing down. Her heart was pounding. “Who asked you open your mouth? Now because of your ill fantasies I wake up all hot and sticky!”

After a few seconds her brain caught with her mouth. The dancer girl's eyes flying wide open, her ears flaming, she cast a harried look around the room dreading to see someone awake.

False alarm. All the other girls were still fast asleep.

Breathing out in relief, even more sweaty now, Shantae began cautiously untangling herself from Akane. It wasn't easy. First herself, then her hair.

Finally she could get up, tiptoe to the window and open it quietly letting pre-dawn sea air in. It wasn't cool, the weather was quite hot, but it was at least fresh.

Shivering in revulsion at her night attire stuck to her body, Shantae decided she urgently needed to freshen up. A dive from the cliff, what a great start of the day! Climbing out quietly, she jumped down. It's so nice to have a personal diving cliff!

After a quick run across hanging bridges to that specific rock, the pointy-eared one began pulling her jammies off when she realized both her bikini sets were missing from her ki-pocket. She groaned in frustration: one was still being worn by Ukyou while the other... Where did Ranma put it?

But the coveted coolness was so close!

Looking around thievishly, Shantae made sure no one was nearby. She then quickly pulled her sweaty top and pantaloons off, hid them under a rock and dove from the cliff in the buff. The cool sea embraced— Crash! Stars in her eyes! What? A shallow? How?

It wasn't a shallow, it turned out. She collided against someone, head to head.

Panicking, dazed by the blow, Shantae twisted around, kicking and windmilling, trying to get away, still unable to tell top from bottom.

The one she had collided against did likewise. Their awkward fumbling resulted in two manes of floating hair getting tangled until the half-Genie was pressed firmly against someone's body. A feminine one, thankfully, because that other person was skinny-dipping too.

Still horribly awkward!

As one the girls pushed to the surface. Shantae took a breath, going to apologize...

And stared, face, to face, into the grayish-blue eyes of a pressed against her, rapidly reddening Ranma.

But she's a boy!!!

Shrieking in embarrassment, flushing rapidly, Shantae jerked to get away... Only making the tangled hair tighten.

When the firmly tied together gals could, finally, climb onto a rock shelf below the cliff both were wishing to die. Their ears were aflame. But they had to untangle yet: Ranma's mane wasn't as long as Shantae's but it was still rich.

They were found in this position when Akane came, awakened by the fresh air and lead by her sense for vulgarities that tended to stick to Ranma like iron filings to a magnet.

“I didn't mean to!” Shantae screeched. “It just happened!”

With a heavy sigh the youngest Tendou walked up to them. Both cringed squeezing their eyes shut.

Bonk!

“Ranma, you fool,” Akane stated flatly rubbing her fist hurt against her fiance's bony head. “Stop squirming, let me help you.”

With outside help it went much quicker. Soon Shantae and Ranma weren't pressed against each other even as they remained connected by their manes. And then they hit a snag. Or, more precisely, a lot of snags, twists and knots. Even with four free hands they barely managed to undo a couple locks. Akane offered to fetch them a comb.

Of course, just then the three were joined by Ukyou, still wearing the striped bikini she slept in, and Shampoo whose outfit wasn't that different from one.

Ukyou immediately began “helping” idling around Ranma and thus closing the redhead all angles not showing either barely covered skin or her stormy-faced fiancee.

Shampoo began needling Akane if she was clothed too warmly for such kinds of fun.

The youngest Tendou clad in her dogi was huffing and frowning, her fists tightening. A charge that could only be released by pummeling someone was building up.

“Wait!” Shantae interrupted this clown show. “Let me try the monkey dance!”

It wasn't working at first: Ranma attached to her by the head was getting in the way of her dance. The redhead had to stop averting her eyes — her sense of embarrassment was honestly burned out at this stage — and repeat all the motions after the dancer.

Poof! Two monkeys fell from the burst of lavender sparks, one purple, another red.

“Ah, you can transform others as well?” Shampoo was curious.

Poof! Turning back into a girl, Shantae pulled her traditional outfit on with exceptional speed. Only her hair remained loose.

“Well, this only happens with the monkey dance... If I perform it wrong or the onlooker is, how to phrase it, very excited.”

“Ki?” Ranma was studying her tail with fascination twisting it this way and that.

“How do we transform this fool back?” Akane asked with worry. “He won't remain like that forever, won't he?”

“It would fade in a couple hours on its own,” Shantae replied, unconcerned.

“Ki-kikiki!” Ranma proclaimed merrily as she dashed up the rock, then across the bridge onto the adjacent islet.

“Ran-cha?” Ukyou laughed running after her. “Are you going to climb a tree?”

“Ki!” Reaching the nearest palm tree, the red monkey climbed up to hang upside down from the crown on her tail, immensely pleased with herself.

“Where is his clothing?” Akane grumbled looking around.

“I don't know,” Shantae admitted carefully averting her eyes. “I jumped from the cliff and hit him right away, he was already swimming underwater like that.”

Her ears were still red.

All together they combed the surrounding islets finally finding Ranma's trousers, vest and towel.

“Let that naked simian climb down from the tree,” Akane promised vengefully as she gathered the clothing up.

* * *

Hastily leaving her friend to deal with her fiance, carefully not looking back, Shantae almost flew to the lighthouse where she climbed upstairs. Only there did she breathe out, relaxing.

“So you haven't yet chosen which hero to let catch up and defeat you?” Shampoo inquired in an innocuous voice.

The half-Genie started, her ears reddening again.

“Well, that's an important aspect of the marriage rituals,” the amazon explained. “How would you know without testing that the one you chose has enough stamina?”

“Eek! Enough, enough!” Shantae waved her arms. “Let's discuss that at another time!” Taking a suspicious look around to make sure there were only girls with her in the room, she undressed throwing her outfit onto the hammock. She then produced a wooden tub from her ki-pocket, followed by the dirty jammies she threw squeamishly in the tub and a big jug. “I'm not ready for such relationships yet! But what's worse, it was Akane's fiance...” Stepping into the tub she begai oiling herself dripping from the jug onto her palm.

“Don't worry about Little Sis,” Nabiki reassured her while dressing slowly in awkward, wooden motions. “Things like that happen to Ranma all the time. Just give her a little time to cool down.”

“What's the mix?” Shampoo asked curiosly as she unceremoniously rubbed her finger across Shantae's shinny shoulder. She then sniffed at that finger and even licked it. “Feels like plant oils only.”

“Because it's pure olive oil!” The dancer was glad to move away from the awkward topic. “Ideally you should oil yourself after bath but they don't allow it because it's likely to cause injury. Also, you'd have to wash your bed more often. So I do this in the mornings, after a swim.” She twisted to work on her upraised leg while effortlessly balancing on her other one.

“I'm late!” Ukyou shouted emerging from the hole suddenly like a jack-in-the-box, making Shantae shriek covering herself with her arms and upraised leg. “The edge is showing already!” Grabbing her usual garb she changed so swiftly the bikini was still falling to the floor when she disappeared downstairs with a parting clang of her spatula against the edge.

“Don't go scaring people like that!” the outraged home owner yelled after the okonomoyaki chef.

“What was that, just now?” Shampoo asked rhetorically. “The edge of what?”

“Is the oil only for skin care?” Nabiki asked. “Or does it add sun protection as well?”

“It's sun protection first and foremost!” Shantae exclaimed beginning to work on her other leg. “Doesn't keep the fair ones from tanning completely, unlike the sun screen. But that stuff is terribly expensive while the oil is abundant and so much cheaper!”

“Got it,” the middle Tendou replied pigeonholing the pieces of knowledge in her mind. She strove to learn and remember well which things were luxury items here.

Because she had a vague suspicion she could get stuck in this world forever. You could only go back via wish. What if that does not work? Be wary of your own wishes and stuff.

When the half-Genie finished, the Chinese girl shamelessly wheedled the oil out of her. She gladly obliged.

Nabiki hurried to leave the room overabundant with oiled skin. Sliding down the rope, hissing from the pain in her legs, she envied those able to wear something more airy than her climate-inappropriate attire. If only... Yeah, in her dreams. Unlike the martial artists with their tough hides, any climbing or tumbling posed the risk of cuts or abrasions to her. Abrasion and infection walking hand in hand, she was dreading to imagine how backwards was the medicine of this world and worse, how much did it cost. While wasting an insta-heal potion worth two hundred bucks on a mere scratch... Her inner Scrooge Mc Duck was having apoplectic fit from the thought alone!

The company that went to have breakfast in the cafe consisted of two merry, scantily-clad purple-haired girls and one vitriol-leaking, woodenly-walking, bundled up warmly brunette in a hat.

Shantae, instead of her missing tiara, donned a purple bandanna adorned with a white skull.

Sitting at a table with a magnificent sea view Nabiki relaxed a bit, contemplating with satisfaction that such lifestyle — and such dishes, mmm! — weren't that different from a tropical resort. Everything being simplistic and rustic wasn't detracting from the pleasure. Back in the Big Tokyo she wouldn't be able to dine in restaurants every day. There weren't enough chumps, also you have to find one, lead him patiently on, wait until he bites then keep reeling him... But here she was a guest, everything was hassle-free freebies.

The sight of Shantae's coppers slipping away rapidly spoiled her mood reminding her that every good thing comes to an end while she still had disgustingly little knowledge of the local ecosystem. Where are the places the local chumps frequent? How do you tell one? What sort of bait do they respond to? What sort of bullshit would fly and what would be considered legally binding marriage proposal?

Ranma as the backup choice was out: he had whole empty pockets of the local money. Besides, she had a hunch he would be busy all the time. Distracting him from saving the world... The past Nabiki of a week ago wouldn't have thought twice. But that was before a passing Shinigami patted her on the shoulder patronizingly.

No, her own hide held too much nostalgic value to her. Surviving amidst an end of the world requires tons of luck and even then it would not be pleasant.

_Ideally, I should learn dancing then work part-time in that “dance parlour” of theirs as a half-price apprentice while my sensei ir running around the land._

_Yeah, as if._

Standing up from the table, Nabiki grit her teeth holding her poker face with an effort of will. She had to wait until these ropes of coiled pain become muscles again, then train for a few weeks, as painfully.

She could only hope that either Shantae's savings hold til that time — unrealistic, but this was a magical land of full wonders — or someone finds a fat loot in the dungeons.

* * *

After the breakfast they met Ranma on the wharf, back in his male form and holding hands with Akane.

“Akane!” Shantae exclaimed in joy heading towards them. “You two made up!”

And then she remembered the earlier... close contact. In all its unnecessary graphic detail. Feeling heat rising to her ears she forcibly averted her eyes that began wandering towards the pigtailed martial artist on their own.

So awkward!

Coughing in embarrassment, she proclaimed it was time for her to go hunting: there was jam in the dungeons awaiting to be collected, squids on the trees awaiting to be saved and lots of other urgent tasks...

With a heavy sigh Akane surreptitiously elbowed Ranma making him bow and begin a long-winded, convoluted apology. There won't be repeating of this, he wasn't himself, never again!

“Uh, let's conclude we need more swimsuits and forget about this, allright?” Shantae proposed hastily, itching to run away from the awkward problem. “All right, I gotta go!” She began some dance.

“Your wish is my command!” Ranma saluted. “Where did we put that fabric roll?”

Poof! The cloud of lavender sparks dispersed revealing a powder blue bird girl. Purplish blue skin, dense trouser-like powder-blue feathers below her waist, scaly chicken legs with two fingers. Her top had transformed into something barely there the same color as her feathers, supported with strings attached to the golden ring that migrated to her choker. Her hair became powder-blue feathers forming something akin to a hairdo slicked back and up, her ears gone. Her arms below the elbow were feathered wings of the same color.

“Wow!” Akane gushed with a hint of envy. “You can transform into a bird too!”

“A harpy,” Shantae corrected unfurling her wings. Each was as long as she was tall.

Everyone began studying her with curiosity. She twirled showing off. Her back was covered with feathers completely, there was a sizable fan of a tail growing from the small of her back.

“And you are able to speak in this form,” Nabiki noted.

“The only one, alas,” Shantae replied. “Speech should be available to all my hybrid forms but the mermaid could only speak underwater. In the air it comes out as gurgling...”

“How do you deal with the backwards knees?” Akane was curious.

“These are not knees, these are heels!” Shantae corrected her merrily. “Look!” She straightened her legs suddenly becoming two heads taller than her friend. “I kind of walk on the balls of my feet while half-crouching. Also, I have to lean forward while walking because this form is very light while the wings catch the wind, I have to push against the air when I'm running.”

She demonstrated this by running away and back in a mincing gait. From the back her human parts weren't visible, one could mistake her for a huge light-blue bird.

“You have problems with balance,” Ranma commented critically as he noticed how slowly she was stopping and gaining speed.

“There's that,” Shantae agreed stretching her wings and making a few testing flaps that buffeted everyone with wind. “Human and bird are too different to make a well-rounded hybrid. The center of mass is too high for usual acrobatics, the wingspan is too small for gliding. I can only keep in the air by flapping non-stop.

She demonstrated by jumping up and hovering. Each downward flap was bouncing her upwards, then she was dropping again. The rhythm was quite ragged. She lifted up by flapping faster, then folded her wings behind her back and descended quickly. “As you can see, I don't fly much more elegantly than a hen. But the flight is so incredibly useful for getting into various hard to get places! If I wasn't so lazy I forgot this dance after my first big adventure, I could have avoided so much difficulties!”

“I always wondered,” Shampoo injected, “How do you deal with wings?”

She meant Mousse as well but only the Nerimans understood that.

“It's easy!” the bird girl was glad to elaborate. “This form is closer to human than even the monkey. Look,” She stretched the bend of her folded wing forward. “This is my wrist, with two fingers coming out of it. My thumb,” she wiggled a talon almost unnoticeable among dense, fluffy feathers, “and my looong index finger.” She unfurled her wing, feathers rustling. “It's just one finger, as long as my forearm, with a fan of feathers on it. Moving the feather would be strange, but it feels like bending that finger. It's really not, it is stiff and solid, it just feels like bending my finger.” She demonstrated by adjusting her flight feathers. “The only unusual thing about this form is the tail. But after the monkey I am used to having a tail.”

This demonstration couldn't go on any longer: Shantae was shying Ranma's scrutiny: “All right, gotta go!” She made to lift off but then Shampoo alerted everyone to a large robed and hooded individual approaching them.

“Umm, who is that?” Akane asked, puzzled.

The dark blue, gold-trimmed robe and a matching cape with a deep hood were concealing the stranger's figure. In the unnaturally deep shadows inside the hood, two yellow eyes were glowing like lanterns.

“Meet Hypno Baron,” Shantae introduced him turning back into a girl. “My friends Akane, Ranma, Shampoo, Nabiki.”

“Greetings, Guardian Genie of Scuttle Town,” a voice from the hood rumbled. “I don't believe we've met before... But I have to ask: have, by any chance, Risky Boots attacked you as well? It seems the self-appointed queen of seven seas went all sorts of rogue.”

“Well, it's...” Shantae stuttered awkwardly. “We are... It's a long story. We both did, kind of, return from the future and agreed to a temporary truce to prevent one bad thing. But we had to collect the three magic seals, it was urgent...!”

“So that's why!” Hypno Baron exclaimed throwing his arms up, which let the Nerimans see his sleeves were empty, filled with the same unnatural darkness.

“Didn't she ask?” Shantae inquired cautiously. “She only had to ask... Squid Baron did not listen, though. We had to pummel him. But—”

“No, she didn't,” Hypno Baron replied with vitriol. “She just went through my dungeon with her horde of tinkerbats like bulls through china shop. So many things smashed...! But if I had a choice I would not relinquish the seal anyway. Do you have any idea how dangerous is the thing sealed with it?”

“Ah, don't worry, I know it all to well.” Shantae said. “That lamp is a terrific thing. But we urgently need it to collect the scattered dark magic and prevent the Pirate Master's awakening. You see, I had one willain sucked into the lamp, but when—”

“The Pirate Master?!” the hooded one interrupted her. “The seal has weakened, after all...? I knew it. Well, it was nice knowing you.” Turning around hastily, he started floating away, not touching the ground.

“Have you remembered something urgent?” Shantae asked after him, puzzled. “Are your toasts burning?”

“Let's say...” He stopped for a moment turning to face her. “Seqin Land was a wonderful place but I have a castle in Lapland that needs dusting up. I'll go... perform general cleaning, plow snow drifts.”

Saying that, he departed.

“What's with him?” Shantae wondered in puzzlement, still not getting it.

“Rats, from a sinking ship?” Nabiki hinted.

“That's legging it if I saw one,” Ranma said with confidence. “As soon as the Pirate Master was mentioned, he lost his nerve. So weak...? I don't get it. I thought being able to fly requires some badassery. Of the martial artists I know none can fly.”

“He isn't weak, he's a pretty strong dark sorcerer,” Shantae affirmed. “He can turn into anyone, fly, throw heavy things with his telekinesis and cast lightning bolts. Why is he fleeing then?”

“His use of the past tense doesn't inspire optimism,” Shampoo remarked. “We haven't lost yet, nothing is decided. We can still stop the awakening. Right?”

“Maybe he is wayry of the.. howzit.. Morpheus Law?” Shantae thought aloud.

“Or does know something we don't”, Nabiki portended ominously. “Like, the awakening cannot be stopped once it had begun.”

Shantae started like she was reminded of something frightening. “Let's not talk about bad things before they happened, all right?”

“This reaction of yours... is not encouraging,” Nabiki noted.

The half-Genie began the harpy dance again.

“Wait,” Ranma reminded her. “If Risky Boots already has the seal it means we have all three. We should only wait for her and then start right away!”

Poof!

“She had it yesterday!” the bird girl retorted indignantly. “And she is still somewhere at large! Instead of waiting I'd collect goods across the dungeons instead, pre-knowledge is a one in a lifetime deal... Don't worry, I'll be back quick like. If she comes, let her signal me with a Pirate Flare.”

Jumping up, she flapped rapidly to rise above the rooftops then flew away toward the hills.

* * *

Flappy harpy is suffering... https://youtu.be/avokue9wKBw?t=526 But so nostalgic for those who loved that last tower in the “Pirate's Curse”

* * *

Nabiki was wandering the city sweating in her buttoned up clothing, aching all over but stubbornly observing the locals. On one hand, the population here was largely unsophisticated. On the other hand, the population had roughly the same size as that of the Furinkan school. No armor of anonimity for you, unlike the Big Tokyo: everyone if not knows each other then at least seen each other in passing. All cliques and circles are accounted for. Rumors envelop the entire volume at lonce like flame a stack of hay.

So either she had to accustom, adapt and gnaw out place for herself and then only con outsiders with silent consent from the townsfolk, which would require months of toil before first profit. Or any noticeable scam should culminate in a thoroughly planned escape. Which was problematic at best while she was depending on Shantae, who was sort of a part of the local law.

It seemed like a dead end. But if she was bold enough, if she could rope Ranma in reliably and play on the knowledge of her home world... She had to refresh her memory of the life and deeds of Barnum. Whom she admired, by whom she was inspired... But, sadly, had read about him long ago when she was just a kid so she did not remember the important parts well.

* * *

Ranma, Akane and Shampoo brought their roll of fabric into Mimic's workshop: there was a table big enough to unroll it as well as tools for working it. Ranma quickly cut himself a suitable stripe and began sewing one-size-fits-all girl underpants with side-straps for tying them on. He was doing everything on his own: cutting while using his eye sight measurement only, sewing, stitching the edges with speed and accuracy that would make an overlock sewing machine envious.

Shampoo tried intruding using an excuse of trying the finished product on, making Akane fume. But the pigtailed one weaseled out by secluding himself behind some big invention together with a glass of water. After jumping around a bit and making several flips through standing splits and handstands, the redhead confirmed that the panties were well and good. She then continued producing them pair after pair.

“Here, take this.” Mimic handed the remaining two girls a worn magazine spread of cutouts. “Sky brought it this morning.”

These were cutouts of the outfit Sky was wearing yesterday, all covered in pencil marks, with a couple lines corrected. Armed with chips of soap, both began copying the cutouts onto the fabric, one from the right and the other from the left.

When they met in the middle, Shampoo sneered: “What's this, a decorative jellyfish ornament?” She pointed derisively at the fruits of Akane's labor. “Or is it modern art? I bet you wouldn't wear this yourself!”

The youngest Tendou frowned as she kept doodling. But Mimic loomed suddenly over her shoulder. His beard was twitching in outrage: “Young lady! How could you treat the results of human labor so carelessly!”

Akane froze, confused, glancing at him uncertainly.

“Erase everything and do over!” the old man commanded. “I know, it's always hard for the first time, but that's no excuse for such neglect. Would I tinker like this I'd beggar myself a long time ago, a laughing stock for everyone!”

Akane looked at the magazine spread, then at her handiwork, then at the spread again. Shot a glance at the smug and condescending Shampoo. Froze in balance.

“Just like Shantae when she was learning to cook pilaf.” Mimic sighed straightening his glasses. “How old was she back then...? Eleven or twelve... Hmmm...” He was frowning, seemingly lost in thought.

Her ears flaming — the hint she was behaving like a brat was laid on thick — Akane let out a noisy breath, erased all her lines and began drawing the cutouts from the start, slowly, with her tongue poking out in concentration, constantly referring the magazine spread with a measuring tape in hand.

“Do you think hard work could balance crooked hands out?” the amazon quiped.

Akane was squeezing her chip of soap so hard it was crumbling in her hand but was stubbornly refusing to rise to the bait.

* * *

The clothing had been made in double numbers and tried on. Risky wasn't coming. Shantae too. Ukyou was still out to parts unknown. The tropical sun moved past noon, the air was so warm no one wanted to move. The locals have wisely disappeared in their houses and under awnings.

Incited by Nabiki, Ranma had brazenly borrowed some olive oil in the lighthouse. Now four girls in identic dark red side tie bikinis were lazing in the shade under palm trees sipping through straws.

So what if the straws were actual straw instead of plastic? It was just closer to the nature.

The idyllic noon lazing was interrupted by the mayor who made effort to come to the beach with two town guards in their red half-shirts and funny hats. The rotund shorty was huffing, sweating, fanning himself with a large fan but kept demanding for Ryouga.

Their attempts to talk their way out of this by explaining the futility of catching water with a butterfly net did not work:

“You promised,” the mayor remarked acidly, “that he won't go anywhere! It's on your word that he helps fixing what he broke as recompense.”

“There's no helping it.” Nabiki sighed theatrically as she put her hand on the redhead's shoulder and pushed her forward. “You have to do it, Ranma-kun. We can count on you, can we?”

“As if I had a choice,” the martial artist grumbled pouting. Then, an impish spark glinted in her eyes. Raising her head towards the sky, Ranma bellowed: “Ryouga!!! It's all your fault!!!”

Akane and Shampoo trailed the pigtailed girl but they couldn't participate in time. The hole in the town wall was fixed very quickly, the longest part was waiting for a snappy old man who was making mortar, slapping at the hands of anyone trying to help him. Half the prepared stones were left unused: with Ranma's help repairing the wall resembled gluing a broken cup back together. She was moving pieces effortlessly, even those weighing hundreds of kilograms, placing them back in their place on mortar.

Everyone was left satisfied except the guy whose job was dragging the unused stones back to the warehouse.

When repairing was done and everyone was going to go back to the beach, Shantae landed neraby dropping suddenly from the sky.

“My arms are killing me!” the half-Genie complained merrily rolling her shoulders. “It feels like I flew all over the forest from here to the very Mermaid Falls.. I've never seen so much magic jam at once...! That's not counting the lot of stashes I missed that time... Ah! I see sewing was a success!

Discussing their parts light-heartedly — Akane practically bloomed, in Shampoo's company she had only been suffering barbs and stress — they went towards the beach.

When they were rounding the corner of the last house, Ranma felt a prick of something akin to killing intent but not exactly. More like inexorable female righteous fury...? Puzzled, she did not have time to figure it out. Risky Boots was waiting for them beyond the corner, so enraged her eye was twitching.

Why didn't my danger sense work? both Ranma and Shampoo thought taking combat stances.

“Here you are, you parasitic brat!” Ignoring them, the pirate lady stomped up to the half-Genie, grabbed her by the scruff of her neck and began dragging her back in the direction of the pond. “Let's go have a talk!”

Shantae was wheezing and kicking, turning gradually blue: there was nothing but her choker to grab there. The strip of black fabric was demonstrating exemplary sturdiness, not even hinting at ripping.

“Hey! Hey! You'd strangle her!” the friends of the dragged one rushed after them.

Casting a side glance Risky realized she could really strangle the purple-haired dancer. Grabbed her by the ear instead and kept dragging fiercely. Into Mimic's workshop, it tirned out.

“Ow! Ouch! Leggo!” Shantae was struggling, choking. “We have a truce!”

“Then how would you explain this!” Risky barked releasing her only to direct her towards a huge glass jar with a kick at her derriere. There was someone dark inside the vessel.

“A tinkerbat?” the half-Genie stumbled back. “But why...? Uncle shouln't have...!”

“Oh, it was me who stuffed him in there,” Risky said dismissively. “And look closer!”

“You...” Shantae began but fell silent. Because while the creature beyond the class was resembling a tinkerbat, it wasn't one. It wasn't a cacklebat either. No wings, no eyeless toothy maw, it looked like a regular tinkerbat in red baggy pants and red headscarf pulled town to its eyes. But its shape was wrong, like it shrunk and shriveled. Its face was sporting something akin to a wrinkled beak-like lip. Wait, this was reminding her of someone...

“Sweeto!!!” the creature yelled, heard even through the thick glass, and jumped at Shantae with such vigor it made the giant jar wobble.

The half-Genie gasped making an involuntary step back.

“Now be so kind to explain,” Risky growled in barely restrained rage, “what sort of vile stuff did you have in the lamp that my men began turning into _this_ instead of cacklebats?! And why the devil did they steal all my underpants, EVEN THOSE I WAS WEARING!”

“Happoubat,” Ranma whispered while Risky was venting by laying into stunned Shantae.

“Happoubat,” Akane agreed, shivering.

* * *

> Canonic cacklebat: https://youtu.be/gsqbhyMDCxc?t=130

* * *

> Author's reminder to those readers who look at Shantae with lowly thoughts like “I'd tap dat ass”: first, superstrength. Low tier, but it's there. Second, stamina that'd make marathon runners envious. Her fitness is on the level of a wild human, an endurance predator able to run all day non-stop. So... you are looking at death by snu-snu, gentlemen.
> 
> ..but your answer is “Yes” anyway, isn't it?

* * *

> P.S. Erin Bozon, who first envisioned Shantae, had her hands in designing Futurama characters as well.

* * *

> Published in Russian: September 26, 2019. Translated to English: January 28, 2020


	15. An itsy-bitsy deviation from the plan

“Stand and fight me, you bastard!”

“Kyaaah, get it off, get it off, get it off!”

“How dare you, _worm_ , touch my body!”

“Gah...! Risky, watch your aim!”

“The lamp! One is after it again!”

All of that accompanied with unending din of overlapping “Sweeto!”, like a disturbed bird colony.

A total chaos war reigning the underground hall. The Nerima wrecking crew, Shantae, Risky, Mimic, Rotty, even Rotty’s brothers were fighing the everpresent, cackling, pawing happoubats. Everyone kept missing and getting in each other’s way. One could not even tell how many of these slippery things were there: the happoubats were swarming. The happoubats were everywhere.

“Paws off!” Ranma’s fist zipped centimeters from Akane’s nose but the obscene thing had already disappeared into the roiling crowd of fighters.

While the enraged Ranma was turning around to face the main mass, two parasites had already attached themselves to Akane’s back doing their best to feel all her curves through her gi.

The dogfight started the moment Risky began unsealing the lamp, which was now hanging suspended in a large fireplace-like opening shining with magical energies. As Shantae had explained — before everything began — this was the same place as the last time, except they entered it through a hidden passage in a seaside hut instead of meandering through Hypno baron’s dungeon. Obviously, all the preparations were already in place by the past Risky. Even captive Mimic dragged here by Abner and Poe because no one bothered telling them the change of plans.

And then happoubats began pouring from every crevice.

Now Mimic was guarding the lamp together with the stockier of the two Zombie brothers, the one in glasses and sweater. The old man was throwing flasks exploding into phenomenally stinky smoke. Poe was launching things resembling ugly ghosts. Both sorts of projectiles proved to be the most effective means of holding the rampaging happoubats back. In no small part thanks to a sea channel separating the rest of the hall from the wall with that opening.

Others weren’t doing well.

Rottytops kept tearing her head off and throwing it across the hall, the happoubats dislodging from her body being dragged into the otherwordly dimension. Then new ones were coming at her.

Abner, the brutal Zombie brother in an open leather jacket over his lean and mean body, kept fading into shadows until only his menacing yellow eyes glowed then jumping out in unexpected places, his clawed hand already mid-swing. Or was climbing out of the solid stone floor, grabbing rapidly. Against someone less slippery such tactics would have been terrifyingly effective: he was hitting like a truck. Sadly, he kept missing.

Shampoo who came thoughtlessly in only her red bikini, was twirling her scimitars like crazy, twisting and dodging: the things were attracted to the ties of her bottoms like magnetized. The left knot was barely holding.

Risky, in a state of barely restrained rage, was alternating between the scimitar dash — forcing everyone to jump from her path — or shooting akimbo in all directions, only by miracle missing her allies. All was for nothing: happoubats were avoiding the bomb bullets like startled flocks of especially ugly sparrows while the homing bullets weren’t homing sharp enough. Still the best count was hers, the things that had tried pawing her bisected with lightning-fast purple flickers of her sword.

Ranma was not far behind her. Every one of his successful hits, felling the ersatz-lechers like flies, had been aimed at things sticking to Akane.

No one else could land a single hit.

Akane was windmilling her arms and legs, being pawed at constantly. She was rolling on the ground trying to shake the freaks off. She was swearing with amazing inventiveness, all without using a single cuss word.

Shantae was sliding this way and that while whipping her hair frantically and dodging. At times the parasites were piling all over her, she then writhed, kicked and tumbled shaking off the hands pawing all over her body, squealing in disgust.

“Kyaaah, getoff, getoff, getoff you stinky scum!” Akane thrashed. Ranma’s fist zipped by her ear bringing momentary relief. “Shantae-chan, transform, stomp those scumbags!”

“I mustn’t” the frantically dodging dancer shouted in reply. “We… Arg, disgusting! Get off! Get off...! We are buying time! We must endure until the lamp is unsealed!”

Ranma froze momentarily mid-swing. He then let out a groan of frustration mixed with an irritated growl before dashing towards the sea channel. A red-haired girl jumped back onto the shore, barely covered with a vest not designed to close in front. She was giggling with painfully fake sweetness. Only a madman would have taken her rictus for a smile.

The happoubats bought it.

Accompanied with a chorus of “Sweeto!” a horde jumped her, dogpiling her, burying her in a writhing mass of black lechers in red baggy trousers. For a moment the battle froze, everyone staring at the pile of things writhing like maggots in rotten meat. Ranma’s fake laugh kept sounding from inside, more and more resembling hysterical shrieks. Then, a pink glow began shining through the cracks between the swarming things. Then...

“Maiden Roar Blast!” Ranma shouted, her voice catching. No less that three dozen things were swept away by a three-meter ball of pink Ki crushing them against the back wall. The rest were simply thrown away.

Akane stared at the redhead who was standing, heaving, in the finishing pose of the technique, her palms pointing forward. Her face had unhealthy coloration of red and white spots, her eye twitching. Ranma then pulled the vest lapels closed with great force as she emitted a long screech of disgust through her clenched teeth.

“It was… like Lion Roar Blast,” Akane stated the obvious. “But… pink?”

The fleeting pause ended. The happoubats attacked again, depleted but still numerous.

“A team! Act as a team!” Shantae shouted, kicking again. “One lures, two hit!”

And with those words the tide of the battle was turned.

Shampoo dropped her scimitars grabbing the ties of her bikini bottom with both hands, shouting something angrily in Chinese when half a dozen disgusting things attached themselves to her. Carried away with panties pulling, the happoubats failed to dodge when Ranma displayed passable skill with the blade she picked up.

Akane and Shantae weren’t just struggling now but keeping next to each other aiming at the things grabbing at the other girl. Not counting a couple friendly fire accidents - Akane got hit with the hair while Shantae with Akane’s foot - they were now slowly but steadily thinning their enemies out. For nine misses there was one hit making yet another thing dissolve into black jello smoke.

Rotty moved closer to Abner and stood still, not dodging anymore, just swearing at the things pawing at her. The enraged big brother began flickering with tripled energy, fading and jumping out from nowhere like a vengeful spectre of darkness. Now far from all his strikes were meeting air. Here a swing of his clawed hand was tearing a head off, there another was ripping a disgusting creature in two.

Risky Boots, too, stopped paying attention to things pawing at her, grabbed a second scimitar from the ground… And stopped holding back. Completely. Ranma had to admit to herself her hair was crawling. The redhead still could see the motion of Risky herself, though words “greased lightning” were coming to mind. But the fleeting purple flickers of her blades weaving barely perceptible patters of a cutting song through the air… Were beyond Ranma. Risky was circling the girls, happoubats were dying in droves, Ranma was shuddering when new holes were opening in her vest from the slashes she hadn’t even noticed.

Still the redhead was returning the favor knocking off and smashing those of the things sticking to the pirate queen.

And then… Suddenly, there were no more enemies.

For a few seconds the martial artists kept glancing around, ready to strike but only finding black splotches littering the floor, evaporating slowly into heavy black smoke. Then...

“Victory!” Shantae shouted bouncing like a merry bunny with such energy she had to straighten her top afterwards.

Everyone relaxed smiling and sighing in relief — or hovering protectively over their little sister, in case of Abner and Poe.

The glow in the opening faded. Risky Boots was standing here, the lamp in hand, witch such a smirk on her lips that Shantae’ heart skipped a beat, cold shiver crawling across her spine.

Ranma shuddered too, pulling closed the shredded rag her “accidentally” cut vest turned into.

“Well, half-Genie brat?” the pirate lady asked, exuding menace, playing with the lamp in her hands.

Shantae gasped starting and backing a step involuntarily.

Shampoo cast a sidelong glance at Ranma — and began shuffling to the side unobtrusively. She could not understand the interplay but the redhead’s reaction was making her very concerned.

The Zombie brothers were glaring at everyone with equal animosity while hovering over Rotty crying fake tears.

“Catch!” Risky Boots shouted with strangely furious joy as she threw...

Startled, Shantae barely kept presence of mind to catch the lamp arching towards her.

The tense Nerimans relaxed their combat stances a bit.

“Good luck collecting the dark magic!” the pirate queen said patronizingly as she was leaving with dignity, her hips swaying.

“Phewww, so scary,” Shantae breathed out with relief as she inspected the magic item in her hands. “She was always difficult, but this one, from the future… Is a disaster!” Aiming, she began sucking the dark puffs of happoubat residue into the lamp.

“It’s like being teamed up with a friendly cobra,” Ranma agreed, still covering herself with her hands. “Akane, where did you put my bikini top? This is no vest, it’s more a sieve.”

“Stay still, don’t squirm,” the youngest Tendou commanded pulling a set of red fabric triangles with straps from her gi jacket. “How did you manage tearing it like that, you fool? Honestly!”

Ranma just smiled at her antics.

* * *

Leaving Rotty explain the tangled matter of time travel to her relatives the company returned to the town.

Only to see a column of radically blue tanks entering it.

“How.. Wh.. Why?!” the dancer girl was taken aback, following the rattling tracked monsters with her eyes. The machines were kicking up clouds of dust, bristling with rivets and guns, jagged jaw-like rams on their fronts.

There was a back of a huge man sticking from the turret hatch of the receding lead machine, blue overcoat strained by his bulging muscles.

“Hey, it’s the same commander me and Ryouga saw in the ammonian camp yesterday!” Ranma pointed with her finger.

“Ammo Baron himself,” Shantae explained distractedly. “But why…? I was sure the mayor hadn’t sold the town for a box of chocolates yet…! Maybe they are just took their tanks for a walk...?”

“Those guys,” the redhead pointed at soldiers in blue overcoats marching in double column after the tanks, “tell otherwise.”

“We should figure things out, quickly!” Shantae dashed after the tanks.

By taking a shortcut they gained so much ground they managed to lose the tanks. How could one lose such prominent things? After zig-zagging a bit, they saw the column crossing the stone bridge towards the wharf. Obviously the leader decided to make a detour not trusting the first bridge, which was wooden.

“Hey!” Shantae planted herself in the path of the column, her arms crossed indignantly. “What are you thinking? Have you no shame at all?”

“Don’t panic, citizens of Ammo Town,” Ammo Baron rumbled condescendingly. Unexpectedly to those who hadn’t seen him yet, he was a cyclops, with a single huge eye in the center. “The changes in management will be announced shortly!”

The rattling iron monstrosity did not even slow making the dancer girl jump aside hastily.

“What now?” Akane asked worriedly as she eyed the tanks passing by. At closer inspection, there were only four.

“We have to find the mayor!” Shantae started running again making her friends catch up with her. “And have a few choice words with him! How did everything turn so upside down?”

After some running around, the mayor was found in a small plaza in the center of the main district. The ammonians were already there, as well as crowds of townsfolk.

In Ranma’s opinion the overall air was too upbeat for someone being conquered. People came with kids, the local beauties with jugs on their heads, sailors from the wharf - everyone had the look of gawkers.

Having parked his tank in the shade of a tall building, Ammo Baron was standing on top of its turret flexing his impressive muscles under a tight orange undershirt, his overcoat threatening to burst on his biceps. He was going to make a speech, by the look of it.

Some savvy peddler was already selling nuts and… What was this “ _oyran_ ” of theirs? A sort of milk?

“Here you are!” Shantae exclaimed pushing through the crowd towards the turban top barely visible above the heads. “Get talking, what nonsense are you up to this time!”

“Forgive me,” the rotund old man sniffed exuding despondency. “When I learned that the Pirate Master is wakening… I can’t. Dark times are coming, this burden is too much for me.”

“And me? Who do you think I am, chopped liver?” Shantae hollered at him. “I beat him once, I will beat him again if the need arises! I got experience, I got— We got a team! Maybe we won’t let him awake at all, this time! And you…! How could you, behind our backs...!”

Akane was seriously worried her friend would snap and pummel the city administrator.

“You don’t understand…” he whispered, his voice crestfallen. “The Pirate Master… He is terrifying...”

“I, don’t understand?” the half-Genie exploded. “ _I_ don’t understand?! I was hitting him in his ugly mug! With this very hair!” She swished her primary weapon. “In his true form, when he was taller than Sultana’s palace!”

“Forgive me,” the mayor apologized again. “I wanted to… I tried believing… But each time, remembering...”

With a heavy sigh he drudged away, stooping and stumbling into people.

“No appreciation at all,” Shantae fumed. “Like I am not a guardian genie but some decorative ornament!”

“To think of it,” girl-Ranma butted in, “The last time is distant history for _us_. But all middle-aged folks...”

“Remember the foeman at the pinnacle of his dreadful might,” Shampoo finished for him. “And many of the townsfolk mayhaps be from among those unlucky to have beheld him in person.”

“Yeah, that,” girl-Ranma agreed. The Chinese girl’s flowery speech reminded her again how much some people could… Wear their mask so well you forget there's a mask to begin with. He himself, of course, haven't bought it… Well, not completely… But this gal was _good_ at playing the “Shampoo smash” bimbo.

Shantae, meanwhile, was focusing on the question of who had brought Ammo Baron the town deed. It was painfully obvious her fists were itching and she was searching for someone to scratch them against.

“Whew, that was one sweaty trip.” Bolo trudged in wiping his forehead. “Guys, what’s going on here...? How did those polite blue men get there before me? I was jogging all the way through the desert from their camp.

“Boloooo…” Shantae sang with menacing sweetness. “Did you, by chance, bring them papers from the mayor?”

“Well, yeah, it was sort of a sealed envelope. Why—”

“Bolo, you are _so_ dead,” Shantae growled. She then went from words to assault and battery.

Akane, while sharing her friend’s feelings — the nerve, selling her homeland behind her back — still began dragging her away after a tenth or so whack, arguing that a second shiner would be too much even if it would be good for symmetry.

“Phat didj I tho?” the hapless boy pouted after being subjected to the half-Genie’s irate reproach. “Wphy? Owww—”

His lumps had lumps, his shiner filling with lilac fullness. Her hand was really heavy.

“Sold the town to those… polite men,” Ranma hinted.

“And now Shantae is at risk of losing her job,” Shampoo emphasized mercilessly. “Because her employer is over, folded like cheap paper.”

“I fouled up again!” the bruised guy shouted clutching at his hair. “What’s wrong with me? Would this stretch of bad luck ever end?”

Ranma wanted to comment that one should think _before_ acting. But she kept silent. He was a grown up boy, he could figure that out himself.

People around began hushing them. It turns out, Ammo Baron was already making his “meet your new overlord” speech.

At his ill conceived words of “And in place of that shoddy shack — howzit, nursing home or what — we will erect a mortar battery! Boosh-wah!” Shantae’s patience snapped almost audibly and she stomped to give him a piece of her mind.

“And here our plans for his super-cannon bid us farewell,” Shampoo commented.

“Don’t sweat it,” Ranma waved her concerns aside. “The timeline was already all the way off the rails.”

Ammo Baron, meanwhile, said something along the lines “An invited dancer, already? Guys, you shouldn’t have!”

The Nerimans thought that was it, the last straw, Shantae going to beat him up. They prepared to fight his entire army.

But the half-Genie just growled: “We went over this already! Yes, I like this outfit, I like to feel beautiful and desirable! So what? Should I stop being a girl?” before beginning a dance.

The ammonians didn’t have time to react inappropriately — well, they thought it was appropriately, they just didn’t know yet this was not what they thought — as she turned into a harpy, soared above the plaza, turned back into a girl in the air and landed springily on top of the turret right in front of the buff cyclops. Where she stood, her arms crossed, glaring up at him with such challenge like she was looking down.

“Oh! You are the Ammo Town’s guardian genie!” he figured it out, upbeat. “Welcome aboard, then! You can get your passport—”

“Did I, ever, give my consent, m?” she barked, glaring. “And who begins renovation from demolishing civic buildings? Even if they are half a century out of repair?”

“With my effort, this town is going to turn from a rat hole into a bastion military might!” Ammo Baron retorted, offended. “Now that I am your official Lordship, would not it be natural to join my personal army? We have glorious conquest ahead of us and we need all sorts of specialists!”

An awkward pause followed.

“If you start inventing uniforms for me again, I will pummel you,” Shantae promised dangerously. “I won’t see that you’re the lordship. Suggest the army open-air shower and I will double pummel you.”

An awkward pause again. Both stood there glaring at each other.

Ammo Baron was clearly undecided: such a useful resource suddenly has its own opinion and pushes back. He was loathe both losing his face and spoiling his relationship with her. Because a whole guardian genie is something else.

One of the soldiers climbed up the tank and began whispering something in his ear.

“What…? The Pirate Master…?!” Ammo Baron hollered in terror grabbing at his head, his eye bulging out. “Aaah! Conned! Framed! Played like a bumpkin rube...!” Dropping from the tank he began dashing to and fro, not knowing what to do.

Shantae was left on the turret alone.

She surveyed the crowd from overhead.

The townsfolk were mixing with the ammonians discussing something lively, trading, paying no mind to the antics of their new boss.

“Am I the only one here who thinks putting a self-proclaimed feudal in charge of a town is just plain wrong?” the half-Genie mumbled. Jumping down to the ground she headed to her friends.

The Ammo baron was now tip-toeing, stooped, trying to look inconspicuous — which looked hilariously ridiculous with his outstanding size. “Psst, boys, pack up quietly and—”

He was interrupted by someone clearing their throat behind him.

The muscled man in blue overcoat turned slowly, painfully, against internal resistance, dreading what he’d see there.

There were two huge knights in blue and gold armor standing behind him. Only their eyes were visible through the slits of their bell-shaped helmets.

“Ammo Baron?” one rumbled like an empty iron barrel.

“Uh… Where did you—” Realizing the `never seen him` trick would not work on these, he gave up: “Well, that’s me.”

“Here is your _yerlik_ of the town ownership,” the other knight rumbled handing him a wax-sealed scroll in one hand and a clipboard in the other. “Sign the reception form.”

“Aaaah!” Ammo Baron howled in despair tearing his hair out. Then, with the look of someone walking up the gallows, he pulled a ball-point pen out of his pocket and wrote his signature in the clipboard. “I am so deeep...”

“The second copy as well,” the unyielding knight reminded him flipping a sheet on the clipboard.

“Sultana’s guard,” Shantae explained. “They uphold law and order. If only they ever bothered doing that further than half a mile radius from the palace...! But no, towns survive on their own as they could.”

“In other words,” Shampoo clarified watching Ammo Baron run around in quiet panic, “he just went into official possession of the town?”

“Yes. Failed to flee in time, so he went,” the half-Genie replied with mixed frustration and schadenfreude. “And, in return, it is his duty now to protect the town.”

* * *

To unwind while doing something useful Shantae ran to collect single happoubats, by memory in the same places cacklebats were found the last time. Assuming reasonably Risky kept tinkerbats spying there and they just mutated where they were. Not reassuring considering one was found right next to the lighthouse. And that was the past Risky, before she became truly terrifying.

They did not find anyone there. Not near the lighthouse, nor further along the shore beyond the mayor’s favorite resting spot, nor in a dark corner of the forest on the other side of the town. All their running around was for naught.

The only conclusion was the entire population, for whatever reason, got attracted to the lamp being unsealed where it perished in its entirety.

When returning to the town with the feeling of a job well done they were unpleasantly surprised to hear a din of noise and swearing. Panicking women were running out of the bathhouse, wrapped in towels. There was a town guard lying in the doors, in that red half-shirt of theirs, all covered in footprints. Each woman running out added more.

“So that's why none of them were in the forest!” Ranma exclaimed.

“Hold on, I’m coming!” Shantae shouted rushing into the bathhouse.

Inside there was a total pandemonium. Two more knocked out guards in the central common hall crowded with angry men with towels across their waists, unsure what to do. A din of shrieks and “Sweeto”s coming from the womens side.

Shantae barged in there side to side with Ranma and Shhampoo, Akane a bit behind.

“Um, I can’t…” Bolo began awkwardly.

“Drag the guards aside!” Akane turned to him stopping in the door. “While they aren’t trampled completely!”

A chaotic dogfight followed, full of women fighting back with bath implements, flying copper jugs, slippery happoubats and martial artists chasing them. Akane was flailing like a gi-clad windmill, never hitting anyone. Shampoo dropped her bikini, lathered up and pretended one of the bath-goers, luring the parasites with her body and wringing their necks when they were falling for it expecting another untrained girl. Ranma was whittling them out the best until she slipped on a bar of soap and fell into the through with hot water. After which the bath-goers switched to beating Ranma.

The last vile thing, attached to Shantae, was finished off by Akane. The half-Genie maneuvered herself masterfully into her punch, the parasite crunched, she doubled over with air exploding out of her lungs and was sent flying into a wall.

“It’s kh-ot w-khat you think!” Ranma wheezed, being strangled by the bikini top, as he ran out of the womens side into the common hall. “Kh-old—”

Akane hurried after him: judging by the sounds, now the men were beating him.

Only the local women remained, full of indignation, Shantae vacuuming the dark magic up and Shampoo putting her bikini back on.

“I failed you so badly!” Shantae was voicing her guilt not stopping her work. “I was searching for them in the woods instead of realizing those vile things would swarm in here!”

The women, though, cared little for whose fault it was. Wrapping themselves in the traditional modesty sheets they went to the common hall where they all laid into the men blaming them for inaction. Phrases like “decency is important but what if we were killed there”, “look at the town guards, hapless bunglers they may be, but they at least tried” and many other accusations were thrown around, just and not.

* * *

“What a horrible day,” Shantae sighed as she walked out of the bathhouse to the round pond square where Akane and guy Ranma were waiting for her. “It’s like everything that could go wrong got crammed into it.”

“Now we, at least, can be sure there are no more happoubats left,” Shampoo reassured her walking out after her.

“There should be some on the surrounding islands,” Shantae reminded. “We’d better collect them all. Breathing fresh air at the same time. I don’t want to stay in the town and watch them rebuilding it… But maybe I should pack first...? What if this overgrown lover of toy tanks developed a grudge and decides to evict me today.”

“Oh, there you are!” the former mayor exclaimed emerging from a building to the left along the circle. “Pheww…” He scurried towards the half-Genie and friends. “I admit, we weren’t always on the best of terms but… You always protected the town from monsters, saved our agriculture from the… former advisors’ lapses in judgment...”

“And all of that quite cheaply.” The heroine smiled sincerely. “Don’t worry. Everything will be all right. We will win, you’ll see!”

“I…” sighing the rotund shorty digged around in his turban producing a golden tiara with pale green inlays. “Here, take this. I was saving this for the arts contest winner. I hope it would be of use to you: there is some sort of magic in it.”

“This…” Shantae received the gift with both hands. “Thank you very much. This tiara quadruples my magic power. Not the Genie magic, that is special, but any spells that consume mana. Fire, lightning, puffs, _mirror_. It gifts me with the ability to use them without end.” She was holding the magical item carefully, almost reverently. Then she replaced it in her ki pocket.

“You won’t wear it?” Shampoo inquired, intrigued why she remained in her purple bandanna with a white skull.

“It’s too powerful,” Shantae explained when Scuttlebutt moved out of earshot, not cheered up but at least less gloomy. “It makes my mana bubble like soda. A funny feeling — for the first hour or so, then it just tickles and distracts. But most importantly, it doesn’t really replenish my mana, It just forces it out of myself. After a couple hours of such restoration you feel like you were sucked dry through a straw. I just recovered from magical exhaustion and I can now tell that’s exactly it.”

“So this tiara is a stimulant like anabolics?” Shampoo clarified. “Well, there is such alchemy, lets you fight not feeling tired at all but the next day your muscles avenge themselves terribly.”

“An amazingly apt description,” Shantae replied. “And thus, it’s only for epic battles and very complex dungeons you have to go through in one go for a worthy goal. Otherewise it’s like hunting sparrows with a cannon.”

* * *

They almost offed the messenger tinkerbat taking him for a cacklebat. Only noticed this was a normal one in the last possible moment. The pitch-black bony midget in red baggy pants was windmilling his arms and pantomiming “follow me”. They followed the jumpy creature startled by every local lady. Those were glaring, disinclined to pay attention to difference in sorts of crap. One massive woman with a roller pin even made the entire procession speed up as their guide fled from her in panic.

He led them to a warehouse on the wharf where something was brewing: tinkerbats, ammonians and local dock workers were dragging some boxes in various directions, someone was squabbling with gusto, Barracuda Joe was trying to reconcile them, a coveralls-clad alligator was screwing some thingamabob with a wrench...

The tinkerbat guide disappeared into this chaos.

“What are they doing?” Ranma inquired.

“Never seen anything like this,” Shantae admitted. “Them, working together like that...”

Inside the warehouse there was even bigger chaos. It took them awhile to notice a blueprint-laden table in the corner, surrounded by Ammo Baron, Risky Boots and some sort of small biped alligator in a tall tinker helmet with headlight eyes. Mimic was loitering nearby, at times advising them wisely. The bosses then either waved him away “don’t butt in with your amateurish opinion” or admitted “the old man knows his stuff”. Hypno Baron was floating under the ceiling grumbling something with displeasure.

“Here comes the guardian genie!” the dark sorcerer noticed the new arrivals.

The group of movers and shakers lifted their eyes from the blueprints to stare at the half-Genie.

“She’s the one who will bring them to us!” the pirate queen declared triumphantly.

“Excuse me…?” Shantae was taken aback.

“Who, the dancer girl?” the gator asked, disbelieving.

“Go there, I don’t know where, and bring us all the four elemental stones!” Risky commanded. “Or woe betide you.”

“Why is she thinking she can boss you around?” Shampoo asked with suspicion.

“Right, why of a sudden?” Shantae came to her senses.

“Well, you want a mighty bore behind you, don’t you,” Risky asked in a smooth, suggestive voice as she leaned forward with a smile.

“Wh… Ahem…” The half-Genie was taken aback. “Uh… How do I voice my agreement without making it sound like some vulgar double-entendre?”

“Wait, are you going to work for _her_?” Akane was outraged. “As a delivery girl?”

“Last time Risky got her hands on all four stones, she built a giant robot,” Shantae explained heading outside at a brisk pace. “Which I barely managed to wreck, only because I crawled inside as a monkey and plucked all four stones out. Together, those four… I dread to even think what sort of mechanical monstrosity they’d build, invincible and with infinite power reserves!”

“Why then?” Akane couldn’t understand while running after her friend.

“Because against the Pirate Master any help could make difference between victory and death. The future had changed irrevocably, the cannon that allowed me to win the last time will not be there.”

“Against the end of the world there are no enemies, only allies?” Shampoo clarified. “Wise.”

“And if they turn on us later,” Shantae continued pragmatically as she headed towards the town gate, “then the worst that could happen would be an invincible mechanical monstrosity with infinite power reserves. After the Pirate Master — ha. Meh.”

Beyond the city gate they turned right, following the tracks of tank tracks. Leaving the fields on their left, headed into a wasteland abundant with brambles and pumpkins. There were no monsters around put piles of trash and bones were frequent. Take three guesses. When Akane got all sweaty and Shampoo regretted she didn’t oil herself again, a real desert began, with sand dunes and rare cacti. Shantae was running forward through the scorching haze paying the heat no mind. Ranma was doing his best to pretend it was nothing. Both the fiancees were feeling the sand burning their bare feet. Shampoo tried scattering her full hair across her shoulders to cover from the hot sun. Akane was sweating but pushing forward.

The tracks turned to the left and disappeared in the distance while Shantae turned a bit to the right and kept going deeper into the desert. Any hints of green had long disappeared in the wavering heat haze beyond the wavy horizon.

They went around ruins crumbling from age. Ran by a huge red scorpion centaur in a turban who was walking around with his muscled arms crosed contemptively.

“Where are we hurrying to?” Ranma inquired.

“But to the Spy Scope!” Shantae “explained”.

And went further through the scorching sands.

When Akane began feeling like her brain was beginning to boil and her tongue had mummified into sandpaper and Shampoo’s movements lost their catlike grace, her stumbling ponderously and jerking her foot from the hot sand with each step, the half-Genie finally stopped. After a short dance she turned into a harpy.

“I’m sorry,” the blue bird girl turned to her friends. “I only can get there myself.” She pointed at somewhere in the sky. “Someone else, I won’t be even able to lift off the ground.”

“This is so much like you,” Shampoo stated in an exaggeratedly neutral voice.

“Don’t worry, we believe in you!” Akane supported to spite her rival.

The harpy aimed to take off.

“Wait, wait!” Ranma stopped her. “Got any water?”

Snatching the offered flask he poured it over his head to Akane’s vehement protest. Donning the bikini top she pulled out of her pocket, girl Ranma... Began one of Shantae’s dances!

“What are you doing?” Akane asked with disbelif.

“Drats, this is wrong,” the redhead grumbled starting the dance anew.

“Your hip sway is too smooth,” the harpy began correcting her. “Sharper. The bounce from your right foot to your left too. Springier and sharper. That’s no swan swimming, that’s monkey jumping around. Small and springy!”

After about four repeat Ranma got the dance down almost perfectly.

“You are learning amazingly quick,” Shantae commended when the redhead finished her fourth time and began her fifth. “But we have to—”

There was no flash or other special effects, Ranma simply collapsed into a pile of clothing just like Shampoo when transforming into a cat.

“Eeeeh?” Akane boggled.

“Kiki!” the red monkey twisted herself out of the pants.

“Gimme two!” Shampoo flared with enthusiasm. “That’s because of the curse, right? I could too?”

“How did you—” Shantae was taken aback. “You have to be a… No, wait. Your cursed form is a magical creature, then...?”

“Ranma!” Akane panicked recalling certain facts about the naked simian.

“Hmm?” Shampoo drawled with unhealthy interest as she walked up to the pile of clothing and ruffled it with her foot. “Although… No panties, no top. Did you manage transforming part of your clothing with you?”

“Ki, ki, ki,” the monkey reprlied with an air of superiority, before latching onto Shantae’s scaly foot. “Ki?”

“No, definitely gimme two!” Shampoo breathed in envy. “I’d do anything but I will learn at least this one!”

Shantae jumped and began flapping vigorously, climbing towards a small square wavering in the blinding haze above.

Akane left out a frustrated sigh. This foreign bimbo was ahead of her again. Now she and Ranma will be jumping across trees like two macacas.

* * *

Drowsing in her beach chair, Nabiki was awakened by the sounds of hammers. Lifting the sunglasses up, she surveyed soldiers in blue overcoats building some sort of lattice tower at the beach end.

“It seems I have overslept and missed something attention worthy.”

* * *

The small square slowly grew into an upside down pyramid of red adobe brick hanging in the air. Shantae’s flapping was slowing down, she was breathing hard. Harpy’s breathing was very fast, accompanied with rapid pitter-patter, like a moped motor. But finally they were level with the pyramid. It turned to be small, merely five meters across. In the center of this square platform, inside a brick gazebo, there was a massive copper telescope on a stepped dais.

Shantae turned into a girl to land heavily on the platform edge, bent over with hands on her knees, breathing noisily.

Ranma at that instant had reverted into a girl as well, awkwardly hugging the half-Genie’s leg. She jumped away so hastily she almost fell of the platform.

Lucky, in hindsight. He hadn’t thought at all how to transform back.

“Who goes here?” a voice thundered, coming from seemingly everywhere.

“It’s me,” Shantae said in a friendly voice as she straightened with effort, struggling to slow her breath. “Remember me?”

“Of course I do, guardian genie,” the voice rumbled. “Died and returned to life by the Genie magic…? This world is truly full of wonders. But is your intent pure this time around?”

“Umm…” Shantae stuttered, unsure. “Well… This time me and the villains are working together, but that’s because of the Pirate Master. He—”

“Say no more,” the voice interrupted her excuses grimly. “The Pirate Master is a primal evil, there are no heroes able to defeat him alone.”

A bright light shone on the half-Genie making her see-through. As if there was perky lavender mist billowing inside her.

“You may look into me,” the voice allowed.

She leaned to the eye-piece: “First, the Dribble stone...”

The dais turned with her while the tube bent in a strange way.

“Oh! A familiar factory!” Shantae exclaimed with indignation. “And it is already working...! Ranma, start memorizing. The Dribble Stone is at the Mermaid Falls, the farthest production line. Hidden in the third barrel of the rightmost stack.”

“Third barrel of the rightmost one,” the redhead repeated. “Does it see inside?”

“Don’t distract me. The Spy Scope sees everywhere.” The dais rotated left, the tube bending more. “Right. The Golem Stone is in the Golem Mines, of all places. Basically, the same place...! All right, I’ll tell you later. Twinkle Stone…” The dais rotated the other way, the tube stretching a bit. “Oh! Lucky again. Memorize this: Frostbite Island, stuck frozen to the tail of the Steel Maggot. Now, for the Sizzle Stone...”

The dais was rotating here and there for a long time until it finally stopped. The tube twisted in a way that hurt Ranma’s eyes to look at.

“Ah…” Shantae’s voice trembled. “This is… Very inconvenient. Ranma, memorize carefully: The Sizzle Stone is in the Oubilette of Suffering, the second turn left before Dagron’s lair. On a collapsing rock in the middle of a boiling resin lake. Did you get it...? A collapsing one! And the distance to the shore is so much that only the two of us could reach, me as a harpy while you jump that far. Anyone else would just get broiled for nothing. Also, you have to grab it on the first try. Otherwise it’d sink and that would be it.”

“Second left turn before the lair, a collapsing rock amidst boiling resin, only one try,” Ranma repeated. “And what is _oubilette_? This word sounds strange...”

“It’s an archaic word,” Shantae explained as she turned away from the eyepice. “It means “ _Hell_ ”. Which, in turn, is a euphemism for “Hell”.

It seems some wordplay fell in line of translation.(note 1)

“A real hell?” Ranma was shocked. “No joking?”

“Can you transfer us there?” the half-Genie asked the Spy Scope.

“Alas, I can only do that across the mortal world,” the woice rumbled with frustration. “Spiritual realms are off limits to me. Especially the afterlife.”

“Now I know it’s real one,” Shantae said with trepidation. “Before… I had my suspicions but I did not want to believe. Considering there’s Rotty’s soul loitering in the anteroom, along with those three gamblers… Who are, technically, terrible sinners...”

“Rotty’s soul?” Ranma asked, bewildered.

“Hush, don’t tell anyone!” Shantae whispered, horrified. “I shouldn’t have said that out loud!”

“I’m silent like a fish, I swear on my honor,” Ranma promised.

“I’m mostly worried for her,” Shantae explained. “If she learned about the fact, she could possibly do something phenomenally ill advised.”

“That… green one you wrote in your diary about a lot?” the redhead said. “I get then what sorta person she is. Well, let’s go…” She glanced at the Spy Scope. “No, wait, I got an idea...”

“You, too, could look into me if your intent is pure,” the artifact proclaimed. “But first, I must look into you.”

“I hope you meant my heart or soul or something like that?” Ranma bristled.

Shantae snorted trying not to laugh. Unable to contain herself, she exploded in giggles.

“What?” the redhead turned towards her, frowning.

“Nothing, nothing. Just… You repeated what I had said, word by word. Well, when it asked me the same.”

“Of course that was what I meant,” the voice sounded offended. “I’m tired of your insinuations. Every time the hero is a maiden the same thing repeats itself.”

“Just change the pitch,” the redhead advised. “Say straightforwardly, I need to look into your heart. Otherwise that won’t ever end. Maidens are shy, jumpy creatures inured to everyone around itching to do this and that.”

Shantae knew she shouldn’t look, that this was personal, but couldn’t help herself. It turned out there were merry hedgehogs crowding inside Ranma. Jumping, sparring, bristling, performing complex kata, throwing each other up in feats of group acrobatics. Some were sporting a square, blue from aftershave, “a real man” jaw. Some others had crudely applied lipstick and gaudy bows. Some had both of those at once. Shudder.

“A rare rascal, but your intent is pure. You may look into me,” the Spy Scope rumbled.

The redhead leaned to the eyepiece. The dais tidn’t even twitch, the tube began stretching instead. Longer, and longer and longer, already much longer that could fit inside the gazebo and still kept stretching. Shantae’s eyes hurt looking at such impossible sight.

“Aha, I see it!” Ranma explained. “Why so murky, like a TV in a village in the middle of nowhere with an antenna made of tin cans?”

“Your home is very, very far away,” the Spy Scope explained. “Usually other realities are closed off from me, but that one happened to be entangled with ours with their fairy tales.”

“Entangled with fairy tales?” Shantae grew intrigued while Ranma was snickering at something looking through the eyepiece. “How is that?”

“Realities usually have no ties to each other and even the passage of time in them is independent,” Spy Scope explained. “But sometimes their fairy tales become entangled… Fairy tales are metaphysical links born when a tale teller from some other reality grasps the nature of a hero or a villain and realizes it into a book which is then read by thousands of thousands. Sometimes fairy tales of two realities written in a third one can touch and entangle creating a link between them, tying their time flows to each other. Then denizens of one reality — usually it is the protagonist of the fairy thale — could then step into another. Such situations are called `crossover`. A different sort of casus could also happen, where a reader from the tale teller’s reality gets sucked into the reality of the fairy tale. Such situations are called `self-insert`.”

“Wow! So I could be the heroine of a fairy tale!” the half-Genie was amazed.

“What?” Ranma pulled away from the eye-piece. “So I’m an epic hero?”

“Not just one, but of a whole series,” the Spy Scope corrected. “`Shantae`, `Shantae and Risky’s Revenge`, `Shantae and the Pirate’s Curse`, `Shantae, half-Genie Hero` authored by the spouses Matt and Erin Bozon. There should be more but I cannot see them due to unexpected divergence at the end of the last one… What’s for you, oh sticking out one, you are the protagonist of only one fairy tale that was publishing for twelve years straight: `Ranma One Half` by tale teller Rumiko Takahashi, or Takahasi Rumiko in your spelling.”

“The universe is full of amazing secrets.” The half-Genie smiled shaking her head in awe. “It exhilarates and terrifies at the same time.” She threw her arms wide, lifted her face to the sky and shouted for the whole world to hear: “I love this world! Thank you, God, for creating it with all its light and darkness, with all his beauty and ugliness, shining with weave of countless fates like precious filigree, like… Oooooh!” Unable to express her overflowing feelings in words she began a dance, swift and smooth, so complex it made Ranma grunt awed by her Art.

She was dancing for good ten minutes until she finally stopped with a smile.

The world was stretching below, from horizon to horizon, in light and haze. Beyond the ripples of sand dunes and wavering blur of desert air one could glimpse the blue of the sea to the south and the blue of the lake to the north and sprawling forests to the west, bluish-gray from distance. Further away, peaks of mountains and islands.

“Let’s jump down?” Shantae suggested looking down over the edge. Her voice was bubbling with energy.

“Isn’t this too high for you?” Ranma grew worried. In her understanding, to jump safely from great heights one had to be at least as strong as her, to not hurt themselves landing.

“Nuh-huh, I did that a thousand times over,” the dancer girl waved her concerns aside. “So would you object?”

“Naw, go on,” the redhead agreed.”

With a short running start the half-Genie jumped into the void with a battle cry. Tumbled a couple times and dropped away, her arms and legs splayed wide. Her merry squeal faded quickly in the distance.

Ranma shrugged and jumped after her. How far was there to the ground? A kilometer?

* * *

“I suggest this:” Shantae was telling her friends gathered at the round pond. “I’m going to the Oubilette of Suffering for the Sizzle Stone, Ranma goes to the Golem Mines for the Golem Stone...”

“And me?” Bolo butted in. “I too want to be doing something useful!”

“Then go to the Mermaid Falls for the Dribble Stone. It’s the easiest one, sneak and snatch, the stone is almost in the open.”

“What about the fourth one?” Nabiki asked, already in her work clothes of an archaeologist.

“That one is a bit complicated. The Twinkle Stone is on the Frosbite Island, stuck to the local boss inside an underground abandoned factory. But I got inside the last time through a hole made by the cannon. This time around we have to find a proper entrance. It got to be somewhere...! Sky, can you do that with Wrench?”

“Well… I think so…” the blonde replied, sounding unsure. “But a _Frostbite_ Island...? I have to take a couple shawls with me. I hope it’s not too cold for Wrench there.”

The war parrot replied with a proud caw conveying he wasn’t afraid of some cold.

The half-Genie then made to dash towards the wharf with spirited “I’m ret-2-go!” but Nabiki grabbed her by her hair and made her perform a normal planning session with writing details down, drawing schemes and placing a cross on the map — so that Ranma could find those Golem Mines and not, say, head to the Cackler Mound instead.

But after that, there was no force able to hold the heroes from rushing towards adventure.

Shampoo, who still remained in only the red bikini - it was her long play, no doubt - invited herself to go with guy Ranma who had put some effort into getting hot water. Akane detonated instantly and went with them. One could only hope there would be no water obstacles on the way.

Bolo ran towards those waterfalls on foot.

The remaining ones began preparing to depart as well.

* * *

> Author’s note: Here. We are finally at the obligatory series of fetch quests precluding the final boss.
> 
> (note 1): she said “earth prison”. But in Japanese “hell” is _literally_ “earth prison”.

* * *

> Published in Russian: November 28, 2020. Translated to English: December 29, 2020. At the moment: Chapter 16 is being written, Chapter 17 is completed since April 19, 2020, waiting for the prior chapters to be released.


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